Tuesday, 17 July 2018

On Mr Wonderful

Hey Ragers and Ragettes!!  Long time no speak!!!  Seriously...the last few months have been a whirlwind!!!  So much has happened!!!  So I will start it with the catalyst of the changes.

It all started on May 26th.  It was a Saturday like any other.  I went back to St Helens the day before like any other Friday.  On the Saturday morning I had to speed back to Cheshire for my hair appointment.  I was getting my extensions refitted and my hair color done.

I got to the salon looking my best (coral maxi dress with brown sandals), my gorgeous hair dresser, Sonia started on my hair.  She put the dye on my roots and as I sat there with my natural short hair being dyed, her mum, step dad and another gentleman walked in.  This stranger's icy blue eyes met mine.  He was tall, well built, salt and pepper hair.  I instantly felt hot.  He said that he lived in Switzerland, so trying to impress him I spoke to him in Italian (one of Switzerland's national languages is Italian).  He looked at me with those piecing ice blue eyes and said, I don't speak Italian.  D'oh!!!!  I felt my face turn beet red...

Anyway, Sonia's mum, stepdad and Mr Icy Blue Eyes left.  My heart was pounding.  It was like being hit by lightening. 

When Sonia was putting my extensions back in, her mum came back in and said, Betty, join us for a drink.  We are in the bar across the way.  Ok I instantly said without thinking.

Sonia finished my hair, curled it and I walked across the street to the bar, my heart pounding.  I walked in and spotted them at the bar.  There was Mr Icy Blue eyes.  His gaze followed me as I sat down next to him.  I casually flipped my hair (which looked pretty fit!) and Sonia's mum asked what are you drinking.  I told her a sparkling water because I was driving.

I sat with them and chatted with Mr Icy Blue Eyes.  We laughed and the time seemed to fly by.  I looked at my watch and realised that I had to go.  It was the Champions League final and my team were playing!  Sonia's mum gave me her number and said if you want to watch the match at ours, you're welcome to.  I was meeting some friends at a pub and I secretly wanted them to let me down.

I got up to leave and Mr Icy Blue Eyes, took my hand and kissed the top of it.  He said, en chante.  My heart fluttered.

I got back to the house, put a striped jumpsuit on did my make up, put my favorite perfume on and got a cab to the pub. 

During the match, I couldn't stop thinking about Mr Icy Blue Eyes and my sex ban.  I didn't care that we went 2 goals down.  By the 75th minute, I went outside and called a cab.  I had to see him. 

The cab pulled up as the final whistle blew. I made my way to Sonia's mum's apartment.  When the cab pulled up, there he was...Mr Icy Blue Eyes.  He was smoking a cigarette.  My heartbeat went mental!  I walked over and he offered me a cigarette, which I took.  We chatted and headed up to the apartment.

Sonia's mum and stepdad greeted me with a gin and tonic  We sat and started chatting about the match.  Mr Icy Blue Eyes and I sat on the settee and Sonia's mum and stepdad were snuggled up on a big chair.  They are such a great couple.  So in love and very affectionate to each other.

We didn't notice Sonia's mum and stepdad going to bed.  We kept talking and talking.  I looked at my watch and it was almost 2am!  I knew that something had to happen.  I took a deep breath and I leaned in and for the first time in my life, I Betty Rage took control and kissed a man first!!  And he kissed me back.

This kiss was like no other.  It was pure electricity.  He was a great kisser.  Not too much tongue, no groping...it was a kiss like you'd read about in a fairytale.  Beautiful, pure...Wow.....When the kiss ended, I looked at him then I looked down.  He put his hand on my face and proceeded to kiss me again.  He pulled me on his lap so I was facing him and straddling him.  We kissed more passionately.  I broke the kiss off and said, I don't have a fucking clue what I am doing.  He said neither do I.  We continued to kiss. I felt him get a hard on and I felt excited...and then I remember the sex ban.  I got off his lap. 

I took his hand and told him about my sex ban and why I was doing this.  He told me that he wanted me but he respected my wishes.  We continued to chat, go out for a smoke, kiss and then Sonia's mum came into the front room. 

I said, were we too loud?  She replied , no.  It's 8am.

8am????????  Mr Icy Blue Eyes and I had stayed up all night and chatted.  It was like I had known him forever!!!

Sonia's mum said that they were going out for dinner that night (it was a bank holiday on the Monday) and she invited me out.  She told me to meet them at the restaurant in the village for 6pm. 

I called a cab and Mr Icy Blue Eyes walked me down to the street where my cab was waiting.  He wrapped his big arms around me and kissed me.  See you tonight, mon cheri he said.  My whole body shivered with pleasure. 

I got back, took a nap and got my food shopping done.  I then took a shower and got ready to see him again.

I arrived at 6pm by train at the restaurant.  I chose a black and white striped jumpsuit that had a low back (I have been working out so my shoulders and back are starting to look amazing), black wedges and a black clutch bag. 

We ended up having a lovely dinner and hit a few bars.  The whole time, Mr Icy Blue Eyes held my hand and we would have the odd kiss.  He'd whisper in my ear how I looked beautiful. 

That night I went back to Sonia's mum's apartment.  He asked if I could stay the night.  She smiled and agreed.  We had a few drinks and Sonia's mum and stepdad went to bed. 

Mr Icy Blue Eyes looked at me and said, I'll sleep on the couch.  He got me one of his shirts to wear.  I told him to come to bed with me.  I told him, no funny stuff I just want to hold you all night.  So we kissed.  He kept his promise and I fell asleep in his strong arms. 

I woke up realising it was Monday morning.  I'd probably never see him again.  I got dressed and called a cab, trying not to tear up.  Again he escorted me to the cab.  Again, he kissed me deeply.  Again, I melted.

In the cab, tears started pouring down my face.  I didn't even have his number.  I didn't know if I dreamed this weekend.  I got a glimpse of a life that I could have.  out with friends in a beautiful village on a lovely spring evening.  Holding hands, stolen kisses, respect.  Sheer respect.  I got in and I cried my heart out.  I started doing my laundry and I received a text from Sonia's mum.

They were going out for dinner and Mr Icy Blue Eyes wanted to see me.  I felt so happy when I read the text.  I responded in record time!!!  I washed my face and dried my tears.

We were meeting at 4.  I chose a colorful maxi dress with black wedges.  I put simple make up on and my hair pulled up in a bun.

I drove as I didn't want to drink as I had work the next day.  I walked to the restaurant and there he was outside waiting for me.  I ran as fast as I could in my wedges into his arms.  He kissed my neck.  Shivers up and down my spine again....

We had dinner and throughout the meal his hand was on my thigh. I felt happy but also a tinge of sadness.  Was this some flash in the pan romance?  The next day he would be off to Southampton to visit his family (he's originally from the UK but moved to Switzerland when he was 21) then back to Switzerland.  I looked over at him as he was chatting to Sonia's mum's stepdad (they have been best friends for years).  He was laughing and smiling.  I knew that I needed to see him again.

He sensed me looking at him and took my phone.  He put his number in it and asked me to do the same.  I happily entered my details. 

When I said goodbye that night, I tried to stay strong and not cry.  He walked me to my car.  He touched my face and we kissed.  It was a long, beautiful deep kiss.  My body flat against his, his hands on my back.  When the kiss ended I asked, will I see you again?  He said yes, mon cheri.  You will definitely see me again. 

I drove off.  The tears poured down my face.  I sobbed all the way home...

The next few days Mr Icy Blue Eyes and I exchanged texts.  Sweet, funny texts. 

Then 2 weeks later, he messaged me and asked what I was doing at the end of July.  I said nothing.  He told me to book the 26th to the 30th off.  I asked him why.  He told me because he booked me flights to come over and see him.

He paid for my flights!!  I couldn't believe it!  I got the times and I booked a half day on the 26th and I fly back on the 30th.  No man has ever done that sort of thing for me before!!! 

We've been messaging every day.  Waking each other up and saying good night to each other.  I don't know what this is, but it is lovely.  A summer romance?  I don't know. 

In 9 days time I will get on an airplane and fly out to see him.  He'll be there waiting for me on the other side.  And I am pretty excited.  Will the sex ban stay?  I don't know.  I really don't. 

So Mr Icy Blue Eyes is now Mr Wonderful.  And that weekend, Ragers and Ragettes has set a course of events that has changed my life forever.....

Until next time Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher

Thursday, 3 May 2018

On You and Me and the games People Play

Hey Ragers and Ragettes!!!

Its a mildish day here in the south Manchester.  They say summer is on it's way with temperatures to be hotter than in Spain!  So I have plenty of sundresses ready along with my sandals.  Tonight I shall be painting my toenails as I will be wearing sandals to work tomorrow.

Well, I am still feeling horny as fuck.  As the weather gets warmer it gets worse.

And to make things more interesting I have started chatting to this guy who lives in London.  Mike (Not real name to protect the innocent.) and I met on Facebook.  It started with me commenting on a friend of mine's post.  He also commented and a bunch of women jumped on him for being a dude and not understanding,  I kind of defended him.  I then sent him a message saying that I understood his point of view and well, we have been chatting for over a week now.

Mike is different to Simon.  Like really different.  He's sensitive, sweet, intelligent and he has a beard.  I have never been with a man with a beard before.  Ever. 

Our conversations have been lighthearted, every once and awhile dipping into deep stuff. We message in the evening mostly.  He works as a psychologist in London and he finishes work at 8pm most nights. 

The problem is 2 fold.  Firstly, I have been out of the flirting chatting to man thing for a bit so to speak.  I have no idea what to do.  Do I get raunchy?  Do I keep it light?  Do I get deep?  I don't know what to do or how to play this game. 

It's like playing chess.  What piece do I move?  Do I get direct and down and dirty?  Do I send him photos?  Will this go anywhere?  Am I wasting my time?  Fuck, I have no idea what to do or what to think or to feel or to do.  This is one big head fuck. 

Secondly I am on a man ban until October 9th.   And with the heat and my penchant for watching Brazilian TV shows where the main character is super fit and walks around with his shirt off for most of the show...(Lord have mercy!  Seriously this guy is super hot and super fit and super fuckable...)  This sucks.  This sucks really bad. 

Part of me wants to go to London meet up with Mike and give him a weekend he will never forget.  But then there is the man ban,  And my body isn't in its best shape and if I did and I got to the part where we kiss (I haven't had a proper kiss for over a year) and things got hot would I even remember what to do? 

This is a game that I am struggling to know what the rules are.  Mike is amazing.  One day I would love to meet up with him for a coffee and laugh with him. One day I would love to look into his eyes and maybe find out what it is like to kiss those luscious full lips. Maybe relearn everything again with him. 

But I am sticking to the man ban. 

As horny and sexually frustrated I am right now I couldn't handle a relationship and especially a long distance one.  I am not strong enough yet.

So it looks like more batteries for me and my favorite dildo while muffling the sounds of the buzzing and biting pillows to stop me from groaning as I climax so my landlady doesn't hear me.  It's going to be a long 22 weeks.  But its time for me to get my body and mind in shape.

You never know, in 22 weeks time I might be in London having dinner with Mike.  Life is funny like that.  So is this game.

Until next time Ragers and Ragettes keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher!

Lots of Love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxx

Saturday, 21 April 2018

On Primal Urges

Hey Ragers and Ragettes!!  Today it is a glorious day in Northwest England!

I'm here in St. Helens this weekend to get some stuff done, primarily getting my summer stuff gathered up even though, according to the weather forecast, it's going to be going back to cold and crappy with snow even forecasted!  Sigh.  So I am going to relish the gorgeous weather today.  I am going through my summer dresses trying to figure out which outfit I will be wearing today.  Decisions, decisions!!!

Well, the other day I realised that it has been over 6 months since I split up with Simon.  6 whole months!!!  And part of that was the pact that I made with myself to stay celibate and relationship free for a year.  I'm halfway in and well....I'm gagging for it.  Like really bad.

As I am saving my cash for my new home, I am cutting down on going out and such so I find myself immersing myself in the realms of world TV. 

You all know that I have a soft spot for international dramas and such.  So I have been each night, coming in from work, eating dinner, washing my dishes and then settling in and watching some international TV shows.

I think because I am saving my cash and I am foregoing any mini breaks and vacations this is a way to view the world.  I have seen shows in Santiago, Rio, Brussels, Antwerp, Ireland, Sicily, Berlin, Madrid, Munich and so on.  It's been nice.

And in all these shows?  Sex scenes.  Plenty of them.  Usually the man is super fit and well....the hormones start raging and I find myself getting my battery operated devices out to sort myself out which is difficult when you are in a shared house.  I mean the noise off my favorite vibrator (10 speeds!!) is quite loud. 

Now I have pretty much been celibate for around 18 months.  I have a high sex drive and frankly this is killing me.  I am dying here.  I have considering going on a dating site just to get laid. 

But I chose to be celibate for a year for a reason.  I wanted to focus on myself and getting myself back.

I am one of those people that when I am in a relationship or a sexual situation, I immerse every part of myself in.  I find myself giving passionately, my whole being.  It's draining.  And right now I cannot do that.  I don't have the energy. 

I don't like mediocre 2 pumps and it's done sex.  I like clothes ripping, nails down the back, kisses, slam me against the door sex.  Passionate.  Fiery. 

When Simon and I last had sex it was the same 3 positions and I frankly got really bored.  It was over in like 3 minutes.  (I know because I was watching the clock....I know that sounds bad.)  After, no cuddling, Simon got up went to the toilet and stayed in there for abut a half an hour. 

People always say to me that is normal in relationships/marriages.  Why settle for second best?  Why let that be ok?  Its not good enough!! I guess that it becomes a routine, like remembering dance moves to the Electric Slide or the Macarena.

Having this time out has helped me reevaluate a few things in my life.  I think that a lot of time we do things in our lives out of desperation and not inspiration.  I do not condone it, but I understand why people cheat.    The same boring sex once a month (if you are lucky) would drive anyone crazy. 

When the 12 months is up (October 9th, 2018) I am going to begin my search for my next relationship and I am going to not settle for second best.  I'm not looking for a 6 month thing. I want the real thing.  And I know I will find it. 

But for now, it's good food, early nights and loads of fit men from the around the world to keep me warm at night...I really need to figure out to get my vibrator to make less noise.....seriously..

Until next time Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher!

Lots of Love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxx

Saturday, 14 April 2018

Settling In into A New Home and Life

Morning Ragers and Ragettes!

It's been awhile I know.  Life has been very hectic and busy recently. 

I moved out of the pervert's house and into the bed sit.  The apartment isn't ready yet as the tenant seems to be a bit of a nightmare.  I have met her and to be perfectly honest she seems like a stuck up bitch.  When I meet her she looked me up and down and rolled her eyes.  Nice.  Apparently her mum pays her rent for her and she is a bit of a dick.  She wouldn't show up to work on time and would call off sick.  She is a nightmare and not a lot of people have good things to say about her. 

So a few days before I moved out the pervert asked me why I looked so sad and why I was being "cold" towards him.  He told me that what I needed was his dick in me.  Classy.  I am so grateful to be out of there.

My new place is ok.  The house belongs to a lady that is in her late 60's.  She is very posh.  It's like living with your eccentric, crazy auntie.  She has some very specific rules, like no shoes are to be worn in the house.  No bare feet or socks either.  You must wear slippers.  No I am not making that up!  No wet towels in the bedroom.  You're only allowed wet towels in the laundry room or the bathroom (which is carpeted....God help me).  I don't shower at the house.  I go to the gym in the morning so I shower and get ready there before work.

She doesn't bother me, she leaves me to it which is the best thing.  We chat.  I make her laugh.  She is a nice lady, just a bit batty.  I tell myself that I am safe, I am warm, I'm not going to get sexually molested or raped.  I can park my car on a driveway, instead of fighting for a parking space on a busy road.  I don't get asked how much my shopping costs (the pervert loved to ask this question. He is Jewish and I used to tell him when he asks these questions he is reinforcing a negative stereotype about Jewish people and plus that is the height of rudeness).  I don't have inappropriate comments made at me.  (my landlady does tell me that I look lovely which is nice compared to comments that the pervert used to say like:  you look hot. You're sexy. You look fuckable.)  The situation isn't perfect but I know in my heart that it is temporary. 

So the next few months I am saving my cash so I can move out and get my own place.  I am debating.  I love the area that I am in (it is close to work) but I miss the days of living in my little apartment in Manchester city center.  Manchester city center is 11 miles away from work.  I started looking at places around where I used to live and they are cheaper than if I were to live in the same sort of apartment in the area that I am living now!  I have 4-6 months to make my mind up.

Work has been going from strength to strength.  The job is busy, challenging but I love it.  Being in the beauty industry is awesome.  I sourced a cute product as an accessory (off my own back) to put in a gift set.  The Managing Director showed this product to a celebrity that endorses our product and she loved it!!!  That gives me a boost!!!  That's why I love my job. 

I got sent out to China for a week for work and that was an eye opener.  China isn't what you think it would be.  The people are humble and hospitable.  They want to do everything for you.  The food?  What you get as Chinese food here in the west is not Chinese food.  The food out there is hit or miss.  I spent the whole week eating with chopsticks.  If you are a vegetarian or a vegan, you wouldn't last an hour out there.  Everything is meat based.  Some of it made me feel sick. I meanhow can you eat something if it is looking at you or it can taste you.  (I got offered ducks tongue....yes, someone thought it was a good idea to cut the tongue off a fucking duck and cook it!!!) It was the best diet I have ever been on:  the I cannot eat that because it's looking at me diet.  I lost 5 pounds!

Right now I am in a state of limbo.  I am going back and forth to St Helens on the weekend to see Simon because I have to take care of my pet Guinea Pigs.  If I didn't come back, the guinea pigs wouldn't be cleaned or taken care of.  One of them died and I think it is because Simon didn't take care of him properly.  I can't move them into my current place (the crazy landlady won't allow it and that is ok.  It's her house) and I chose my current place because I had to get out of the situation of being potentially sexually assaulted.  As soon as I move into my new place the pigs are coming with me.  Plus my post is being delivered here.  I want to swap everything over once I get into a more permanent situation and I hope in 4-6 months that will happen.

I also check on Simon to make sure he is ok.  I know that I should not give a shit and let him get on with it.  But as someone who suffers from mental illness and I have felt suicidal in the past, I just want to make sure he is ok. 

The house is often trashed.  The only part that isn't dirty is the room I stay in and the guest bathroom (which I use).  Simon still spends his day on the couch watching movies and sleeping.  He seems to be ok but I feel that there are a lot of unsaid things between us.

When Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin divorced they went through a process of "conscious uncoupling" and I think that is what is happening now.  Simon and I get along great.  When I first left, Simon would text often, sometimes 20 times a day.  Nothing crazy mostly jokes back and forth.  Now he'll text once a day.  I'm too busy to even think about it.  All I know is that in 4-6 months time when I move to my new place, some serious stuff will be happening.  I'll be getting my name off the house and he will be buying me out.  It will be a final, definitive break to our love story.  I don't know how I feel about it. 

Part of me is happy because the last year I have been in limbo.  No proper home, floating in this state of flux.  Now that I have one certain thing in my life (my job) I feel ready to look to get my own place and put down some roots.  I will have the stability that I crave.  I am on the up I feel career wise.  Plus driving down the M6 during rush hour seriously sucks balls.

The other half of me feels sad.  Simon and I had our issues but it wasn't all bad all the time.  He still makes me laugh.  We still act silly together.  I just don't love him or see him in a sexual way any more. There have been times where I have wondered if I had done the right thing.  But I look at this trashed house, I look at the sleeping man on the couch with he round angelic face, I sit here on a weekend think about the fact that I used to go out and explore and go out and get into mischief and how in the last 4 years I have turned into an absolute bore.  I know that I made the right choice.  I just need to start rebuilding my life, my confidence.  I need to get me back.  I need to get my inner Betty back.

So that is what I am aiming for, to be me again.  Maybe I will get a cheeky little apartment in the city center.  Maybe I will get into mischief again.  Have funny encounters with men, misbehave and make more memories.  All I know is that I am taking each day as it comes and slowly I am getting back to the Betty that I was before.

Until next time Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher.

Lots of love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxx

Sunday, 4 February 2018

On A New Home and Letting Go

Hey Ragers and Ragettes!!

It's a frosty morning.  I am getting sick of this.  I'm wearing my fleecy, furlined sweater with my velour jammies.  Yes I am still in my jammies.  it's Sunday.  I'm 36 years old and I seriously don't give a shit.  Sadly, the pervert is blasting his shitty old man music again.  i seriousy want to kick him in the balls.  He makes me angry. 

Well, I viewed some rooms and I chose one.  The little bedsit because the mansion was very clinical.  The guy showing me around was nice and one of the housemates accompanied him like a little puppy.  It felt like if this housemate slipped up or didn't stop smiling, the landlord was going to chop his hands off.  Creepy.  Plus the stairs didn't have a banister and it was open so there were no walls on either sides of those stairs.  The room was nice but I didn't get a good feeling.

The bedsit was in a warm house, unlike this one.  It was on the bottom floor.  There is a toilet and sink. 

The decor?  It's hideous.  Like really hideous.  The landlady?  I wouldn't get molested or perved over.  It's safe and warm.  No street parking.  I could park my car on a driveway.  It seems nice.

I put my deposit through.  And I thought everything was boxed off until yesterday.

I get my nails done at a gorgeous salon in Cheshire.  It is owned by my manager's sister. Footballer's wives go there.  The Housewives of Cheshire go there.  It's a lovely place with silver glitter walls and lovely, chic furnishings. 

My manager's sister is lovely.  She looks exactly like my manager.  They could be twins!!  Both are sweet, ridiculously pretty, rich and easy to talk to. 

The manager's mother is the cleaner and one day I was discussing with her about my issues with living with the pervert. 

Anyway yesterday, I went into the salon to get my weekly re balance of my talons and my manager's sister said, Betty I heard that you are looking for a new place to live?

I said, I was, I found a new room to rent.

She smiled and said, well my husband and own a flat and we are looking for a new tenant.  I raised my eyebrows.  She told me the monthly cost.  It was roughly the same as what I am paying while living with the pervert.  It's a 2 bedroom penthouse apartment.  It is part furnished (all I would need to buy is a sofa and a bed).  It comes with a washing machine and a tumble dryer.  It's in a lovely little village in a posh area.  She wouldn't want a deposit.  Or references. 

Now, I am in 2 minds about this. 

The houseshare is safe.  It's easy and warm. 

This is my own space.  My own little place.  No nosy housemates asking what I am doing, where I am going. I hope to view it this week. 

It's funny what life throws at you.  It really is. 

Because this has now thrown up something that I don't want to face but I have to.

I have to speak to Simon about the house.  I am going to have to grow the balls to get my name off the house.  But I am going to take legal advice first.  If I can get some money from the house, make him buy me out, that would be ideal.  I don't know what I am entitled to.

That part is the easy part.  It took me almost a year to break up with Simon.  The reason why I am treading carefully and I am a bit reluctant to do this is because we are getting along so well.  Even better than when we were together.

And if Simon feels he has been wronged, he can become really vindictive and nasty.  But this needs to happen. 

The other part is closing the door.  I have been going down to see him every weekend (for the guinea pigs) and this is the part that I am struggling with. 

It's a routine.  I am used to doing this.  The hardest part is letting go.  I need to let go.

This year has a lot of promise and a lot of wonderful things that can and will happen.  I need to cut the ties and let go because that is the only way I can move forward.

I don't want to never hear from him again.  I want to still talk to him but I want to start to have a life. 

So on Thursday night (I have Friday off, I am changing my hair!!) I am going to have to talk to him, present him my findings (I have taken some legal advice previously but I want a final opinion) and I want to get my name off the house and be set free finally.

It's getting the strength to let go.  A wise person once said, freedom comes when you learn to let go.  So this week, that is what I am going to do.

Until next time, Ragers and Ragettes.  Keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher.

Lots of love,

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxx

Sunday, 21 January 2018

On Movin' on Up

Hey Ragers and Ragettes!!

It's a cold day here in south Manchester.  Brrr!!!  We had snow today so I am wrapped up in a fur lined fleece and a pair of pajama bottoms. 

Well we are well and truly into 2018 now.  I have wanted to write for ages so but I had so many ideas swirling around.

Well last night I realised that I need to get out of the self pity mode.  I took a look around and realised that I can definitely do better with my life at this point.

I don't have enough money to get my own place yet.  But last night when I was meditating, my housemate who I have dubbed "Chester the Molester" (because he tried it on with me) decided to crank his music up full blast at 10pm. 

I don't have an issue with music but I don't like his music.  And I was meditating.  When you share a home with someone you need to be respectful.  I have house shared before.  You respect each other.  Even when I have lived in houses where the owner of the house was a house mate you have respect for each other.  Plus none of the people I lived with tried it on with me.

That was the moment that I realised that I can do better. 

So I started looking for new house shares.  I found 5 that fit the bill.  And that are cheaper because Chester the Molester decided to not specify that the bills were not included.  So I am paying more that I thought I would.  Not nice!!

When I moved in he seemed ok.  Now, he is a terror.  Ever since that night when he tried to put his hands up my shirt and kiss me, he has been relentless and irritating.

He bothers me.  For example during the weekend I tend to keep myself to my self.  I stay in my room and read, write and do what I need to do.  Every 5 minutes he bangs on the door, Betty do you want to go out for a walk.  Betty, do you want something to eat.  Betty, come see this (and usually it is something that is stupid or unimportant).  He doesn't listen. 

Last night for example I got in after getting my hair blow dried and my nails done, I came in and told him that I was busy and I did't want to be disturbed as I was working. 

What does he do?  Knocks on the door.  Betty, I'm going out for dinner do you want to come with me.  I respond no.  He then continues to push.  I'm going for a curry.  I reply No, I have work to do.  He pushes again.  Betty I will be all by myself.  I responded then enjoy yourself.   I shut the door then. 

That was a mild exchange.  Usually he is whinier and pushier.  The guy doesn't understand no.  I wonder if any female lodgers had to deal with the same crap of being pushed, bullied and whined at....I wonder if he has tried it on with other women before or tried to force himself on people.

Also the house is cold.  Very cold.  Even if you put the heating on it's freezing.  I constantly wear fleeces, also to cover myself up.  I don't want him to see me or to be molested again. 

I feel like I need to put a huge lock on the door.  I genuinely feel like if he has too much to drink one night he will force his way into my room and try to molest me.  I don't trust him.

So on Tuesday night I am viewing 2 house shares.  One is a "bedsit".  The room looks like a hotel room.  It has a patio door that opens out into the garden.  It's a hell of a lot cheaper than here and in the same area.  Not too bad.

The second one is the favorite. It's in an actual mansion.  A 7 bedroomed mansion.  It's L shaped and the room I am looking at is secluded.  The room next to it is occupied by a pilot who is out a lot.  We'd be sharing that bathroom.  The house as a room with a pool table.  The kitchen looks gorgeous.  There is a huge back garden.  And it's still cheaper than what I pay here.  And the bills are definitely included.  (I've asked and had written confirmation)

So I am viewing those 2 on Tuesday.  Luckily for me pay day is on the Wednesday so I can sleep on it and if I like either of them I will be transferring a deposit.  And I can give me notice to Chester the Molester and get out of this situation once and for all.  Block him completely and get ready to start saving my cash.

I have a few financial goals for this year.  Firstly, save as much money as possible.  I want to get my own place, like buy my own place. 

Not a huge silly house like in Simon and I did.  But a cute, quirky apartment.  I found a few.

So I am ready now to let go and be happy.  I passed my probation at work.  They like me so I am more determined to get the life that I have always dreamed of as they reward hard work and loyalty.

So Ragers and Ragettes, it's time to start Movin' on Up!!  Second best is no longer allowed.  Mediocrity is no longer the status quo. 

Who knows, this time next week I might have secured a place in a mansion.....

So until next time Ragers and Ragettes, keep you head and standards high and your heels even higher. 

Lots of Love

The Fabulous Betty Rage  xxxxxx

Sunday, 24 December 2017

'Twas the Night Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house...

Here I am Ragers and Ragettes, in my childhood bedroom.  Listening to the Beatles surrounded by photos of me, my sister and my family.

The carpet has changed from cornflower blue to cream.  My writing desk from when I was a little girl is gone too (which is sad.  My Italian granddad sanded, varnished and customized it for me.) replaced by a smaller one.

A photo of me when I was 2 years old, blonde with a cheeky smile is staring down at me. 

So much has changed.  My homeland has changed.  Even in the last 12 months.

And as you all know, the last 12 months for me...well, there you go.

Being away has been good for me.  I spent $500 in Sephora (I had too!  It's makeup!!!!!!!!  Give a girl a break!!!!  And Fenty Beauty Stunna and Gloss bomb, I totally recommend!!) on new foundation and other bits.  Yes, I love, love make up. 

I met up with a friend of mine for our yearly catch up.  She is autistic and works with animals.  I like meeting up with her because there is no drama.  Yesterday it was different as she was quiet.  She had a hard year too.  She's on medication and the medication stopped working.  She looked like a shell of what she usually is.  I hugged her and told her that it was going to be ok.  I am here for her always. 

It has been hard this time around.  Not because of the last 3 months but because mama Rage isn't well.  Mama Rage is now officially disabled.  The bones in her feet are mashed up.  She is in constant pain.  She can't walk unaided.  She has a walker for upstairs and a cane for down stairs.  Even when she uses the cane she struggles, badly.  She winces because of the pain.

We went to Macy's and I had to push her around in a wheelchair.  I laughed and joked about it but my heart was breaking.  So to take my mind off of this, I did the one thing that made me happy.  I wheeled her around Macy's and we looked at fashion.

My grandma (mama's mom) used to be a seamstress to very wealthy people in the old country.  Mama used to model her designs and other designers creations.  So fashion is in my blood.

We looked at blouses, skirts and found that we have a lot in common in regards to fashion and style.  We both like the vintage 1950's designs.  The structured blouses, blazers, pencil skirts (I found 2 Versace inspired  pencil skirts that I need to go back and get!!) brooches and red lippy.  Yes, I am truly my Mama's daughter.  (I really wish Suzanne was with us!!!!!!)

But that worries me.  You see, her condition is genetic (osteoporosis and osteoarthritis) and if I don't get control of my eating and my life that could be me.  At the age of 69 being wheeled around.

So the pity party is now over.  Yes, Simon and I have broken up.  Yes, I moved out.  Yes I have an awesome new job.

Time to pull my head out of my ass and look forwards, not back. 

As I look at photos of my teenage self, eyes full of hope, I can't let her down.  I need to take control of my eating and my exercise.  I have been drinking a lot recently and that worries me.  I have slowed it down a lot since I have been out here.

Seeing Mama Rage in the state she is in has scared me shitless.  I have to make changes.  I have to.

So today I am taking control back.  Today I am fighting for my life.  My future.  My happiness.

So on this night before Christmas, I am going into the big day determined to be the best that I can be.  To fight to take care of my body and my mental health.  To treat my body like a temple.  To learn from my mother's mistakes.  To not have to be wheeled around in a wheelchair.  Also surrounding myself with good people.  People like Suzanne. 

So tonight, Ragers and Ragettes, look to the future with hope. Don't be sad.  If you are religious, the hope of Christmas day, the story is a promise of a new beginning.  A new way of doing things. 

If you are not religious, Christmas does have a magical feel to it.  I know a lot of people say that it brings out the worst in people, but it also brings out the best in people too.  This Christmas I hope that we can be kind, loving, patient, understanding and let the magic of the day fill our hearts with love.

So to new starts, a hopeful future and love to you all, Ragers and Ragettes.  Thank you for reading my posts and supporting me.  I love you all.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and I wish you all a fabulously amazing 2018

Lots of Love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxx