Happy Monday, Ragers and Ragettes! Monday has come around again and after the weekend that I had, it was a bitter pill to swallow.
I woke up to a lovely text from Simon*….sigh he’s dead romantic and it’s lovely to be wanted. My heart fluttered, I must admit. I smiled remembering laying in his arms. But then I thought about Jan*. God, the mystery, the gentle way he caressed the small of my back, his big piercing blue eyes…the gentle way he kissed my lips....I need to feel that again.
I got myself up, decided on a vintage burgundy and black lace print wraparound dress, black tights, and my strappy Mary Janes. I didn’t do much to my hair as I had a hair appointment on today.
So I got into work and as I was making my porridge, I saw the lovely Suzanne really working it today! She looked fabulous! So we chatted a bit and I told her about my dates and Suzanne said, go for Jan. Because the passion will make you walk on eggshells the whole time. She had a point, as always. But with Simon, the passion, the tenderness, the wanting, the need….God it was like a raging inferno!!! And Jan….so gentle, tender, the way he kissed me it was innocent and sweet. He’s so cultured and so good looking…those piercing intense eyes that glared into my soul. I was basking in the afterglow of these 2 very different and very crazy encounters.
I received a call from the salon and my hair appointment has been cancelled tonight. Boo. But it has been rescheduled for Wednesday after work so when I have my date with Simon my hair will look amazing. That’s the theory. It’s a new hairdresser so we will see!!
My smile disappeared at 9am….Nick* came in. My heart sunk to the pit of my stomach. God, after the weekend I had why did I feel this way??? Then I noticed that he and this girl in his department are starting to look cozy…I felt rage and jealousy instantly…Again, this isn’t right!!! I had 2 amazing dates with 2 amazing, successful, charming, sexy guys and why am I so bothered about a scrote bag from the dregs of Manchester???? I seriously need a slap. But they keep getting up, giggling and chatting…sigh. I feel like the biggest asshole on the planet. I seriously need to let go of Nick. His time is done. He had his chance. Goodbye, no more!!! I keep saying it but I can’t let go for some reason. I feel like the only way I am going to get away from him is to leave my job.
Simon mentioned that he wanted me to work for him. In the texts he sent he said that I would work alongside him as he feels that my skills are suitable. I could get the wage that I want and I could have the life that I want with an amazing man by my side. With the desperation that I feel now I am tempted to beg and plead and ask him for the job just to get me out of this situation. I can’t concentrate, all I see is Nick. All I hear is him. He’s like a voice inside my head that just echoes. It won’t go away. I need a release.
I was feeling in despair and then I went to lunch. There was the gorgeous Suzanne looking fabulous. We sat down and we chatted for a bit and then she looked up at me and said, girl, remember when you came over to me that weekend when my husband went to his parents on his own (Suzanne and Rick had a massive argument and he went to his parent’s house in Haydock and I spent the weekend with her and we had a blast). I replied, yes of course. The weekend we had a great time!
Suzanne looked down at her pineapple and she said "I found Rick’s breaking point. I never thought that he would leave me but now I know when the line has been drawn.” She looked at me with her big eyes. She continued to eat. “I have always built my world around him and I haven’t thought about what I want and what I need.”
I looked at Suzanne and I said, but now you are going to the gym. You are taking care of yourself. You are building up your life here. And because you are taking a piece of your life back, I bet that your relationship with Rick will get stronger.
That made me stop and think. Suzanne always gets it right. With the events unfolding the way they are in my life I need to remember single woman rule number 1. Before you get lost in a man, make sure that you don’t lose yourself completely. When you get together with someone, don’t give everything away. Leave a piece or 2 for your family and friends.
So I know that ahead of me, some decisions will have to be made in regards to the lovely Simon or the smouldering Jan (Suzanne says when I talk about Jan I get stars in my eyes….) but the most important thing about this is that I am going to enjoy this very much.
So on Wednesday I will strut into my second date with Simon with a fab new hairdo, in my favourite dress and I am going to have another great night but I will save enough of myself for the ones I care about.
Stay fabulous Ragers and Ragettes from around the world!!!!!
Lots of Love
Betty Rage xxxx