Monday 12 May 2014

On Parents: Part 2

Hey Ragers and Ragettes!  Sorry for the lack of posting, the last few days have been....well....eventful!

Simon and I have found a lovely apartment and we are moving in this week!  Eeeeekkkk!!!  So massive changes!!!

As each day goes by, I am learning more about Simon and his family and his life.  Simon is such a strong person.  For as I have found, he has a very big cross to bear.

On Friday, he broke down and revealed that his mother is in fact, an alcoholic.  His father also appears to be going down that road too.

He told me how he felt like he had to be the parent to his parents.  He told me that when his mum got done for drinking and driving and was banned driving for 2 years how he tried to protect her by pouring vodka into a glass and saying that she had the drink when she got home.  He also said that he didn’t want to lose me because of his parent’s actions.

My heart instantly went out to him.  I felt angry at his parents for putting him through this.  Simon isn’t a heavy drinker at all.  I instantly started to look at my drinking habits. 

I like a glass of red wine each night with my meal, I must admit.  But I think also maybe drink a bit too much.

When I left my home and ventured out in the big world by myself, I started to properly drink. I would get bladdered and wake up the next day strangely hangover free. So I continued to drink.  I would get mercilessly slaughtered and soon my weight began to balloon.

I have wondered about my drinking habits.  I know that drinking is bad for you but I do like a glass of red wine.  There is something really sophisticated about after a hard days work, coming home, making a nice meal, like a stirfry or chicken and veggies and pouring a glass of red.  You see it on TV and it looks so, well, posh.

But seeing what his parent’s drinking habits are doing to him, it hurts me.  I am falling in love with this guy and I adore him.  And if I had to choose the drink or him, Simon would win every day of the week.  But the question is, why don’t his parents see it the same?

My dad likes a glass of wine or a beer with his dinner, but it’s just one.  And my mama is tee total (too many calories!) so this was never a problem that I ever had to think about.

Last night for example was so uncomfortable.  I went and watched the final football match with Dan and Dan dropped me off at Simon’s parent’s home.  Simon invited Dan in for a drink and his parents were already on it.  When I got through the door a glass of red was handed to me straight away.  I had a few at the pub so I was a bit merry I took the glass, I have to admit, rather reluctantly.  Dan stayed for an hour or so.  And then he headed off.

When he left, his mum started severely slurring her words.  And when Simon would talk she’d look at me and slur, “You’re a beautiful girl” and kiss me.  Simon would get so irate.  This happened a few times and then Simon exploded.  His mum whimpered and his dad barked at her to shut up.

Me?  I for one was lost for words.  So I said the first thing that came to mind.  “Erm, I want a glass of water.  Does anyone want one also?

I got up and Simon followed me.  When I got to the kitchen, he took my arm and looked into my eyes.  His eyes were welling up with tears.  Mine did too.  I felt hurt for him.  I hugged him and told him that it was ok.  I didn’t think anything less of him.   I asked if I did the right thing and he said me getting up and changing the subject was the best thing as his mum will forget it the next day.  I told him no more drink for me tonight or for the rest of the week.

His mum came in to serve dinner.  It was a lovely Greek dish.  Simon wanted to grab the food and go to his den.  His mum said the Tzaki was in the dining room.  When I walked into the dining room for the tzaki, I saw the table was fully set with salad, feta cheese and olives.  I felt bad.  I mean really bad.  I looked at Simon and his mum and dad and said, why don’t we eat at the dining room table? 

Growing up, my family always ate around the dining room table together.  I wanted to have that sense of normalcy that I had growing up.  I always remembered my dad putting olive oil and balsamic vinegar on the salad and serving it to us.  And Mama dishing up the dinner.  We’d always say grace before eating.  And then we would tuck in. 

I wanted to give Simon that normalcy. We didn’t pray but I tried to have a normal conversation with him and his family.  I complimented his mum on her cooking.  It was really good.  I tried to make the conversation flow.  His dad was drunk but not as bad as his mum.  It was hard.  But I think I managed to make it work.

When dinner was finished, his mum served me Greek Yogurt and honey.  We went into Simon’s den.  When he shut the door, he wrapped his arms around me.  I held him and he cried.  He rested his head on my shoulder and I felt his tears seep into my shirt.  I stroked his hair and soothed him as best as I could.

We sat down and watched some TV.  My mama facetimed me and Simon’s face lit up.  My mama said hi to him and he waved and spoke to her.  Once she hung up he looked at me and said, I love your mum.  She’s what a mum should be. My heart sunk.

Sigh.  You see, Ragers and Ragettes, when you take a man or a woman on in a relationship, you take on their family.  Simon will be taking on my crazy Mama, my laid back Dad, my insane sister and nice brother in-law.

I will be taking on an alcoholic mother and a semi-alcoholic dad.

But you know what?  That’s ok.  That’s what love is about.  You have bad times and you have great times.  It’s how you take on those times that count.  I have done my best to stand by Simon at all costs.  He’s not a mess.  He’s a good man and so what, his family has some baggage.  Whose family doesn’t? 

But those issues will soon be old news because on Thursday we get the keys to our new home and I will take him away from that.  We will have stability and I promise, Dear Simon, that I will always choose you over the drink.  I won’t make those mistakes and I will take care of you, love you, protect you and make you happy always.

Until next time, Ragers and Ragettes, please stay fabulous!!

Lots of Love


Betty Rage xxxxxx

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