Hey Ragers and Ragettes!!
Well it certainly has been awhile since I have written, apologies. Life has been chaotic but positive.
There are good problems in life and bad problems in life. Recently my problems have been....well....good.
Mr Wonderful and I have still been seeing each other, kind of. When I landed at the airport in December after Christmas, he was there waiting for me in arrivals with open arms. He is romantic.
He bought me designer handbags, some beautiful silver earrings and a silver bangle. I bought him aftershave so I felt like a bit of a dick.
We stayed in our favorite hotel and we decided to have a romantic bath together. He bought a bottle of champagne (not the cheap stuff!!) and he poured it. I sat my glass next to the bed on the bedside cabinet. We were getting hot and heavy as the bath was filling, I went to take my jeans off, my leg shot up and knocked the champagne glass over, champagne spilled on the lamp which blew the fuse in our room!!! That was very embarrassing and very graceful indeed!!
When the clock hit midnight on New Years, we kissed passionately and deeply. I was wearing a bodycon strapless dress with a fishtail and stilettos. He kept telling me how stunning I was. He told me that I was the most beautiful woman that night.
Designer handbags, 5 star hotels, compliments and ok sex. I should be happy, shouldn't I? I don't know how I feel.
I went to visit him in Geneva in January for his birthday. He insisting on paying for everything.....even on his birthday!!! He's a total gentleman. I have never been with a man like him before. I don't know if it is the distance or the age gap or Simon...
Yes you read that right.
Before Christmas I found out that Simon has moved on. He's seeing this woman that works next door to him. She's got bad teeth and shit eyebrows. And she has a little girl.
I think the thing that bothers me is that Simon always said to me that he didn't want kids. He said how much he hated them. If there were screaming kids in restaurants or airplanes he'd always make rude comments about them. He used to joke about having sex with a woman that had a child isn't pleasurable. Now he's dating a woman....with a fucking kid??????? Seriously????? Seriously????? Now the house that we bought together is filled with baby stuff.
The thing is that he wants me and his new girlfriend to meet and be friends. No, Simon. That is not going to happen. If I meet her, I will be pleasant and polite but I will not befriend her. Am I being unreasonable?
To be honest, I just want to cut ties and leave.
This brings me to the next issue.
Luckily when we moved in, we scheduled in a break in the lease after 6 months (April) and I feel that I am now ready for my own place.
There is a slight issue. The issue is my housemate.
She has decided to clean her life up and I can proudly say that she is 32 days sober! She is seeing a counselor every Wednesday to help with her sobriety and she has started attending AA meetings. She's calmed down a lot, I mean a lot, but she has been passing comments like, I couldn't have done this without you and you are like my mum. She has clung to me. I am scared that if I say that I am leaving she will revert back to drinking and get violent. I need to tell her but there could be a get out clause.
This brings me to my next dilemma.
Work has been ok. After the issue before Christmas, I had my performance review and well, it was very, very positive. I received a slight pay increase.
I then received a call about a job in Liverpool for a very big company. The position is beneath what I am doing now but MORE money. How is that possible? Like seriously??
I had the first interview which went well. Tomorrow I have the second interview. All I have to do is impress this one person to see if I fit into the team. This position would see me travel to France monthly.
So my dilemma. Do I take the new job, use it as my get out of jail free card with my housemate and start a fresh new life in a new city? That's the easier option.
Or do I negotiate a higher wage with my current job and move out to my own place, possibly getting my housemate riled up?
This is what I know:
1. I need my own place. I cannot cope with sharing anymore
2. By getting my own place, I can move the rest of my stuff out from Simon's, take my guinea pigs and effectively get Simon out of my life for good. This way I can properly move on with my life and I feel that this fact is holding me back massively.
3. I like my current job. I like the area that my current job is in. I just think that I am being underpaid. There are aspects of my job that I don't like, but to be honest, I do enjoy my current job
4. Maybe my time in Manchester is up. When I first moved to the Northwest of England, I used to dream of moving to Liverpool and working in Liverpool. It's funny how wishes come true. Maybe I am getting what my heart desired after a long time?
5. Mr Wonderful and I...is there a future? The distance sucks. He's 15 years older than me. It's a contradiction. I like my independence. I like the fact that we are apart sometimes. But I also like the thought of being somebody's girl.
The next few weeks are going to be difficult. But there is an exciting road ahead.
This time last year, I was in a cold house with a man that molested me. I'm now in a place where I can move out and change things for my benefit. I might struggle for a month or 2 but that struggle, to be honest is going to be better than where I am now.
The key is to continue to look forward and not back. These are good problems to have. I know that I will make the right choices. I have good people around me: Suzanne and Mr Wonderful have been so supportive.
So there you have it!!
Until next time, Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher.
Lots of Love
The Fabulous Betty Rage xxx
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