On Being a Caterpillar

Hey Ragers and Ragettes!

It's a strange Sunday.  Strange as in it's sunny outside.  This past week there have been storms, heavy rain, hailstones, and very heavy winds.  Now today is sunny and calm.

This past week was the start of Lent.  I always remember being in Catholc school and my teacher in first grade sitting with her guitar while we sat in a circle while she explained to us about Lent. 

Lent, she said is like when a caterpillar goes into its cocoon.  In that cocoon, many changes happen.  The caterpillar stays in that cocoon and then one day the cocoon breaks open and out comes a beautiful, colorful butterfly

That image has always stuck with me.  Not just regarding Lent but how we change ourselves. 

The last 3 years I have been going through some changes and big changes are coming again to me.  Another move

When I moved into this apartment, it was a move made out of desperation, fear, sadness and some happiness.  It was a move to get me out of a horrid situation. 

When I moved, I didn't know what would happen next.

I was still dating Mr Wonderful.  I felt trapped in that relationship a bit. I was still close to my old housemate.  I felt like I was under scrutiny a bit.  Part of me thought that I would revert back to the carefree Betty that I was in 2014 when I started this blog.

That didn't happen.  I've spent my days curled up inside trying to understand everything.  Scrutinize every pat of the last 3 years.  Go over and over and over it again until I drive myself insane.

I've worked my ass off at my job.  To the point that I am staying up answering emails, messages and being everything to everyone.

As I sit here on this weird Sunday in my flat,  I am watching the Football, my lunch is cooking in the slow cooker and I have realized that the past year has zipped by so quickly. 

When I move in 30 days to my new home, I want a different experience.  I want to be out and about.  I want to make new memories, new friends and it's my intention to have a summer of love

I want to change myself. 

I have already started. I've cut my alcohol consumption down a lot.  And I mean a lot.  I would normally go through 2-3 bottles of wine in a weekend.  I can proudly say that for the last few weeks that hasn't been the case.

Yes, I went out for drinks with friends last weekend.  But I haven't gone to the shop and purchased a bottle of wine in ages  Even on my weekly food shop I haven't purchased wine or any alcohol.

I have gone to the local pub after work once a week and bought a glass of wine.  Then after that glass I go home

The only thing I have been drinking is water and coffee. 

The results are good. 

I'm sleeping better.  I'm eating better.  My skin looks loads better.  And I'm actually losing weight.  Plus with the money I am saving I will be able to make my new home a home!

I also realised that the village I am in now is not the sort of village for me.  This is the sort of village that you would go to after the kids have gone to college and you wanted a quieter life. 

I keep forgetting I'm young.  Even when I was with Mr Wonderful, I felt so old.  I don't want that anymore.  I want to feel my age. 

So I have made a vow to myself.

1.  When I move into my new place, I am going to make it home.  I am going to decorate and make this place my place. 
2.  I am going to continue limiting my alcohol consumption.  This is a good thing.  I am feeling better in myself.  Will I never have a drink ever again?  Of course not.  I'm just going to have it in a moderate amount
3.  I am going to go out and meet people and make friends.  There is a yoga studio within a 5 minute walk from my new home.  I am going to use it.  I am going to meet people and make friends.
4.  And after awhile....I am going to attempt the dating scene again.  I want this summer to be a summer of love and happiness.  I want to go out and let a man buy me dinner.  I want to have a laugh and meet loads of new people.
5.  I'm not going to look back anymore.  My dad always says, if you keep looking back, that is the direction you go.  He's so right.  I realise that I keep whining about the past.  Yes, I was hurt, I was mistreated, abused, terrorized and it was wrong.  I made choices and those choices had consequences.  I have to accept, learn and move on. 

So in 30 days, my life will change again.  So I take this moment to start prepping, to start getting excited (Suzanne and I are going to see my new home on Saturday to get ideas and then I am treating her to her first Tapas), to be appreciative and to be positive.  So many wonderful things are coming my way and I cannot wait to experience them all.  Plus on Friday I am getting my hair done so I am very excited about that!!! 

So until next time Ragers ad Ragettes, keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher

Lots of Love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxx