On Work Madness and The Fear

Hey Ragers and Ragettes!!!  I am sooooooooooo sorry for the lack of posting.  We are still waiting for our broadband to get connected up at the new flat.  And you know what it is like without broadband...so I have been sneaking posts in at work (naughty, naughty...Simon doesn't know that he is dating the Fabulous Betty Rage and I want to keep it that way...not out of shame or anything but this is my outlet.)

Well, the last 2 weeks have been very busy and crazy.  Work has been busy but fab!  It honestly doesn’t feel like I am going into work every day.  Keith (one of the warehouse lads) put it best.  It’s like a strange hobby that you go in for and you just happen to get paid.  He’s totally right.  I am learning as much as I can and according to Simon, I am picking it up very well.  It’s just the technical questions that I am not very strong with.  But I know that in time I will learn it all.

We all have a laugh at work.  On Friday night, me, Simon and Keith met at the pub where Simon and I had our first date.  (Errol didn’t make it out.  Booo!!!) We had a laugh, a fab night and I ended up making a total arse of myself.

We were discussing Simon and my first date and how Simon took me back to the warehouse.  Keith gave me a look that suggested that he knew that Simon and I had hot and horny sex on the office floor.  So I blurted that out.  The problem?  Keith actually didn’t know that.  So I just told someone that I have to work with every day that I had sex with the manager on the office floor.....the floor that he has to walk by every day....yeah....I put my foot in my mouth indeed!!  At least I looked good.  I was rocking a nude and black body con dress and my favourite Carvella Nude Mary Jane 6 inch stiletto heels.  And I played up my eyes.  I did a smokey eye with nude lip gloss.  It worked.

This past weekend Simon and I had a lot of realisations about the last 2 weeks.  And  reflected on what I actually have now.

Both of us have gone through a turbulent but great time.  I admire Simon so much.  He’s younger than me but for a younger guy, he has is shit together.  That is so unusual for a younger man.  When I was doing the whole dating thing, I always went for older men because I thought that they would have their shit together.  What I found was mostly they didn’t.  Some of them were not working, living off the state.  Some lied about their lives and situation.  But not Simon.  He’s so hardworking and lovely.  I see him get frustrated at work;  he puts his heart and soul into his business.  He also puts his heart and soul into me.

On Saturday, we went back to Rage Towers to clean and to get the place looking lovely for when my landlady comes to check it out.  He helped me scrub, clean, hoover, window vac...we took a break from our cleaning and looked out at the Manchester Vista.  I was going to miss Rage Towers.  I started to cry and Simon held me and just let me cry out my sadness in leaving Manchester.  He put his fingers through my hair and put my head on his chest.  I felt so safe with him.

Then when we got back to our new flat, he drew me a hot bath and poured me a glass of wine.  He got me into the bath, washed my back, and just made me feel like a goddess.  He is absolutely perfect and amazing....and that is the Fear.

He’s turned into everything that I have ever wanted in a man.  He’s good looking, kind, loving, affectionate, sweet, can be silly, strong, independent and he, I know, would put me in my place if I stepped out of line.  And secretly, I like that.

Why am I terrified, you ask?

Because what do you do when everything that you have ever wanted lands on your lap?  What if it isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be?  That’s what scares me.  I am scared that I am going to get bored of Simon and fuck this up.  I can actually see a future with this and that is what scares me the most.

But I can’t live my life walking on eggshells and trying to over compensate.  That’s not the basis of good mental health practices and good relationships.

So I am taking each day as it has been given to me.  I am enjoying Simon and his kind of loving.  I am enjoying the kisses, cuddles, laughs, hugs and love making.  And I am doing everything  I can to be the best girlfriend possible.

I’m not perfect and Simon knows that.  But I will put everything I can into this and make it work!  And Ragers and Ragettes, that’s all you need to do!!

Until next time, stay fabulous!

Lots of Love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxxxxxxxxx