Saturday, 6 May 2017

On New Flat, New Routine, More Questions

Hey Ragers and Ragettes!!  Happy Saturday!!!  

Today I am dressed in comfy warm clothes.  After the stunning weather this past week, It's cold again.  So I am wearing a green sweater dress and black leggings.  It is seriously cold!! 

Well, I have moved into my new flat 6 miles away from work.  It’s in a little village 10 miles outside of Manchester.  The building is an old mill building, which brings some challenges and some good things too. 

My flat is cold and has a strange sort of smell.  I have so many air fresheners in my flat it’s crazy.  I’m scared to do my laundry in the flat because I don’t my clothes picking up the smell.  (I go back to St Helens and I do my laundry there.  I am still paying for the utilities, hell I will use them!!!)

It’s also a dead spot of data and internet.  Hell, I can barely watch TV.  I have finely tuned it and I can get Freeview stations.  My internet gets put in next week so I will be able to get some sense of normality back in my life.

I have been living during the week in Manchester and then going back to St Helens for the weekends to see Simon and my guinea pigs. 

I feel like I am in the middle.  I don’t know where I am supposed to be and I don’t know what I am supposed to do.  I just feel sad, lonely and confused. 

Simon has been trying to a certain extent.  Last Friday and yesterday when I drove and hour and half back to St Helens to see him, I parked up and walked into the flat and he wasn’t there.  The flat?  It looked like a bomb went off.  Dishes in the dishwasher still.  The kitchen work tops covered in plastic tubs, empty coke bottles, dishes piled in the sink.  The living room, cat toys were strewn all over the floor.  The bedroom, a big pile of clothes on the floor.  He hadn’t done his laundry for over a week. 

Now Simon knows that I am kind of on the fence about the relationship.  Surely if you were trying to impress someone that was on the fence about the relationship, you would make an effort and try to clean up and be home for when they got home?  I know that is what I would do.  I feel like as soon as I got home I have slotted back into the cycle of cook, clean, cook clean, cook clean.   If that is to be my life, I would rather die now and be done with it.  Simon is 31 fucking years old!!!!  He lives a 6 minutes’ drive from the flat.  Yes, work is tiring but part of being an adult is doing adult things that are practical, like taking care of a home. 

During the weekends, when I go back we still don’t really see each other.  He stays in the front room, sleeping and watching TV.  I stay in my room usually writing, reading or tidying.  He’s tired.  I’m tired.  This whole situation is making me fucking tired. 

I also go back to St Helens one day during the week to go to couples counselling.  That night I don’t get to eat dinner.  So I go to bed hungry, tired and grumpy. 

Life isn’t the best now.  The only bright spots are my job and the gym. 

I love my job.  I work with good people.  I am respected, listened to and appreciated.  And complimented daily on my fashion. 

My new gym, I’m slowly getting used to it.  I’m talking to the people in the gym, making friends and yesterday I tried the morning spinning class.  I’m eating better and I am slowly getting my groove back.

I think that the main issue is I don’t know where I am meant to be or what I am meant to be doing.  So hopefully, to clear my head I have decided to book a weekend away at the end of the month and disappear away from St Helens and from Manchester.  Go off the grid and all this figured out.

Suzanne sent me a message saying how she feels frustrated and sad about things too.   And I feel like an arse because I haven’t been as supportive as I should be.  She is going through a few health problems and the truth be told, I am scared shitless for her.  Suzanne has been my main support the last few years.  She has always been there for me.  I am praying nightly and daily that she is ok. 

I have gone through a ton of changes in the last 2 months:  New job, leaving St Helens and back to Manchester, new flat that is cold, has zero mobile signal/data and smells weird.  I just want a place to call home.  I just want to feel happy.  The sad thing is that I have felt sad for the last 3 years or so.  I can’t really remember what happiness feels like.

I know that the answer will come and I will get a resolution to the problem.  So each day I am trying to count my blessings.  Smile at the small things and be grateful for them.  I am focusing on my health and my well-being, mentally and physically.   And I hope with those steps in place, plus my little weekend away, the answer to what I need to do and where I need to be will be made clear. 

So chin up.  Put those heels on, put my red lippy on and get on with it! 

So until next time, Ragers and Ragettes, keep your heads and standards high and your heels even higher!

Lots of Love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxx

Wednesday, 19 April 2017

On Ch-Ch-Changes

Hey Ragers and Ragettes!  Greetings from Manchester!  It’s a cool day here and I am sat at my desk at my new job.  I’m dressed in a vibrant red belted shift dress, black blazer, black stockings and black stilettos plus my glasses.  Red lippy firmly in place.  Betty is back.

To say that the last 4 weeks or so have been eventful would be the understatement of the year.

I have started my new job and I am loving it.  Yes, I am 4 weeks in, but I am seriously enjoying it.  I have 2 assistants, both of which are lovely.  I was scared when I walked in on the first day to a room with 3 women in it.  I thought, oh no…not return of the bitches….but I have been blessed.  The 4 of us get along very well.  The job is important and I feel happy.  I know I will have good days and bad days.  I know there will be days where I want to stab someone in the eye with a pencil and other days where I feel like I’m in a Disney film dancing with woodland creatures.  This is perfect.  It is normal.  And I like it.

The biggest thing is…well, I have left St Helens.  I moved up from St Helens close to work.  What about Simon you may ask?  That’s well….complicated.

Simon and I have been in couples therapy.  Has it been working?  Well, kind of.  The problem is that it’s making me angry.  Like really, really angry.  Simon the last 3 years has kind of neglected me.  I helped him with his business but I didn’t really get much out of it.  I worked my ass off for him.   I worked weekends.  I sacrificed so much.  And it’s only now that I am threatening to break the relationship off that he is trying to be a better boyfriend.

I have given him countless ultimatums, I have told him what I feel but in therapy he is denying that I did.  I have texts to prove it.  

In our last session I went on about how I wanted him to come with me to Nana Rage’s funeral.  He denied that I asked him to.  BULLSHIT.  Absolute BULLSHIT.  In fact I had a drunken text off his dad saying that Nana Rage’s funeral was not as important as the business.  I brought this up in counselling and he denied it.  I’m fuming.  

And our sex life….yea, I have gone without for 3 months.  Even when I was single I got more sex than I get now!  I am about to go cross eyed!

With these things going on in the background plus the 72 miles I was commuting daily on very little sleep, I made the decision to move up closer to work.  I took a 6 month lease out, paid 6 month’s rent upfront and this past weekend I have moved into my little apartment.

I needed to get away from Simon, from the whole situation and take a few months out to figure out what I want in life.  I let a lot of things slip.  Little things like doing my face care regime at the end of the day.  Washing my face and moisturizing.  I started skipping dinner.  I haven’t written in awhile too which hurts.  It felt like I would get home after a long day at work and a long, irritating drive to a messy apartment.  I’d start my wind down routine at 8:30 in the spare bedroom so I didn’t get to spend much time with Simon.  Then on the weekend, Simon would perch on the sofa in the lounge and watch movies and fall asleep and I would stay in my little room trying to stay awake watching loads of TV.  As I write this, I realise that this isn’t a relationship.  It’s like living with a roommate.  And this isn’t the life or relationship that I wanted.  

Plus to add to all this there is the complication of the house that we have bought.  It’s a mess.  A huge, ugly mess.  This has left me feeling confused, hurt, and extremely exhausted.
So I am taking this opportunity to have a time out.  Focus on my new job and focus on getting my body back into shape and getting strong mentally.  I need to rebuild.  

Simon isn’t happy with this.  He wants me to stay.  This whole situation has been emotionally and physically draining.   I want to book a one way ticket to Fiji and hide. 

But life must go on.  So Ragers and Ragettes, I am taking the next 6 months to self-care.  To figure out if I need this relationship.   And to most importantly, get myself back to being the fabulous Betty Rage.  

So until next time Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher!

Lots of Love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxxx

Thursday, 23 February 2017

On Distracting Myself

Hey Ragers and Ragettes!  It’s a cold, wet, wild windy day here. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!  It’s the sort of day that I could snuggle up in my onesie, sip a hot cup of peppermint tea and watch a good film.  It’s freezing!!!  Today I’m wearing my turquoise sweater, bootcut jeans and my cowboy boots with extra thick socks.  It’s that sort of day.

With everything that has been happening, a lot of stuff in my life has slipped:  my healthy eating, my gym workouts (I have a seriously bloated tummy now!), putting my makeup on and even doing my hair.  Overwhelmed is an understatement.  And Simon is serious about getting engaged which I don’t know how I feel about that. 

So I am trying to find coping skills to distract myself.  I have been immersing myself in getting my wardrobe ready for the new job and planning my routines.

I find comfort in doing this.  I have bought some nice pieces for the new job:

2 plain white blouses
2 white blouses with black detailing
A black blouse
A Red blouse
A grey and black pussy bow blouse
A black Pencil skirt
A nude pencil skirt
A grey pencil skirt
A black and white printed Pencil skirt
A black with a floral pattern pencil skirt
Black wide leg trousers
Black fitted blazer
Nude Stilettos
Red stilettos

So I have the start of a good work wardrobe.  I have a few nice dresses too.  Now I will need to look for some nice classy black earrings and other accessories (Tights, and other bits....I might actually go for suspender belts and stockings....hmmmmmmm) and I have a wish list for a few more pairs of trousers and maybe another 2 blazers (a nude one and a grey one?)  I am struggling to find tan bootcut trousers. As I have a curvy body, cigarette pants or skinny taper legged trousers do not fit my shape.  At all.  I found some awesome flares but they are not workwear.  They are denim.  I have some tan work trousers (that I didn’t have the heart to throw out) that are 2 sizes down when I used to be smaller.  So I suppose I am going to have to work my butt off and get back into them!

I must admit, I love work wear.  I wear jeans and sweater to work and most days I cannot be arsed washing my face or putting make up on because what is the point?  I have no one to look nice for.  And I love dressing up.  Hopefully with this job there will be work night’s out and I can start dressing up again.

Now with my new job, I have to take pride in my appearance.  I have bought some mini toiletries for when I go to the gym in the morning.  I feel like I have a new lease of life. 

So I purchased some of those space bag things (you fold your stuff up and put it in the bag and suck the air out with a vacuum) as my wardrobe is in a state and so is my chest of drawers!!  So this weekend I will be sorting them out and putting old clothes on eBay.

I have also been reconsidering getting my Betty Bob back.  I don’t know why.  It could be the gym thing.  I don’t know.  I have been going through the pros and cons and I am very much undecided.   I love my extensions but I don’t know…

These are all wonderful distractions from what is going on in front of me.  I need to face these things but I don’t know how to.  I feel right now so many things.  I am so confused.  And this is how I deal with it.  I clean, organise and get rid of old stuff. 

I wish that I knew how I felt, what I want and how to deal with this.  Half of me wants to pack up my stuff and run away.  Maybe that is the answer.

So until next time Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher!

Lots of Love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxx

Tuesday, 21 February 2017

2017: A Year Of Change

Hey Ragers and Ragettes!  It’s a coolish day here in St Helens.  So I am wearing a turquoise long sleeved t-shirt with my bootcut jeans and my cowboy boots

The last few weeks for me have been...well....filled with ups and down and more highs and lows than I have had for awhile.

So let’s start from the beginning.  Basically, I have a new job.  Yes, you read that correctly.  I am leaving Simon’s business (not Simon, I’ll get to that later) and I start my new job on March 14th.

This came about rather quickly.  I worked with a great recruitment agency and soon before you know it I was in my black and tan shift dress, black blazer, tights and black court shoes. The first interview was awkward.  I was with the Managing Director and the Human Resources manager. The Human Resources manager was very lovely and welcoming.  The Managing Director was awkward and I felt that he wanted the interview to end as quickly as possible.  I brushed it off thinking nothing of it.  The recruitment agent called me and told me that the Managing Director and Human Resources Manager both like me and to sit tight for a second interview. 

The next week, I received a call to say that they didn’t want to progress with a second interview as I wouldn’t fit into the “culture of the company.”  I was then like, whatever.  That’s fine and I forgot about it.

Then the next Monday afternoon after my therapy session, I received a phone call saying that they actually wanted to see me again and they apologised for the mix up.   On the Thursday I was back in my black shift dress, blazer, court shoes and tights talking to the Finance Director.  On Friday the job was offered to me.

It has been a blur.  The hardest part has been dealing with Simon on this.  When I told him, I didn’t get a reaction.  Just a blank face.  He wouldn’t talk to me about it.  So I had to resort to emailing him.  And after 5 days he decided to discuss it with me while he was on his phone playing a game and with the TV blaring in the background.   He didn’t even make eye contact with me about it.  But at least we are both ok with it all and we talked about it.

Now as you know, in the background of this Simon and I have been buying a house.  This bit has wrecked my head massively.   We have hit the point of no return.  The house is being bought and I cannot back out, sadly.  This house is in my name and in Simon’s name.  There are ways around it and I have been taking legal advice to see if I can get out of it someway. 

The fact that I am against the house I don’t know if it is down to the fact that my new job is in Manchester, or is it that I am unhappy with Simon or am I being resistant to the fact that I am scared that I am actually settling down and I have to be an adult?  I seriously don’t know.

Plus to make matters a little more fun, Simon’s alcoholic mum has decided to send me bullying and abusive text messages because she and Simon’s dad are dead set against us buying this particular house.  They haven’t sent any of these text messages to Simon or let him know how they feel.  They have decided to take it out on me.  And Simon hasn’t defended me.  That also riled me up.

Yesterday I sent an email to Simon about how I felt in regards to the house.  I told him that I am not comfortable and that sometimes I am resenting him because of this and the fact that I don’t know if I even love him anymore. 

He read it this morning and he started crying.  Nothing sucks more than seeing a man cry.  He said that we wanted to propose to me on Valentine’s Day.  Now my head is officially fucked.  I told him the only way that I will agree to marrying him is if we get couples therapy.  He actually agreed to that.  Is there something to save here?

So now I am sitting here wondering what is going to happen next.  What do I do?  Can I get out of buying the house?  And do I want to?  Do I want a relationship with Simon?  My heart and head are truly fucked. 

So I have been focusing on looking forward to my new job.  I found a new gym right next door to my new job.  I have also bought myself some new work wear.  Mostly pencil skirts, blouses, suit trousers, blazers and such.  And a few new pairs of shoes, obviously!   

The next few months are going to be interesting.  We’ll see how this plays out.  I’m not feeling too down.  I am going to focus on my new job, keep going with my fitness regime and just be positive.  That’s all one can do, I suppose!

So until next time, Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher!

Lots of Love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxx

Thursday, 19 January 2017

On 2017 and a Crazy end to 2016

Hey Ragers and Ragettes!

Sorry that it has been awhile but it has been one crazy few months!

Firstly, Happy 2017!  I love new years.  It's a new start, a new chance to make a better life.  Every morning gives you that chance but this makes it official in some ways.

The last half of the year brought loads of good things, bad things, crazy things and things that just made you stop and say what the actual fuck?

Firstly, I had hair extensions put in.  I have now gorgeous, 16 inch locks of dark brown hair with fiery red streaks going through.  They are gorgeous, fabulous and amazing!  I thought that I would hate them but they are the best thing I have ever done with my hair (besides the turquoise bob I had...that was awesome.)  They are relatively easy to care for (wash the actual extensions twice a month and I can wash the top of my hair as much as I want.), and when I do blow dry them, they are instantly glam.  Sadly, I have to get them taken out tomorrow temporarily. My head gets sweaty from my exercising and the heat has melted the silicon bond that holds the hair together.  So I am getting them taken out and sending them off to be rebonded with a stronger kerotine bond.

Secondly, Simon and I are in the process of buying a new house...this occurred completely by surprise.  It all started the weekend before my birthday (last week in October).  I came home to find a letter from our landlord effectively evicting Simon and myself because we "have pets".  We knew that this was a load of shit because every inspection of the flat, the man from the estate agency that our landlord lets the apartment through who inspected the apartment knew we had pets!  We dug deeper and it finally came out that the landlord wanted to sell the apartment.  Why didn't he just say that instead of lying?  Anyway, he wanted us out by January 14th.  As Simon and I booked to fly to America to be with my family, it didn't give us a lot of time.  We discussed it and thought about buying our apartment but the price that the landlord wanted to sell at was stupid.  So in typical Betty and Simon fashion, we went out one day to look at a few homes and found a new build, fell in love with it and well, we are now buying a gorgeous 4 bedroom home!  The home is still being built and it will be ready for end of March.  After some arguing, the landlord has agreed to let us stay in the apartment until our home is ready
This has given me some anxiety as, even for me, I feel like it's too much and too fast.  The house isn't even built yet.  I had to do loads of work to get forms signed, run here there and everywhere to get loads of forms signed.  It's stressful and frustrating.  Also, I feel that Simon and I....I feel like it has run its course.

We don't really have anything in common anymore.  The passion is gone.  I feel like this is a business transaction.  I don't hate him or have any ill feeling towards him.  I just think that we are not right for each other and that this is not a good relationship.  I am just unhappy.  I don't know if Simon is oblivious to the situation or if he is holding onto this thinking that it will change.  We don't even sleep in the same bed anymore.  It's frustrating.  Where we are in the process of moving, I can still pull out. (we haven't put the deposit down) Why don't you just leave, you ask?  Well, because I work for the guy and I want to make sure that I have a new job first.  I had an interview today and fingers crossed.  If this interview doesn't go through, then I will keep looking.  Also I want to save more money so I have a good foundation to move.  Now I have a bit put aside.  By my calculations, if I stay put, by December, I will have a good lump sum put aside to move on.

Thirdly we went to America for Christmas.  We started out in Miami (which is an awesome city!!) and I bought loads of make up (I discovered Bobbi Brown Foundation, concealer and powder and it is awesome!  I highly recommend!  Finally I found a foundation that doesn't make me orange!), new face care (Lancome...I highly recommend, it's pure luxury) and a got a new tattoo!!!  (A feather across my collar bone...I booked in to get the rest of my sleeve on my left arm done.)  Plus I bought a new computer/tablet which I am using now.  I am usually a massive fan of Apple products but I purchased a Microsoft Surface Pro 4.  It's amazing.  I recommend it.

Fourthly, yesterday I got a fabulous beauty procedure.  I got my eyebrows microbladed.  It's like tattooing your eyebrows but they use a blade to make hairline cuts to make it look like individual eyebrow hairs.  It was a great experience.  It will take 10 days to settle down.  Today and for the next 4 days my eyebrows will look extra dark, then they will look very faint for the next 4 days and then they will emerge looking gorgeous!  I have to get them topped up after 6-8 weeks as when they are healing, some of the "hairs" will heal up and fade so they go over the faded ones and that will sort it (This service is free of charge!)  So today my eyebrows look.......menacing!

Basically Ragers and Ragettes, I want to take this year and find a new job, a new home and keep up my weight loss (I'm actually losing weight!!!  Woo-hoooooooo!) and get the life that I want. This year I am focusing on my health, mental and physical and getting the life that I want.

I wish all of you the most amazing new year and keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher!

Lots of love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxxxx

Wednesday, 2 November 2016

Disaster Comes in Threes - the passing of Wanda

Hey Ragers and Ragettes. I wanted to write about my new hair extensions but sadly life has happened. I received some devastating news this morning. A friend of mine died last night.

Wanda (name changed) and I met online in a guinea pig forum. She was a New Yorker who lived a colourful life. She was battling uterine cancer but she was winning her battle. We started talking because she identified my depression and was a counsellor that worked with the mentally ill in New York.

Last night it seems, her husband of 16 years stabbed her to death then turned the knife on himself. He was able to be saved and is in the hospital now.

I found out when I was scrolling through my newsfeed. Wanda's Facebook profile pic popped up. At first I thought it was one of those jokey quiz games where you found out what you were in a past life, but I read the article. Murdered. Stabbed by her husband. I threw up.

Wanda and I chatted extensively for 3 months. She was always there if I was struggling with my mental health. Recently I decided to get help for my depression and she walked me through it. I had to talk to doctors about some dark times, Wanda always messaged to see if I was ok and how it went.

She was winning her battle with her uterine cancer. I'd ask her daily how she was. She'd always reply, I'm winning. She had everything to live for. The treatment was working. This couldn't have been a suicide pact. A knifing is a crime of passion, Rage and anger. Not love and concern. She spoke so highly of her husband. The questions going through my head, Was he abusing her all this time? Why would he snap?

2016 has been a crazy, crazy year. I lost Anne, Nana Rage now Wanda. I just don't get it. This why I have issues with religion. Why does God insist on taking these good people and let her assailant live? (If New York has the death penalty then please fry this bastard up!!!!)

Selfishly I think who am I going to go to for help?  I feel so alone now. Yes, we never met but a connection was there.

Seeing her Facebook page with people telling how she touched other people's lives gave me the validation of what I knew. She was selfless, loving, funny and special.

As I sit here waiting for my dinner to cook, I feel numb. It's not the medication the doctors put me on, it's the emptiness of not getting a message from her to see how my appointment was today. Or her telling me about the art class she was taking. And how she loved to listen to her jazz records (she used to be a jazz singer). Simon and I were planning on going over to see her.

I'm sorry if this post makes no sense. All I can say is Rest in Peace, dear Wanda. You were one in a billion and tonight the stars will be a little brighter tonight....

Take care of yourselves Ragers and Ragettes. I appreciate you all.

Lots of love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxxx

Wednesday, 12 October 2016

On New Hair

Hey Ragers and Ragettes!  Autumn is here!!!  Today I am wearing my black and white striped jumper with my favourite bell bottom jeans and my new knee high black flat boots.  Dressing for warmth and comfort as I sit under the air conditioning and Simon seems to always be hot. 

 It’s been a crazy few weeks, as you know.  With Nana Rage passing and with work and everything else, well, it’s taken its toll on my mental health.  I have had a few panic attacks and crying fits.  I know it’s not right so I have sought out professional help.  I have an appointment on the 18th and one on the 25th to assess my first diagnosis of bipolar disorder. They think that I was misdiagnosed as I have other background symptoms that are now starting to express themselves. My original diagnosis was 20 years ago.  They feel that mental health screening has improved loads so they want to make sure that I get the right treatment.

So I am going to try and be uplifting today.

As you know, I have battled with my hair. I was a hair model last year but the haircut didn’t get cleaned up the way it should have.  Luckily I found a new hairdresser who is amazing. She cleaned the shambles of a hair cut up, redyed it and I looked human, and a fabulous one at that rocking a cute pink pixie crop.

I have always wanted long Rapunzel like hair.  I made the decision to grow my hair out a bit as I have never really had long hair before.  I have really baby fine hair.  And when it gets to a certain length, it becomes wispy, stringy and horrid.  That’s why I have always had short hair. 

I have decided to get the long hair I have dreamed of with the help of hair extensions.  I had hair extensions 10 years ago when I lived in Dublin.  I chose glue in ones. It ended in a hairdresser physically having to cut the extensions out and me having a bald patch. Not a good look!

This time, I did my research and I am going for nano ring extensions.  This is better for hair, it allows growth and it doesn’t damage hair. 

The woman I have chosen to do the extensions is fabulous.  She has so many positive reviews and is well known around Liverpool.   I have been speaking to her since October last year.  I had a 1 to 1 consultation to make a hair plan last December.  I had to grow my hair out to at least 5 inches in the back.  I was going to get the extensions in May this year but I had a wobble and ended up cutting my hair as I was rocking a shocking looking mullet. 

But with the help of my new hairdresser (And my hairdresser threatening to punch me in the vag if I even think about cutting my hair) and with photos of long beautiful hair as inspiration, I can proudly say that my hair now skims my shoulders. 

So on Saturday, I went to see the woman who is fitting my extensions to colour match my hair.  She sat me down and she said that she was proud of my persistence in growing my hair out and was pleased with the condition.  (Twice a week deep conditioning treatments and using Bed Head Colour Goddess Shampoo – That is the best shampoo ever!  It smells like fudge!)  As my hair is relatively short, she decided on 10-12 inch extensions (The hair will fall just below my collar bones.)  and matched beautiful chestnut brown hair swatches to mine.

So I will be having my extensions fitted at 11am on October 22nd (a birthday present for me!!!!!!!!!) and it will take 3 hours to complete.  She said that when she is fitting them she will talk through the maintenance and such.  The thing I love about the person I have chosen to do my extensions is that she is big on aftercare.   Her philosophy is that when she fits the extensions, I will represent her work professionally.  So she hammers home the aftercare side of it.  

So to say that I am excited about it is an understatement!  New gorgeous hair on the horizon!  I am giving myself a year with the extensions to see how I feel about it.  And if they don’t work out I am going to chop my hair off and go back to a funky turquoise haircut.

This has provided a welcome distraction from everything that has happened.  The feelings that I have been feeling are ugly.  Some of the thoughts that have gone through my head have left me shaken.   The last few weeks I have burst into tears for no reason.  People think that I should just smile, get over it.  I do my best to keep myself up and motivated.  My workouts help out massively.  And Suzanne, like always,  has been my rock.  I now know who my friends are and I have ht the jackpot with Suzanne.

So I am focusing on getting my luscious long hair.  I am ramping it up at the gym, eating better foods, getting sleep and trying to find good things to focus on. 

So, in 10 days I will have the hair of my dreams and hopefully I will be stronger, happier and hopefully I can work through this snit that  I am in and come back fighting stronger.

And to those who are reading this that are fighting depression or any mental health disorder, you’re not alone.  Message me.  I will listen, help, and make you laugh.  I will do what I can to help you.  You are not alone.

So until next time, Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher. 

Lots of Love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxx