Right Person, Wrong Time?

Hey Ragers and Ragettes!!

I hope that everyone is doing well. The world is strange and frankly I am getting upset and angry and so I have been watching a lot of cute animal videos to keep me sane. 

In these strange times, as you know, I have been doing the online dating thing.

I had 2 "Dates".  One was a phone date with the man I called "The Gentleman".  He was lovely and we had a great chat.  We haven't really spoken since.  That is ok with me.  I knew some of these connections would fall away.

I had a walk with the  "Joker".  We have kept in touch and seen each other a few times.  I am kind of not feeling it.  He seems to have a lot of baggage and a lot of resentment. I don't know if I want to continue to go down that path

The Mystery Man and I haven't spoken for a bit.  My gut feeling is that he will resurface at some point and that I haven't heard the last from him.

But the biggest surprise was when I went on the site and I saw a face that I recognized. 

Steven (Name changed to protect the innocent) and I dated briefly 7 years ago.  We never went out for dinner or a drink. 

Our story started on a rainy December day 7 years ago.  I was sick and I was doing the online dating thing.  Steven's profile jumped out because it was funny and very honest.  We were chatting for about a week and he asked to meet up.

I was feeling sick.  He offered to come over to my little flat and bring chicken soup and watch Netflix.

I remember he came over and we laid on the couch, my head on his chest his arms protectively holding me.  We watched comedies and laughed as he stroked my head.  He was respectful.  He put me to bed and kissed my forehead gently. 

The next time I saw him was a few days later. I was feeling better.  He came back to mine and we sat on the couch and watched Netflix and talked and laughed.

We kissed and took it to the bedroom.  Let's just say that when he went down on me....yeah....it was amazing.  Out of this world.  He held me after and everything was great.

I went home for Christmas and I think the momentum just....well....stopped.  I hadn't heard from him since

When his smiling face popped up on my phone, I smiled.  I didn't know what to do.  I thought, fuck it.  I am going to message him and see if he remembers me. 

I sent the message.  5 minutes later he messaged back.

He remembered me!!  We started chatting again.  We soon swapped numbers and the conversation was light and funny, just as I remembered.

We then decided to meet up at a park and see what would happen

We were supposed to meet on Sunday and by Friday, I was nervous and feeling a bit scared. 

Then on Saturday, I received a message from him.  He had plans that night but they had been cancelled.  He asked if I was free to meet him that evening.  I replied, yes I am.

I got ready, washed and straightened my hair.  Put my make up on.  I put a lovely outfit on.  I sprayed my favorite perfume.

As I arrived at the car park of the park that were were going to walk and he was standing there. 

I parked and walked over to him and he wrapped his arms around me and held me close.  My head on his chest.

We started walking and he took my hand.  We walked around the beautiful park.  The day was gorgeous.  The sun was shining.  Families were out walking, biking and enjoying the day. 

We found a bench and sat down and talked.  The conversation flowed naturally.  We laughed a lot and we inched a bit closer ever so often.

He filled me in on what he had been up to.  He is still a media studies teacher.  He got into a relationship and he had a little girl who is 2 that he absolutely adores

He showed me photos of her.  His face beamed as he spoke about her.

We continued to chat and soon before you know it, his arm was around me and rubbing my side. There was this moment, he leaned in and his lips touched mine.  The kiss was soft and gentle and sweet.  His fingers went through my hair.  For that moment....everything was perfect.  I mean absolutely perfect.  Nothing mattered in that moment. 

When the kiss ended, he looked at me and said, Betty you're so beautiful.  I giggled like a teenager and he kissed me again.

We chatted and kissed some more.

He checked his watch and we had been speaking for 3 hours!!! 

We walked to our cars.  Every fiber in my body wanted to ask him back to mine but I didn't.  He wrapped his arms around me and kissed me again.

I got in my car and he went to his car.  I dropped the top on my car and drove home with the biggest grin on my face.

The next day I saw Suzanne for a walk and I told her all about Steven and me.  She looked at me and said, Betty, I think it was a case of the right person at the wrong time. 

And I think that she is right.  I am not picking china patterns out or anything but all I know is that I feel happy when my phone goes and it is a text from him.

Today he sent me a photo of his little girl and him out the sun.  My heart melted.  Tomorrow they are baking cookies together.  A man that is so devoted to his daughter is a lovely quality.

We are meeting again for a walk on Friday after work.  I can't wait to see him. 

Have I found my prince?  It's too early to tell.  All I know that I am not going to put pressure on myself.  If we end up together, I would be very happy with that.  If we don't then that's ok too.

I am just going to enjoy the time we have together and see if Suzanne is right (she usually is right).  all I know is that I am looking forward to those kisses again.

Until next time, Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher

Lots of Love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxx

Pandemic Dating

Hey Ragers and Ragettes!

Happy Friday….or is it Tuesday?  Could be Wednesday?  Why am I not wearing pants?  Yes, life in lockdown!!!

Lockdown has been quite an experience.  I have been passing the time by exercising and working and as per my last post, I joined the online dating scene

Now, Dating in 2020 during a pandemic is a little different then when I was dating when I started this blog.

I tried a site that was recommended to me by the girls at work.  It was…….ok. I didn’t have a lot of luck on it.

Then I tried another popular site and then I started meeting some great guys.  I swapped numbers with a few and then I was recommended another site

On this site I started meeting more great guys. 

I look back to when I was dating in 2014 and I was meeting some really weird guys.  I meet Simon and he was the best of a bad bunch!

This time it is very different.  I’m meeting men that have a lot to offer.  They have good jobs, they are good looking and I am just shocked.  You do get the odd weirdo that likes sending dick pics or demands nudes or even get stroppy with you when you don’t give them your number or goes psycho when you don’t response to his message in exactly 6 seconds after reading it.  Then there are the ones that send you videos of them jacking off in the shower (For some reasons those guys are always the ones that have a photo of them and their kids in their profile picture....men are weird!)

I have enjoyed talking to new people.  There are some really lovely guys out there. 

Anyway, I have spoken to a lot of great guys.  And I have narrowed it down the 3 that I think will make the cut:

The Mystery Man:

Enter Mike (Name has been changed).  He’s a handsome 46 year old. (looks younger than his age).  He stands 5 foot 8.  Runs his own business and has a 10 year old son.  We facetimed and it was a lovely conversation.  He facetimed late so I was without makeup and my hair was pulled back in a braid.  After the conversation he said that I looked like an “angel”.  He lives in the next village over from me.  He has the most intense brown eyes I have ever seen. The type that if I was acting up, he’d give me a look and I would probably need to go to the bathroom and sort myself out, if you know what I mean….  Keeps his cards close to his chest and there is something about him…..something that I want to get to know….

Verdict:  Definitely want to meet him.  He is handsome, sweet, funny, those eyes make my panties a bit damp to be honest

The Gentleman:

Enter Kevin (Name has been changed).  6 foot 5 and 43 years old.  (Looks very good for his age)  Works in the oil industry and lives 30 minutes away.

Spoke on the phone and was a total gent.  He comes from a good family and is Welsh which means he has a very sexy accent.  He has a boat in Wales and goes here for weekends to take it out when the weather is nice.  A good cook, seems romantic and looks amazing in a suit.  Respectful but you know he has a naughty side and that is hot.  He is ambitious in his career and I like that.  Very well-traveled and is ex-military (I have a thing about men in uniform…).  Classy, sweet and we share the same morals, which is a big plus in my book.

Tonight after work, we are going to Facetime so I need to look my best.  I have a classy, lovely top that I haven't worn yet and I think that it needs to make an entrance.  Teamed with a red lip, I think the look could work!

Verdict:  High marks for the sexy accent and looking good in a suit.  Marked down on location.  A 30 minute drive is a bit of a pain…..

The Wild Card:

Enter Sam (Name changed to protect the innocent) Aged 41, 5 foot 7.   Lives about 15 minutes from me. 

A wild card because he just cracks me up!!!!  I’ve never met a man that made me laugh so much!!  Looks wise, not my cup of tea (has the nerd thing going for him) but Jesus, I laugh so much when we chat.  We chatted for almost 2 hours on the phone one night and we have chatted a few more times.  He seems to be a really lovely and highly intelligent guy.  He’s a scientist!  For me intelligence is a huge thing.  We also have the same belief systems and morals.  He has 3 kids and is divorced.

On Sunday afternoon he wants to go for a socially distanced walk with me. I think I might take him up on that….

Verdict:  I love a man who is intelligent with a great sense of humor and this guy is another level.  The just right amount of being twisted and dark but also funny.  Has potential, definitely

So those are the guys that I have been speaking to.  They are all different and I like that.  Do I have a favorite?  I don’t know.  I like all of them in different ways.

There have been talks of this easing up in July and when it does, I will definitely be going out with them and seeing how we get on.  And if I don’t like any of them, there are plenty more out there. 

Suzanne said it best.  Don’t take it too seriously.  Have fun.  If they like you great.  If they don’t that is ok too. 

I'm just looking forward to getting out and enjoying myself and taking my mind of the monotony of the situation and glamming up and actually wearing a bra and pants again!!!

Until next time Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head and stands high and your heels even higher

Lots of Love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxx

On Dating in Lockdown

Hey Ragers and Ragettes!!  Happy Sunday!

Today has been a glorious day here in the northwest of England.  We are still in lockdown and will be for the next 3 weeks at least.

So for the next 3 weeks we carry on

I have been doing what I can to stay sane. 

I'm not reading the news.  All I am reading is the official government website to know what the rules are.  I'm not reading conspiracy theories, people complaining and other crap like that.  I want to focus on keeping positive. 

I've let my routine slip a bit so I am fixing that tomorrow.  I'm going back to my normal routine of getting up, working out (YouTube has some great workouts!), showering, working and such.  I might even wear make up at work.  I think I'll start experimenting with some different looks and some techniques that I have been afraid to try.  Why not?

Also, I decided on Friday night to venture into the world of online dating

I started this blog when I was doing the online dating thing.  I had a load of crazy adventures.  So when I was sitting on the couch on Friday night I thought fuck it.  What do I have to lose?

So the conversations are about how our first dates would be:  walks followed by a dinner in a country pub, out to a nice restaurant for dinner, out for some cheese and wine, to the movies....

From this experience, I have classified the men that I have been chatting to into 3 different categories:
1.  Nice Guys
2.  Assholes
3.  I'm likely to end up buried under their floorboards

The funny thing is that there are a lot of guys who are under 25 that are matching with me as they want a "Cougar".  Yes, a fucking cougar.  Surely I am not that old??????

There have been some genuinely nice guys.  There is one that I have been talking to and we will most likely meet up.  He's 5 years older than me, has a good job and lives just down the road. 

Then there are ones that demand your phone number and when you don't give them your phone number they get arsey with you.  (File them under assholes)  Or you get the ones that if you don't message back straight away they get really needy and clingy.  That is really unattractive.

You get ones that look really good, they tick all the boxes but the conversation doesn't flow. And that is ok too. 

Doing this, I have learned so much about what I want from a man:  I want a man's man.  A man that will act like a traditional man.  I want a man that isn't too much older than me.  The age range that I put into the app is 38 - 45.  (I'm 38)

He must be in a job.  I don't mind if he is a mechanic or a builder or a CEO.  I want him working and independent. 

Must have his own place.  I figure by the time you get to my age you need to not be living with your parents.  I know that the last few years I've been doing the house share thing and it was painful.  I love my independence.  I love not having to tip toe around people.  I want to be able to go to his home without freaking out because we might wake up his housemate or mother.

Must share hobbies.  I like going for nature walks so I want him to like that also.  I love the football, working out, going out to dinner and things like that.

Looks.....Looks aren't important but he can't look like a hobo....or a hipster...in fact there is little difference between those 2....Facial hair doesn't bother me.  He must be clean and take care of himself.  I'm not talking about following a 90 step Korean face care routine (those things are crazy!!!!!) but someone that get his hair cut, showers, doesn't mind scrubbing up and looking nice when going out.  Does that make sense?

Must love pets...preferable if he has a dog.  I love dogs.  I'd love to get a house and have a dog one day.  Plus he must like my piggies.

Drugs are a deal breaker. 

I have found loads of guys that fulfill those must haves. 

I've been on this app for 2 days and I have spoken to a load of guys.  It's a bit of fun. 

According to the Government bars and restaurant might open in May/June.  So there is no harm in chatting and meeting people and scheduling a post lockdown date, is there?

So, I'm going to enjoy for the next 6-8 weeks chatting and getting to know a bunch of new people.  And you never know, I just might meet my future husband.  Stranger things have happened!

Until next time Ragers and Ragettes, keep your heads and standards high and your heels even higher.

Lots of love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxx

On the Big Move and General Strangeness

Hey Ragers and Ragettes!!

What a very weird Saturday!  Here in Greater Manchester, it is a beautiful day.  Normally the village I now live in would be bustling with activity but it is dead.  So weird.  Strange times indeed.

Well the move happened.  And it happened so smoothly.  I rented the van and because of this situation, the roads were empty.  I was able to confidently drive it, no scuff marks or dents with relative confidence.  I'm telling you, I have so much respect for van drivers now!

Because my apartment's front door is on the ground floor and accessible, I was able to drive to the front door, throw everything in and get settled rather quickly.

I love my little home.  I love it so much that I can't stop buying things for it!  I have been able to decorate and furnish it with the help of Argos (the Argo's are open in Sainsbury's), Sainsbury's and good old Tesco (and there are some cute sundresses in Tesco now!!!!).  I'm about 80% of the way there now.  Once all this craziness is done, I am going to buy the rest.  I want to get some decorations for the walls, a rug for the living room and I cannot think of what color I want in my bedroom!  I had my heart set on Orange but I can't find anything I like.  I learned my lesson to not buy things just because.  It needs to sit right with me.

Work has been insanely busy.  Our sales are up 25% and considering we are in a pandemic I think that is pretty good!  Because my job is classed as business critical, I have been working pretty much 6 - 7 days a week but with my company they reward hard work.  And our new American owners like me and compliment me in front of my managers so I think all will be ok.

But the one thing that changed everything happened on Thursday April 9th.

My little guinea piggie who I had for 5 and a half years passed away.  I found him on Thursday morning and my heart broke.

I have been through breakups, job losses, and some crazy ass shit but I have to say, this KO'd me.  It was almost on par with when I had a miscarriage.  That little guy and I had been through so much.  He helped me cope with bad days, panic attacks, anxiety, and a lot of crazy stuff for the last 5 and a half years.

On that Thursday I had to go through 2 conference calls.  The first one was with his little body wrapped up in a towel and in a box next to me.  I had to keep muting myself to stop the sobs.  After that conference call was over, I took his little body to the vets to cremate him.  You can buy some jewellery made from the ashes of your dead pets or loved ones.  I want to get a ring or a pendant so I can hold him and keep him close to my heart always.

When I told Simon of his passing he broke down into tears.  I've only seen Simon cry a handful of times.  Unlike me, who is emotionally incontinent, he can hold it together. 

We decided (as we are on good terms still and that is ok with me.) that after all this madness is done, I am going to bring the ashes and I'll give him some to do with what he needs to and we are going to bury him with his brother who passed 2 years ago. 

The shittiest part of this situation is that on Thursday I wanted to get into my car and drive straight to Suzanne and get a hug but I dare not do that.  Suzanne is at risk as she has heart issues (I think it is because her heart is so big and so full of love her body can't take it.) and breathing issues.  I couldn't get a hug from my mother but a hug from Suzanne would pull me through.  When I told her, she was upset as she knew what he meant to me. 

I sat back on Thursday and yesterday and asked why God would do something so cruel and mean and nasty.  Why?  To take away something that was more precious than gold, diamonds or anything. Why would he cruelly do this to me?

Then it hit me.  I understood fully. 

This little piggie was the second to last thing that I had that bound me to Simon.  (The last is the house we own together.)

He died so I could live.  So I could move on and start forging the future I have always wanted.  This was one of the final parts that needed to leave. 

Knowing this helped ease the pain a bit.  If I take this for what I feel it is, and I use the pain to better myself and to move on, his death won't be in vain.  This is God saying, hey, sort yourself out!!!!  It's your time to shine.

And you know?  I think it is.

Since I have moved in, I haven't binged on junk food.  I haven't eaten until I felt sick.  I haven't drunk 2 bottles of wine in a sitting and do stupid shit.  I haven't gained weight.  I'm sleeping better.  I am feeling a lot better about life.

I know that things are working out and the path that was obscure for so long is starting to reveal itself. 

So as I sit here and I write this I smile.  All of the craziness, weirdness that the universe has thrown at me, and I have ended up in this beautiful apartment on a sunny day in Manchester living next to a good looking guy named Alfonso (name changed to protect the innocent) who likes to workout outside in front of my apartment without his shirt on...I think that this summer is going to be pretty fucking sweet!!

Until next time Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher

Lots of love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxx

The Last Night in My Flat

Hey Ragers and Ragettes!!

I hope that everyone is well and that you are all keeping safe out there.  It's kind of scary and I have never been in this sort of situation before

I am now working from home, which is kind of cool but I have become lazy and complacent with my eating and workouts which sucks

As you know I am set to move tomorrow,  I thought that it was going to be called off but because the flat has been vacant for over 4 weeks I am still allowed to complete my move.  The agency is getting it cleaned from top to bottom.  And tomorrow I will be driving a transit van for the first time ever and I have to admit that is the part I am the most nervous about.

Susanne was supposed to help but she is in a category of being most at risk of catching the Coronavirus so I understand but I admit I will be missing her laugh, smile and us having an adventure.  I miss Susanne so much

I am sitting here with a glass of bubbly trying to figure out how I am feeling though.

To be honest?  I don't know.  My belongings are bagged and ready to go in the spare room.  It just doesn't feel real.

I had a lot of mixed feelings about this but this past weekend after a nightmare about my old alcoholic roommate, I decided to let go.  So I got up, packed and threw away so many things. There was a bag of toiletries that Mr Wonderful left, I put them in the bin.  He left behind some designer shoes, I'm going to sell them on eBay (In fairness I messaged him about me sending them back, but he never responded.) I went through my social media and got rid of a load of people.  And then I started to go online and I bought a load of new items for my new place.  Stuff for the kitchen, the front room, my en suite...Just the essentials until I figure it out.

In my current place, I never really decorated.  This place, I am.  I have nice sleek kitchen accessories, mustard yellow for the front room, and I am figuring out what I want in my bedroom.  I have time to sit back and think about what I want in the spare room and the other bathroom.  I know shelves will have to be put up in the laundry room but that's ok and I am looking forward to doing that myself!  I want to buy pictures and mirrors and make my place a nice, chilled place. 

Right now I just want to leave.  I am ready to go and start my new life. By leaving this area, I am leaving behind the things that have happened in the last 2 years and 5 months. 

I have felt like I have been in limbo for that long.  Even when I moved into where I am now, I knew it was temporary and that I would be leaving in a year. Then I saw my old housemate's fuck buddy in my local and it sealed it.  I needed to get away from the area.

So as I sit here and sip my bubbly, I am thinking.....

I leave this flat free.  I am totally 100% free. I'm single.  Toxic people?  Gone. I am moving out a wiser, stronger, more successful Betty than I was when I started this blog. 

I go back to being in a cute, trendy place.  I will have a nicer apartment.  I'm moving to an area where there is more to do.

It's bittersweet because sometimes we get comfortable in the pain.  We wear our guilt, shame, sadness as a cloak sometimes because wallowing in the pain feels better than facing it.  Some people use the pain as a badge of honor.  If you keep picking a scab, how the fuck is the wound going to heal?????

The last 2 years and 5 months, I went through stages of picking the scab. There were some distractions along the way, some I made myself (hello prosecco!) and others outside myself (Mr Wonderful)  They all served a purpose.  To stop feeling.  To stop the pain.  To distract with new pain instead of facing the problems and rationalizing and admitting that I fucked up a fair few times.  It's easier to blame others than to take responsibility for our actions.  To admit that we do stupid shit.  And I admit.....I've done a lot of stupid shit over the last 2 years and 5 months

But I like to think that tonight, as I sit here looking out my window, I am covering up the scab so I can't pick at it anymore.  I want to stop the self-flagellation and and sadness.  I've come to terms that I messed up a lot.  And I am ok with that.  Dissecting it, crying about it, going over it isn't going to solve the problem!!!  Face it, acknowledge it and move on!!!

I want this summer to be a summer of joy, love and happiness.  Yes, we are locked down but this lock down won't last forever.  I am hoping that this will be lifted in 2 weeks and I can go back to the gym.  And then in the summer, I think I will sign up for a dating website and have fun.   Like I used to when I started this blog. 

This summer, I want it to be the best summer of my life.  I want laughter, joy, and fun. 

And that is what I intend on having.

So Ragers and Ragettes, I raise my glass.  To the last 2 years and 5 months of being in the wilderness.  I have found my way out onto a new path. These past 2 years and 5 months shall never be discussed again.  I only look to the future with joy and happiness and hope in my heart.  Face the pain in your life.  Admit your mistakes, forgive yourself and move on and be happy!!!

So tomorrow, this volume ends.  Tomorrow I start writing a new volume to my life.  A volume filled with joy, laughter, health, success, love and loads of adventures. 

I love you all and I thank you for being with me so far on my journey.  Tomorrow, the Betty Version 2.0 starts.  And what an awesome rest of the year it will be!

Until next time, Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher

Lots of Love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxx

On Going on a Date....I think?

Hey Ragers and Ragettes!

It's Sunday evening and I am feeling ok.  I have a glass of prosecco here, I'm in my jammies watching a good Scandinavian program. Each day I get back to being more Betty like. Recovery takes time.  Each day I get stronger and each day Scandinavian men turn me on even more!!!

Well, from the title you can see that I went on my first date in almost 2 years.  How did this occur?

On Saturday Morning I woke up to a text from a guy that I dated 8 years ago.

8 years ago, when I first moved to Manchester, I decided to try the online dating scene. 

I met a few guys and this guy, Sean (names changed to protect the innocent) contacted me.  He is my age.  He worked at the same company as his father.  He lived with his parents. 

When we met up we had the best date ever.  And I mean the best date EVER!  We met at a bar on Deansgate.  We drank pints of beer, laughed.  Told each other our embarrassing moments, our worst dates, things that you would blush at .  I insisted that I never slept with a man on the first date.  We left the pub on Deansgate.  He took my hand and said, ok, we left this place, and we are going to a new bar so it must be our second date.  Well, I melted, took him home and I didn't get any sleep that night.

We had sex like giddy teenagers.  He knew where to kiss, touch and I was very satisfied.

I remember one time I did one of the most daring things that I ever did with a man.  I drove to his house in Northern Manchester just wearing a slutty lingerie set, stocking, suspenders, 6 inch stilettos and my leopard print trench coat.  I pulled up to his house and messaged him that I was there.  When he got into my car and saw what I was wearing...I think that I broke every speed limit to get back to my flat.  Lets just say that the trench coat, bra and underwear didn't last long, but the stockings, and stilettos did....

Now, you may ask.  Why did you not stay with him, get married and have 2.4 children and a dog?

Ahhh.  Sean had some.....issues. 

We'd go out and have a great time.  He'd then get scared, say he couldn't handle it and disappear for a month.  Then he'd come back, apologize and the cycle would repeat.  I was younger then.  I kind of liked him.  I saw all the good in him.  I remembered the night that we sat in my bed naked and went through our music on our playlists.  Describing the songs that we loved.  Listening to them, kissing and then having the most amazing sex ever.

But time and tine again.  I'd get close and he'd run.  It was a predictable cycle

So when I woke up on Saturday to see a text from him asking to meet up at the pub we first met at noon, I was a bit torn.  Part of me didn't want to know but the other part was intrigued and thought fuck it.  It's a day out, a laugh, the football was cancelled because of this coronavirus bullshit (don't get me started.....yo're being played by the government!!!) and why not get myself out there.  Practice for when I actually want to start dating.

I got into town early.  I opted for a red low cut red blouse, skinny jeans and my trusty leopard print converse and my red Gucci handbag. 

My hair and make up were perfect.

I went to a coffee shop to wait for him.

I received a text at about 11:45 saying he was at the pub.  I took a deep breath, went to the toilet of the coffee shop to fluff my hair up, look at my makeup and make sure that I looked ok.

I walked into the pub.  It had been about 8 years since I last entered that pub.  Nothing had changed.

I stood at the bar and ordered a beer.  I felt a hand on my back.  I turned around and there was Sean

He looked the same as he did 8 years ago.  A few more lines on his face.  But his blue eyes were still as magical as they were 8 years ago

He hugged me and said, wow Betty.  You look amazing

We sat down and started chatting immediately.  We were laughing and smiling. It felt like I was transported back in time 8 years ago

He kept complimenting me.  Telling me how beautiful I was.  How he wanted to get a hotel for the night and make love

I kept my guard up.  We ordered lunch and sat and laughed and ate.  It was like we had never been apart

He was still working at the same company as his dad.  He was still living with his parents (at the age of 38........) still spent his money stupidly. 

He kept saying how he wanted to go home with me.  And he kept saying how beautiful I was

I felt a bit uncomfortable.  I messaged Suzanne and told her that I didn't want to go home with him (girls it is so important to have a friend you can message when you are out just in case shit happens.  Suzanne is my angel.  When I am out, I can text her, she knows where, when and who I am with so if something were to happen, I know she has my back.  And I would do the same for her a million time over...I know this is a shout out to Suzanne my bestie but we all need a Suzanne in our lives!)

I remembered the pain he put me through.  All the times he got my hopes up to smash them down.

After we finished lunch we went to another bar that I knew.  It was a nice trip down memory lane. 

He kept trying to get me to take him home.  I just didn't feel comfortable

Yes I could have had sex last night.  I could have had great sex last night.  Mind blowing sex.  I would have orgasmed more than I have in the past 3 years!  But....

It wasn't right.  I didn't feel comfortable

So I told him.  He said the right thing...you have the power. It's up to you....I still want to be with you...blah blah blah.

Then he leaned over the table and kissed me.  Oh, those kisses.  Sweeter than chocolate.  So deep, so amazing.  I forgot what a great kisser he was.  That kiss knocked me on my ass. 

But I looked at him. 38 years old.  Still lives with his parents.  Still in the same job that he was in 8 years ago. 

8 years ago I was in a shit job earning a shit wage.  Now I am in a good job earning the most I have ever earned and I am ambitious wanting more.  I love my work and I know that I will climb higher. Here was someone happy with the status quo

I took a deep breath and told him that I was going to go home by myself.  I didn't want sex (even though I could have used a good rattling) I just needed to sort my head out.

He seemed ok about it.  We finished our drinks and I went outside to catch a cab.  Before I got into my cab, he pulled me close and gave me a kiss that took my breath away.  Literally.  My body tingled.  I forgot how that felt.  That sensation of when there is electricity.  Mr Wonderful and I didn't have that sort of spark.

When I got in the cab I waved goodbye kind of knowing that it was going to be the last time I saw him.

I messaged him to tell him that I got home ok.  I watched a bit of TV and I decided to take a shower. 

When I got out of the shower I had 3 missed calls and 4 text messages from him.  That totally put me off and I remember that he was a bit clingy 

He talked about wanting to meet up again

I went to bed and when I woke up this morning he pulled the same shit that he did 8 years ago.  I don't know if I can do this.  I need some time....blah blah blah blah bullshit.

Am I upset this time?  No.  I knew what was coming.

I could have had him last night but I looked at him and thought for the first time in a long time....I can do better.  I don't want a man who hasn't strived or pushed themselves for 8 years.  Someone who runs from emotions and fucks with your head.  NO!!!  I want a real man.

A man that is ambitious.  A man that fights the good fight.  A man that gets dirt under his nails.  A man that has his independence and his own mind.  A man that knows what he wants

I don't need a man to be happy.  A man would enhance my happiness. 

Yes, I miss good sex but my body isn't for sale for a few beers and a few laughs.  I'd rather keep Duracell going with the amount of batteries I'm going through with my favorite vibrator than be with a fuck boy. 

He'll try and contact me in a few weeks.  But I will say, too little too late.

Just because it's served on a plate doesn't mean that you have to eat it.

So here I sit happy that I went out.  Happy to know that I have matured so much. Happy to know that I have a higher opinion of myself.

You are worth more than a few drinks and a few laughs.  Never forget it.  Look at the bigger picture

Until next time, Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher

Lots of love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxx

On Being a Caterpillar

Hey Ragers and Ragettes!

It's a strange Sunday.  Strange as in it's sunny outside.  This past week there have been storms, heavy rain, hailstones, and very heavy winds.  Now today is sunny and calm.

This past week was the start of Lent.  I always remember being in Catholc school and my teacher in first grade sitting with her guitar while we sat in a circle while she explained to us about Lent. 

Lent, she said is like when a caterpillar goes into its cocoon.  In that cocoon, many changes happen.  The caterpillar stays in that cocoon and then one day the cocoon breaks open and out comes a beautiful, colorful butterfly

That image has always stuck with me.  Not just regarding Lent but how we change ourselves. 

The last 3 years I have been going through some changes and big changes are coming again to me.  Another move

When I moved into this apartment, it was a move made out of desperation, fear, sadness and some happiness.  It was a move to get me out of a horrid situation. 

When I moved, I didn't know what would happen next.

I was still dating Mr Wonderful.  I felt trapped in that relationship a bit. I was still close to my old housemate.  I felt like I was under scrutiny a bit.  Part of me thought that I would revert back to the carefree Betty that I was in 2014 when I started this blog.

That didn't happen.  I've spent my days curled up inside trying to understand everything.  Scrutinize every pat of the last 3 years.  Go over and over and over it again until I drive myself insane.

I've worked my ass off at my job.  To the point that I am staying up answering emails, messages and being everything to everyone.

As I sit here on this weird Sunday in my flat,  I am watching the Football, my lunch is cooking in the slow cooker and I have realized that the past year has zipped by so quickly. 

When I move in 30 days to my new home, I want a different experience.  I want to be out and about.  I want to make new memories, new friends and it's my intention to have a summer of love

I want to change myself. 

I have already started. I've cut my alcohol consumption down a lot.  And I mean a lot.  I would normally go through 2-3 bottles of wine in a weekend.  I can proudly say that for the last few weeks that hasn't been the case.

Yes, I went out for drinks with friends last weekend.  But I haven't gone to the shop and purchased a bottle of wine in ages  Even on my weekly food shop I haven't purchased wine or any alcohol.

I have gone to the local pub after work once a week and bought a glass of wine.  Then after that glass I go home

The only thing I have been drinking is water and coffee. 

The results are good. 

I'm sleeping better.  I'm eating better.  My skin looks loads better.  And I'm actually losing weight.  Plus with the money I am saving I will be able to make my new home a home!

I also realised that the village I am in now is not the sort of village for me.  This is the sort of village that you would go to after the kids have gone to college and you wanted a quieter life. 

I keep forgetting I'm young.  Even when I was with Mr Wonderful, I felt so old.  I don't want that anymore.  I want to feel my age. 

So I have made a vow to myself.

1.  When I move into my new place, I am going to make it home.  I am going to decorate and make this place my place. 
2.  I am going to continue limiting my alcohol consumption.  This is a good thing.  I am feeling better in myself.  Will I never have a drink ever again?  Of course not.  I'm just going to have it in a moderate amount
3.  I am going to go out and meet people and make friends.  There is a yoga studio within a 5 minute walk from my new home.  I am going to use it.  I am going to meet people and make friends.
4.  And after awhile....I am going to attempt the dating scene again.  I want this summer to be a summer of love and happiness.  I want to go out and let a man buy me dinner.  I want to have a laugh and meet loads of new people.
5.  I'm not going to look back anymore.  My dad always says, if you keep looking back, that is the direction you go.  He's so right.  I realise that I keep whining about the past.  Yes, I was hurt, I was mistreated, abused, terrorized and it was wrong.  I made choices and those choices had consequences.  I have to accept, learn and move on. 

So in 30 days, my life will change again.  So I take this moment to start prepping, to start getting excited (Suzanne and I are going to see my new home on Saturday to get ideas and then I am treating her to her first Tapas), to be appreciative and to be positive.  So many wonderful things are coming my way and I cannot wait to experience them all.  Plus on Friday I am getting my hair done so I am very excited about that!!! 

So until next time Ragers ad Ragettes, keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher

Lots of Love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxx

On a New Home and New Lease of Life

Hey Ragers and Ragettes!

Happy Sunday to you!!  It's bright and sunny and not too cold outside which is fab!  I have had a lovely relaxing Sunday:  hot bath, cleaned my makeup brushes, my stuff for the week is ready, and my breakfast for the week is cooking away.  I think that this feeling is called satisfaction

Well, as you know, this past week has been a bit odd.  On Monday night I broke up with Mr Wonderful and lost a great place to live

But the week picked up.  I continued to search for places to live

I was chatting to the girls in the office about my move and one of the girl piped up and said, why don't you try where I live?

The town she lives I knew quite well a long time ago. 

10 years ago I dated a guy from that place.  He lived in a gorgeous village right next to it.  I remember walking from the tram stop to his and thinking what a fucking shithole.

I started looking online for flats.  My God!  That town has changed!!! 

The flats were very reasonably priced and it looks like the town has picked up.

So I scheduled a viewing for a place just on the canal.  I put in to view another that was right centre of the town

On Wednesday, as I was pulling up to the flat, I received a call about one of the flats that I wanted to view.  I said I was in the area, and I would view it after I was viewing this one.

I looked around and it was an impressive modern building....around it?  Fuck all.  Just houses that were derelict.  No cafes, no restaurants....not even a corner shop.

The real estate agent pulled up.  It was raining and I went to her car and introduced herself. She was taking her time getting out of her car while I stood there getting drenched. 

We walked into the complex and it was impressive.  So modern.

We chatted and we got to the door.  She opened it up and we looked around. 

It was a modern flat.  The living room was small and so was the kitchen.  It had 2 bedrooms.  I was asking her about it and she was very nonchalant.  She said you probably won't get it because there is a lot of interest...I was like.....right....

I walked out frustrated and feeling a bit down

I made my way to my next viewing.  I found myself right in the centre of the town that my work colleague lives in.  I looked around.  Gone were the old buildings and boarded up shops.  There were bars, boutiques, cafes restaurants.  I parked my car and walked to the estate agent. 

A pretty blonde smiled and shook my hand.  She said, Betty do you mind if we view another flat too as there is someone else interested in this flat and he wants to view another one.

So we walked down the road into the little town. My eyes took in the restaurants, bars, yoga studio....I found myself saying out loud, I love this!  It is exactly like Manchester City Centre but smaller and less chaotic.

We viewed a flat that was nice but not suitable for me. No parking.  It was clean and modern.  The other guy seemed interested.

We then walked down back towards where the estate agent was. 

She walked to a door on the street that didn't look like much.  She opened the door and we walked through a modern development. We walked to a frosted glass door on the ground floor.  When she opened the door and turned the light on, I gasped.  I was looking at the biggest kitchen I had ever seen!!  It was massive!!!  Black worktops and white clean cupboards.  A dishwasher, fridge and freezer. The living room was massive too!!!  The hard wood floors were clean and neutral.  She showed us the master bedroom and the en suite.  She then showed us the spare room and second bathroom that had a nice big bathtub.  Everything was furnished with modern, clean furniture,  And unlike the flat that I live in, it wasn't overwhelming.  I have to buy cutlery, plates and stuff like that and I don't mind that. 

I looked around at the modern flat and smiled. 

This could very well be Rage Towers. 

The other guy seemed disinterested.  I told the estate agent that was I interested.  I told her that I had guinea pigs and what had happened before

She smiled and said to come to the office and fill in an application form and she will call the landlord.

I went back to the office (which was across the street from the flat) and I filled the form in.  I brought along my ID and proof of address.  She called the landlord and he approved my piggies.  We chatted about my moving in date and I decided March 31st.

I left feeling happy.  I felt so refreshed seeing how that town had been rejuvenated.  A Hot Yoga Studio is a 5 minute walk, the train station and tram is 10 minutes.  It just seemed perfect

When I got in, I messaged Suzanne.  Suzanne said go for it!!  And I thought, I will.

Well on Friday, I got approved and I officially move in March 31st!!  I told my current estate agent and as my flat is falling apart (hello leaking windows and the sewage stench coming from the bathtub!) I can hand my keys over April 1st. 

I booked the time off work and I am buzzing.  I feel like I am winning again!!!

This year so far has proven to be crazy.  I'm young, free and single and I am moving to a town that is young, rejuvenated and vibrant.  When I leave my current home, I will leave blessing it.  Loving it.  Thanking it for keeping me safe.  Thanking it for getting me out of a horrible state of hell.

So I have started getting ideas for my new place.  I am excited to make this flat my own.  I'm so excited that Suzanne and I are going to revisit it and then I am taking Suzanne out for lunch.  She is the best at decorating and she knows my style. 

So out with the old, in with the new! 

So until next time, Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher

Lots of Love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxx

On Breaking Up with Mr Wonderful

Hey Ragers and Ragettes!

Yes, you read that title right.  Last night I broke up with Mr Wonderful

So I am sat here in my cosiest sweater, my favorite camo print velour jogging bottoms and fluffy socks. 

It all started on Valentine's Day. 

I don't usually get involved with office conversations as I am usually too busy. 

Sandra (name changed to protect the innocent) was telling us all what her fiancee and her were doing for Valentine's.  She just got engaged and they were going out for a romantic meal together.

Betty, what are you doing.  Are you seeing your fella this weekend?

I looked up and said, no.  He's still in Switzerland.  It then came out of my mouth, to be honest, I want to break up with him.

Sandra looked at me and said, then do it Betty.  You are young.  Don't be wasting your time on someone that isn't right for you. 

She then walked out and I was left with her words ringing in my ears.

I had an ok weekend.  I viewed a flat and I fell in love with it straight away.  I filled in the form in anticipation to send it off on Monday and secure the flat as my own.

Monday came around and I submitted my forms.

I received a call from the agency and she said, ok Betty, let's go through this.  We talked through the forms and then she said, do you have any pets.  I said, yes I do.  I have guinea pigs.

Oh, she said.  That is a problem.  This is a strict no pet household.  I'll call to see if I can allow it.

She hung up,  I felt sick to my stomach.  This flat had everything I wanted, or so I thought.

She called back and said, you can have the guinea pigs but they have to be outside, as the flat had a garden

First of all, mine are indoor guinea pigs.  And Guinea pigs, if they are subjected to wet, windy and cold weather under 15 degrees C, they can die. 

I told her I would have to think about it.  Anyway, I went back and asked if I put a bigger deposit down, could I keep them inside.  She asked the landlord, they said no.  I then thought about it and went back to the estate agent and told her that I it would have to be a no from me, my piggies and I are a packaged deal.

She then tried pleading with the landlord again.  The final word?  No.

So Monday sucked.  I was upset about losing this apartment.

I got in and made dinner and relaxed.

Football was on.  So Mr Wonderful and I usually chat when the footy is on.  Anyway, it was a tasty match.  Very exciting and poorly refereed. 

He sent me a message and I don't know if it was because I was tired or upset about the apartment but he pushed a button. 

The floodgates opened and I sent him a very angry, bitchy message. He responded Ok. 

I sat back, my heart was in my throat.  I thought to Sandra and my conversation on Valentines Day.  Why was I putting myself through this?  Then the words came out.

I am sorry.  I shouldn't have subjected you to that.  You didn't deserve it.  Then I broke it off with him.

I don't think this s going to work.  We live too far apart.  We've been doing this for 2 years now almost.  Nothing has changed...I spoke from the heart.  Honestly. 

I then told him to not contact me as I wanted to get my head right.

I then messaged Suzanne straight away.  It hadn't registered. 

I put my phone down and I tried to sleep.  I couldn't.  My head was a jungle. 

So I had no sleep last night. 

I clock watched and got up early.  Had my shower and got to work early.  As I have  key for the building I am able to come and go as I please.  So I let myself in.

I checked my phone.  No response from Mr Wonderful.

I messaged our mutual friend and told her what happened.  And in fairness, she was so supportive and kind and understanding.

I messaged my mother.  And I messaged Sandra and told her what I did.

Today was an odd day.  I had a lot of work to do so I kept busy.  I just kept my head down, listened to my tunes and got on with it.

At lunch Sandra came to my desk and presented me with a bouquet of flowers.  I looked at her and she said, welcome to the first day of the rest of your life

The IT guy (who I get along with very well and if he was 15 years younger and single, I so would go there...we have a.....chemistry.  But he is married with kids and I don't want to be that woman) over heard and came over to my desk and hugged me. 

I looked around and I saw faces of concern.  I was touched

So the IT guy made a point of making me laugh for the rest of the day.  Sandra checked in on me and the pervy finance manager who loves to stare at the girls chests was extra lovely.

I think about it, and a few things stick out.

1.  I didn't shed a single tear.  At all.  Either that makes me a total sociopath or I didn't love him

2.  I work with some of the loveliest people.  I am blessed.  I love my job

3.  The apartment situation?   I'll find something better.  I know I will.  I'm not worried about it.  I am viewing one tomorrow so we will see

Sandra was right.  Today the beginning of the rest of my life.  I am young, free and single.

So what will I do next?  Well, first I am going to tuck into my dinner consisting of curly fries and chicken nuggets (I just broke up with the guy I was seeing!!!  Give me a break!!!), watch a series on Netflix and have an early night

Then I am going to work hard, workout, get my body into better shape and make this summer a summer of love.  Love firstly for myself and my life and then I'll look around for a great man to join me in my adventures.  I mean,Manchester has a population of 2.8 million, there must be a man that I can have a relationship with?  Right?

Until next time Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher

Lots of Love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxx

On Getting Out and About

Hey Ragers and Ragettes!

It's a windy Sunday here in the Northwest of England!  Apparently storm Ciara is causing some damage outside. 

So I have spent the day indoors, snuggled up nice and warm.  I'm watching the football and just relaxing.  It's a nice feeling!

As you all know, the last few years have been very up and down for me.  And recently I have been feeling like I am on an even keel.  I feel more positive, confident and happy in my life. 

Last week was an interesting week.  I went to see Suzanne and had a coffee and chat with her, I hurt my back (by getting up!  Weird!!  It is feeling loads better now though, thanks to heating pads and pain killers!), I had my performance review for work and I passed with flying colors.  My salary is going to be renewed in March.  It was a good meeting and I feel good about my future in my career.

But the biggest thing that happened this week, I actually went out.......twice!

Yes, I left my little flat 2 days in a row and I socialized!

Since I left Simon, my confidence has been very low.  I haven't been going out, even to go shopping.  All my shopping is done online.  The only time I have been going out is to the beauty salon to get my hair done or my nails done. 

So on Friday morning when Marta (name changed to protect the innocent) in the accounts department came to my desk to ask if I wanted to go on a hike this weekend with her, I thought why not.  I go out on hike with Suzanne a lot and I love being out and about.  She told me to meet her at a pub that was near the airport on Saturday morning.  I couldn't think of any nature spots near the airport....

Then on at about 2pm, a friend of mine texted me asking what I was doing.  I told her that I had no plans.  She was in Manchester as she was set to go out on a date with this guy she met online.  He was not being very open about their plans.  She didn't even know what time she was going to meet him!!!!!  I was like, girl.....seriously?  What a dick! 

As we chatted she was like, Betty, seriously, hes dicking me around!  So I thought, fuck it.  I'm not doing anything.  So I got home and changed into my PVC trousers, a low cut blouse and my boots. 
I curled my hair and did my make up and soon before you know it, I was out for the night.

I met my friend at her hotel and we had a few beers.  We then walked out to this trendy bar and had a bottle of wine and a good laugh. 

She said, Betty we need to do this more often.  I thought, yea, we do!

Her date finally showed up at around 11 so I thought, I'm not drunk, a bit tipsy, so I will go home and let them have a nice night.  I said goodbye and got back to my flat and got to bed.

I woke up the next day feeling good and I waited for my food shopping to be delivered.  After it was delivered I texted Marta and told her I was on my way.  She doesn't live far from me and we both arrived around the same time. 

It was a lovely sunny day.  I wore some jeans, brown riding boots, my Celine sunglasses, a brown long sleeved shirt, my big white fur-lined cape and my cream winter hat that has loads of sparkles on it and my black Gucci handbag.  Not exactly hiking wear, I know!!

Marta brought her cute dog with her and we started walking.  We walked and chatted and laughed.  It was a muddy trail but that didn't bother me.  The scenery was phenomenal. I took loads of photos and sent them to Suzanne and asked if she wanted to go there for a walk sometime,

As we chatted I was telling her about moving and how I was torn between moving back to the city center and moving closer to work.  She then told me about the village she lives in.  Her village isn't far from work (she said it takes me exactly 13 minutes to get to and from work at rush hour) and it has nice bars, restaurants, shops and it is a younger village (the village I live in is quite....old...)  Plus it has a canal going through it!!!!  That was one thing I loved about living in the city center, I was near the water.

Before I knew it, we had finished our walk.  We had walked 5 miles!  I didn't even notice!

We sat down in the cafe that was near where we parked and had some coffee and cake.  We chatted more and and she said, I walk every Saturday, you are always welcome to join me.  So next Saturday, weather permitting, we are going to walk the canal in her village so I can see what it is like

When I got home, I looked online at the village where Marta lives.  The property prices are affordable!  I can get a better flat than I have now for the same price and in some cases, cheaper!  So it's a viable option!

By letting go of the niggly voice in my head about my confidence, I ended up having a lovely weekend.  I got out there with 2 fantastic people.  I got to see some fab places and now I have a possible lead on a new place to live! 

I need to make an effort to get out of the flat more.  There is a big world out there and I want to explore it, get my sense of adventure back!

I think it's part of the rebuilding process.  It takes time to get yourself back to where you need to be.  It's hard sometimes but always look forward.  I feel when I get out of this flat the healing will be complete. 

It takes a lot of time sometimes to get moving forward again, but it's ok.  Healing is a very personal thing.  Let go when you are ready.  Start with baby steps and just keep moving forward.

Until next time, Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher

Lots of love


The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxx

On Getting Back to My Bettiness

Hey Ragers and Ragettes!!  It's a misty cool Saturday and I have to say that I am feeling fine!

As you all know, the last 3 years or so have been very up and down and unstable and crazy.  But as I sit here now, I think that things are kind of stabilizing

When I moved into my new place, I always had this fear that my old housemate would some how hunt me down and try to hurt me.  I know, stupid thoughts, but I was genuinely scared of her.  Now>  Not so much.

Since last April, I have slowly grown stronger.  My confidence is coming back.  I am clearing out the shit in my life.  As you saw from last week, I am clearing my flat out and my life out.

Yes, in April, there will be another flat move.  This time, it's not out of desperation but inspiration.  Why am I moving again?  Firstly, I saw my old housemate's fuck buddy in my local pub.  That's too close to me.  I just want to put the past away.  Secondly, my crazy neighbor who tries to go into my flat when I am not here (I know I was stupid to give her the key!) and thirdly.....I just belong back in the city center.  Plus this flat is falling apart. 

2 week's ago, the toilet broke, the windows are leaking in water so I have black mold and moldy smelling curtains.  Now there is an almighty stench from the bathroom.  If I compare these problems to last year, I will take these any day.

At work, when I am on my lunch, I look at all the flats that are out there in the area that I used to live.  I see the newer buildings with underground parking and views of the canal.  I cannot help but get excited.  In 2 and a half months, that will be my home!!!

Not only am I looking at flats, I have started being more Betty like!! 

Yesterday, I was surfing the net at work and saw a pair of leopard print stilettos. They were marked down from £69 to £20.  It would have been a crime to no purchase them.  So I did!  Plus in the great purge last week, I had to sadly get rid of my leopard print stilettos and my leopard print peep toes because I wore them out.  Yes, I literally wore them out!!  It was on sale and I needed them!!!!!!!  Yes, I think that is a very Betty thing to do!

And today.  Today I went to the salon to get my nails done (My nail technician is amazing!!!)  I decided to dress up and look good.

So I rocked a pair of dark blue skinny jeans, a leopard print camisole a black blazer and a pair of black stilettos with an ankle strap.  I pulled my hair into a high pony tail and did my make up to perfection, I even added fake eyelashes (which are not so scary to put on after all!!).  I topped it off with my new favorite red lippy and my Ted Baker black handbag.  I felt like a million dollars!

I had to pick up a parcel in the same village as where the salon is. 

As I walked through the village to get my parcel, I realized why I didn't wear these heels often....the ankle strap was cutting into my heel/ankle.  But I remembered my Bettiness.  So I slowed my strut down and gritted my teeth through the pain.  Yes, the pain was immense!!!!  But fuck me, I felt so good!!!

I limped to the shop, picked my parcel up and hobbled to the salon.  As I got to the salon, I slowed down again, shook my ankle out, rolled my shoulders back and strutted into the salon not letting the strap digging into my ankle bother me.

I received a lot of compliments on my outfit.  There was a blogger who was getting her hair done and an ex Manchester United footballer popped in to give his daughter (who works there) some supplies.  I felt like I fit in.

I never felt so Betty!  I forgot about the strap digging into my ankle.  I remembered how I used to strut, shoulders back, and not giving a shit.  I remember that my red lippy was my armor.  Yes....I felt my power coming back to me.

I was in such good form!  The woman who does my nails works at a department store at the Clinique counter.  She told me to go to the department store where she works tomorrow and she will give me a free skincare consultation and if I want to purchase anything she will give me her discount.  I grinned!!!  Wearing my heels and purchasing cosmetics?  I believe that is a very Betty thing to do!!!

So after I finished with my appointment, I waved goodbye to the girls and strutted/hobbled back to my car.  At this point, though, I have to say that I was limping.

I had to do one more errand.  I had to go into my village where I live and drop the previous tenants post off.

This was a problem in 2 ways.

First these fucking heels were now crippling me. 

Secondly, I will have to speak to the estate agent.  Why is this a problem?  The guy who works for the estate agent made a pass at me when I went to the pub in my village one day.  He tried to actually shove his tongue down my throat...in the pub....yeah.  Awkward. 

I pushed him away and kind of avoided going to the estate agency to drop off the previous tenant's mail. 

But the mail was building up and I had to do something about it. 

So I thought how am I going to do this?

Luckily I had a pair of black boots in my car.  These boots were broken but passable.  (The bottom of the heel broke off so one shoe made a clop sound) 

I took my stilettos off and put the boots on.  I fixed my lippy, powdered my nose and thought, no fucker controls me.

I strutted into the estate agent and there he was.  I smiled and handed him the post.

Oh Betty!!  Did you have a nice Christmas, he asked.  Yes I did!  We made small talk for a bit.  Nothing too awkward

I then strutted out.  I popped into my local.  If my old flatmate's fuck buddy is there?  Bring it on.  You don't fuck with Betty!!!  I literally felt invincible.

I am now sitting in my little flat sipping a glass of rose studying my ankle.  I will wear the cuts from the ankle strap on my stilettos as a badge of honor.  Betty is coming back!!!

Each day I get stronger.  Each day, I get a little more of myself back. 

By April when I move into my new home, I think I will be back to full on Betty mode.  And I cannot fucking wait!!!

Until next time, Ragers and Ragettes!  Keep your heads and standards high and your heels even higher

Lots of love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxx

On Clearing Out the Junk Cupboard and My Life

Hey Ragers and Ragettes!!!!  I hope that everyone is having the best day ever!

This past weekend has been amazing.  I actually cleared my spare room and the junk cupboard.  You know that cupboard?  The one that you don't know what is in it but you are sure that if you open it you'll get hit on the head by something flying out.  Yeah, that cupboard.

That was scary but not as scary as going through my shoes, bags and clothes. 

On Friday night after work, I thought, let's do this.  I messaged Suzanne and she helped me through the process.  So I ended up getting rid of 25 pairs of shoes and 8 handbags.  I also found my waterproof vibrator....seriously how did that end up with my shoes?

I contacted the estate agent that rented my flat out to me and told them that there was a lot of crap in the junk cupboard and they gave me permission to clear it out.  So yesterday I tackled it, got hit in the head by Christmas ornaments, I swore at my Christmas tree, made up some new cuss words in the process and after 2 hours I was triumphant!  I have a lovely clean hallway cupboard.

I also found out that I have a tendency of hoarding plastic bags and shopping bags that you buy at the grocery store!!!  I had literally a bag full of fucking bags.  Why?  Why do I need so many bags???  So I took a few and put them in my car.  Hopefully next time I am in the shops I will remember to take them with me!

So I got rid of 2 mops, 1 mop bucket, an ironing board, a broken vacuum cleaner and a broken space heater and a big wooden board.  The cupboard is now clean!!

I feel loads better now.  In total, I got rid of 7 garbage bags full of junk and 3 bags to go to the charity shop.  I rewarded myself today with a much needed hot bath and a glass of prosecco.  I put a Bobby Brown Exfoliating Face Mask (divine!!) on and a hair mask and watched Netflix in a scalding hot bath.  When I have a bath like to remove at least 9 layers of skin.  I came out looking like a lobster!

I have also been clearing out my friendship and relationships.

My friend Rita for example.  Rita is a friend of mine that I treasure.  When I was low, like really low when I lost my job in 2013, she was there for me.  She met me for dinner, checked in on me, and generally kept me sane.  Each temporary contract I got she applauded me and said she was proud of me.  If it wasn't for her, I would have probably fallen into a downward spiral.

But Rita has changed.  In 2014, she started behaving in a way that made me feel uncomfortable.  She is in a relationship and has a 7 year old son. She is also pursuing a relationship with a person that she works with who is married. 

Now I love both of these people.  We have had great times together but seriously....Rita, get a grip on yourself!!  He's married!!!  You're in a relationship!  You have a fucking kid!!!  You need to be focusing on that kid.

The kid is a nightmare.  He acts out and bullies other kids.  He's acting like this because his dad works stupid hours and can't be bothered and Rita is too immersed in her phone and this other person to notice that her kid is turning into an asshole.  (yes, you can call kids assholes)

The worst bit of this is that Rita is now snorting a lot of Columbian marching powder, if you know what I mean.  Last time I went out with her, she was shoveling it up her nose, I mean she was vacuuming this shit up!!!  She ended up getting drunk and started a fight with her sister in law.  She ended up going to her dad's house at stupid o clock and threatened to, and I quote, smash her sister in law's fucking head against the pavement.  Pleasant!!!

I know that Rita helped me out in the past. I have tried speaking to her and she just shrugs it off.  I have tried taking her out for dinner and talk her around.  This whole situation is affecting her physical and mental health.  She looks like a skeleton with all the weight that she has lost.  She isn't taking care of herself like she used to.  She has said that she is so unhappy in her relationship.

I have said, Rita, if you are so unhappy, leave.  Just leave!  You have rights!  Her house is in her name, not his. She could report him to the tax man for all the cash that he fella stashes in the house.  (He runs his own business. After dating a man who did the same...I learned a lot)  It would be tough at first, but she could do it easily.  Rita is very pretty.  She can have any man she wants.  I seriously don't understand this.

When I last saw her in October with the person that she is having an affair with (she is upset at him as he is actually spending time with his wife and not paying attention to her) she drunkenly demanded that we book a trip to Amsterdam for Valentines Day and demanded this this person join us.  When he wouldn't, she threw a temper tantrum and demanded that we go the week after

I stupidly booked 3 tickets.  The next day, the person that Rita has been Jonesing over told me he can't go.  Rita threw another tantrum

When I went home for Christmas, my dad and I were talking and he said that we need to surround ourselves with people that bring us up and not bring us down.  We need to be with people that aren't destructive

So I did something selfish.  I made up an excuse (it is partly true.) that work is getting busier.  We are implementing a new computer system and I am part of the implementation team and I cannot book off time in February.

I told her this on a message.  She just responded ok.  I haven't heard from her since and you know what?  I am ok with that. 

I think that I don't want to be in that chain of pain anymore.  I think that I want to be a selfish bitch and look after myself and surround myself with positive people that support me and don't bring me down with their pointless, self induced shit

The worst thing is when you try and give advice to people and they argue for their limitations.  Like they prefer to be a victim. You give a suggestion and they come back with "But...".  Seriously.  You just want to be a victim.  I call these people ask-holes.  As in they ask for your advice and then proceed to shoot it down with a prepared statement of victimhood.

It's ok to have a pity party every once an awhile, but when you make it a lifestyle choice?  Sorry.  I don't want to be part of that.

I'm distancing myself from Simon.  He has his new woman and he is happy and I am happy for him.

I'm distancing myself from Mr Wonderful and his friends.  They are quite negative and the Mr Wonderful situation isn't the best.  I feel that in the next 6 months or so that will fizzle out (it isn't bringing me discomfort.   I'll let go when I am ready)

I don't have a lot of friends and I am ok with that.  It's all about quality, not quantity.  Plus, I am being the biggest selfish bitch ever.  I am looking after my needs and taking care of my body.  And I am moving in April.  I want to concentrate on finding the right place and sorting myself out

I am on the up.  I don't want people dragging me down with stupid self induced drama. 

That's why I love Suzanne.  We have mini wobbles about things but we always help each other through.  I can talk about fashion with her.  I love seeing her artwork.  She makes me laugh and she is so supportive. That is the sort of person I want in my life.

I love being boring and focusing on the gym, healthy cooking, cleaning and work....for now.  Once I move, I will start dating again, going out and about and getting into mischief.  Now, though, is time for me to put myself first, mentally and physically, and concentrate on clearing out my closet and my life

Remember, It's better being lonely than with people that make you feel alone

Until next time, Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher!

Lots of love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxx

On the Big Clear Out

Hey Ragers and Ragettes!!!

I hope that you are all having the best Sunday ever!!!  I am having the best Sunday!

First, I got my talons cut down so I can actually type now!!!  I am rocking a cute nude/white and rose gold tape combo so I am pleased!!  I can type again!!  I can put my false eyelashes on without poking my eyes out!!!!  Life is great!

Sundays for me are all about me time.  I made a vow ages ago that Sundays would be sacrosanct and that it is time for me to do things  that I actually like doing!  So I took a hot bath, put a face mask and hair mask on and had a glass of prosecco and watched Netflix in the bath for a half an hour.  That is me time and I love it!!! 

This morning though I started my day differently.  I was in the kitchen cooking and I was looking in the cupboards and it just looked dire!!  So after my breakfast, I started making my lunches for the week by using my new slow cooker....God I'm getting old...and then I decided to do something about the clutter in the kitchen.

When I moved into this apartment, it was advertised as "Fully Furnished" but I didn't realise how "Fully Furnished" it was!!!  I have a load of dishes, glasses, tupperware plus loads of stuff that is in the hallway cupboard like 2 ironing boards, 3 mops and 2 vacuum cleaners.  Great

So I decided to sort the kitchen out.  I scrubbed and reorganised each cupboard.  All he extraneous stuff that I don't use, I put in a bag and put it in the spare room (That is going to be fun to clean out!!!)  Now my kitchen is clean and fab!!!  I looked around my apartment and realised that I need to do this in every room.  I am ok with that but one aspect is making me a bit anxious....my clothes and shoes

As you all know, I am a lover of shoes.  But the other day I was looking through my shoes and I thought....damn....I have a shit ton of shoes!!  Like a lot of shoes.  Like 2 wardrobes, a stand free shoe rack and 2 suitcases full!!!  I am moving again in April and it might be a good idea for me to let go?

For example.  Exhibit A:  The cute sparkly sandals I wore for when I was a bridesmaid for a wedding.  Cute?  Yes.  Pretty?  Yes.  Dainty? Yes.  Wearing.....TORTURE!!!

I mean, I think that there is still my blood on the ankle straps and the strap over the toes!!  They are gorgeous but fuck me!!  They cripple you!  Plus all the skin that they tore off my heels and toes!!  I think that if the government needs to get info out of people, just make them where these dainty little numbers and dance and within 30 seconds you will have all you need to know and more!!

I would eBay them (after disinfecting them obviously!) but they will get sent straight back for crippling the poor person that bought them.  Maybe I should let go? 


Do I need 7 pairs of black stilettos?  These are things that I need to consider.  In 3 months I'll have to move all these shoes.....again. 

Plus if I get rid of a few pairs, it's making way for more cute new shoes, right?  Right?  I don't know.  It just gives me anxiety. At work I can't wear stilettos.  I am constantly running back and forth across the road to the warehouse and doing that in 5 inch stilettos sucks.  So I have quite a collection of Converse and boots, which is ok!!! 

Yesterday when I got my nails done, I wore my nude patent peep toes and I loved it!!!  I forgot how much fun wearing stilettos is!  I felt like my old self, which is great!!  So on the weekends when I go out I need to wear my stilettos more.

I won't get rid of all of my stilettos just the ones that I don't see myself wearing.  It will be difficult but worth it I think.

A wise person said, when you get rid of old things, you are making way for new things. And I like that.  2020 is already showing promise of being an awesome year.  So I think that this year I will be gaining new experiences, new friends, a new relationship (I hope....yes, I need to get rid of Mr Wonderful) and a new home!!!  I am genuinely excited!!!

But for the time being, I am going to enjoy another glass of prosecco, enjoy the smell of the chili that I prepped in the slow cooker and enjoy watching the football.....while wearing my black Ted Baker Stilettos, of course!!

Until Next time Ragers and Ragettes, Keep your heels and head high and your heels even higher.

Lots of love

The Fabulous Betty Rage



Until next

On 2020 - New Year New Adventures and a New Life

Happy New Year, Ragers and Ragettes!!

Here I am on a rainy, gross Sunday.  Never would I have thought this time last year that I would be where I am now. 

Last year I felt hopeless, sadness and fear.  A couple of times I wanted to end my life.

But here I am, in my own home, drinking a glass of red wine and watching the football without a care in the world.  (And looking at my nails, I really need to get them done.  I have my Betty Talons and they are long and I am struggling to type.  But they look good!!!!  But it sucks to type!!  Luckily I am getting them done on Saturday.)

Looking back on 2019, I planted a lot of seeds.  And this year, I have a feeling that they will grow

I have also realized that Mr Wonderful isn't for me.  He's nice, classy, well traveled...but I am just not feeling it.  Frankly, he irritates me.  So I am going to have to figure out how to break up with him

I also realized that I am over Simon completely.  How do I know this?

Well, I was getting ready to do my Sunday self care ritual when the door buzzer sounded.  I ran down stairs to open the door. (the door buzzer thing isn't working so I had to run down the stairs and physically open the door)  And there was Simon, his girlfriend and her little daughter.  I was shocked.  He came in and hugged me and his girlfriend's daughter ran up and hugged me.  I invited them up and we sat down and chatted.  The little girl found my vanity table with my make up on it and she started pointing and asking to try different items.  I asked Simon's girlfriend if it is ok and she smiled and said yes.  So I put some lipstick, glitter lip gloss, highlighter and my glitter hair spray on her and she was so happy she ran out to show her mother with such pride.  She kissed her mother on the cheek leaving a lipstick mark and then she ran to Simon and kissed him on the cheek and she ran to me and kissed me on the cheek.  I couldn't help but smile. 

This time last year, if this happened, I would have fallen apart.  But after his visit was over, and I shut the door I didn't feel anger, sick or resentment.  I felt, dare I say.....happy?  Just happiness that he was happy.  Him being happy doesn't take away from my happiness. 

So saying that, yes, I am actually very happy.  Seriously, I am!!!  Work is going from strength to strength.  I have finally been diagnosed with an under-active thyroid and I have finally been given medication.  The medication is working. I am feeling loads better.  The Mr Wonderful situation will resolve itself.  Mr Right is out there....he's probably up a tree and I need to save him

But I genuinely feel that 2017, I made a decision that made my world crash and burn, 2018, I was putting the fires out, 2019 I planted the seeds and 2020, those seeds are sprouting and I will harvest all I planted.  All the suffering and hurt has made me stronger, tougher, and now I have boundaries. I will never let myself be mistreated ever again.

But first things first, I need to get these nails cut!!!

Happy 2020, Ragers and Ragettes!!  I hope it is prosperous, happy and successful!!

Keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher

Lots of Love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxx