On a Fab Weekend and Trying New Things

Hey Ragers and Ragettes!  Its Monday again!  How the hell did that happen? 

Well I had an eventful weekend.  After my last post about feeling disjointed, I started getting ready to go out for Simon’s Dad’s birthday so I started off by rocking some sexy, classy turquoise make up with muted pink lips.  My hair was sleek and shiney.  I looked at the time and, eeeekkkk!!!  I was running late!!!  I put my bra and sucking in knickers on and put my jumpsuit on.  The zipper stuck right in the middle of my back so I needed Simon’s assistance.  He came in, zipped me up and kissed the nape of my neck.

I turned around and the first thing he said was, whoa boobs!!!  I looked in the mirror...I had no clue that it was that lowcut!!  But my mammories looked massive!! I mean huge!!!  I couldn’t believe it!!!  I mean, I was showing an inappropriate amount of boob for a family dinner!  Simon was enjoying it though!!!

So I put my roll up pumps on, held my patent, peep toe stilettos and black and gold envelope clutch and walked to where we were going to meet his parents.

We met, had dinner and actually had a nice time.  We walked back to the flat and I changed my shoes to my gladiators and we walked to our local pub.

As I was walking in, I got a lot of looks.  And I mean a lot.  I didn’t know how I felt, so I snuggled into Simon more.  We sat and chatted and had a generally lovely evening.

I woke up the next day feeling a bit tired.  Simon was excited like a kid on Christmas.  We were going to go into his Land Rover and do some off roading.

Let’s make something very clear.  Betty Rage is a girlie girl.  I don’t do camping or outdoorsy things.  I went camping once and absolutely hated it!!  No place to plug my straighteners or my hair dryer in!!!  I am more of a glamping sort of girl.  Nice, clean, luxurious hotel with a mini bar, hot shower, big bath, room service and TV is more my cup of tea.

But when you love someone, it’s nice to go into their world.  So I prepared.  I put on my skinny jeans, black vest, and pink wellies.  I slicked on my red lippy, put my aviator sunglasses on and we were ready to roll!!!

We drove to the site and Simon entered with an evil grin on his face.  Oh dear, what have I let myself in for, I thought.

We got onto the trail and Simon let it rip!  He put his foot down hard and we were bouncing and sliding everywhere!!!  He giggled like a naughty boy and started driving extra crazy.  I was holding on for dear life.  He opened his window and splashed through a big puddle.  Luckily I didn’t get dirty but Simon’s arm was very dirty.  We drove to a clearing and there were a few others who, like Simon, enjoy going off roading.  They chatted, we lit up a cigarette and planned or next move. 

One of the guys pointed to a trail in the distance.  We finished our cigarette, I took a swig from my can of diet coke and we got back into Simon’s Land Rover.  I sat in and was going to text Suzanne letting her know what was going on.  She said if it was proper off roading my lippy would be rubbed off.  I told her that it’s the thought that counts.  Me?  Leave without my red lippy?  I don’t think so!!!  And Simon startled me by going over this massive bump at full revs causing me to jump out of my seat and slam back down on my back....ouch!!!! 

Then we got stuck in a puddle.  A huge puddle of mud.  Nice!!!  So Simon got out and tried to winch himself onto a tree.  That didn’t work.  Simon then stepped into a puddle and sunk all the way down to his knee.  His other foot got dragged in too!!  I tried to stop giggling. I got out and I started sinking in the mud too!!  Luckily my wellies kept me dry and clean. 

Simon noticed how clean I was and decided to wipe mud on my chest and arms.  He had mud all over his face, shirt, trousers and his boots were just caked.  But the funny thing was, I wanted him.  He looked so sexy, so fine I had to pull every bit of restraint that I have into not jumping on him.  I looked at him and giggled a very filthy giggle.  He looked at me and kissed me on the nose. 

We managed to free the Land Rover and drove back to the clearing at this point I was bursting to go to the bathroom.  I mean, I really needed a toilet!!  I told Simon this, he smiled and pointed over towards a big mound of grass and mud. Me?  Betty Rage pee in the bushes?  Erm, no!!!  But I had no choice.  My back teeth were floating!!!!

So I grabbed my face wipes from my hand bag strutted in my pink wellies to a secluded grassy place and well..peed in the bushes!!!  I was terrified I was going to pee on myself but luckily I didn’t!  I cleaned myself off with my wipes and strutted back to Simon.  God I hope no one saw me!!!

We then left and when we go into the car park of the flat, I looked at Simon and said, how are we going to get in?  Simon looked at me and said, I am going to have to strip down here.

I giggled as he pulled his boots off and then his trousers followed.  There he was standing in his underpants and shirt.  I grabbed his jacket and wrapped it around him to preserve his modesty.  I followed him up the stairs and into the flat.  We showered and, well, I pounced on him. 

Yes, Ragers and Ragettes, we had a great weekend.  I really enjoyed myself.  It’s great sometimes going out of our comfort zone.  I had my reservations about this but I didn’t get too muddy, Simon had a blast and we had great sex afterwards and my red lippy didn't budge at all....plus Simon promised me a new pair of shoes for going out with him on his off roading day so it was a major win for me!!

So until next time, Ragers and Ragettes, try something new.  Go out of your comfort zone and have fun! You don’t know who you might meet, what you might experience and you might get a new pair of shoes out of it.

Lots of Love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A Disjointed Post

Hey Ragers and Ragettes!!  What a craptacular day today!!  It's rainy and gross and awful!!!  Where did summer go?  Honestly.

Well last night we didn't end up going out.  We opted for a quiet night in which suited me fine.  Keith cancelled on us for our night out.  And Errol is very quiet, we need Keith there to make Errol talk.  So we are going to reschedule.  It's all good.

It's so funny, Ragers and Ragettes, the whole social media thing.  10-15 years ago we didn't have it.  We were ok.  We went out, talked to each other, had normal lives.  Now, it seems that the likes of Facebook and Twitter and such is taking over our lives and we get affected by it.

After going to the gym and going food shopping, Simon and I came back, had a coffee and I was reading the paper and Simon started playing on his Play Station.  I looked through my news feed when I saw a status from one of my old "friends" at my old job.  My old manager (the one who looked like a kicked puppy) was having her leaving party and he was name dropping and tagging a few of the old people that I worked with.  Since I left my old place,  I have only kept in touch with a few people.  The company mouth dropped me because I skipped out on my last week of work and has no doubt been trash talking me.

The thing is I kind of care.  I have this take no bullshit attitude but it's an ingrained thing in me to not hurt or upset people.  If I ever hurt anyone or upset anyone, it's done completely by accident.  I would never go out of my way to be malicious or hurt someone's feelings.  I don't know why my stomach dropped when I read that status.  Maybe it's because people are moving on?

Sometimes I think that when we do move on, we expect other people to stand still and keep going on with their lives.  We feel that our one-upmanship dictates that we are the lucky and special ones to leave and move on.  But guess what.  Life does go on.

Like last night when I was watching a film with Simon, my phone beeped.  I checked the message and it was from a number that I didn't recognise.  The text asked if I was going to meet this person for a walk because it's raining.  I texted back saying that I think that this person got the wrong number and asked who this was.

I went to bed and didn't think anything of it.  I couldn't sleep last night so I went to get a drink of water.  I walked near my phone and I saw a message.  "Is this Betty?  I am sorry my contacts got jumbled.  This is Tim.  How are you babe?  What are you up to?".  Holy shit, Tim!!!

Last year when I was dating, I met Tim.  Tim and I had 2 dates that were fab.  He was a great kisser and he was the first man to ever kiss me in the rain during a downpour.  He was tall and goofy looking, smart, had a silly laugh but was charming.  In fact, I had a breakdown at my old job and cried in Suzanne's arms over him saying that I couldn't believe that he liked me.

After those 2 dates, he just stopped talking to me.  I mean, dropped me like a hot potato.  I took Miranda from Sex in the City's advice...he's just not into me.  I always wondered why he dropped me.  Was I too needy?  Too clingy?  Why?

When I saw his text, I felt a bit of rage.  Firstly, how dare he drop me like a hot potato and have the audacity to call me babe?  How dare he text me when I have moved on with Simon?  How dare he make me feel those stupid things that made me break down in Suzanne's arms that cold December day.  How the fuck dare he????

Had he moved on?  I didn't know how to play this.  So I answered back.  "I'm good thanks.  Just chilling how are you?"  I haven't heard back.

I am happy that I haven't but half of me wants to flip the bitch switch and go off on him.  But, when I got back to the bedroom, Simon's arm was over the place where my body was.  I instantly remembered why I had the upper hand.

You see, I moved on.  I am fighting those demons.

But saying that, I am finding though that I am looking back in the rear view mirror at times and I know (as what my dad told me) you can't do that.  If you look back in the rear view mirror, you will go that direction.  Back.  I need to do some more letting go.  That's why I am failing with my weightloss effort.

So, I will be going through my phone and Facebook and get rid of the people that don't matter to me.  The ones that are creating mental blocks and holding me back.  I know who my true friends are and I know who I can trust.  

Ragers and Ragettes, I know that this is a bit disjointed but I will try to bring this together.  This life is yours. Don't buy that YOLO shit.  You live every day, you only die once!! You want your life to go forward as much as it can.  You want success, happiness and joy.  You will only get those things if you let go.  Let go of those who hurt you.  Forgive, forget and move on.  Let go of the situations that upset you.  As I said before, no one can make you feel inferior unless you let them.

So, when I finish this I will get into the shower, wash off the worry, upset and hurt and put my fab belted turquoise jumpsuit on, put my black patent peep toed sandals, my black and gold envelop clutch, my black and gold accessories, put some major volume in my hair strut my stuff.  Why?  Because as Suzanne said to me, these people and situations?  Just a gnats ass.  They mean nothing.  The only thing that matters?  That I look fabulous in said outfit and that I am there for my man today.

So Ragers and Ragettes, stay strong, stay true to yourselves.  Don't let the bastards grind you down.

Lots of Love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxxxxxxxx

On Goddess Maintenance

Hey Ragers and Ragettes!!  It’s Friday finally....yippeeeeeeeee!!!  I have that Friday feelin’ so today I am rocking my black camisole, a funky Aztec print maxi skirt and my black cardigan (it’s slightly chilly today) and my black gladiator flats.  Yes flats.  I have to do some cleaning up in the warehouse today so I need to be wearing something slightly reasonable.

I am very excited for the weekend.  Tonight we are having a work’s night out.  What happens here is when we get shipping pallets built up, Simon gets them collected and the people that collect them will pay us for them.  So the money that is from the pallets, Simon uses to go on a night out with me, Keith and Errol.  Basically it’s a good night out for work!!!!  Last time we got £35 and as the pub we usually go to has cheap beer, we have a great night out!!!  We have a lot of pallets to be collected so I think that we are going to have a great night out!!!

Plus outfit wise I am going to be rocking one of my new jumpsuits.  It’s Aztec print so I am planning on pairing it with my black platform wedge sandals, gold jewellery, and my black and gold envelope clutch bag and makeup wise, I am thinking greys and black smokey eyes.  Let my eyes do the talking and give my lips a night off.  My hair?  I might go wild and crazy with it.  I am thinking of curling it and giving it some massive volume!!!  Lots to consider!!!!  But I am excited.  We all get along so well.  It’s honestly a great vibe.

But there is a slight issue.  It’s payday on Monday and my nails, toes, hair and eyebrows are in serious need of some TLC.  I get acrylics on because my nails naturally break.  I have been short of cash recently with moving house and getting ourselves sorted and Simon has been a pillar of strength and help.  I have kept a tally of what I owe him and it will be paid back.  So I haven’t had the money maintain my nails to their fabulous standard!!!  I have lost 2 and the rest are all grown out!!! 

But on the 1^st I will be able to get back to being fabulous.  I have a hair appointment with the colour correctionist at 3:30 in the afternoon (Simon is letting me go from work early) and I have also arranged to get a personal trainer at the gym.  The thing is that Simon doesn’t know this and for some reason I haven’t told him. 

Now I tell Simon everything.  I don’t know why I am holding this back.  I spoke to the fabulous Suzanne and she said that this is Goddess Maintenance...which is stuff our men don’t need to know about.  It’s good to have a few bits of mystery.  

She, as always, is right.  Yes, I am in a relationship but I need to keep a few things for myself.  This is so important especially when it comes to beauty treatments.  I mean honestly.  There is nothing more unsexy than laying down and getting a bikini wax....especially the language that comes out of my mouth as she rips the strips off of my lady garden. 

I don’t want Simon to see that side of me.  Even getting ready for a night out, I will always going into my little room and get ready there.  I don’t want him to see me put my sucking in panties on and curling my eyelashes and popping spots.  I think that there needs to be an air of mystery. 

Simon isn’t stupid, he knows that I wear sucking pants (he walked in on me pulling them up and falling over....classy!!!) and he knows that I have to pluck, shave and deodorise but when the full package is done, he appreciates it.  And I feel like a million dollars!!

So today I will be booking my appointment for getting my nails, toes, bikini line and I will be focusing on getting myself back to being the fabulous Betty Rage!!!! 

So, Ragers and Ragettes, treat yourself this weekend.  Get a massage, get a pedicure or get some lovin’!  Just enjoy it!!

Lots of Love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxxxxxxx

On Problems in the Bedroom

Morning Ragers and Ragettes!!!  It’s a beautiful day here in St Helens so I have responded by wearing my favourite vintage sundress with a white cardi, my favourite platform wooden sandals, my red lippy, and my necklace that Suzanne gave me.  It’s a glorious day and after the workout this morning and a fresh fruit breakfast (even though the whole time I was imagining it was that lush ham and cheese toastie from Starbucks that I had....) I am feeling fabulous!!!!

Yesterday I was surfing the net and I found another jumpsuit...it was on sale and it would have been rude not to!! So I have 2 jumpsuits coming today!!  Yippeeeeeeee!!!  I absolutely love jumpsuits!!!!  I like the wide leg style because for a lady, such as myself, with fuller hips, it compliments your shape.  The skinny legged ones are ok but I think that they can make your bum look big if you have fuller hips.  But that is my opinion and fashion, as I said before, is totally down to personal preference.

Well, I got home from work and had some lovely time with Simon.   He took me for a drink at a nice pub and we got home, I cooked him a lovely stir fry and we snuggled up, watched some TV and I found myself feeling quite amorous.  I mean really amorous.

I changed my contraception recently and one of the side effects is that I am constantly horny.  I can’t stop thinking about it and I want it....badly!!  So I looked at Simon coyly...shall we have an early night?

Sure he said as he kissed me.  I got up and got myself ready for bed.  Fluffed my hair up, put a dab of perfume on, brushed my teeth and I undressed.  I got into bed and Simon was in the en suite bathroom getting ready for bed.  I was feeling warm so I put the fan next to me on.

Simon came out of the bathroom in his boxers...Simon has a great bum and I was doing everything I could to restrain myself.  I remember my mentor Elena’s words....I am goddess and I don’t think that a goddess would pounce on her mere mortal like a raving, panting, jungle beast?  So I took a deep breath and calmed myself down.

He stood by the window and cheekily started to take his boxers off.  I felt myself get damp between my legs.  I needed him so badly. 

He got into bed and started kissing me.  I took control and got on top and started to ride him.  It felt liberating and fabulous!!  He seemed to like it.  He then looked at me and said, let me get on top.  I said, ok, and so he did. 

We started again and he then looked at me with despair...his erection was gone.   He put his head in between my breasts and got upset.  And I mean to the point of tears.  I found myself getting upset too. 

Every once and awhile, this happens.  We will try to make love and he struggles.  And I always think that it’s me.  I am super self conscious of my body anyway and to have him struggle to climax when we make love....God, I feel so ugly.  I really do.  It hurts. 

He always says, it isn’t you, Betty.  I love you and fancy you.  It’s not you, it’s me.

But being a woman, I don’t believe him.  I mean, I look down at my big tummy and breasts that are starting to droop. My thighs that touch and my big bum.  How can someone as lovely, sweet, good looking and fabulous like Simon be attracted to this?

But I have to believe him.  I have to trust that it isn’t me.  That is what this relationship malarkey is all about I think.

So I held him.  I felt his tears on my bare skin drip down my chest, over my nipple and onto the sheet.  I kept kissing the top of his hand whispering, it’s ok.  He kept saying I am broken.  I am broken.  Over and over.

He got up, went to the toilet and I had an idea.  I got my favourite vibrator out and started to pleasure myself.  Simon came out of bathroom and saw me...let’s just say that he arose to the occasion without any problems this time.

One thing I have learned is that when it comes to sex, you need to be creative.  Try new things.  Some positions don’t work for some people.  I, personally, like to be experimental in the bedroom.  I like dressing up, role play and things like that.  Sex, like fashion, is about expressing yourself.  And also, like fashion, is very personal and should give you pleasure not pain or make you feel uncomfortable.  (Says the woman who rocks 6 inch skyscraper heels)  To me, it’s an expression of a moment in time of how you feel.  I have had one night stands before and that type of lustful sex is ok but the feeling after is a bit cruddy. 

But what I have learned in the past few months is that sex with someone you love and cherish feels perfect.  It feels lovely, sweet, genuine and safe.  I know that with Simon, I can be myself, try new things and not be afraid of him hurting me or kissing and telling.  (And as this is anonymous from my side it makes it easier to talk about...and it doesn't feel like kissing and tellling as such....)

So I look forward to expressing myself with Simon, trying new things, exploring each other’s bodies and making love.  It’s an experience that I hope everyone has at some point in their lives. 

So right now I need to try and rein in my sexual desires and behave myself in work....the restraint it has taken to not crawl under his desk.....

Until next time, Ragers and Ragettes, if you can’t be good, be good at it!!!!

Lots of love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

On Love

Hi Ragers and Ragettes!!!  I hope that you are having a great Tuesday!!  It’s cooler here today so I am rocking a black and white polka dot jumpsuit with my red killer stilettos, white cardi, the necklace that Suzanne gave me and my red lippy.  Fabulous!!!

It’s been a blah day so to cheer myself up, I did something naughty.  I have been short on funds recently and I was accepted to have a credit card.  My first purchase for my credit card when I activated it yesterday?  For Simon’s mum.  I taught her how to use eBay and she won a cute vintage dress (that I was totally envious of) and so as a gift (and to get more points with the family) I paid £15 for the new dress for her. 

So I was sitting here at my desk today and I happened to be surfing the net and I went onto one of my favourite boutique’s websites.  I still had a voucher in my purse for this boutique and I was looking through jumpsuits (I have been going through a jumpsuit phase recently) and I found this stunning, classy, vintage looking turquoise belted jumpsuit.  Usually I go for red but the gorgeous Suzanne said that I should try to wear turquoise as it compliments my dark hair and skin tone.   I had to have this jumpsuit.  It was dead reasonably priced so I took a deep breath and took my card out and paid for it.  I should receive it tomorrow.  So I am soooooooooooooooo excited for it to come tomorrow!!!

But I still feel a bit down.  You see, Ragers and Ragettes, the 2 people that I love (Besides my parents) are sad. 

Yesterday, Suzanne messaged me and she is having some family issues.  I don’t want to delve in with the details but it’s pretty bad.  And for someone so loving, kind, gentle and sweet to have to go through hell, well it breaks my heart.  I want to hug her and tell her that it is going to be ok.  But I am so far away.  It’s frustrating.  I feel like offering words of “it will be ok” or “I am here for you” is not enough.  I never know how to act when people are going through bad times.  I know when I am going through a bad time I tend to go into myself and write.  Hence this blog.  Then I sleep on it and usually I can get through.  I hate seeing the people I love, especially my bestest friend go through hell.

After work yesterday, Simon said, oh shit.  I looked up and said What’s up my love.

He said, it’s my mum. 

I looked up quizzically.

On Saturday it’s Simon’s dad’s birthday.  And as you know from my last posts, his parents have some issues with drink.  The issue was that his mum booked a table at a restaurant for 6pm on Saturday.  Simon put his head in his hands and said, they will be absolutely shit-faced then.  He had such a look of pain and worry in his eyes.  I wanted to make it go away.  I wanted to stop all the pain and heal him. 

He kept trying to get his mum to change the plans.  She then texted “Betty wanted to go to that restaurant”, implying that I demanded it!! 

Now, Ragers and Ragettes.  I didn’t demand anything.  I never have from Simon.   All I said was that it looked like a lovely restaurant and I would like to try it sometime.  Sigh.

Simon battled for a bit and we decided that the dinner was to take place earlier and when his parents start to get messy, we will leave.  I hate seeing my man like this.  It hurts. 

And yes, Ragers and Ragettes, I love him.  I love him deeply.  I love him so much that it physically hurts.  I thought I had been in love in the past but I haven’t  been.  It was something, maybe, but not this.   I love everything about Simon.  His cheeky smile.  The way his skin smells in the morning, how he touches my face looks into my eyes and tells me that I am beautiful.  His silly laugh, and the way he talks to animals.  He actually puts a goofy voice on.  He is perfect.  And I am deeply in love with him.  I don’t know why, Ragers and Ragettes, but as I type this, I am tearing up.  I think it is because I know that it is true.  This is just simple, uncomplicated love.  No baggage, no lies, deceit. 

Love is such a silly thing.  We can love different ways.  I love my parents, obviously, and I would never have any hurt or pain come to them.  I think that is the reason why I left home all those years ago.  I didn’t want to cause them anymore hurt or pain. 

I love Suzanne like you would love a sister.  My older sister and I are not close but I get that sisterly bond with Suzanne.  She is truly a kindred spirit and the love I feel for her is special.  It’s not a sexual love, it’s more like she is physically a part of me.

And with Simon....I once read that the definition of true love is to see an imperfect person perfectly.  Out of all the songs and poems and sayings, I feel that is the best description for me.  Yes, Simon is fabulous but he has his flaws.  Like when he sings (he calls it singing, I call it torturing a clown) and his dress sense (I’m working on it!!!) and, of course, his pet snake.  But I see past those things.  I have never had a man love me the way Simon loves me.  He’s so gentle, sweet, caring, the list goes on!!!  I will stop now because most of you have probably grabbed your sick bags.

I guess what I am trying to say is that love is a word that has so many connotations.  It’s one of the most over used words in the English language.  The biggest crime is to use it so openly that it loses its meaning.  That’s why I have always saved that term for the people that deserve it. 

So Ragers and Ragettes.  Grab that person you love, tell them, hold them tight and never let them go.  Tell them how special they are to you.  That’s what I will be doing shortly as Suzanne and Simon need some support now.

Until next time, Ragers and Ragettes, stay fabulous!!!

Lots of Love (and I do mean it!!)

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

On the Perils of Being Pale

Happy Monday Ragers and Ragettes!!  This morning I decided to walk to the gym instead of drive and my, what a workout!!!  I did a good hour at the gym and went in and had a shower and got dressed without embarrassing myself!  Result!!

Today I am rocking my blue and white polka dot dress, red peep toe stilettos, my necklace that Suzanne gave me and my red lippy.  I am looking very fabulous today if I say so myself!!!

But there is one slight problem.

As you all know, I like to keep clear of fake tan or tanning products in general.  And in the summer time I like to keep under a parasol or an umbrella if possible.  It’s difficult to do, but it’s also difficult to be Betty Rage!!!

So yesterday, Simon and I went for a coffee in the morning and it was warm with a nice breeze.  Simon told me that he needed to see his parents (which I have no problem with) and we would meet them in the park with his dogs for a walk.  We met them and walked a bit and then his parents suggested that they go to their local pub.

We walked to said pub and Simon’s mum chose a table outside in the back garden of this pub....well this was a lovely spot with beautiful flowers and no umbrellas.  It was a sun trap.

Shit!  And I forgot to put on suncream!!!!

So I bought a glass of soda water and lime and sat down in the sun wincing.  His parents had a bottle of wine.

We sat there and chatted about work mostly and we ordered more drinks.  Before you knew it, it was 3pm and my chest, arms and back were bright red!!!  Crap!!!!

We got back to our flat and my skin was sore and I mean sore!!!  The heat coming off it!  Simon got my cocoa butter and started to slather it on my back and chest.  I hoped that it would stop it from peeling.  But I was left with a problem.

Because of my Italian Mama, I will in 2 days time have the perfect tan on top.  My legs will be pale.  My look is ruined. 

Usually I am prepared for every eventuality and I mean every eventuality but yesterday I wasn’t and I paid severely.

As the evening went on, my skin was radiating some serious heat.  Simon said, shall I rub ice cubes on you?

Now Ragers and Ragettes, usually when your man says that he is going to rub ice cubes on your body, it’s usually a pleasurable experience that ends up with screams of pleasure and desire.

This was hell, and I mean absolute hell!!!  The ice shocked my poor back and I shrieked and then it melted pretty much straight away.  This was not sexual or sensual or seductive in any way!!!  This was the worst thing ever!!!

Simon was gentle and sweet and I was in major pain!!  We watched a crap film and he rubbed my back gently.   It started to itch and it took all the restraint and self-control to not grab a fork and scrape down my back.

We finished the film and Simon said, I think that you should take a cold shower.  I agreed and got myself in the shower and slowly made the water colder.  I stood under it until I couldn’t physically take it anymore.

I got into bed and Simon looked at me and smiled...what are you like, Betty.  He turned the light off and walked over to me....and....a lady never tells!!  But let’s just say that it was awkward with sore, tight skin!!!!  But we were both satisfied.

So I have learned my lesson.  Always bring suncream and insist on sitting in the shade!!!  Now what am I going to do about this tan??????

Until next time, Ragers and Ragettes, stay fabulous!

Lots of Love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

On Friendship

Hi Ragers and Ragettes!!  Here I am typing this up at my little writing station.  We finally have broadband and I finally get to use my writing nook!!  So I am listening to some tunes and writing this blog.

It's lovely and sunny today so I am rocking a black vest and a black, cream and orange maxi skirt with my gladiator sandals. And I think that I have caught the sun a bit so my pale and interesting chic is destroyed!!!!

Today I got up and went to the gym and I started my workout.  I felt really strange though.  I did the first thing that I thought of, I messaged Suzanne.

I told her that I was at the gym and was making small talk and she then pretty much started to discuss what I was thinking.

You see, Ragers and Ragettes, you need friends in life.  I don't mean "Facebook friends".  I mean real, proper friends.

Growing up I had a small circle of people that I thought were my friends.  In this friendship circle I was the nutty one.  The one who would make people laugh.  The clown.  But inside I was crying.  I didn't think that they understood me.  So in my last year of high school I pushed them away.  I became a loner.  Ever since I haven't had any proper friends because I focused on my career.

Then I lost my job and that was a massive man up slap.  I mean a proper man up slap.  I started to relax and open up to people, resulting in making some good friends.

One of those friends, as you know, is the beautiful Suzanne.  Suzanne is to me one of the truest, kindest, sweetest most loving people I have ever met.  Today when I felt weird, it was like she felt it too.  She felt how uncomfortable I am feeling in my skin.  She understood how I don't feel like myself.

Her husband, like Simon, tells her how beautiful she is everyday.  But she struggles with that thought.  If I hadn't have confided in her I don't know what I would have done.  She has helped me through everything.  And if she was reading this now I would say, Suzanne.  I am far away from you but you are my sister.  I love you and I miss you.  I miss your cuddles, your jokes, our fashion conversations, your infectious smile, your eyes, your voice....I just miss you.  I love you.  And you are so special to me.  So I won't let you down.  I will continue on my weight loss journey.  I will fight my demons and I will move on and get to be the woman I am meant to be, by the grace of God and by your strength.

I used to think that I didn't need anyone.  No man or friends.  But when you meet that special someone and you find a kindred spirit, you can't imagine life without  them.  When I get up in the morning, the first thing I do is kiss Simon good morning and message Suzanne.  I can't imagine a life without those two because I know that it wouldn't be a life worth living.

So when you find good people in your lives, Ragers and Ragettes, hold onto them tight and don't ever let them go.

Take care and please stay fabulous!

Lots of Love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

On Finding a New Hairdresser

Morning Ragers and Ragettes!!  It’s a bleak day here in St Helens but it’s supposed to be warm.  So as it is Friday I am rocking my blue strapless maxi dress, white cardigan, a blue scarf in my hair, my Miss Sixty platform wedges, the necklace Suzanne gave me and of course my red lippy!

Well, after last post I was feeling quite down.  Simon though made up for it.  And I got my revenge!!!

We had our broadband finally installed!  And Simon left me at home to let the broadband guy in.  While I was waiting I got myself ready to go to work so I rocked my vintage jumpsuit, my brown wooden platform sandals and gold accessories.  I was looking good!

The broadband guy showed up and dammmmnnnn!!  He was fine!!!  And I mean really fine!  So I decided to have some fun with this.  I snapchatted Simon and said that the broadband guy was here, updated my Facebook status to say he was hot and sat back and waited for a bite.

Snapchat back from Simon, he’s hot?  I put my most suggestive pout on...oh yes he is....

He snap chatted back, I feel so inadequate.

Revenge taken successfully!!  We are fine now. 

It’s great to have broadband though.  I can start using my little writing desk and start reporting from our new place!!!

But today, there is a bigger task at hand...the search for a new hair dresser.

Now, us women take the care of their hair very seriously.  If there is a mess up on another beauty treatment, like nails or toes, most of the time they can be covered up.  But your hair?

My Mama always says that a woman’s hair is her crowning glory and that any mishap with a woman’s hair is a total disaster. 

Now I have experimented with my hair (especially my hair colour) ever since I was 16.  I started out putting blonde highlights in my mousy brown hair.  Then it went to dying it red.  And I mean bright red. 

I then tried a blonde pixie cut.  The cut was gorgeous (and as soon as I lose my excess weight, I am considering going back to that cut.) but the colour made me look sick.  And I mean sick!!!  The amount of people that came up to me and said, Betty, are you ok today?  You are not looking well.  It also fried my hair horribly!!!

I then left home and tried different styles.  I would try to grow it out but my hair is so fine it gets stringy looking.  I would love long tresses!!!

When I moved to Ireland and was in a very good job, I got hair extensions...worst mistake ever!!! 

The girl who did it barely spoke English and she couldn’t tell me how to take care of them.  So it ended up a massive disaster.  My hair hasn’t recovered since.

So I thought, ok, I have short hair, let’s rock it!  So I rocked a cut that was short on one side and longer on the other.  I had funky colours put through and I liked it!!!  But then I got bored.

So I got my trademark bob and went between brown with highlights, bright red, and black.

The thing with me, Ragers and Ragettes, whenever I go through a change, like a job change, I always do something different with my hair.

And I have been toying with the idea of going bright red again.  Because my job isn’t too professional (I can rock up in jeans whenever I want to) I can get my tattoos, rock the funky hair and be creative.  It scares me a bit.  For the last 12 years I have been doing the business dress thing and to wear what I want to, express myself the way I want to, not have to cover my ink up....it’s liberating!!!

But I digress!!

So, Today I am starting to journey to finding the best hairdresser for me! 

Simon goes to a hairdresser near to work that apparently has the best colour correctionist in the North West of England.  That is a big title to hold!  Simon booked in for a haircut today and I decided to tag along to see the situation and suss out if this hair dresser is as good as he says.

We got to the hairdressers (just down the road from work) and we sat and waited for the man himself!

He finally came out wearing a bright red t shirt, jeans and sandals.  Simon explained who I was and why I was there and while he was cutting his hair I was chatting to him about what I wanted to do with my hair.

He explained to me in his European accent (I honestly had no clue where he was from!!  It was so stereotypical European sounding!)  what he does and how he does it.  He showed me photos of the colour corrections that he has done in the past.  They look amazing!!!

So, after he finished with Simon’s hair, he told me to take my scarf off and started to run his fingers through my hair.  He was looking intently at my locks.  He said, oh yes, it’s really good condition!  I can do a lot with this!

So he took his scissors out and said, do not worry I am going to cut a small piece.  He took a little lock of my hair and said I am going to do a strand test. 

I got up and he took my number and said that he was going to call me back and tell me what he is going to do to my hair.  He looked at me and said yes, I want to give you a trendy cut.

I don’t know whether I am scared or excited!!  But in the last few months I have made several leaps of faith.  And as Madonna said, freedom comes when you learn to let go.  So I am going to let this man do my hair.  But If I come out with a Mohawk, a mullet or a Britney circa 2007 I will be one pissed off Betty Rage!!!!

So until next time Ragers and Ragettes, stay fabulous!!!!

Lots of Love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxxx

On Feeling Insecure

Morning Ragers and Ragettes!  It’s a glorious sunny day in St Helens!!!  Honestly, it’s a shame to be in work.

Well today is a massive day for us at work.  We were going to look at new warehouses and offices as Simon’s business is growing massively.  So I decided to power dress.  I opted for my red body con dress, leopard print peep toes, my hair back in an Alice band with some serious volume, vampy eyes and my red lippy.  I felt like a stunner. 

We were meeting the real estate agent at 1pm at the new units.  Me, Simon and Keith drove in my little car, with the top down, and were waiting for her.

A black car pulled up and out topped a pretty blonde.  Simon, she said as she smiled her beautiful grin.  She walked over and Simon smiled brightly and took her hand.  Instantly, I hated this woman.  I looked at her patchy self tan, her bitten down nails, her crumpled up skirt in the back, she wasn’t even wearing heels...her thin ponytail...I caught my refection in one of the windows, saw the extra weight on me and instantly felt inadequate and ugly. 

I instantly got defensive and went onto attack mode.  She showed us around so Keith and I stuck back and I distracted myself by talking about warehouse space.  Did Simon just put his hand on her back?

I felt a lump in my throat.  I never wanted to be a jealous girl.  I didn’t feel jealous though...it was insecure inadequate, ugly, and fat.  Not fabulous.  I didn’t say much, I just observed.  Simon and Keith chatted to the real estate woman and I pretended to look around.

We looked at other sites in the same park and again I pretended to look around.  I asked the odd commercial question.  I think she didn’t like me either.   I was polite and professional as always.

We finished the viewing and shook hands and said we’d be in touch.  We got back into my car and Simon said to Keith, you so would, wouldn’t you?  Keith laughed and I felt....invisible and small. 

As Simon drove my car I kept quiet as Keith and Simon chatted about the different sites.  They asked me questions and I gave 1 worded answers.  I felt hurt because I felt ugly.  Inadequate. 

So when we got back I put a call into our landlord to discuss moving.  I managed to swing a deal that wouldn’t cost us any money but I would have to speak to the woman who made me feel inferior.  I don’t want to speak to her.

Ragers and Ragettes, it must be the hormones coursing through my body from my new contraception.  It must be.  I am usually a reasonable person.  But I really wanted to stab that woman’s eyes out with a fork.   I don’t blame Simon, she was pretty.  Skinny.  Any man would like her...But it’s left me feeling so ugly.  So inferior.  So stupid.

So now I don’t know what to do....do I pretend I don’t care?  Do I get angry?  The tears are streaming down my face now as we speak.  I am in the middle of the office while Simon is in the bathroom trying not to cry.  I know I am being silly.  I look at other men and other women all the time!   Simon and I look at other women together!  Why I am getting all upset?

This blog has been like a diary to me and I know when I read this back I will give myself an emotional slap down but I have to vent this somehow without exploding.  Sigh.  I don’t know.  I have never wanted to crawl into a corner and crack open a tub of Ben and Jerry’s more before.  What’s a girl to do?

So Ragers and Ragettes, we all feel insecure sometimes but as former first lady, Eleanor Roosevelt once said, no one can make you feel inferior unless you let them.

Lots of Love

The Fabulous Betty Rage

On the Bad Penny

Hey Ragers and Ragettes!!  It’s a cloudy but warm Tuesday here in St Helens!  So today I am rocking my strapless black and white polka dot jumpsuit, a white cardigan, a red flower in my hair, my red lips Lulu Guinness ring, my white flip flops, the beautiful necklace that Suzanne gave me and, of course, my red lippy.  I have done my hair and make up nicely so I am feeling better about myself today.  I am going to the gym tonight after work.  I want to see what it’s like to go in the evening.

Well, on Father’s Day, I was cleaning up my dressing room when a message came through on my phone...Hope all is good with you treacle.

My heart dropped.

In everyone’s life, there is always a bad penny that will turn up.  This bad penny usually fills you with dread, foreboding and some excitement.

I am a believer that deep down inside we all like a bit of drama.  A bit of something to make our lives seem less mundane and that is why we make some of the choices we make.

Well, my bad penny is a man named Daryl* (remember, Ragers and Ragettes all names are changed to protect the not so innocent!).  He hails from down in the south of England.

Now, 2 years ago Daryl and I met through Facebook on a football supporters website.  I had just lost some weight and I was starting to look good.  I mean really good.  My profile picture was mega hot!  So he started up with a cheeky line about how can someone so pretty know anything about football?

We started chatting more.  Then we started doing video chats.  He had the most beautiful smile ever.  It was a cheeky chappy grin and his thick London accent made him so sexually attractive. 

He suggested that we meet up. 

I booked a hotel halfway between where we both lived and I turned my phone off and disappeared for the weekend.

We met up, booked in and walked together for a drink.  My heart was racing the whole time.  We laughed, chatted, got tipsy and walked back to the hotel.  We got into the room, he grabbed me, pushed me up against the wall and kissed me.  And I mean this was a loaded kiss.  I felt his big hard dick against my thigh.  I needed him.

We tore each other’s clothes off and went at it like wild animals.  I even remember him growling.  It was categorically the best sex I have ever had....ever.

Then on Sunday, while I was laying in his arms after he made me explode, my head was on his chest and his fingers were running through my hair.

He looked at me and said I need to tell you something. 

I said, what Daryl

He said, I haven’t been honest with you.  I have a girlfriend and she is pregnant with my daughter.  I got up and said, what the fuck????

Ragers and Ragettes, I had no clue!!  This guy just completely rocked my world.  We opened up and told each other secrets that we never told anyone else and now he has taken the snow globe of my life and has given it a massive shake!!!

I started to put my clothes back on, he got up and tried to stop me, kissing my neck, touching my curves.  He was addictive I needed to have him again.  So I did.

We said goodbye and on the drive back I cried feeling totally ashamed.  I met a random guy off the internet, checked into a hotel.  Had rampant sex and found out that he was with someone who was pregnant...God, I have truly sunk low.

I got home, washed my face and put a fake smile on for my flatmate and said that I had a great weekend.

I tried to get him out of my head but I couldn’t.  I needed him again.  My body ached for him.  So I ignored him the best I could.

He then started sending me desperate messages.  Telling me that he was getting into fights with gypsies and that there was a major vendetta.  But strangely he didn’t have bruises...He was spinning me lies.

So I blocked him.  I just didn’t want to feel the things I was feeling and getting hurt again.

A few months later I decided to unblock him for some reason. 

I was riding high on my feelings.  It was coming up to my birthday and I was looking good.  My body was shrinking, my skin looked amazing and things were working out for me.

And like a bad penny, he turned up again.  And he wanted to meet up again.  God, he was taking my feelings and dragging them over the coals.  I felt physically sick.  His girlfriend was about to give birth to his baby.  And I didn’t feel a shred of guilt.  I just needed my fix.

So we met up in a hotel in Liverpool.  We got into the hotel and tore each other’s clothes off.  We did things to each other that no one has ever done to each other.  I drove back to Manchester with bite marks on my body, sore swollen nipples, sore limbs but a massive smile on my face....and then the feelings of guilt came.  I can’t keep doing this.

So I blocked him again.  This wasn’t right.

He tried to make other Facebook accounts to contact me but I ignored it.

So I was doing some cleaning out and I unblocked him.  I am with Simon now and I haven’t even thought of another man  (and I have been watching Jason Statham films!!!).

So on Sunday when that message popped up, my heart dropped.  But I took a deep breath and made small talk with him.

I told him that I have a great new life, a great new man, a great new job and everything that I have ever wanted.

He sheepishly said ok.  I felt good that I didn’t get drawn into that smile, those eyes and the memories...

So walked over to Simon, gave him the biggest hug and kiss and told him that I loved him.  He smiled and said he loved me.

So I did it.  My bad penny didn’t put me off.  He knows now that I won’t even think about it and I didn’t create any drama. 

Because as much as I like a bit of excitement in my life, I don’t have the time, the energy or the need for it.  I just want to live with my handsome prince in my lovely castle and live happily ever after.

So until next time, Ragers and Ragettes, stay fabulous!

Lots of love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxxxxx

On Father's Day

Hey there, Ragers and Ragettes!!!  It’s been a manic Monday indeed!!!  I didn’t get much sleep last night down to the fact that it is very warm in our bedroom at night and Mother Nature has decided to make her monthly visit so no matter how I sleep I will not ever be comfortable.  Ever.  Plus I have changed my contraception so my body is getting used to it.  I will have to go through this for 3 more months and so it should settle down then.

This past weekend was nice and quiet.  On Friday we got a pizza and just stayed in, Saturday we did our food shopping, and had a quiet night in and yesterday was Father’s Day which was a bit emotional for me.

As you all know, I am quite a distance from Daddy Rage and well, I miss him.  I never was a daddy’s girl growing up and I used to be quite envious of friends who were close to their dad’s.  Dad was a strict disciplinarian.  If we were naughty growing up, we didn’t get this time out and naughty step shit.  No, my sister and I got our asses beat.  Simple.  I was a naughty child so I got my ass beat more often than my sister which, at the time, I hated my dad for it.  I associated punishment with dad.  Now dad didn’t beat us to a pulp, it was most a slap on the bum with his hand, a ruler or a slipper.  I didn’t make the same mistake twice but I found other mistakes to make.  I pushed my dad to his limit.  

Growing up, I saw my old man as an irritating presence.  My parents were busy lavishing their time on my sister, the child prodigy.  My sister, the apple of my dad’s eye.  She was a daddy’s girl.  Again, I was totally envious.

So in order to get attention, I rebelled.  Good and proper.  I was constantly grounded for talking back, staying out late, and every bit of rebellion I could throw at my dad.  Then I made the decision to leave my native land because I wanted to do what I wanted to do and not have to respond to anyone.

When I left home, I indulged in everything that a repressed Catholic girl could possibly do:  sex, drink, drugs, and every single type of vice that you can think of.  Plus my choice in men wasn’t the best.  I dated an abuser (physical and emotional), a druggie, a lazy man and other unsavoury types.

The whole time I kept thinking, Daddy please save me...

So I started to make amends with my old man.  I started to email and call and talk to him more often.  We started building bridges and building the relationship that I craved for so long.

Then 3 years ago, my father lost his job.  I felt for him because my dad worked so hard his whole life.  He once did 3 jobs just to keep us afloat.  He instilled in me the work ethic that I will work, even if it is scrubbing toilets with my toothbrush.  And I have kept that with me always.

So then when I went home for Christmas my dad and I started talking more. One night my dad opened a bottle of Jameson’s and we had the most honest conversation that we have ever had.  He opened up and told me about his childhood.  It wasn’t a happy childhood.  He apologised saying that he did the best he could.  With tears in my eyes, I hugged him and told him I loved him.  And since then my dad has been my hero.

I am now appreciating my dad.   He immigrated to my home back in 1978 with just my Mama and my older sister who was 3 months old at the time.  He worked hard for 6 years to keep the family afloat.  My dad is super intelligent and he took menial jobs, jobs that were definitely beneath him just to make sure that my Mama could stay home and take care of us.  

He never complained.  He always laughed and made us waffles on Saturday mornings when we watched Bugs Bunny on TV.  He’d read me the same bedtime story every night, did the funny voices just because that exact story was the only story that would make me sleep.

He was strict because he wanted me to be more successful and happier than he was.  

He taught me that men should treat us women like princesses, like the way he treats my Mama.  She has never pumped a tank of petrol; he deworms the garden so Mama doesn’t get grossed out by creepy crawlies.  He checked and made sure our cars were running tip top and if he noticed that our cars were low on petrol, he’d go out and fill it up for us.

My dad was and is my hero.

So Ragers and Ragettes, this Father’s Day I spent it with Simon’s parents.  Simon’s dad is a good man but he isn’t my dad.

When I called them in the evening, I had to choke back the tears.  I didn’t want to pussy out and cry.  I wanted to be strong like he was.

It’s taken me ages to understand him, he’s made me cry, laugh and I have learned so much from him.  I am so blessed to have had an amazing father.  

So Ragers and Ragettes, if your Father is close to you, please always tell him that you love him.  You only get one dad.

I will leave you with the last thing my dad said to me when I got on the plane to start me new life in England.

He hugged me and said, no crying now.  Betty, never forget who you are or where you came from.  He then smiled and said, also remember that you can tune a piano but you can’t tuna fish...

Oh dad, your jokes are the worst.....

Until next time, Ragers and Ragettes stay fabulous!!!

Lots of love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxxxxxxxxxxx