On Basking in the Afterglow and How Not to Lose Yourself When You've Found Him

Happy Monday, Ragers and Ragettes!  Monday has come around again and after the weekend that I had, it was a bitter pill to swallow.

I woke up to a lovely text from Simon*….sigh he’s dead romantic and it’s lovely to be wanted.  My heart fluttered, I must admit.  I smiled remembering laying in his arms.  But then I thought about Jan*.  God, the mystery, the gentle way he caressed the small of my back, his big piercing blue eyes…the gentle way he kissed my lips....I need to feel that again.

I got myself up, decided on a vintage burgundy and black lace print wraparound dress, black tights, and my strappy Mary Janes.  I didn’t do much to my hair as I had a hair appointment on today.

So I got into work and as I was making my porridge, I saw the lovely Suzanne really working it today!  She looked fabulous!  So we chatted a bit and I told her about my dates and Suzanne said, go for Jan.  Because the passion will make you walk on eggshells the whole time.  She had a point, as always.  But with Simon, the passion, the tenderness, the wanting, the need….God it was like a raging inferno!!!  And Jan….so gentle, tender, the way he kissed me it was innocent and sweet.  He’s so cultured and so good looking…those piercing intense eyes that glared into my soul.  I was basking in the afterglow of these 2 very different and very crazy encounters.

I received a call from the salon and my hair appointment has been cancelled tonight.  Boo. But it has been rescheduled for Wednesday after work so when I have my date with Simon my hair will look amazing.  That’s the theory.  It’s a new hairdresser so we will see!!

My smile disappeared at 9am….Nick* came in.  My heart sunk to the pit of my stomach. God, after the weekend I had why did I feel this way???  Then I noticed that he and this girl in his department are starting to look cozy…I felt rage and jealousy instantly…Again, this isn’t right!!!  I had 2 amazing dates with 2 amazing, successful, charming, sexy guys and why am I so bothered about a scrote bag from the dregs of Manchester????  I seriously need a slap.  But they keep getting up, giggling and chatting…sigh.  I feel like the biggest asshole on the planet.  I seriously need to let go of Nick.  His time is done.  He had his chance.  Goodbye, no more!!!  I keep saying it but I can’t let go for some reason.  I feel like the only way I am going to get away from him is to leave my job. 

Simon mentioned that he wanted me to work for him.  In the texts he sent he said that I would work alongside him as he feels that my skills are suitable.  I could get the wage that I want and I could have the life that I want with an amazing man by my side.  With the desperation that I feel now I am tempted to beg and plead and ask him for the job just to get me out of this situation.  I can’t concentrate, all I see is Nick. All I hear is him.  He’s like a voice inside my head that just echoes.  It won’t go away.  I need a release. 

I was feeling in despair and then I went to lunch.  There was the gorgeous Suzanne looking fabulous.  We sat down and we chatted for a bit and then she looked up at me and said, girl, remember when you came over to me that weekend when my husband went to his parents on his own (Suzanne and Rick had a massive argument and he went to his parent’s house in Haydock and I spent the weekend with her and we had a blast).  I replied, yes of course.  The weekend we had a great time!

Suzanne looked down at her pineapple and she said "I found Rick’s breaking point. I never thought that he would leave me but now I know when the line has been drawn.”  She looked at me with her big eyes.  She continued to eat.  “I have always built my world around him and I haven’t thought about what I want and what I need.”

I looked at Suzanne and I said, but now you are going to the gym. You are taking care of yourself.  You are building up your life here.  And because you are taking a piece of your life back, I bet that your relationship with Rick will get stronger.

That made me stop and think.  Suzanne always gets it right.  With the events unfolding the way they are in my life I need to remember single woman rule number 1.  Before you get lost in a man, make sure that you don’t lose yourself completely.  When you get together with someone, don’t give everything away.  Leave a piece or 2 for your family and friends. 

So I know that ahead of me, some decisions will have to be made in regards to the lovely Simon or the smouldering Jan (Suzanne says when I talk about Jan I get stars in my eyes….) but the most important thing about this is that I am going to enjoy this very much.

So on Wednesday I will strut into my second date with Simon with a fab new hairdo, in my favourite dress and I am going to have another great night but I will save enough of myself for the ones I care about.

Stay fabulous Ragers and Ragettes from around the world!!!!!

Lots of Love

Betty Rage xxxx

Dating dilemma....

What a fab weekend I have had, Ragers and Ragettes!!! Been looking at my stats on my blog and I have readers in Germany, Czech Republic, Venezuela, Malaysia, Netherlands, the United States and here in the United Kingdom. (If I missed anyone, I'm sorry truly you will get a shout out) All I have to say is thank you so much for taking the time to read my thoughts and ramblings. You are all truly fabulous. Mwah!!!!

Well as you all know, I have been on this dating website and I have been chatting to all sorts of men. Well, as you from one of my previous posts my love for Danish men (honestly, girlies, the Danish version of a The Killing, Series 2 Episode 5, pause at 46 minutes and 11 seconds!!! You'll thank me later!!!) while being on this website a Danish man stumbled across me! He has an amazing name but as all the people I mention in this blog are anonymous I will just have to call him Jan (pronounced Yan). He looked handsome with chiselled cheekbones and intense blue eyes.

After Friday's date and Simon* (Friday's date) still texting and feeling dreamy last night as I was falling asleep, I received a text from Jan inviting me out for Sunday lunch and a drink. And considering my love of Danish men I thought he's impossibly dreamy, I would be punching above my weight what do I have to lose?

So today I decided to show my sweet and innocent side and pushed my inner goddess into a box. So I rocked my lip print smock top, skinny jeans, my coral ballet flats and my matching Julian MacDonald handbag and I added a cheeky rose in my hair. So I left the flat looking and feeling like what Suzanne would say a soccer mom. But I decided instead of being a vamp today I should be the girl next door....but I did put my red lippy on. It was a sunny day so I put my Oliver Peoples oversized sunnies on. Fabulous!!!

We arranged to meet next to the Arndale shopping centre in Manchester City Centre. When I found him I was taken aback. Damn....his picture didn't do him justice!!!!  He was tall, slender, beautiful dark hair, pale skin and the most piercing blue eyes I have ever seen. I was well and truly punching above my weight on this! I smiled and he recognised me. He came over and leaned down and hugged me. He smiled and we decided to go for a beer. We went to the Blue Pig cafe in the northern quarter and I bought 2 beers. We chatted in the sunshine. The conversation flowed easily. He was intelligent, cultured, well travelled and a total gentleman. Plus he has a gorgeous smile and those eyes.....damn!!! We finished our beers and then decided to get some lunch. We walked through the northern quarter and found a tapas bar. We ordered food and a jug of sangria. The conversation flowed naturally and we laughed and sat closer. When he got up to go to the toilet, he touched the small of my back gently. It felt so intimate.  As much as I wanted to be wearing my red patent leather red 5 inch stilettos with ankle straps I realised that I dressed properly for this date. Jan was truly a gentleman. We finished the sangria and realised that we had been chatting for 4 and a half hours straight. Where did the time go? He paid for the lunch and the sangria. A total gentleman. As I found out in the course of our conversation, he lives around the corner from me, we decided to walk home together. So I linked arms with Jan and we enjoyed the sun as we strolled down Deansgate.

He was saying that the Danish in dates don't usually hold hands or touch each other on first dates. D'oh!!! There I am holding his arm!!! I apologised and went to pull my arm away but he took my hand in his and said keep it linked with his arm. We continued to chat as we entered the canal pathway (at this point I was happy that I wore my flats! Those cobbles are a bitch!!) and the conversation just flowed. It felt lovely. We came to the exit that we needed to get off at. We agreed to meet for dinner at the funky restaurant around the corner. As we left the canal path I knew I needed to say goodbye. I turned to him and thanked him for a truly lovely and fabulous day. He gave me a massive hug and I rested my head on his chest. I breathed him in. God he smelled good. I took a step back and looked up at him. He lifted my chin up with his fingers gently and kissed me...his lips were soft. It was a gentle kiss that frankly left me speechless. See you Thursday he said, in his sexy Danish accent. We turned our separate ways and walked to our homes.

The fact that this date was so different than the one on Friday turned me on massively. Both dates were great. Different. Both men I want to see again. So here's my dilemma....

Who do I choose?

Simon is intense. Passionate. He's a self made man that has a good work ethic. He's constantly telling me how beautiful I am. I can see a future with him.

Jan....Jan is an enigma. A gentleman, he's cultured, sexy. And with those big baby blues of his. So intense. Plus with the evidence I gave from The Killing....well, let's just say what goes on the bedroom will be great!

So on Wednesdsy I am going out for dinner with Simon and I'm going out with Jan on Thursday for a second date. Hopefully I will get an answer.

So until next time, Ragers and Ragettes, stay fabulous!!!

Lots of love

Betty Rage xxxx

On the walk of shame...

Well, last night's date was very eventful. Very, very eventful....

I sped home from work like a demon and got myself ready for my date. I put on my Aztec Bodycon, and paired it with my favorite black peep toed stilettos and a black patent clutch. As I was wearing a Bodycon, I put my full body Spanx on underneath. I figured it was the first date and he wouldn't get past 1st base...little did I know.....

I got to the train station as I was meeting him in St Helens and there were delays on the trains as there was a fire on the line towards Bolton. This was an issue because I had to change trains at Wigan and I only had 12 minutes in between trains. My train ended up being delayed. So I called my date, Simon*, and told him that I might end up stranded in Wigan to which he replied he would drive up and get me. Luckily, he didn't need to. I sprinted to my train and within 20 minutes the train was pulling into the station. My tummy had butterflies. He texted me to say that he was in his Land Rover outside waiting for me. I was shaking. I checked my make up, took a deep breath and strutted my stuff out to him. I spotted his Land Rover and strutted over. He opened the door for me and I hopped in. My heart was pounding. It was rainy and cold so I was shaking. He leaned over, hugged me and kissed me on the cheek.

He drove me to his work to drop his car off, he has his own business, and showed me his warehouse. We chatted business as I know a thing or two about logistics. He was impressed with my knowledge. He remarked that I would be good for his growing business...God he was so cute.

He locked up and we walked hand in hand to the city centre. We walked into a quirky pub and I ordered a glass of red and a double JD and coke for him. We found a couch in a cozy corner and sat down and started to get to know each other. We had to watch the time as the last train back to Manchester was at 10:43. The conversation flowed and he kept saying that I was beautiful, which for me is hard to digest. God he was cute. As each round was bought we sat closer and started holding hands....then he leaned in for a kiss....magic....the butterflies in my tummy were increasing. When he kissed me, my skin tingled. This felt so right. I looked at the time and he said its 10:30 time to go for your train. My heart sunk. He looked at me and said, Betty, I can't let you go. And I said said, I feel the same. We walked hand and hand towards the train. He stopped, turned to me and said, miss the last train Betty. Stay with me tonight. And he passionately kissed me. My body pressed against him, I could feel the raging hard on in his trousers. I looked at him, took a deep breath and said yes, I'll stay with you tonight. We both giggled and walked into the next pub.

I then realised that I was wearing my sucking in full body pants. Fuck!!!!! How unattractive is that!!!!!! He ordered more drinks and I sprinted to the ladies room as fast as my stiletto clad feet would allow me. I got into the cubicle and took my sucking in pants off and managed to roll it up and squeeze it into my clutch bag. I just prayed that the clutch would stay closed. I can't let him see me in them!!!!!

I strutted back feeling embarrassed as my wobbly bits were probably very much wobbly but I remember Suzanne's wise words. Goddess attitude. Keep the goddess attitude. I strutted back to him and we sat next to each other chatting, kissing, laughing and gazing onto each other's eyes.

Before we knew it, the lights came on signalling that the pub was closing. We got up and started to walk out. We walked back to his warehouse and as soon as we got in, he kissed me passionately...I and before I knew it, well, things started happening on the floor of his office.

We laid in each other's arms, my head on his chest. His heart was racing. We fell asleep on the floor on the make shift bed he made, which comprised of a sleeping bag, some blankets and big stuffed bear.

I woke up feeling a bit fuzzy headed to him kissing me...good morning beautiful he breathed. Things got physical again. Afterwards I laid in his arms feeling content, safe, elated and strangely empowered. But then my heart dropped.

I am going to have to get the train back to Manchester and do the walk of shame.

Ladies, at one point in time or another, we've all done the walk of shame!!!! And I looked the part. Messed up hair? Check. Make up all smeared? Check? Inadequate dress for the time of day? Check. The only thing missing was a broken high heel to complete the look but at least my beautiful shoes were in tact.

We found our clothes that we scattered around the room. He looked at me and said let's go for a coffee. I got nervous because coffee shops after a steamy night can sometimes lead to a hump n dump situation. Ok I said nervously. He walked over to me, put his hands on my hips pulled me close and kissed me. Why are you so nervous, he said. I said I'm scared that this was only a one time thing. He took my face in his big hands and said, I want to see you again. Don't worry. I smiled and hugged him.

We went to a coffee shop and chatted. We held hands the whole time. We kissed, laughed....it wasn't awkward at all. He made me feel relaxed.

Then it was time for the walk of shame. He took me to the train station got on the platform with me. He wrapped his arms around me waist and kissed me as we waited for the train. We decided to meet next Saturday. The train pulled into the station and he kissed me for the last time. The walk of shame was about to begin. I said goodbye and got on the train.

As I got on the train i knew eyes were on me and I know what the people were thinking....the state of her, she's doing the walk of shame. You know what? I didn't give a shit! I put my headphones on, after my sucking in pants fell on the floor in front of everyone on the train....thank God Simon wasn't there!!!! I listened to music and halfway to Manchester I texted him thanking him for the night.

The train pulled into my stop. I had to walk a bit to get a cab across a small town centre probably busy on this fine Saturday morning.

I remembered Suzanne's words....listen to your inner goddess. Fuck what people think!!!! So I took my powder and red lippy out (after my sucking in knickers fell on the floor of the train again!!!) and touched my make up as best as I could. I fluffed my hair up and decided instead of doing the walk of shame walk of shame, I am going to do the strut of shame. And strut I did!

Yes I got filthy looks but I didn't care. Simon texted me back and we've been texting ever since.

So ladies, if you had a great night, don't feel embarrassed when it comes to the walk if shame. Fix your smeared make up, fluff up your hair put two fingers up to the haters and do the strut of shame.  Your inner goddess will thank you.

Lots of love

Betty Rage xxxxxxxx

On Tapping into Your Inner Goddess

Happy Friday everyone!!! Well the last 24 hours have been very eventful, shall we say….

Yesterday started out great, I rocked a pair of pin striped trousers, a white blouse and my favourite black peep toe patent stilettos.  I was feeling good as I have been eating better and taking better care of myself.

In regards to Nick* (formally known as Mr. Hump n Dump) well, I was doing my best to not let him get under my skin.  I played it very cool.  He then starting coming around my desk more and striking up conversations with me.  It was nice in a way that I felt that I had control of the situation for the first time.  Scary but exhilarating. 

But a little bit of me felt….well….bad.  Did I feel this way because he humped and dumped me?  Or did I genuinely like him?  I mean, he’s a walking disaster.  Always late into work (but a very good worker) very sweet natured….but he humped and dumped me.  Sigh.

At lunch with the beautiful Suzanne we were discussing men.  Suzanne has truly married her soul mate.  Besides my parents, I haven’t ever found a couple so devoted and so loving to each other than Suzanne and Rick*.  When they are together, it’s like the most natural thing in the world.  I have to admit….I am totally envious and if I can find something with a man that is even close to what Suzanne has with Rick I will be the luckiest woman on the planet!

Suzanne was saying that there are problems in the bedroom department with her and Rick. As in she ain’t getting any.  That shocked me!!!  I mean, Suzanne is a stunning woman. How could Rick be so silly?  He’s definitely not cheating….what’s his problem???  Men are so weird! 

I asked Suzanne, why don’t you ask him for it?  She looked at me and said, girl, Goddesses don’t ask for it.  It’s always on our terms…

That made me think about the Nick situation…I’m in control, not him!  I need to pull my finger out and go with my inner goddess.

So I booked in for a bikini wax, called my “comfort friend” for a nice evening and then….I arranged a date for tonight (Friday) with one of the guys that I have been chatting to on the dating website. 

Strutting taller, when Nick came over and asked if I was going on the work’s night outtonight I looked him straight in the eye and said, no I’m not.

He looked taken aback and stuttered, erm, I’m not going to be out for long...I have to study this weekend…

I felt strangely strong and powerful, and I also felt sad…again….why am I feeling this guilt?  I am going out tonight with a lovely guy who has his own business, who’s charming , who makes me laugh.  Grrrrrr…..

So anyway , I decided to let my inner Goddess to do the thinking.  I went into town after work and had my bikini wax and eyebrows threaded.  (OUCH!!!!!  And I mean OUCH!!!!)  I felt instantly better then I texted my comfort friend and told him (not asked) to meet me in the wine bar around the corner.  I went to the toilet, pulled my knickers off, came back and bought a large glass of red wine and a beer and waited for him.

He came in sat down and started drinking the beer.  I leaned over nibbled on his ear lobe and put my panties into his pocket.  I’ve never seen a man down a pint so quickly.

We got into a cab back to mine and as soon as we walked into Rage Towers, my clothes and his clothes were on the floor….the next few hours…..let’s just say that my inner goddess prevailed.  I did things I wouldn’t normally do.  I let him take me and use me.  It was amazing.  And he appreciated my bikini wax….

As I said goodbye to him and kissed him, it felt different.  He saw a different side to me.  I felt powerful, strong, in control.

This inner goddess thing is amazing!  So the question is….do I let her come out on my date?  Or should I put her back into her box and let Betty out? 

Hmmmmmmmmm…….

Well today at work I have been playing it very cool.  Nick has too.  I have also told one of the people going out tonight that I am on a date…maybe news will feed back to Nick? Let’s see what happens… I have been pleasant and I know that I am doing the right thing. It’s just difficult.  But as the beautiful Suzanne said, I need to get rid of the bad and go with the good. 

So tonight, I will be rocking a fabulous bodycon dress, do my hair and make-up to perfection, put my stilettos on, and strut my stuff on my date.  It’s a new age.  A new day. And as Nina Simone said, I’m feelin’ good!

Lots of love

Betty Rage xxxx

On losing weight

Wednesday started out great!!! I didn't get much sleep last night which is strange. I have cut out caffeine I think....I have stopped drinking coffee and substituted it for green tea with peppermint...I am hoping that's caffeine free. It tastes awful but i know it's good for me so I am pinching my nose and downing it.

Anyway, I woke up and went to the gym, had a good workout and decided to rock a geometric/abstract blue and yellow dress paired with black tights, my patent Mary Janes and a blazer. I also parted my hair down the middle channeling a Victoria Beckham 1990's Spice Girls do. (If it's good enough for that skinny bitch, it's good enough for me!!!) I felt great today. I have been eating better and it really has effected me for the best.

I have always struggled with my weight. I developed curves in my early teens. I have a big ass and full hips but small tits. It's a bit of a let down that because I am totally out of proportion. I struggled with my shape growing up. I wanted to be skinny like my friend Crystal*. She was a gymnast and was so skinny. I was always the tubby and outgoing sidekick. I lived with it all through school. Then when I was 16 I decided I wanted to diet and that's when my years of yoyo dieting started.

So for the past 16 years my weight has fluctuated so much and now, I am the fattest I have ever been. It's dreadful. I feel so uncomfortable in my own skin. I did all sorts of diets in those 16 years but this time is different. Why? Because I started listening to my body.

There have been phases where I have lived on a cup of coffee, 5 cigarettes and a burger patty. I lost weight but I was miserable. I don't want to be like that again.

So I decided to ditch the fad diets and use common sense. I went online and put my vital statistics in and it suggested that I consume 1200 calories a day and if I team that with exercise I will get to my goal weight in time for my birthday. So for the last 3 days I have done just that. You know what? I feel great. I am not depriving myself of anything (except for dairy which I am intolerant to) and I am eating 5 times a day. All good things. I have more energy and I feel happier in myself. People are noticing saying that I look happy and healthy. I do feel stronger and better.

The one thing though going to my gym is interesting. I used to go to a council gym that was cheap. I used to go first thing in the morning. We all knew each other (not by name but by sight) and the same characters were there every morning. They were usually older and they just went in, worked out and got on with it. My current gym....I like it. It's a really lovely gym with a sauna, steam room, spa, Starbucks. It's quite pretentious. The one thing I don't like? The fact that there are so many skinny bitches!!!

Now there is nothing more off putting she. You have finished your workout and your face is all red/purple and you're trying to put your makeup on and this skinny bitch in a Chanel bikini that looks like she hasn't eaten in a week comes up to the mirror and starts sucking her tummy in complaining that she is fat. I'm like, if you don't eat a burger love the kids in Ethiopia will end up making a charity single for you!!! A lot of the girls are like that. But I am not letting it phase me. You know why?

I have accepted my body. Yes I want to lose weight but I wo to be a skinny bitch like Crystal was. Because my body isn't like that. I read that the amount of women going for butt implants has risen by 54%. So women are paying money to get an ass like mine...

So ladies...love your bodies. Yes there are lumps and bumps and if you want to lose weight be realistic. Do it for the right reasons and don't think of it as depriving yourself or you have to slog it out at the gym. Think of it as a doing something good for your body and by doing something good for your body should be a good thing not a horrible thing.

Stay fabulous everyone!!!

Love

Betty Rage xxxx

On Feeling Restless

Well that's Tuesday come and gone. What a busy day!

Last night I went to sleep and slept until about 2:30am then I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep. I felt so restless.

When I finally got out out of bed I picked a dress that matched my mood, lavender, grey, black wrap around dress with black tights, my velour and patent Mary Jane shoes. I funked up my eye make up for added effect. Even though I looked pretty fierce, I just didn't feel right in myself.

It's probably something to so with the fact that it's that time of the month so I want to cry, scream, shout and eat my body weight in cake.

The other problem this brings is my sex drive has increased so much. God, Peter* stood over my desk discussing the football with me and I had to do everything I could to prevent myself from jumping up and pouncing on him and unzipping his pants and blowing him away. Christ...I have some will power!!!! I'm totally and utterly horny that it's irritating. I can't so anything about it!!!!! (Unless I go in the shower....)

To make matters worse, the big boss brought his son in on work experience, so I had to watch my language and make sure I didn't drop the f bomb. At lunch I ran into the break room to Suzanne, looked around and effed and Jeffed through the whole lunch break. I told Suzanne about my plight and she said that you should never beg for it and that it should always be on your terms....God, how does she keep her cool? She teaches me so much every day....I could never see her ever being or feeling the same I am now...

Nick (formally Mr. Hump n Dump) was even winding me up today. Sigh, yesterday he went back to being lovely and kind and today distant and cold. He is trashing my head horribly. I don't know if I fancy him because he's blowing hot and cold worse than a $2 whore on a bottle of Creme de Menthe. Is it because he's being a total douche to me? I don't get him. Half of me wants to grab him kiss him and forget everything and the other half wants to kick, scream and ask what the fuck are you doing to me??? The funny thing is that before it became physical w had a friendship that was amazing. He'd make me laugh. Now it's just.....weird.  I wan things to be back to the way they were.

So I'm sitting here in my jammies watching the big match feeling.....deflated. I'm off the booze, caffeine and dairy so I am feeling good body wise but mentally something just isn't sitting right with me. Hopefully a good night's sleep will make things better. And hopefully I can go back to feeling back in control again. I keep telling myself "none of this moves me"  and I need to believe it. Come on, Betty. Pull yourself together!!!!

Love

Betty Rage xxxx

On the Corporate Machine

Well today was a busy but pleasant Monday.

I woke up feeling refreshed and in such a great mood that I opted to rock my favourite dress, a red body con dress that clings to my curves perfectly. It makes my ass look amazing, hell, it would give the fabulous queen Beyoncé a run for her money!!!' I paired this weapon of a dress with a black blazer, black tights and my fierce 5 and a half inch leopard print platform stiletto heels. Oh yes I did. So I strutted into work looking the business.

Now work is the place that we, according to statistics, spend 66% of our lives (I think anyone will believe anything if there is a % after it but that sounds about right) so it is important to be content. I grew up with a work ethic of if you have to scrub toilets with your own toothbrush to survive you will,c so work is important to me.

My CV shows a lot of jumps and when I was out of work last year it kind of wasn't in my favour. But the company I am in now I am ok to settle.....for now.

It's an international corporation that's been around for ages. It's growing and changing constantly and it looks like there are plenty of opportunities if you want to progress. They have opportunities to train and better yourself. They are paying for my qualification so that's an incentive to stay. They are very.....erm.....corporate.

There is a certain way you have to act and if you don't tow the corporate line they will chuck you out. For example one morning I dropped the f bomb before my official start time and someone complained about it saying that I offended them...erm....yeah. I know who put the complaint in so when that person is in I always put on my poshest accent and remark "am I offending anyone?" Somebody clearly got trophies just for participating when they were a kid!!!!!

The actual work itself is ok. It's busy. What I do is specialised but what I'm actually doing isn't what I am paid to do. That's irritating! The pay isn't the greatest either. I haven't had a haircut or had my nails done for ages!!!!!

But saying all that, why do I stay where I am? Simple. I work with good people. In the past I worked with fucktards, assholes, bitches, back stabbers, bullies, toadies, tools, twats and general knobs. But in this company, there are those but there are more good people. Yeah you have your busy bodies that like to stick their nose into your business but you get that everywhere.

Plus at this job I met Suzanne. That girl never fails to brighten my day. Today for example we were eating lunch and she whispered to me, Betty, you know that guy Peter* (super-hot-but-super-devoted-to-his-family man) I can see why you fancy him. I saw him when I was outside having a smoke. I totally get it! I'm going to have to come over to your side if the office more often.

I just laughed and said Suzanne do you know how hard it is to concentrate on work when your facing someone as sexy as that! I'm surprised I haven't run over and licked his face!!!!

Ahhhhh Peter....we talk about football. Half the time I don't listen to him I just imagine doing naughty and filthy things about him....God he's fit!

I digress, I apologise. You see? My job has it all. Fitties, good friends, good laughs and yeah it's not so bad.

So I'm not raking in the big bucks. In my career I've had to take a step back but with getting my qualification it's worth it.

And the amazing Suzanne said it the best today at lunch (after discussing why Peter was so fit) "The journey sometimes is better than the destination....so just enjoy it."

With you by my side, Suzanne, I think I will....

Love

Betty Rage xxxxx

The Sunday Blues, manning up and getting your power back

I woke up this morning at 7am bright and early. The sun was streaming through the windows. Normally I would be up thinking what a great day to be alive! But today I was hit with a bad case of the Sunday Blues. Usually I get the Sunday Blues at around 8:30pm (after Laura goes home after KFC Football Sunday) but they came earlier. I have never woken up with the Sunday Blues before.

So I tried to do things that make me happy. I got into my little car, drove to the shop to get a newspaper (thank God I drove because the heavens opened and it pissed down rain) and had a cup of green tea with peppermint (tastes horrible but it's good for you and I am doing a caffeine detox!!!!) and I still felt crap. So what else could I do?

Clean. Nothing that Betty Rage loves more than cleaning. Honestly. I am great at cleaning but shit at cooking. (The funny thing is that I am of Italian descent so I should theoretically the amazing at cooking...) so I cleaned my chest of drawers out, folded my lingerie (I need to buy sone new pieces....I'm thinking I need some more red and black...) and my tops, gym clothes and such. Nope still got the blues.

So I even cleaned out (a superficial clean not a proper clean) under my bed, hoovered (I need a new Hoover. I have 2 and I would say that they both suck but that's the problem....they don't!!!) and I still feel like I was in a total snit. I then started asking myself why on this lovely now sunny again Sunday am I feeling so down?

I started to think. Last night I received a message from Nick (formally known as Mr. Hump n Dump) out of the blue. He congratulated me on my team winning (we support rival football teams) and asked if I was feeling better. He hasn't really spoken to me since we got physical. That kind of messed me up, to be honest. Oh Nick...just get your act together....

Then a message from the fabulous Suzanne popped up. "You ok, sugah" and with that the floodgates opened. No I wasn't. And I felt stupid for feeling it. I poured my heart out to Suzanne.

I always thought I would have my shit together by now. I'm getting closer I know but I'm tired of waiting for everything to be ok. Then the fabulous Suzanne gave me the best bit of advice I have received for a long time:

"Do you remember going on a journey with mom and dad when you was small and the closer to your destination you got the antsier you got? And the more you asked-Are We There Yet???....well, as antsy as you are NOW- does that TELL you anything???"

God she was right. Better times are around the corner I know it. I'm rebuilding, the Phoenix rising from the ashes of the disaster that happened last year. I seriously need a dose of man the fuck up. Then Suzanne said:

"Now- finish your spring clean- remember the good stuff- bin the bad stuff- and make room for the things that are about to come into your life in the next few months!!!! No room for unwanted, unused, useless stuff in your house- or mind anymore!!! Muaahhhhhhhh!!! 😘"

Goddamnit, Suzanne gave me the rocket up my ass that I needed. I put my music on and scrubbed my bathroom, got my stuff ready for tomorrow, and decided enough is enough.

I have neglected my needs for the last time so I sat down and I microplanned the rest of my week. I wrote my food shopping list for Tuesday night and started to take back control of my life.

So I sit here now in Rage Towers in a ridiculously clean flat with candles lit, lights dimmed listening to music. This is the most relaxed I have felt for awhile. My Sunday Blues have dissipated, I feel ready to face the week.

I am hoping that this feeling will stay but I know if my head drops and I want to cry, the fabulous Suzanne will give me the man up rocket up the ass that I need, because that's what true friends do.

Love

Betty Rage xxxxx

Men, there is a time and a place...

Day 3 of gastric bug. Vomiting has stopped and my colon has calmed down. But my monthly friend has shown up. Yippee. Still feeling like my limbs are made of lead. Getting up and changing my bedding took twice as long as normal as I had to sit down and take a break every 2 minutes.

On the plus side? I've lost 4 pounds in 3 days. Result!!!!!

I have also been getting acquainted with my Netflix account and I finished watching a fabulous show called The Killing. Not the American one, the original Danish one. It's a great, highly addictive show. Yes, it has subtitles but you soon become so engrossed that you find yourself transported to Copenhagen living vicariously through Detective Sarah Lund (who is my new favorite character. She kicks ass, she's smart, quick with a come back and pretty in an unconventional way....everything I wish to be!) and how she puts the world to right. Plus in the second (and final) series is the reason why I need a Danish men. Ladies, if you have Netflix, go to The Killing Second Series episode 5 fast forward to 46 minutes and 41 seconds and pause.......daaaaaaammmmmnnnnnnnn, that's why I need a Danish man! But feeling the way I feel now I could just do with a back rub, a foot massage and a cuddle which brings me to my topic today.

I have been chatting to one of the guys I met on the website he seems ok I suppose. Looks-wise not my type but seems like the sort of person I could go for as he and I have good conversations and to me, that's more important than looks. We were supposed to meet up a few weeks ago but one of my friends was having a major crisis and my philosophy is chicks before dicks. My friend needed me and I gladly went to her aid. So we provisionally set this weekend aside to meet up.

Well as you are all aware, I have this stupid tummy bug. He said I should come up to his and he'd draw me a bath and take care of me. I said that sounded lovely I will try and come up if I am feeling up to it. And I was looking forward to it. We chatted on and he kept saying how he was going to make me feel better by drawing me a bath and scrubbing my back....ok we've just met. That's a bit odd. And then he would get the champagne on ice and order a curry....erm that's lovely but tummy bug? He kept saying you'll be ok, you'll be alright. Erm, ok buddy and you know my body so well? We've met only once? I kept saying I'd like just a relaxing weekend as I need to get better. He kept going on about giving me some nice gentle TLC. Then he texted the sentence which put me off straight away.....

I texted him saying that I was drinking green tea, which I hate but I drink because it's good for you. He responds, "I can assure you that my cum tastes better, hope you get to taste it on Saturday ;-) x"

Ok, again, as you know I am not a prude. But I have a few things wrong with this text...

Firstly, who says that I want to suck his cock? Secondly, who says that I will even feel up to driving 36 miles there and 36 miles back?? And thirdly, pick your time and place!

Men, there is a time and a place to put that sort of comment out there. And it's not when your lady is sick with a tummy bug plus when her monthly friend is around!!! If I wasn't sick and my monthly friend wasn't here I might have just brushed it off. But nooooooo, he fucked with me at the wrong time!!!!

But even beside that, when you're just getting to know someone, wouldn't it make sense to be reserved and slowly bring that in if you were serious about wanting a relationship. If both parties wanted meaningless sex then yes, that makes sense.

But I am looking for a proper relationship. The me 10 years ago would have been all up for it, done it, moaned why he didn't call and then just find the next one. I have done that for a bit but it is not what I want anymore. Sure I have my "comfort friend" but that's a different situation.

But as I have stated in previous posts, I believe my Prince Charming is out there. I still have faith that our paths will cross at the right time. But until then, you do have to kiss a lot of frogs, but as I have found, I think I have been kissing the whole frog section at Chester Zoo!!!

Until next time, stay fabulous!

Love

Betty Rage xxxx

Gastric bug Day 2 - and taking care of yourself

Hey everyone! I am writing this from Rage Towers rocking my snuggly dressing gown, a white vest and a pair of jogging bottoms. Hair scraped back. Gastric bug day 2.

I phoned in sick which isn't like me but my body is feeling seriously tired and heavy. And I don't even want to go into what's going on with my colon!!! I feel guilty though. I mean really guilty! Yesterday I texted my manager (the one that looks like a kicked puppy) and she properly guilted me into going in. So I threw some clothes on, drove to work and got to the project I was working on. As I was going down the stairs my manager was coming in and with a big grin in her face she asked how I was feeling and if I was angry at her. I smiled and said I had work to do. She said she'd check in on me in an hour. I got on with my work and as the minutes ticked by I felt worse. So I called my manager and said I'm going home. So she came down and I talked her through what I was doing and I jumped in my car and zoomed back to Rage Towers. And here I am feeling tired, drained, bloated, achy and pathetic. And guilty.

After everything I went through with losing my job last year I feel like when I go back into work on Monday I am going to get sacked. Honestly. It's engrained into my mind. I know that's ridiculous. I know that the people at work saw how much pain I was in. I know I'm being stupid.

But on the upside, I've lost 2 pounds :-D

So here I am thinking I rarely get sick. I never get colds or viruses. Why did it get this bug?

Well simply, because I haven't been taking care of myself. Work has been insane so I have been skipping breakfast and lunch some days. I haven't been going to the gym. Not good at all. My social life has been good, very good but to be honest I really need some me time.

In a way, I think this gastric bug has been a blessing in disguise. It's made me slow down and realise that I need to take my physical and mental health seriously. I need to learn to turn down social plans and make sure that I am not rushing around like a crazy lady and worrying about everything. I need to stand up and say "No, I can't afford to go out. I want a quiet night in." But I also need to train myself that this is ok to say and think. So I have made a pact. Every night I am giving myself an hour of me time every night and I a giving myself more "me-ekends". Think of all the money I will save! That means that I can save and spend more money on shoes! Result!

I hope you all make the same resolutions. Give yourself the gift of me-time. It's the most important gift you can give to yourself!

Stay fabulous!

Love

Betty Rage xxxx

Gastric flu sucks and neighbours

Hello everyone!!!!

I am writing from my flat in a hoodie, trackie bottoms, vest, no bra looking and feeling like I have been hit by a truck. This sucks royally!

It all started at 2am yesterday morning when one of my neighbours decided to drive into the car park of the apartment complex where I live blasting his music really loudly.  And I couldn’t get back to sleep.  At all.  I was tired but couldn’t sleep.  So I when I finally ended up getting back to sleep, I slept in and woke up a bit later than normal.  I had a shower, didn’t bother washing my hair, threw on a pair of black trousers, a tunic, pulled my hair back, no make-up on, plus wearing a pair of ballet flats (God I feel dirty!) to find that the CEO of the company I work for has decided to come in today…I looked rough.  Very rough!!! Great! If only he came in on Tuesday because I looked good…and I mean really good!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrr!!!  Plus I am giving up caffeine so yesterday was very interesting.

Well that kind of brings me into today’s topic, neighbours.

I live in an apartment complex on the edge of Manchester city centre.  I have the canal, bars, restaurants and museums on my doorstep which means that every weekend brings a new adventure.  I like that.

I have a small apartment but I like to think that I have decorated it and made use of the space that I have available.  It’s my own little corner of the world, my place to feel safe.  It’s usually quiet (Tuesday morning's shenanigans are very rare) and I am so lucky because the wing of the block of flats that I live in, I have only two neighbours.  And I have hit the neighbour lottery with them.  They are both fabulous!

Neighbour number one I hold in very high regard.  Andrea* is literally the nicest, sweetest, kindest, most loveliest human being I have ever had the pleasure to encounter. 

I was living in the apartment above her back a few years ago.  I had just thrown my ex boyfriend out and I was quite literally all alone.  I felt so scared and felt like I didn’t have a friend in the world.  One Friday night, I was all wrapped up in my dressing gown, pigging out on Ben and Jerry’s feeling sorry for myself and then I heard a knock on my door.  I opened the door and there was Andrea.  She said, I think that your bathroom is leaking into my bathroom.  I then burst into tears.   She came in and comforted me.  Held me as I cried.  I didn’t know how I was going to afford my flat and I just felt like the lowest of the low.  She said I have a spare room you can move in there?  So I packed my things when my lease was up and I moved in with her. 

We had the best time!  We never argued, had a laugh and a great friendship grew.  We were there for each other and I now consider dear Andrea as one of my closest and dearest friends. 

Then she moved her boyfriend in….her boyfriend is an absolute dick.  He’s cheated on her, lied to her, and basically she is his maid.  When I was living there, he tried to make both Andrea and me his personal tea making machine.  That stopped very quickly.  I would hear their arguments and screaming matches and wonder how I kept my mouth shut.  I have kindly told her how I feel but she insisted on going on with this.  I then made the decision to move out.

The apartment next door was going and so I thought, why not!  So I did!  And I have been there ever since. 

My other neighbour is a lovely girl from Newcastle named Laura*.  She’s like a little sister to me.  She is well travelled, strong and unfortunately moving away from me at the end of the month.  Gutted. 

We said we'd still keep in touch and we have a few nights out planned. But I'll miss our football and takeaway Sundays, going for runs together, how she in her own way puts things into perspective for me. She has held me when I cried, laughs at my corny jokes, and the favour is always returned. When she lost her baby I held her when she cried and reassured her, I helped her through her problems with her boyfriend and helped her pick outfits out before going out on the town. God I will miss her.

But you never know...I might get another fab neighbour or better yet...that Fittie from the diet coke commercial!!! All I know is that I have made great friends that I will have for life.

And a new chapter will open, so fingers crossed it's the Fittie from the diet coke advert...

Lots of love

Betty Rage 

Adventures in Online Dating

I hope that everyone is having a fab day today!  It’s cool, cloudy and rainy but that’s Manchester for you!  It’s not the worst.  What Manchester lacks weather-wise it makes up for in its people, its culture and, of course, its shopping!

After going to bed last night at 8pm (yes you read that right….8pm) I woke up from a dream about sitting in a large Jacuzzi tub stressing that I didn’t have my shampoo to wash my hair feeling very refreshed!  So today I rocked into work wearing a cute scarlet coloured shift dress with embellishment on the collar, a black cardigan, black tights and my leopard print velour platform and 5 and a half inch stiletto shoes, red lippy and yes, I rocked in wearing my oversized Oliver Peoples sunglasses (Kate Moss was papped once wearing the same exact pair of sunnies that I was rocking 2 weeks after I bought them…and if they are good enough for that skinny bitch, well they are good enough for me!) Joe*, one of my gay friends at work, said “Ooooooo, is that a young Elizabeth Taylor?” to which I replied, “Darling, Lizzy has nothing on me!”  Girlies, if you are rocking up in something that you feel good in, you will have a great day and people will notice!!

So, let’s get down to business.

Manchester is England’s second (behind London) most populated urban area and there are 510,700 people who actually live within a 5 mile radius of the city centre.  In this centre of culture, restaurants, pubs, clubs, museums and fabulous boutiques; it’s a singleton’s paradise!!

But, I have found it difficult to go out in a pub or a club and meet a man.  (Usually by the time I get the confidence to do so, I am half cut and drooling on myself and I end up either scaring the guy, offending the guy or licking his face…) So I have joined the millions of people in the UK and decided to give online dating a go.

I first tried this back in the tall end of 2012.  I did some free Facebook online dating thing and I met some interesting characters.

The first guy and I had a great first date.  We laughed, the conversation flowed and we just seemed to click.  We agreed to meet again and then on our second date he showed up completely plastered and said he loved me….in front of a crowded pub…yeah….I felt sorry for him and fed him the we can still be friends lines that us girls say to try and let them down easy.  I was getting random texts and facebook messages from him that were a bit freaky so I blocked him.

Then there was Mr. Intense.  Mr. Intense is rich, very rich and I think lonely and also very horny.  You couldn’t have a conversation with him unless you mentioned sex.  Now, as you all know, I am not a prude.  I like to think of myself as a modern lady.  But if you go into a relationship, yes the sex side will come naturally but if that’s all there is, then that relationship will fail completely.  That and the fact that Mr. Intense insisted on sending me pictures of his rather small penis. 

Bring in Mr. Cuddles.  Mr. Cuddles lied about his appearance (He was way heavier than his photo but being a bigger girl myself, I know how it feels to be judged on appearances so I gave him a chance) and I had a good first date and then on the second date I found out some more about him.  I met him at the pub around the corner from his house.  At the pub, he mentioned that he hadn’t been honest with me from the start.  He said he would explain when he took me to his house. 

Well, his house turned out to be his mum’s house that he was living in…with his mum…and he had a 3 year old little boy.  When we entered the house, he put his arm around my shoulder and said Mum meet my girlfriend Betty*.  Wow…so his mum gave us a cheeky glance and said she was going to do her shift at the hospital and to “behave” and “have fun”.  So he made me some dinner and poured me a large glass of wine and kept plying me with wine so I couldn’t drive.  We watched a film, and during the film he proceeded to tell me what was going to happen in the next scene of the film…I was clearly annoyed and I couldn’t go home due to the amount of wine I had drunk and then he said…”let’s go to bed”.  He helped me upstairs and we went to bed….he didn’t try anything untoward.  He just spooned me all night.  It was kind of nice in a strange sort of way. 

Then I woke up to feel a raging boner poking my bum.  He whispered in my ear, morning beautiful.  Now one of 2 things were going to obviously happen.  Considering he outweighed me by at least 5 stone, I was going to get the ass raping of a lifetime (which was definitely out of character) or I was going to get cuddled to death.  Well, for and hour and a half I was being spooned and cuddled to death.  I tried to remove his hands and I was thinking about resorting to biting him.  But he then declared that he needed to go to the bathroom.  So I took this opportunity to get up, get my clothes on and run!!!!

Then I went out with a guy who had a breast feeding fetish (he wanted me to “breast feed” him while he wanked himself off) and then the guy who was clearly simple.  I mean it was like going on a date with a 10 year old guy who was stuck in a 35 year old's body.  If he wanted to send me a text, I would get a text, a Facebook message and a what’s app message all at the same time.  He would Facetime me and the conversation would be like:

Me: Hi you ok

Simple Guy: Yup I am fine (big cheesy and unnerving smile)

Me: Erm….how was your day at work?

Simple Guy:  Good (same big cheesy and unnerving smile)

Stare at each other for a few minutes….

Me: Uhhhhhhh….any news?

Simple Guy: Nope

Honestly.  I had to let him down by blocking him because he was so slow on the uptake.  I told him that it wasn’t working and I pulled all the normal clichés and he just didn’t get the hint!

Then I took a break from the dating scene.  In December, my friend Laura* (More about Laura* in tomorrow’s post) decided that I needed a boyfriend so she wrote a profile for me on a popular paid dating website.  So I tried again.  I had a few good dates that kind of fizzled out.

So far I have met up with the guy who looks like a turtle (that’s kind of fizzled out), the fittie but that too has fizzled out, a boob honker, a very sexually repressed guy with a nice smile and then I starting talking to this guy who was a total sexist prick.  He had strong views on everything.  We had a 5 hour phone conversation (this was before I found out what a total bellend he was) in which he told me that he didn't toleratealcohol consumption, that I would have to get my tattoos removed and that I shouldn’t take contraception because he doesn’t want his girl to be “high” on hormones.  Wow.  What a catch. You tell me what to do with my body…you’re delightful!!!  And when the phone cut off he called back demanding to know why I didn’t call him back. I blocked that twat very quickly!

The funny thing is that even despite all the above examples, I still believe my Knight in Shining Armour is out there.  It might end up that he is stuck up a tree somewhere and that I have to rescue him.  I will meet him in time, I know and I have kissed my fair share of frogs.  But I will still keep believing and I will still have faith that he is out there.

Basically girlies, there are some lovely guys out there. If you are a single lady don’t give up.  There are really some genuinely good guys out there.  Sometimes they are in front of your face!

So until next time, dear readers, stay fabulous!

Love Always

Betty Rage

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent and not so innocent…

Clarification of Yestersy's Blog and Mr. Hump n Dump's Redemption?

Happy Monday readers!!!!  (If there is such thing?)

Firstly I would like to clarify a few points in regards to my post last night. 

I do not condone cheating at all.  I have been cheated on, lied to and treated like shit before and it isn’t pleasant.  I don’t wish it on anyone and I think that sort of behaviour is disgusting.

In regards to Rita and Jeff*, I said what I said out of exasperation.  Their situation has been going on for a few months and I think that I just got so fed up with the fact that they are clearly using seeing me to watch the football as a cover for their affair.

I don’t want to get involved in their drama and all they talk about is wanting to go all the way and how they desire each other and how they need each other.  I think a bit of me just snapped and thought just get on with it already and move on!!!

But I do stand by what I said about if you are feeling and thinking these things you need to take a step back and look at the situation.  Do you really love your current partner?  Or are you there because of fear and familiarity.  All this bullshit about you only live once is complete and utter crap.  You live every day, you only die once.  So take those days, moments and precious time and live it to the full and surround yourself with people that you love and care about.  Treat people the way that you want to be treated.  Simple.

Now that is sorted, onto Monday.  Today I was rocking a wine and black wraparound dress, a black blazer, black tights and black platform stiletto Mary Janes.

In typical Monday fashion, I strutted in, had great banter with the security guard about the footy results and then spoke to my number one perv target about the match.  God, he is so dreamy, intelligent and is just sex on legs.  He’s married with kids and that for me is an absolute no go!!!  But it doesn’t stop me from daydreaming… and daydream I do!!!!

Then something completely unexpected happened….Every Monday after the football results I always send through emails with funny memes to the football fans that I get along with.  On that list is Mr. Hump and Dump. I didn’t expect to get anything back and then I got a message acknowledging that my team played great and that his team played crap.  I took a deep breath and typed back “Are we cool?”  Again I didn’t expect to get anything back.

Ping, new message in my inbox from Mr. Hump n Dump:

“Yeah defo, sorry about everything my mums really not well at the moment so been back and forth from the hospital.. my head not with anything at the mo”

Well that was totally unexpected!!!  I know it doesn’t seem like much but it’s something.  I don’t feel so dirty.

To be honest, yes I fancy him.  He’s a great kisser, very gentle and sweet.  But the thought of losing his friendship hurts more than losing the physical aspect.  I know that we are not made for each other and he’s totally not relationship material but to have him as a friend? Yeah, to me that matters more. 

So I am putting this situation down to experience and I will remove the title Mr. Hump and Dump and just refer to him as Nick*.

Things can and do happen in the heat of the moment. And sometimes we are so blinded by the here and now that we forget that actions do indeed carry consequences. Some of them physical but it's the psychological one that can and do cause the most damage.

Lots of Love

Betty Rage xxxx

P.S. *Names have been changed to protect the innocent and not so innocent  

The a Ballad of Rita and Jeff....Romeo and Juliet 2014?

Hi everyone!!!!! Well, on this Sunday I was a busy girl. My friends were coming over to watch a very big football (soccer to my American friends) match. And in the spirit I rocked a totally fabulous outfit, a quirky printed blouse, skinny jeans and some ballet pumps...yes I actually rocked some ballet pumps!!! (Suzanne calls it my "soccer mom" outfit.....grrrrrrr!!!) but I secretly like the outfit. As the beautiful Suzanne says, it shows a different side to me. That is very true. I have my sexy secretary look, made up face, heels and a fierce wardrobe but it's nice to show the world your softer side every once and awhile. I like to to its understated and approachable.

So today my friends came over. First to arrive is my friend Dan. Dan is an old, good friend, we dated awhile back but it didn't work and we are too good of friends, then the beautiful Rita showed up. Rita, Rita, Rita....

Rita, on paper, is a woman that I should hate.....a lot. She's tall (5 foot 8 compared to my 5 foot 4), she's skinny and i mean really skinny. A UK size 4-6 (0-2 for my Americans) and she had a child also!!!!! No stretch marks just a perfect flat belly. She has fake breasts. These are amazing. She is a stunner. But Rita is down to earth, funny, sweet, genuine and just plain lovely. Honestly. But I always feel inadequate around her. There she is beautiful and there I am, a total heifer compared to her. She eats like a pig but never gains a pound. And I can't bring myself to hate her!!!!!!

She's in a relationship but bitterly unhappy. She says her boyfriend doesn't show her love and affection. Now men, you have a stunning, lovely, drop dead gorgeous woman and you don't show her attention?????? Jaysus....what's his problem!!!!!! God he needs a brain transplant.

Enter Jeff. Jeff, Rita and I all worked that the company that shafted me. We all get along like a house on fire. Jeff is young, very good looking, classy, funny and charming. Personally not my type looks wise, too pretty, but he's a top friend. Jeff is in a relationship with his lovely girlfriend. Now here's the fun bit.

Jeff and Rita are mad about each other. They've kissed, groped but never gone all the way. They come over to watch the football with me but at times I feel like they use me to see each other. It's a bit irritating. Here I am all single, frumpy and massive compared to the beautiful Rita. And Jeff is beautiful too. Surely they should be together? When they are together everything gets forgotten, including myself. It's lovely to see a love story but sometimes I just feel used.

Anyway tonight they were kissing and flirting while Dan and I were watching the footie (we won great result!)  and this continued most of the evening. Dan went home and it was just the 3 of us left. Rita and Jeff were kissing and I snapped. I told them to go and fuck each other and get it out of their system. Jeff was guarded and Rita wanted it.

Later on, Jeff called a cab to go home. That left Rita and me. Rita broke down saying how unhappy she is...she's got the perfect figure, has a kid and a boyfriend and a shoe closet that just about rivals mine...her problem? Her man won't give her the affection and love she wants. She keeps going on about being with Jeff. As we were talking the texts were coming through, i want to fuck you. You're hot. Oh baby...So I devised a plan. Use my flat as a bonking ground. They are considering it.

The one thing about this story that I don't get is if you are unhappy, why stay? Go off and be happy with someone else. My grandma always said it's better to be alone then in bad company. Happiness is a choice, people.

So I sat back and look at Rita. Her perfect body, shoes, clothes, car.....she's missing the one thing she wants......love.

And that's what it comes down to. You can buy everything this day and age except for time and love. And those two things are the most precious of all.

Good night pookies and darlings. Have a great evening and a better tomorrow.

Lots of love

Betty Rage xxxxx

What a difference a year makes.....

Happy Saturday everyone!!!!!  It's cool, grey and slightly rainy. So here I am in my little flat, washing in the washing machine, hair dye in my head, touching up my roots (thank heavens I'm single because no man would wasn't to touch me now!!!!!)  sipping a cup of hazelnut coffee. I should be at kick boxing class but after the week I've had, I just need a me morning. Life is so precious and we need time to take care of ourselves...in a blink of an eye it can all change as I found out a year ago.....

Friday 15 March 2013...a day that I will always remember....

My parents had just gone home the day after visiting for a week. I was working for a company not too far away from where I live. It was a family run company headed by a man who was....well....eccentric. Imagine giving a 4 year old boy 4 cans of full fat coke, 2 cans of red bull, a speed tablet, £2 million and a Maserati. He liked to surround himself with young, beautiful women who didn't question things. Then along came me. Short, has a few pounds on, questions everything and doesn't take shit from anyone.  I was brought in to change processes and because I am mouthy and assertive I didn't fit the mould and critically, I didn't fit in either. The only people I got along with was a girl named Rita* (more about Rita tomorrow) and the lads that worked in the warehouse.

So that afternoon, I was called into the boardroom. There sat my manager and his little toady (a rich young sted-head) and I knew something was going down. I sat down and they told me that my contract was immediately terminated. I didn't hear the rest of what they said. I was stunned. Shocked. The first thing I thought was how am I going to pay my rent? My bills? Am I going to be homeless? How am I going to survive? Then I heard my manager mention a pay out. Basically I had to sign papers to guarantee that I wasn't going to go to a lawyer and take it further and they gave me a lump sum of money to shut me up. It was a massive lump sum. I was shaking. I massaged to ask was it my work? My manager stuttered and couldn't answer the question. 

I mumbled something about I know it's not you and best of luck. I got up and shook my manager's and his toady's hands and walked out. The office manager (who I thought was a friend) handed me my bag. I got into my car and drove home. When I got in the tears came. I fell to pieces. I didn't get to say goodbye to Rita and the warehouse lads. But mostly, I felt like I let my family down. I called my parents in tears. I told them what happened. I told them I was sorry as I let them down. They told me that I would be ok. That I would land on my feet. I called my best friend and told him. I just cured, and cried the rest of the night. 

The next day I woke up to messages and texts from the lads in the warehouse and Rita. They were all upset too. I felt a bit better. Then I loaded up my emails and I found one from my dad....Here's the actual email he sent:

Too bad about your news today but those things happen. So now it is time to make a few lists of things to do:

#1 - Attitude - must be positive, cheerful, confident and "can do"

#2 - A list of all the business people you have had recent contact with to stay in touch with and 'mine' them for any job openings that they may be aware of. Don't bore them with the sordid details of  what happened just be positive as in 'you are ready to get started'.

#3 - A list of reliable friends that you have met along the way that you can work with regard to anything that they may be aware of, same as #2 above, don't bore them with the details etc.

#4 - Review finances and set up a plan to cover an rapid recovery and a plan B for a prolonged lack of income.

#5 - Get CV updated and posted

#6 - Get your name out to any temp agency that will talk to you and be open to trying something else on a short term basis if necessary.

I have a feeling that something will pop up out of the left field very soon and that all will be well. However, no matter how p.o.'ed you may be over this do not bad mouth anyone at Your old job (or any other job you may have worked at for that matter) as potential employers tend to think of that as being a bit immature. Try to think in terms of what you can offer as opposed to the minute detail of what you did.

As far as the next few days are concerned just relax and take it easy, don't think about how mad and upset you are (that does not move you forward) but plan what your campaign is going to be. There is nothing that you can do until monday morning so any worrying is just a waste of energy - there is nothing worth looking at in the rear view mirror....

Anyway, so much for these hurried thoughts, I hope you can get going on another new chapter, the book is getting bigger.....

Love Dad.   

I took my dad's advice. I picked myself up and I ended up taking a good, hard look at myself. Maybe I was the problem. Maybe I was so uptight. I let things get to me. I made a vow to never do that again. So I started temping. I made some great friends and I signed up and started dating again. I started enjoying life!!! 

I got a more stable job in May (exactly 58 days after I got done over) it was only temporary but I enjoyed it! The work was basic so my figures were the best. The management loved me! And for the first time, I actually made friends!!! I relaxed and let people in. 

The job was great but the money was shit and I knew that my safety cushion was going to be depleted so I kept looking for more permanent work. I went on quite a few interviews until one day out of left fired I got an interview for a massive company.

When I went to the interview I thought I crashed and burned...I mean I was put through my paces. When I finished my interview my head hurt. I went back to my temp job frazzled.

I received a call from the agency saying that I impressed them at this interview and they wanted to see me again. So on 16 August, I got suited and booted and went to the second interview, this was relaxed and I enjoyed it. When I finished I shook both interviewers hands and got into my car and drove away.

When I got back I had a missed call. Well, they offered me the job and here I am at my current job. I started it in September and I actually feel really happy in my work life.

Yes, I have bad, busy, crazy days but you know what? This past year has taught me to relax, have fun. Don't be afraid to make friends and just enjoy every day. I am definitely a better person for it. 

So my fellow readers. Please appreciate the people, the things and the life you have. It can literally change and be taken away so quickly and so easily.

So, I hope that you can take something from this post. I hope that my words and my dad's words can give you guidance and help you through your life.

"Never look back and never give up"

Love always,

Betty xxx

That Friday Feelin' and the Ex Factor

Well happy Friday to everyone!!!! I had a fabulous Friday. Today was casual day at work, so I rocked an oriental/kimono top with bootcut jeans, cowboy boots finished off with a Fendi bag. So yes, I looked good!

Everyone had that Friday feeling today at work. My manager and I even had a giggle and a good perv over the sexy George Clooneyeque IT Director. That guy is pure filth! The naughty things I think when I see him!!!

As you are all aware, it's been manically crazy at work for me; I rarely get a lunch break. But today I put my cowboy boot down. So I went out on my lunch break with my good friend Suzanne.* Every once and awhile in life you meet a someone who gets you, understands you perfectly. Well Suzanne is that someone. She's a strong woman and we have been through similar experiences. When we go out together, we get into trouble, there is never a dull moment! She always makes me laugh and she is upbeat and no matter what life throws at my dear Suzanne, she takes it, goes with it and makes it work for her. She's definitely a cat, always lands on her feet!!

One of the many things I love about Suzanne is the fact that she has overcome so much and always looks forward which brings me to what is on my mind...ladies and gentlemen, the "Ex Factor".

What do you do when an ex contacts you? Do you go back or move forward like the beautiful Suzanne?

Bring forward the ex. The Ex and I go back to 2004....yes, 10 years ago. I was a 22 year old living a life of getting drunk, falling out of clubs and waking up next to strangers in Hertfordshire. The ex, at the time, was working for a company that supplied the company I worked for. He was 4 years younger than me. Had a cheeky smile, made me laugh, and did crazy things. I like the fact that he was younger than me. I liked how when I was with him, all problems went away. One night we went to this scabby night club, bought a bottle of champagne and swigged it from the bottle as we walked arm and arm around the club. But he had issues. Major issues. He got married and divorced very young and carried his wedding band around with him always. The divorce was hard on him as his ex cheated on him. His behaviour became more erratic as time went on. Where he thought he was being spontaneous, he was actually scaring the shit out of me. Then, one Friday he said he was going to drive up and see me for a romantic weekend. So I got a bikini wax, shaved my legs and put my sluttiest lingerie on. And I waited....and waited....and waited.....the candles I lit had burned out and I sat there feeling like a complete ass. I spent the night crying on my bedroom floor. I didn't hear from him after that....until this past Monday.

He looked me up on Facebook and saw where I worked. He used his logic and guessed my work email address. He sent me an email saying he misses me, always loved me, blah, blah, blah, bullshit, verbal diarrhoea, more bullshit. But a part of me was intrigued. Had he changed the way he said he had? Was there still a spark? That smile, God!!!! He keeps pushing to come up from Milton Keynes and see me. My brain is totally pickled. I haven't thought about him in ages and now he comes back into my life??? What the fuck? Half of me is beyond angry at him. He hurt me! He left me in that flat waiting! He didn't even have the testicular fortitude to call me, text me or email me!!!!! But the other half of me says that I have been given so many second chances in life. So do I give him a second chance? A wise person once said that sometimes giving someone a second chance is like reloading a gun because they missed you the first time, or some shit like that. All I know is that this is absolutely wrecking my head.

But saying all that, I know what I must do. Pour a glass of red, hit the block button on Facebook, put my 6 inch platform Carvela stilettos on and strut off fabulous and free into the sunset.....



*Names have been changed to protect the innocent.....or the not is innocent....;-)

You Can't Always Get What You Want....

I have always been one of these people that it either all happens to me all at once or nothing will happen to me at all.  That's the way it's always been! So the last few weeks have been...well....trying!!! My workload has increased and with Mr. Hump and Dump and going out on dates...God, I have felt so worn down!!! So what's a single girl to do when she feels worn down and is in need of some TLC? She calls her "Comfort Friend".

What is a "Comfort Friend" you ask? Well, it's basically a friend with benefits.  Some people refer to them as "Fuck Buddies" but I can assure you that mine is more than that!

Mine is a DJ here in the city. He's a few years older than me but we get along great. You see, not only is it a physical thing but he cooks for me! As I am useless in the kitchen, he's appealing to two needs! We see each other every two to three weeks. Awhile ago I tried to get rid of him because he partook in some activities that I personally am not comfortable with. But I found I missed him. I didn't just miss the dinners and the sex but I missed the company. The rude and un-PC jokes he tells. So we made a pact. Ignorance is bliss. He can do what he wants but we have laid down some really strict ground rules: no discussing other lovers (we use protection), no discussing the activities that I am not comfortable with, no falling in love, no mushy feelings. Just sex and dinner. We decided that a relationship between us would never work down to our different lifestyles, the age gap (which doesn't bother me) and that we are also too good of friends.

We get back to mine and I am feeling tired, worn out, vulnerable, scared and in need of a cuddle. He wraps his arms around me and kisses the top of my head. I feel instantly better. His hugs make me feel safe and warm. I grab us some beers and he cooks up 2 steaks, makes a lovely blue cheese sauce and I put some bagged salad on the plates. We had a nice meal watched some tv.

After the meal, I won't get into the gory details....a lady never tells after all!

Afterwards, we lay in each other's arms, his fingers tickling my bare skin. Ruffling my hair, rubbing my neck, tracing down my spine with his fingertips. I feel content, safe, warm. But most importantly I forget all the tough stuff at work. I forget about the fact that work is dragging me down and that I haven't rocked up in heels or worn make up for the last two days at work. I forget about Mr. Hump and Dump. I forget about turtle man. The other dates I had. It's just me, the candles I lit, and him. He's giving me what I need now. The feeling of being cared for and the feeling of being needed. I can be myself with him. He can be himself with me. Not only are we physically naked but emotionally naked. As we chat, laugh, and reminisce about our younger days, I realise that Mick Jagger was right. You can't always get what you want but if you try sometimes you just might find you get what you need. And tonight, darlings, I got what I needed. A good meal, a good laugh, some good lovin' and most importantly some tenderness. Sometimes us women just need to be told that everything will be ok and that we are princesses. Sometimes we need to feel vulnerable and we need someone to hold us and to be told that's it ok to feel these feelings.

So I go to bed tonight feeling satisfied, full and I feel that I am slowly getting my power back. After all, a good orgasm does help with a good nights sleep....

The Beginning....

I have wanted to do this for a long time and tried it a few years ago. Only then I didn't realise that I wasn't ready. But I know now I am. Let me get you all up to date if my current situation,

This is an anonymous blog to protect the innocent (and not so innocent). I am technologically retarded and have no clue about what to do how to make this blog look funky but I think I can glean that info from other sources.

So what am I going to write about? Ok. I will be discussing my insane life.

I am just over the wrong side of 30 living in Manchester, England. I have my own flat (renting) my own car (a red convertible) and a lot of shoes. Really. 153 pairs last time I counted. I am single and I'm constantly searching for my knight in shining armour....not some retard in tin foil that I seem to be attracting.

I am overweight but I am working on that. I am dieting and working out. So I am optimistic about that!!!!

I work in a massive company in an important job. I have a lovely, sweet, clueless manager who constantly has the look of a kicked puppy on her face, another team member who is there temporarily but she wants to be somewhere else. She is dead glam. But I have noticed that people talk around her and not really speak highly of her.....hmmmmmmm ....no one likes a know it all. And an admin who is new that I am trying to suss out. My manager's manager us lovely but he hates confrontation. It's hilarious!!!! Someone needs to write a sitcom about this!!!

Eye candy...there are a couple of men who are tasty. The IT manager and this other guy who sits close to me...he's super hot but super devoted to his lovely wife and kids...I still think naughty thoughts about him....there was a guy in accounts but he turned out to be a hump and dump. Now he won't talk to me....honestly...I'm an adult...all he needs to say is "hey, I don't like you like that" yes I would be angry but I could cope with that....why are some men total dicks?????

So I have been on a popular dating site and I have been on a couple of dates and met some interesting people. Tonight's date. We met in tje Atlas Bar in the city center. I rocked up in a fabulous red dress with floral detail and some killer heels. He rocked up in a vintage limited addition purple suit. Yes it sounds bad but it was good. There were 3 things that turned me off about him, though.  First thing:  he resembles a turtle. Yes he looks like a turtle. Second, we would undoubtedly argue over closet space. He is a clothes and fashion fiend like me. And third: he was a shit kisser. It wasn't a pleasant kissing experience. At all.  So I left slightly drunk and craving a kebab. I didn't succumb to the kebab craving.....

Last nights date was hot. The guy was absolutely fit. I have never dated a hottie like this guy. A great kisser. God, my skin tingled afterwards. My concern? He's fit. He's hot. He's well endowed (I took stock when we were kissing but he sent me photographic evidence of his massive cock. I mean this is huge!!!) but i am scared he's a chubby chaser. I am trying to lose weight. Have too many awesome outfits to get into. I can't be with a feeder. We had a lovely night then I kissed him and he spent he night tracing my curves through my dress....I didn't have the heart to tell him that I had Spanx on so he thinks that I am firm and hot. He and I have kept texting and we want to see each other again....I just want to lick his rock hard abs. It would be rude not to. Honestly...he's pure filth.

Any who, that enough for tonight I will update tomorrow....take care you all...stay fabulous and don't forget who you are

Betty Rage xxxxx