Friday, 10 July 2015

On a Follow Up From Yesterday’s Post

Hey Ragers and Ragettes!!  It’s a warm and gorgeous day outside so I have dressed appropriately in a black cami, my leopard print max dress, my black gladiators and my pink lippy.  Usually I would pair this with my black handbag but I felt that I would stick with the pink bag.  A pop of colour for a dark outfit.  Plus it matches my lippy.

I wanted to write this because in light of what has happened and what I wrote about yesterday, there are some feelings and thoughts that were unsaid.  So I am going to put this out there.

Writing yesterday made me realise how fucked off I truly am.  On the day, I didn’t kick up a fuss or scream or cause a scene.  Why?  I was shocked and I wanted to keep a dignified front.  I didn’t want to lower myself to her level.  I would have seriously kicked her scawny whore ass across St Helens and back down the East Lancs but I didn’t want further embarrassment.  The whole situation made me want to be swallowed up by the earth.  I never thought by someone’s inconsiderate actions I could feel so useless and so insignificant.

So, after I posted this Suzanne contacted me and I told her what happened and she hit the roof.  I know 100% now that Rita isn’t a friend.  A friend wouldn’t do that to another friend.   Plain and simple.  I felt so low, and I really needed the advice of my girl crush, Elena.

I think that a lot of us don’t want conflict or to hurt people’s feelings so they allow themselves to be walked on and treated like shit.  Why?  Because we don’t want to offend or cause a conflict.  We are taught to mind our manners and just suck it up.

Former First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt once said, No one can make you feel inferior unless you let them.

Here I sit thinking....I have let some skinny whore make me feel inferior!!   Have allowed her to hang on my man, snuggle into him and discuss my reproductive system.   I have allowed her to spin drunken lies about how I want to have children and somewhere in that drunken mess of a head she thinks that Simon is controlling every aspect of my life.  I sat back and allowed it.

Yes, it is great to keep a dignified silence but looking back, I should have strutted up, grabbed her glossy hair and dragged her off the couch and given her a beat down or confronted her at least.  I shouldn’t have stood there silent.   

She isn’t a friend of mine anymore.  I am not having that sort of person in my life.  I need people lke Suzanne, my gay best friend and my personal trainer.  Those people add value in my life.

There is a famous sating back home, Ragers and Ragettes, when you are pickng friends, pick value over quantity... mean I would rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies.

So until next time, Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher

Lots of Love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxxxxxx

Thursday, 9 July 2015

The Fourth of July Part 2 – The Party

Hey Ragers and Ragettes! It’s a gorgeous day here in St Helens.  It’s warm and I am rocking my bootcut jeans, my fuchsia cami, my cream blazer, and my wooden platform sandals and my melted candy lipstick.  I’m getting used to my new hair colour still and I guess that it is growing on me.  Well, when it grows it will look better I think.

I needed to wait a few days to write this post as a lot happened and a lot needed to be thought through.  If I carry on a bit, please bear with me.

Well I wanted to have a fourth of July party as I had a fabulous outfit to wear (a retro styled halter neck belted blue jumpsuit with my wooden platform wedges and cheeky blue vintage scarf) and I hadn’t been able to wear it yet.  So I organized for the Amsterdam crew to come to work and have a few beers and a barbecue.

Rita arrived at my house and straight away was analyzing every text still from Jeff.  I was praying that this wasn’t going to be my whole night.

We loaded the car up and I drove to the warehouse and started setting up.  We took the black couch, the chairs and tables and set them up outside.   The lads started to arrive and they all flocked to Rita.  I thought great.  She will stop talking about Jeff and have a good time?  Nothing could prepare me for what was about to happen.

I made a point that I didn’t want to drink.  I was driving and riding on the back of a fabulous weight loss triumph I didn’t want to consume more unnecessary calories.  It was my choice.  Simon backed me and just didn’t want to get a messy head, because, Ragers and Ragettes, I CANNOT HANDLE MY DRINK.  When I drink, it gets very messy.  I either get very happy and sloppy or weepy and melodramatic.  I don’t want either.  I had my eyelashes done and I didn’t want to fuck them up.

So I was floating around chatting to everyone.  Everyone was having a few beers and we were all chatting.

Then Paddy rocked up with this brother and his new employee, Shane*.  (Name has been changed)  Shane is a very, very, good looking, young muscly man.  Very easy on the eye and very cheeky.  He saw the beautiful Rita and was drawn to her like a magnet.  They were chatting and the rest of us were giggling saying that they were going to end up in bed.  (She is still in a relationship and still is messing around with  Jeff)

I sat down next to Rita as she was giving me the help me really wasn’t I don’t think because she was drunk.  Already.  She slurred her words and put her arm around my shoulders and started squeezing my right boob.  Betty, she slurred.  Why aren’t you drinking?  Are you not having a good time?  Is Simon not letting you?

I said, no I am not drinking because I lost some weight, had some great results and I don’t want to mess that up. 

I think that Simon isn’t letting you drink, Betty.  I bet he’s not letting you drink, she slurred. 

I repeated my answer.  No, this was my choice and I didn’t want to drink.  She then threw a strop and said, well  thought that we were going out in town after.

 I said, erm, no.  If the lads arranged that then that is up to them, not me.

This same conversation was going on for about 5 minutes.  Paddy must have seen me looking uncomfortable and he came over and started chatting to Rita 

I slipped away and went to see if Simon wanted some help with the food.

Before I knew it, I heard Rita shrieking “Oh stop it you!”  I turned to see the lads throwing ice down her top.  I walked over to see if she was ok, and she was giggling and taking the ice and putting it in her bra and rubbing it on her nipples.

She then started snap chatting this and taking plenty of boob shots.  All the guys were lapping this up. 

Being sober, I seriously didn’t know what to think. Here is a a relationship and has a child acting like a desperate woman.  Wanting men to grope, idolize, and adore her.

She then got up and announced, because we are not going out I am going to change into my joggers (pajama bottoms).  She stumbled into the office and I assumed she went to the bathroom.

Paddy and a few of the lads followed her.

I noticed that we ran out of ice so I walked into the office through to the warehouse past the open bathroom door...

I walked into the warehouse and there was Rita in her thong bending over to put her jogging bottoms in front of half of my staff.....including Simon!!!!! 

As soon as she clocked I was there she drunkenly started to complain, guuuuuyyyyyss, don’t look at me when I change, she whined.  Simon looked at me, I looked at him back with a look that was sad and confused.

I simply turned around and walked back through the office and to the outside.  Rita was chatting to Paddy loudly.  I walked around the side and tried not to cry.    

I then came back to the party and Shane cornered me demanding to know why I wasn’t drinking.  I told him, because I don’t want to.

He pushed and said, I don’t know someone fully until I drink with them.   I glanced over and Rita was visibly upset chatting to Paddy as she smoked a cigarette 

I lit one myself and chatted more to Shane.  I noticed that Simon sat down on the couch and Rita sat next to him and was chatting animatedly to him.  She then started pushing her body into his.  God, she was wasted!!!!

I nodded and was half in conversation with Shane then I saw the one thing that made me feel sick.....Simon’s arm was resting casually on the top of the couch.  It had slipped down and was around Rita...his hand on the small of her back....he then started to rub the small of her back...the way he did when we lie n bed together.  She seemed to cuddle even closer to Simon. 

I looked down at my body.  Ragers and Ragettes.  I felt fat and ugly.  There was skinny Rita with her perky fake tits and pretty mane of hair.   I smoothed my short unruly pixie crop down.  I had never felt so inadequate in all my life.

Rita caught my eye she must have seen me looking like I had been kicked in the head.  She got up and stumbled towards me whimpering.

Betttyyyyyyy she whined.  I didn’t mean it she said.  She took my hand and we went around the side and sat on the curb.  She slurred, Betty I didn’t mean to strip off in front of Simon, I promise I didn’t mean anything...she rambled on and I just half listened.  She then started to go on about why I don’t have children and that she thought I wasn’t having children because Simon doesn’t want to.   She thinks that I want children.  I don’t.  I never told her that I did.

Simon came over and I tried to change the conversation but she kept rabbiting on.  My head was hurting. I was doing everything I could to not burst into tears.  Then Simon saved me.....he threw his guts up.   Got up to get him some water and a cool cloth and when I returned Rita was draped over him.  I felt like I was useless.

I handed him a glass of water and started to soothe him.  He took a few sips and said, I actually feel better.   I smiled and got up and returned to the rest of the guests.

I sat down and one of my work lads started chatting to me.  Rita sat down on the couch and was snuggling into Simon again and they were having a heated discussion about my fertility and children....Simon was telling her that we discussed children and we don’t want them and she told him that I was lying and that I don’t want children. 

That argument went on the rest of the night. 

The party came to a natural conclusion and we all packed up and went back to my flat. Rita was complaining that everyone drank her drink and smoked her, she drank her own drink and smoked all of her cigarettes!!!  Her boyfriend was picking her up so I had to wait until he came to pick her up.  She babbled on about Jeff and my barren womb and told me a baby would make everything better.  I was in a state of shock and just mumbled something about timing.  Finally her fella picked her up. 

I undressed and got into bed facing away from Simon. Simon put his arm around me and kissed my shoulder and my back and told me that he loved me.  A tear rolled down my cheek and I didn’t know what to think.

 I had a shit night’s sleep. 

I don’t know what to think about what happened. Was Rita trying to shit stir?  Was she just being a stupid drunk?  I haven’t spoken to her since and I don’t know if I want to.  I thought that she was my friend.

So I sit here, 6 days after the event, feeling numb.  Simon has been extra nice to me.   I have cried.  I have felt sad.  I have felt inadequate.  

Do pretty girls get a "Get Out Of Jail Free Card"?  Because they are pretty does this make this sort of behaviour acceptable???  Do us bigger girls when we are a hot mess not get the same privilege?  I am seriously confused.  My head is mashed and I seriously don't know what to think.

So Ragers and Ragettes, I have a lot to figure out.  Luckily my Gay Best Friend is coming over this weekend.  I hope that he can give me some perspective.

So until next time Ragers and Ragettes, keep your heads and standards high and your heels even higher

Lots of Love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxx

Monday, 6 July 2015

On An Eventful Fourth of July Part One

Hey Ragers and Ragettes!  The weather here is rainy and cool so I have opted for skinny jeans, a white cami with my black blazer (if it gets too cold) with my Iron Fist peeptoe stilettos and my red lippy.  Fabulous!

Well, the Fourth of July was a very, very, very eventful day.  It started out with the results of a challenge I did for my personal trainer.  She wanted me to lose 3cm off my belly button (about an inch) and when she did the official measurements, I was down on my waist by 4cm, 3cm on my hips and on my belly button, 11cm....yes, you read that right!!!!  I beasted it!!!   She was so impressed and I felt so proud of myself.  I then had a great session and I walked out feeling very happy.

I rushed home, had a quick shower and got ready to go to the beauty salon for a pedicure, HD eyebrows, eyelash extensions and then I needed to get the pink topped up in my hair. 

I had my beauty treatments and then it was time for my hair.  I sat in the hairdressing chair and the hairdresser looked at my hair and said, Betty, we have a problem. 

What’s that?  I asked concerned.

She ran her fingers through my pixie crop.  Betty, your hair is porous.   It looks like because you have been dying your hair all different colours your hair has had enough.   We need to get this sorted because you are in danger of seriously damaging your hair.  I could snap and break.  We need to sort something out.

I was shocked.  What do you propose, I asked.

She said, what do you want to do with your hair.  Do you have a plan?

I actually do, I replied.  I want to grow it and get some microring extensions. 

She smiled and said, excellent.  What I suggest is that we dye your hair back to your natural colour and let it grow out.  I have some hairdye that helps repair damaged hair.

So she prepared the dye (which was caramel coloured), put it on my hair and left it to sit for what felt like ages.

When she went to wash it off, I looked in the mirror and my hair was very dark.

Once she washed it off and dried it I was in a state of shock.  She was nattering on saying how pretty I looked.  I felt....well.....plain.  The crazy pink kind of defined me.

I mean, I have always been outrageous Betty Rage not just plain Jane.  Even my black hair had a blue tinge in it.  This was...well....different.

The best way to describe it is a chocolately brown with a mahogany tinge.  It is shiney.  I felt instantly so sad.  I felt like a part of me had died.  I tried not to cry and I managed a quiet smile.

I walked out and got into my car and the tears started to flow.  I know that this is the best for my hair and for my hair goal (the microring extensions) as my hair needs to get stronger and healthier.  But I feel like a part of me has died.  The sassy, silly Betty Rage seems to have vanished and a new serious looking Betty Rage has come to the surface.

I got home and Simon was sleeping.  I started to get the laundry done.  Simon woke up and said, wow Betty.  You look gorgeous.

Really, I said back?  He hugged me and said, I like this a lot.  I prefer it. 

So, Ragers and Ragettes, after the weekend, looking at it, it’s not that bad.  My hair style defo needs to be sorted but it is in the awkward growing out phase.  I hope by my birthday in 3 months I will be in a better hair situation. 

They say on average, your hair grows a half an inch a month so in 6-7 months my hair will be long and strong and ready for the next chapter.

 Until then I will continue on taking care of my hair and doing what is best for my body. 

And I had to get ready for a party after all.....

Until next time, Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher

Lots of love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxxxxxxxxx