Wednesday, 19 April 2017

On Ch-Ch-Changes

Hey Ragers and Ragettes!  Greetings from Manchester!  It’s a cool day here and I am sat at my desk at my new job.  I’m dressed in a vibrant red belted shift dress, black blazer, black stockings and black stilettos plus my glasses.  Red lippy firmly in place.  Betty is back.

To say that the last 4 weeks or so have been eventful would be the understatement of the year.

I have started my new job and I am loving it.  Yes, I am 4 weeks in, but I am seriously enjoying it.  I have 2 assistants, both of which are lovely.  I was scared when I walked in on the first day to a room with 3 women in it.  I thought, oh no…not return of the bitches….but I have been blessed.  The 4 of us get along very well.  The job is important and I feel happy.  I know I will have good days and bad days.  I know there will be days where I want to stab someone in the eye with a pencil and other days where I feel like I’m in a Disney film dancing with woodland creatures.  This is perfect.  It is normal.  And I like it.

The biggest thing is…well, I have left St Helens.  I moved up from St Helens close to work.  What about Simon you may ask?  That’s well….complicated.

Simon and I have been in couples therapy.  Has it been working?  Well, kind of.  The problem is that it’s making me angry.  Like really, really angry.  Simon the last 3 years has kind of neglected me.  I helped him with his business but I didn’t really get much out of it.  I worked my ass off for him.   I worked weekends.  I sacrificed so much.  And it’s only now that I am threatening to break the relationship off that he is trying to be a better boyfriend.

I have given him countless ultimatums, I have told him what I feel but in therapy he is denying that I did.  I have texts to prove it.  

In our last session I went on about how I wanted him to come with me to Nana Rage’s funeral.  He denied that I asked him to.  BULLSHIT.  Absolute BULLSHIT.  In fact I had a drunken text off his dad saying that Nana Rage’s funeral was not as important as the business.  I brought this up in counselling and he denied it.  I’m fuming.  

And our sex life….yea, I have gone without for 3 months.  Even when I was single I got more sex than I get now!  I am about to go cross eyed!

With these things going on in the background plus the 72 miles I was commuting daily on very little sleep, I made the decision to move up closer to work.  I took a 6 month lease out, paid 6 month’s rent upfront and this past weekend I have moved into my little apartment.

I needed to get away from Simon, from the whole situation and take a few months out to figure out what I want in life.  I let a lot of things slip.  Little things like doing my face care regime at the end of the day.  Washing my face and moisturizing.  I started skipping dinner.  I haven’t written in awhile too which hurts.  It felt like I would get home after a long day at work and a long, irritating drive to a messy apartment.  I’d start my wind down routine at 8:30 in the spare bedroom so I didn’t get to spend much time with Simon.  Then on the weekend, Simon would perch on the sofa in the lounge and watch movies and fall asleep and I would stay in my little room trying to stay awake watching loads of TV.  As I write this, I realise that this isn’t a relationship.  It’s like living with a roommate.  And this isn’t the life or relationship that I wanted.  

Plus to add to all this there is the complication of the house that we have bought.  It’s a mess.  A huge, ugly mess.  This has left me feeling confused, hurt, and extremely exhausted.
So I am taking this opportunity to have a time out.  Focus on my new job and focus on getting my body back into shape and getting strong mentally.  I need to rebuild.  

Simon isn’t happy with this.  He wants me to stay.  This whole situation has been emotionally and physically draining.   I want to book a one way ticket to Fiji and hide. 

But life must go on.  So Ragers and Ragettes, I am taking the next 6 months to self-care.  To figure out if I need this relationship.   And to most importantly, get myself back to being the fabulous Betty Rage.  

So until next time Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher!

Lots of Love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxxx