Thursday, 31 July 2014

On the Ballad of Betty and Dan: The Epilogue

Hi Ragers and Ragettes!!  It’s an overcast, breezy and cool but that is ok.  I am rocking a white vest, white cardigan, white sandals and a floral maxi skirt.  My hair is pulled back in a headband and I am wearing minimal make up and looking quite sweet and innocent today. 

It’s been a good day so far in that in a month with my healthy eating and exercise regime, I have shifted 8 pounds this month!!  That doesn’t sound like much but slow and steady wins the race.   Plus losing weight slowly prevents stretch marks, sagging skin and you are more likely to keep the weight off.  I am very happy with the result!  August I will do even better and continue towards my goal of wearing a certain body con dress for my birthday and looking hot for when I go home for Christmas.  I want to buy a whole new wardrobe.  And to treat myself for shifting this weight, I have booked myself in for Saturday after my session with Brad to get some Prinnie Pampering done (my hero and girl crush Elena calls it goddess maintenance but I don’t feel that I warrant the goddess title.....I mean, Elena is cool, confident and amazing and I am accident prone and not goddess like at all!  I consider myself a goddess in training....) which includes a Shellac manicure, a pedicure, eyebrow wax and a bikini wax.  Ouch.

Any way, as the title suggests here is the Epilogue of the ballad of Betty and Dan....

Since I made the choice to cut Dan out of my life I have felt a bit off balance.  Dan and I had a special bond and friendship.  He was a good friend and confidant and we had some good times together but I had to protect myself and the life I have built around me.

Out of the blue last week, I received a message off FaceBook from my friend Cheryl (name changed to protect the innocent) whom I haven’t spoken to for ages.  Cheryl is a mutual friend of mine and Dan.  Cheryl is also dating Greg (name changed to protect the innocent) who is also a friend of Dan’s.  I purposely didn’t contact her because I was scared that she was upset with me for cutting Dan out.  So that’s why I was surprised when I received the message asking me to come up for dinner and a girlie night. 

Cheryl is great fun and I enjoy her company very much but the last time I went up to see her, I ended up being stuck with taking care of her 8 old boisterous child.  Dan came up with me that time and I intended on having a nice drink and laugh with 2 of my good friends.  I ended up playing dolls, colouring and read stories to her daughter.  I wasn’t best impressed.

I felt a bit nervous, was the same going to happen?  I decided to go.  I love being with Simon but sometimes you need to have some time to yourself.

So last night I got into my little car with Simon’s Sat Nav and negotiated the winding roads that led to Cheryl’s new house.  My stomach was upset all day from the fear.  Was Dan going to be there?  Was I going to get lumbered with the kid again? 

I arrived and Cheryl greeted me with open arms.  I hugged her and she said it’s been too long.  We hugged again.  It was lovely to see her.  She is a very pretty girl with long ginger hair, beautiful blue eyes and a welcoming smile. 

The other guests arrived.  Her ex sister in law (Cheryl has been married and since divorced), her niece, and 2 of her work colleagues.  We all chatted and had a fabulous laugh together. 

Cheryl served up chilli and we all tucked in discussing men, work, dating and other normal subjects.  It felt great to be part of a group again.  I seemed to fit in.

After dinner Cheryl went outside for a smoke, I got up and cornered her.  I asked her how she was and if she was still seeing Greg.  She said that she was great and Greg and her are happy.  I then told her that I had to block Dan.

She took a drag on her cigarette and smiled.  So did I, Betty.  My mouth dropped open.  She blocked Dan too?  Why I asked.

She explained that last year when her and Greg were having some major problems Dan became a friend to lean on.  She would meet him for a beer and such.  But Dan started to get intense.  He started seeing her more and more and then he started a rumour amoungst his friends that Cheryl and him were an item.  Cheryl was disgusted but kept a dignified silence. 

He became more clingy and the last time I saw Cheryl, it wasn’t Cheryl that invited me up but Dan.  According to Cheryl, he told her that I would look after her child so that they could have a drink and a meal.  She apologised to me but I told her not to be stupid.  She went on.

That night when I was sleeping in her bed with her daughter, she slept in her daughter’s bed and Dan was on the floor.  She woke up to him touching her shoulder and making his way down to her chest. 

She was disgusted of course.  But it didn’t stop there.

A few weekends later, Dan came up and they were chatting.  He was getting seriously drunk and started saying that he could see himself living in her little house and he wanted to move in.  He then told her that the weekend prior he was out with Greg and Greg was chatting up other women and acting like a total twat.  Cheryl knew that it was a lie because the weekend he was talking about, Greg and her went out for a meal and he spent the night at hers.  He then leaned in and tried to kiss her.  She threw him out of her house and blocked him.

She also said that he started to shit stir and try to break up his friend’s relationships by talking shit about each person to their partner.  Now Dan has no friends.

I was gobsmacked but the pieces started to fit into place.

Dan didn’t like me having other friends.  Whenever I would go out with my other friends he would bombard me with texts, play the emotional blackmail card and then I would get dragged away.  He pitted me against another girl who I was friends with and now we don’t talk anymore.  As I started to look back patterns were forming.  Dan has been manipulating me for the last 6 years.  Ostracizing me from friends and dropping my confidence.

So why was I feeling guilty.  I then started to feel betrayed and angry.  Cheryl hugged me, sensing my feelings and told me that he isn’t worth it. 

You know what?  She is totally right.  So, Ragers and Ragettes, the closure that I needed was there.  Dan wasn’t my friend.  He was a liar, manipulative gobshite and a total cad.  How can someone do that to their friends? 

So I went home feeling stronger, better and like the burden of feeling like shit has finally been taken off my shoulders.  I appreciate the good people that I have in my life, my family, Simon, Suzanne and Cheryl.  These are the people that I need to be around not people like Dan. 

I finally had the closure I needed for years of pain and emotional torture I have endured.  I feel like I can now turn the page and move on with my life to the next exciting chapter.

So good riddance to bad garbage!!!  This girl is on the up and I only want people who bring me up in my life. 

So Ragers and Ragettes, please choose the company that you keep carefully.  You deserve the best, never forget it!

Lots of love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Friday, 25 July 2014

On Betty v Man’s Best Friend Day 2

Hey Ragers and Ragettes!!  It’s a glorious Friday here in St Helens and I have that Friday feeling.  I am rocking a black vest, an Aztec print skirt, my black gladiator sandals (more dog walking!!), gold accessories, my red lippy and some serious cleavage!!  It keeps Simon interested as he is definitely a boob man.  You have to keep it fresh and as we work together and have to be professional so a little teasing makes it more interesting...but last night that blew up in my face...I will discuss that in a bit.....

The two dogs we are caring for live with Simon’s parents.  They are both shih tzus and they both have personalities. Oscar (dog’s names are changed to protect them....) was Simon’s dog but as we are not allowed dogs in the apartment, he stays with his parents.  Then there is Harvey.  Harvey is a nut job.  This little shit is the one that stole my thong and paraded it through Simon’s parents house when we first started dating.  Harvey is the runt of the litter and is currently going to obedience classes.  When we take them for their walks (I am not allowed to say that around makes them excited) I hold Oscar’s lead and Simon holds Harvey’s lead because when Harvey sees other dogs he goes crazy.  And I mean crazy!! 

Anywho, yesterday, Simon noticed that Oscar’s eye was looking like it was clouded over so he got an emergency vet’s appointment.  It turns out that the little guy has an ulcer in his eye and needs medication almost every hour.  I do feel for him. 

We finished work and got home.  I made dinner (fajitas, I had the chicken and a salad and Simon had it with the tortillas and cheese and ...ok I need to stop as I am drooling!!) and we snuggled up and watched some TV.  Then we took the dogs out for their final walk. 

We got back in, got ourselves ready for bed and I started feeling really, really frisky.  I have a really high sex drive anyway and I couldn’t keep my hands off of Simon.  So we were laying in bed and I started to kiss down his body.  He started getting turned on and he then got on top of me and well, soon before you know it we were going for it.

Then I looked over and I saw 2 little dark eyes staring at me.  Harvey!!  He then barked.  I started to giggle and Simon started to giggle too.  We continued and Harvey started getting more excited, barking and jumping.  Simon was trying not to laugh and I was just in fits.  Simon put his head in between my breasts and tried to stop laughing.  I rubbed the back of his head and calmed myself down.

Simon came hard but I was left unsatisfied.  Why?  I can’t perform in front of an audience!!!  Simon kissed me, ran his fingers through my hair and got up. 

As soon as Simon left the bed, Harvey started going crazy....and I mean crazy.  It was like he could smell sex.  My pheromones.  I felt a little unnerved.  I got up to clean myself up and Harvey was jumping up at me.  Simon was laughing really hard.  He picked up Harvey and out him on the bed.  I ran to the bathroom awkwardly.  I shut the door feeling embarrassed. 

I cleaned myself up and walked back to the bed, Harvey was going crazy!!!  He was jumping and barking and going mad.  He jumped up on the bed on my legs. Simon was roaring with laughter.  I pulled the sheets to cover my body.  This little dog had a major rape face on. 

Simon started to put some trousers on.  He said, I am going to take him out for a walk to cool him down.  Please wait up for me, princess.  I gave him the goddess eyebrow.  (Thank you Elena for that!!)  I gave him a look and started to laugh.  He came over to me and kissed me gently. 

He was back in 10 minutes.  He took his clothes off and got into bed next to me.  He kissed me and said, now to satisfy you...

I said, I can’t in front of an audience.  I looked over and Harvey was on the bed with that creepy face.  And I am going to sleep with one eye open tonight. 

Simon laughed and I rested my head on his chest.  The sound of his heartbeat sent me to sleep.

I woke up this morning to go to the gym and both dogs were on the floor sleeping peacefully.  I kissed Simon on the cheek and had a great workout.  I got home and the alarm was going off and Simon was still sleeping.  The dogs were barking and Harvey turned around, gave me a look and ran up to me barking and going insane.  I was sweating from my workout and the little shit smelled it.  So he started jumping up and going for my crotch.  Nice.

So Ragers and Ragettes.  I have learned a massive lesson.  Dogs are not the pets for me.  I will stick to guinea pigs, hamsters, cute and cuddly things, hell even Simon’s pet snake will do.  Dogs are nice but they are too much hard work and well, I don’t want to face the prospect of getting raped each time I go to the gym or make love to my man!

Until next time, Ragers and Ragettes, have a great weekend and if you cannot be good, be good at it!!

Lots of Love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thursday, 24 July 2014

Betty Rage v Man's Best Friend Day 1

Happy Thursday Ragers and Ragettes!!  I hope that you are all having a great day!  It’s a glorious sunny day today I am rocking a black, floral, strapless maxi dress, my red lippy, an Alice band with some fierce volume (thank you dry shampoo!!!!  This should be in every woman’s beauty arsenal...Best product ever and so easy to use!) and I have opted gladiator sandals...This is down to the dog situation...I figured that I will have to have some walkies today with them.

Well, Simon’s parents dropped both the dogs off here at work.  It made things a bit interesting for us at work.  We had to block off entrances because one of the dogs likes to run off.  So with deliveries and such, we had to direct people to the warehouse entrance. 

Then I received a call that we were hoping for.  As Simon’s business is expanding, we are looking to relocate and the only way that we can get out of the unit we are in is if someone comes in and take over the lease.  Well, the cal I received was for a business who wanted to look at the unit to possibly move in...and they wanted to come in that day and look at it!  I looked at the office floor where one of the dogs shredded a box, and all the dog toys on the floor.  God this couldn’t’ have come at a worse time.  At least I looked good.

They came and looked at the unit and wanted to see the office where the dogs were.  Eeeeeeeeekkk!!  They looked and shook our hands.  They went to their car and sat there for a bit.  How unprofessional does that look??

When 5pm finally hit, I FaceTimed Mama (who complimented me on my outfit) and she looked at the dogs and said, what a mess.  Simon just smiled like a child.

It was a gorgeous day and I was looking forward to going home in my car with the top down, wind in my hair....then I forgot...the dogs were there.  No wind in my hair afterall.  Sigh.

We got into our apartment.  I winced as the dogs barked and started jumping and running around.  I shut all the doors in the apartment and hoped for the best.  Simon set up some towels to put their food bowls and stuff out there.  Simon looked up and said, Betty, we need to walk them.  I looked down at my dress.  An outfit change would have to happen.

So I channelled my inner Elena (my new girl crush....writes and awesome blog, The Words of a Goddess) and decided to dress like a goddess.  So I grabbed my Grecian style raspberry coloured asymmetric one shouldered sundress, some gold sandals, I put my hair back in a brown Alice band and put some gold accessories on. I topped up my red lippy.

Dress like a goddess, feel like a goddess.  That’s what Elena taught me.

So I walked out of the spare room Simon looked at me and said, you look beautiful, we are just walking the dogs though.  I gave him the Elena Goddess Eyebrow. 

He grabbed both the leads and put a backpack on and we were on our way.

Betty Rage has never, ever walked a dog before and I have no idea what I am doing.  Again, they are small dogs and I was so scared that they were going to somehow go off the lead, run into traffic and die or some big dog was going to come up and maul them to death.  Or worse yet, they would drool or rip my cute dress or gold sandals!!!  I was terrified so I let Simon hold both leads.

We started walking out towards the memorial park and every 10 feet or so the dogs stopped to mark their territory.  Simon started getting the leads tangled up and I looked at him.  M heart went out to him.  He genuinely loved these little balls of fur.  I took a deep breath and did something that I didn’t think I could.

Simon, give me one of the leads.  He looked at me and gave me a smile.  He passed the lead for the dog that wasn’t too crazy and said, just hold it firmly, I am next to you.  I took the lead and wrapped it around my wrist.  And off we went.

It wasn’t too bad.  And no, I didn’t have to pick up any shit.  Simon did that.  And it wasn’t as bad as I thought.  And there were no other big dogs around.  The park was lovely and I actually felt like I was in a normal situation.  Simon and I holding hands walking 2 shih tzus.  Well, it was as normal as it could be I suppose....and plus, think of the calories burned!!!!

We walked to a pub that is dog friendly and I bought us some drinks and a pint of water for the dogs.   We sat in the shade and Simon and I had a heart to heart about some issues at work...let’s just say that things will be changing here in a good way soon....
We got back and I made some dinner and we relaxed together.  The dogs snuggled up at the bottom of the settee.  Again, I felt such happiness.  It felt like some degree of normalcy.

We went to bed, snuggled up, the dogs on the floor trying to keep cool.  This morning I was woken up by the crazy dog jumping on me and trying to lick my face.  Errrrrrrrrr...let’s get one thing straight.  Betty Rage does not do doggy drool kisses!!!!  Simon giggled. 

So here I am now, the two dogs sleeping at my feet in the office.  Simon has to take one of the dogs to the vets as his eye is swollen and milky looking.  The poor thing.  I suppose that these little guys have a place on this earth and for the next few days, Betty Rage and these 2 silly little shih tzus are going to have to live in harmony.  And we will just as long as they don’t shit, piss, throw up, drool, think of doing the listed in any ways, then yes, we will live together just fine.

So until next time, Ragers and Ragettes, stay cool.  It’s really warm outside!

Lots of Love

Betty Rage xxxxxxxxxx

Wednesday, 23 July 2014

On Man's Best Friend

Hey Ragers and Ragettes!!  It’s set to be the hottest day here in St Helens but I am ok with that.  And of course I have dressed appropriately!  Today I am rocking a floral vintage dress with cap sleeves, red peep toe shoes, my red lippy, of course, and in honour of the gorgeous Suzanne, my grandmother’s pearls.  I am feeling gorgeous and lady like today. 

I had a hard but rewarding session in the gym with Brad.  Boy he pushed me to the limit! By the time I Was finished, I could barely stand up and speak!!  My face was a gorgeous hue of purple!!  But, again, it’s worth it!

I got in and kissed Simon softly on the lips.  He is so cute when he is sleeping!  He woke up and looked at me with those baby blues.  I swear I melted!!!!

He then said, Betty, today the dogs come to say.

Damn, in a tipsy state after being plied with alcohol from Simon’s Mum I agreed to take their 2 shih tzus in while they went to Chester for their anniversary!!! 

Now, Ragers and Ragettes, I don’t have a problem with animals.  I love all animals.  Except for creepy crawlies and spiders....especially spiders.  I think that guinea pigs are adorable, cats are lovely and regal, fish are cool to look at, lizards are fun and sweet, but when to comes to man’s best friend....I’m not too sure.

Growing up we never had pets except for hamsters and guinea pigs.  I always wanted a cat but my dad is allergic to the dander from the fur.  So growing up, I never really had the experience with dogs.

My uncle breeds a large dog called a Rhodesian Ridgeback and they are quite cool but my uncle has a farm so they run around and have all the space to shit, pee, and do things that dogs do. 

My concern about this, Ragers and Ragettes are 2 twofold.

First, I am very house proud.  I love the apartment that Simon and I share.  It’s a gorgeous place, nice and open planned with cream coloured carpets.  It’s a place that I can go home, put my yoga pants on and chill.  Our apartment is tidy, smells lovely and is pristine.

You seem Ragers and Ragettes, dogs may be territorial but Betty Rage is far more territorial!!  Oh yes, Betty Rage is territorial indeed when it comes to her home, dresses, handbags and especially my shoes.  And what do dogs like to do?  Mark their territory and rip up dresses, handbags and especially shoes!!!  How do I know this, you ask?

2010 I lived with a lovely girl named Carrie (Names changed to protect the innocent).  At first Carrie was sweet and kind then one day she brought home a little Jack Russell puppy named Scarlet.  This cute little bundle was sweet at first but as she grew, she became a right terror.  I would get in from work and my stockings would get torn up and my shoes would get mauled.  And when I would try and correct the dog, Carrie would scream, she’s a dog she doesn’t know better...

I had to resort to eating my dinner in my bedroom with the door locked because the dog would jump on the table and try to take it off my plate.  I became a nervous wreck.  And Carrie slowly descended into some strange dog induced psychosis.  I moved out shortly after because my tights/stockings and shoes couldn’t take it anymore.

And my second concern is in regards to taking care of someone else’s pet.

I have bad luck with this because when I was younger I was taking care of a neighbour’s cat and when I went in one day to feed it, it ran out of the house when I opened the door to get in.  The kitty was never seen again and I got the blame and had to shell out my saved up money from my child minding jobs to compensate the pet owner. 

You see, Ragers and Ragettes, people put their pets in the same category with children and I know that if any harm came to Simon’s parents dogs, I would be blamed, kicked out, lose my job and be sacrificed to some pet god for atonement.  It’s the same reason why when new mothers ask me to hold their new born babies I flat out refuse. 

I get nervous!  I am clumsy at the best of times,  I mean, what if I drop it?  What if I do something wrong and the baby/pet gets hurt?  Simon thinks I am being silly but I don’t’ feel comfortable walking them or feeding them.  I am just scared that I am going to do something stupid and hurt the dogs by mistake.  Surely that isn’t unreasonable?  Simon loves the dogs and I am not comfortable with them.  He dotes on them.  If I accidentally harmed them, God, he would never be able to forgive me...ever....

So, I guess tonight, Ragers and Ragettes, and until Saturday I will be living with 2 shih tzus.  It’s shame that I have cut back my alcohol consumption because I think I will need it for the next few days!!!

Until next time Ragers an Ragettes, take care!

Lots of Love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxxxxxxxx

Monday, 21 July 2014

On You are What You Eat

Hey Ragers and Ragettes!!  It’s Monday and so I have decided to rock my red body con dress with leopard print stilettos and ruby lips.  It was very hard to get up this morning I have to admit.

You see, as you all know, I have been on a major health kick recently.  And this weekend I did something very stupid..I let it slip!  I didn’t eat too well at all this past weekend and I tell you what, Ragers and Ragettes.  I feel sick. 

I feel so tired!!  Exhausted!!  So this week, I have learned my lesson and I am eating a better diet.  Plus Simon’s family are going away so no Thursday night meal with them and no alcohol being shoved down my throat.  So I have made the pact to take care of my body this week.  No alcohol for the next 2 weeks, and back to clean eating.

You don’t realise how much your diet impacts your life.  I was doing really well with my eating and I was finding that getting up in the morning was easier, my skin was looking better, and my attitude was more positive and happy.  Today I feel like I want to trash my desk, climb up and scream until I can’t scream anymore.  I am shattered!!

I was telling Suzanne this when I messaged her this morning and she had a valid point.  I have effectively been working 2 weeks in a row!  Honestly!  I am struggling to switch off at night when I go to bed.  I know that now I need to take care of my body as best as I can more than ever because I am in a demanding job.  So that’s why I am taking my eating and health seriously.  Yes I will lose weight and look fit but I will feel better.

Thinking about it though, we do some horrible things to our bodies.  I haven’t been too kind to my body in the past, I must admit.  Over eating, drinking my body weight in alcohol, smoking, lack of sleep, lack of water.  It’s just not good enough.  You only get one body in your life.  You need to take care of it. 

It’s easier said than done, though.  We live in a society of move, move, move!  Go go go!!  Catch that bus, meet that deadline, pull in overtime, work, work, work!!!  No wonder people suffer from IBS, eczema, depression and anxiety!  We are literally stressing ourselves to death!!!! 

So what can we do?  I think it’s a case of work will be stressful, no doubt.  I think it’s finding that balance to try and distress after work.  So I am looking at possibly doing a yoga class after work to stretch and get my body balanced.   I did pilates once and it was boring.  I have never tried yoga but I would love to see what it is all about.

I think the answer, Ragers and Ragettes, is that we have to be boring every once and awhile.  Go on detox, get the equalibrum back in your body and mind.  I find writing this blog very therapeutic.  I also find when you list your blessings that helps too.

It shows that even during the dark days, there are glimmers of light.  Even if it is something as stupid as I am so grateful that I didn’t drop toothpaste down my shirt (the number one thing that I am guilty of and a toothpaste stainless day for me is a small victory) to being thankful that I do have a job, car, parents, boyfriend and the pieces to have a happy and fulfilled life.

Well, back to work for me. 

Ragers and Ragettes, please take care of yourself.

Lot of Love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxxxxxxx

Sunday, 20 July 2014

Threads that are Golden Don't Break Easily

Hey there Ragers and Ragettes!   It's a sunny Sunday here in St Helens.  And I am feeling fine!  Today I am rocking my Aztec jumpsuit (I really,really, really love this jumpsuit with all my heart...I am so tempted to write River Island and tell them the extent of my love for this jumpsuit!!!), my black platform wedges, red lippy and some fierce gold accessories and I brought out my vintage gold chunky bracelet.

Why am I so dressed up?  I am back form having lunch and a few wines with a dear friend of mine, Kelly.  (names changed, Ragers and Ragettes, to protect the innocent...or not so innocent.)

I am a big believer that we meet people in our lives for a reason.  Some because we are meant to be friends, some to give us good lovin' for a night and leave like some fucked up dream, and some to teach us lessons to not trust and to remind us that even though we believe that most people are good there are actually some major assholes.  Those people are the ones that leave the indelible mark on us.  Those are the ones that make us question our values, the way we look, our beliefs.....

I digress....

I met up with Kelly today for some lunch and drinks.

Kelly is a special person to me.  When I moved to the Northwest of England, I got a job in a place that wasn't very good at all.  Bullying was the culture.  If you had an idea, don't mention it.  You'd be publicly shot down then the idea would be taken by the management and made into the best thing ever. (that happened to me more times than I care to admit. That's why I love working for Simon.  My ideas are heard and listened to...he doesn't pass some of them but at least they are heard and discussed)

The bullying for me was so bad that it effected my health.  I started to starve myself.  Yes, I lost weight but not in the way that one should and it had consequences.  My already fine hair started to fall out in chunks.  I started growing a fine layer of body hair on my shoulders and the sides of my face.  My teeth started to hurt. Yes I looked hot in body con dressed but behind that pain was a body that was in was totally not worth it.  Plus no matter how my YSL touche eclat you put on, some under eye bags will not go!!!

Kelly helped me through this time.  She worked in the same building.  The same asshole who I worked for owned 3 businesses.  Kelly worked upstairs.  We became good friends and we went out for lunch together, cigarettes breaks and everything.  She was the one person that I could trust in that time.  With everything I was going through at home with Dan she made everything right.

We used to go to the pub for lunch.  We'd have a cheeky pint, smoke a lot and then chew a lot of gum and go back to the hell hole called work giggling.

Then came the day.  Kelly got a new job.  Instantly my heart broke.  I felt angry at her.  She got my dream job in Liverpool city center for a great company.  My blood boiled but I was happy for her.  She got her ticket to freedom.  I was left behind.  Her last day I spent crying so hard and throwing up in the bathroom.  How the fuck was I going to survive this shit without her?  So I did something that I now regret fully.  I got home and I took a razor to my legs.  That didn't dull the pain at all.  I felt like I had lost a limb. (Similar how I feel now without Suzanne)  Dan didn't give a shit how I felt.  And he made me sell my guitar earlier.  I had no escape at all.  No more cheeky beers at lunch.  Making fun of the managers. No smoking buddy.  No one I could trust.  My heart literally broke.

We kept in touch though.  We texted and that got me through some pain.  I even got an interview at her place of work.  I fell at the final hurdle.  I felt sick.

But time went on.  Life went on.  I got my confidence back and I got out.  

Chatting with her today I realised that if I had got that job, I would have been miserable.  It was corporate like the old job I had.  Suits, no tattoos, hair slicked back, no red lippy.  Company protocol and all that bullshit.

Kelly has left that job.  Right now she lives 5 miles from me, I didn't realise.  Her boyfriend found a job an hour and 15 minutes away.  She has found a job up that way too.  She is trying to sell her house so that she can move up.  Part of me doesn't want this.  How fucked up and selfish is that?  First her than living far from Suzanne. It hurts every day.

Friends are family that you choose.  I don't have a lot of friends as such.  On Facebook have have over 200 but most of them wouldn't piss on me if I was on fire.  I know who my true friends are and I am so happy with that.  I know who I can trust and who I care about and to me that is the most important thing.

So Ragers and Ragettes, remember as my song writing and singing hero Tori Amos said, Threads that are golden don't break easily.

Kelly and Suzanne, you are platinum friends.  The best friends that a girl could have and for that I love you and I thank you always

Lots of love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxxxxxxxxxx