Hey Ragers and Ragettes!
It's Sunday evening and I am feeling ok. I have a glass of prosecco here, I'm in my jammies watching a good Scandinavian program. Each day I get back to being more Betty like. Recovery takes time. Each day I get stronger and each day Scandinavian men turn me on even more!!!
Well, from the title you can see that I went on my first date in almost 2 years. How did this occur?
On Saturday Morning I woke up to a text from a guy that I dated 8 years ago.
8 years ago, when I first moved to Manchester, I decided to try the online dating scene.
I met a few guys and this guy, Sean (names changed to protect the innocent) contacted me. He is my age. He worked at the same company as his father. He lived with his parents.
When we met up we had the best date ever. And I mean the best date EVER! We met at a bar on Deansgate. We drank pints of beer, laughed. Told each other our embarrassing moments, our worst dates, things that you would blush at . I insisted that I never slept with a man on the first date. We left the pub on Deansgate. He took my hand and said, ok, we left this place, and we are going to a new bar so it must be our second date. Well, I melted, took him home and I didn't get any sleep that night.
We had sex like giddy teenagers. He knew where to kiss, touch and I was very satisfied.
I remember one time I did one of the most daring things that I ever did with a man. I drove to his house in Northern Manchester just wearing a slutty lingerie set, stocking, suspenders, 6 inch stilettos and my leopard print trench coat. I pulled up to his house and messaged him that I was there. When he got into my car and saw what I was wearing...I think that I broke every speed limit to get back to my flat. Lets just say that the trench coat, bra and underwear didn't last long, but the stockings, and stilettos did....
Now, you may ask. Why did you not stay with him, get married and have 2.4 children and a dog?
Ahhh. Sean had some.....issues.
We'd go out and have a great time. He'd then get scared, say he couldn't handle it and disappear for a month. Then he'd come back, apologize and the cycle would repeat. I was younger then. I kind of liked him. I saw all the good in him. I remembered the night that we sat in my bed naked and went through our music on our playlists. Describing the songs that we loved. Listening to them, kissing and then having the most amazing sex ever.
But time and tine again. I'd get close and he'd run. It was a predictable cycle
So when I woke up on Saturday to see a text from him asking to meet up at the pub we first met at noon, I was a bit torn. Part of me didn't want to know but the other part was intrigued and thought fuck it. It's a day out, a laugh, the football was cancelled because of this coronavirus bullshit (don't get me started.....yo're being played by the government!!!) and why not get myself out there. Practice for when I actually want to start dating.
I got into town early. I opted for a red low cut red blouse, skinny jeans and my trusty leopard print converse and my red Gucci handbag.
My hair and make up were perfect.
I went to a coffee shop to wait for him.
I received a text at about 11:45 saying he was at the pub. I took a deep breath, went to the toilet of the coffee shop to fluff my hair up, look at my makeup and make sure that I looked ok.
I walked into the pub. It had been about 8 years since I last entered that pub. Nothing had changed.
I stood at the bar and ordered a beer. I felt a hand on my back. I turned around and there was Sean
He looked the same as he did 8 years ago. A few more lines on his face. But his blue eyes were still as magical as they were 8 years ago
He hugged me and said, wow Betty. You look amazing
We sat down and started chatting immediately. We were laughing and smiling. It felt like I was transported back in time 8 years ago
He kept complimenting me. Telling me how beautiful I was. How he wanted to get a hotel for the night and make love
I kept my guard up. We ordered lunch and sat and laughed and ate. It was like we had never been apart
He was still working at the same company as his dad. He was still living with his parents (at the age of 38........) still spent his money stupidly.
He kept saying how he wanted to go home with me. And he kept saying how beautiful I was
I felt a bit uncomfortable. I messaged Suzanne and told her that I didn't want to go home with him (girls it is so important to have a friend you can message when you are out just in case shit happens. Suzanne is my angel. When I am out, I can text her, she knows where, when and who I am with so if something were to happen, I know she has my back. And I would do the same for her a million time over...I know this is a shout out to Suzanne my bestie but we all need a Suzanne in our lives!)
I remembered the pain he put me through. All the times he got my hopes up to smash them down.
After we finished lunch we went to another bar that I knew. It was a nice trip down memory lane.
He kept trying to get me to take him home. I just didn't feel comfortable
Yes I could have had sex last night. I could have had great sex last night. Mind blowing sex. I would have orgasmed more than I have in the past 3 years! But....
It wasn't right. I didn't feel comfortable
So I told him. He said the right thing...you have the power. It's up to you....I still want to be with you...blah blah blah.
Then he leaned over the table and kissed me. Oh, those kisses. Sweeter than chocolate. So deep, so amazing. I forgot what a great kisser he was. That kiss knocked me on my ass.
But I looked at him. 38 years old. Still lives with his parents. Still in the same job that he was in 8 years ago.
8 years ago I was in a shit job earning a shit wage. Now I am in a good job earning the most I have ever earned and I am ambitious wanting more. I love my work and I know that I will climb higher. Here was someone happy with the status quo
I took a deep breath and told him that I was going to go home by myself. I didn't want sex (even though I could have used a good rattling) I just needed to sort my head out.
He seemed ok about it. We finished our drinks and I went outside to catch a cab. Before I got into my cab, he pulled me close and gave me a kiss that took my breath away. Literally. My body tingled. I forgot how that felt. That sensation of when there is electricity. Mr Wonderful and I didn't have that sort of spark.
When I got in the cab I waved goodbye kind of knowing that it was going to be the last time I saw him.
I messaged him to tell him that I got home ok. I watched a bit of TV and I decided to take a shower.
When I got out of the shower I had 3 missed calls and 4 text messages from him. That totally put me off and I remember that he was a bit clingy
He talked about wanting to meet up again
I went to bed and when I woke up this morning he pulled the same shit that he did 8 years ago. I don't know if I can do this. I need some time....blah blah blah blah bullshit.
Am I upset this time? No. I knew what was coming.
I could have had him last night but I looked at him and thought for the first time in a long time....I can do better. I don't want a man who hasn't strived or pushed themselves for 8 years. Someone who runs from emotions and fucks with your head. NO!!! I want a real man.
A man that is ambitious. A man that fights the good fight. A man that gets dirt under his nails. A man that has his independence and his own mind. A man that knows what he wants
I don't need a man to be happy. A man would enhance my happiness.
Yes, I miss good sex but my body isn't for sale for a few beers and a few laughs. I'd rather keep Duracell going with the amount of batteries I'm going through with my favorite vibrator than be with a fuck boy.
He'll try and contact me in a few weeks. But I will say, too little too late.
Just because it's served on a plate doesn't mean that you have to eat it.
So here I sit happy that I went out. Happy to know that I have matured so much. Happy to know that I have a higher opinion of myself.
You are worth more than a few drinks and a few laughs. Never forget it. Look at the bigger picture
Until next time, Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher
Lots of love
The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxx
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