On Problems in the Bedroom

Morning Ragers and Ragettes!!!  It’s a beautiful day here in St Helens so I have responded by wearing my favourite vintage sundress with a white cardi, my favourite platform wooden sandals, my red lippy, and my necklace that Suzanne gave me.  It’s a glorious day and after the workout this morning and a fresh fruit breakfast (even though the whole time I was imagining it was that lush ham and cheese toastie from Starbucks that I had....) I am feeling fabulous!!!!

Yesterday I was surfing the net and I found another jumpsuit...it was on sale and it would have been rude not to!! So I have 2 jumpsuits coming today!!  Yippeeeeeeee!!!  I absolutely love jumpsuits!!!!  I like the wide leg style because for a lady, such as myself, with fuller hips, it compliments your shape.  The skinny legged ones are ok but I think that they can make your bum look big if you have fuller hips.  But that is my opinion and fashion, as I said before, is totally down to personal preference.

Well, I got home from work and had some lovely time with Simon.   He took me for a drink at a nice pub and we got home, I cooked him a lovely stir fry and we snuggled up, watched some TV and I found myself feeling quite amorous.  I mean really amorous.

I changed my contraception recently and one of the side effects is that I am constantly horny.  I can’t stop thinking about it and I want it....badly!!  So I looked at Simon coyly...shall we have an early night?

Sure he said as he kissed me.  I got up and got myself ready for bed.  Fluffed my hair up, put a dab of perfume on, brushed my teeth and I undressed.  I got into bed and Simon was in the en suite bathroom getting ready for bed.  I was feeling warm so I put the fan next to me on.

Simon came out of the bathroom in his boxers...Simon has a great bum and I was doing everything I could to restrain myself.  I remember my mentor Elena’s words....I am goddess and I don’t think that a goddess would pounce on her mere mortal like a raving, panting, jungle beast?  So I took a deep breath and calmed myself down.

He stood by the window and cheekily started to take his boxers off.  I felt myself get damp between my legs.  I needed him so badly. 

He got into bed and started kissing me.  I took control and got on top and started to ride him.  It felt liberating and fabulous!!  He seemed to like it.  He then looked at me and said, let me get on top.  I said, ok, and so he did. 

We started again and he then looked at me with despair...his erection was gone.   He put his head in between my breasts and got upset.  And I mean to the point of tears.  I found myself getting upset too. 

Every once and awhile, this happens.  We will try to make love and he struggles.  And I always think that it’s me.  I am super self conscious of my body anyway and to have him struggle to climax when we make love....God, I feel so ugly.  I really do.  It hurts. 

He always says, it isn’t you, Betty.  I love you and fancy you.  It’s not you, it’s me.

But being a woman, I don’t believe him.  I mean, I look down at my big tummy and breasts that are starting to droop. My thighs that touch and my big bum.  How can someone as lovely, sweet, good looking and fabulous like Simon be attracted to this?

But I have to believe him.  I have to trust that it isn’t me.  That is what this relationship malarkey is all about I think.

So I held him.  I felt his tears on my bare skin drip down my chest, over my nipple and onto the sheet.  I kept kissing the top of his hand whispering, it’s ok.  He kept saying I am broken.  I am broken.  Over and over.

He got up, went to the toilet and I had an idea.  I got my favourite vibrator out and started to pleasure myself.  Simon came out of bathroom and saw me...let’s just say that he arose to the occasion without any problems this time.

One thing I have learned is that when it comes to sex, you need to be creative.  Try new things.  Some positions don’t work for some people.  I, personally, like to be experimental in the bedroom.  I like dressing up, role play and things like that.  Sex, like fashion, is about expressing yourself.  And also, like fashion, is very personal and should give you pleasure not pain or make you feel uncomfortable.  (Says the woman who rocks 6 inch skyscraper heels)  To me, it’s an expression of a moment in time of how you feel.  I have had one night stands before and that type of lustful sex is ok but the feeling after is a bit cruddy. 

But what I have learned in the past few months is that sex with someone you love and cherish feels perfect.  It feels lovely, sweet, genuine and safe.  I know that with Simon, I can be myself, try new things and not be afraid of him hurting me or kissing and telling.  (And as this is anonymous from my side it makes it easier to talk about...and it doesn't feel like kissing and tellling as such....)

So I look forward to expressing myself with Simon, trying new things, exploring each other’s bodies and making love.  It’s an experience that I hope everyone has at some point in their lives. 

So right now I need to try and rein in my sexual desires and behave myself in work....the restraint it has taken to not crawl under his desk.....

Until next time, Ragers and Ragettes, if you can’t be good, be good at it!!!!

Lots of love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxxxxxxxxxxx