Hey Ragers and Ragettes!! Happy Friday night!!! I am spending it in my favorite velvet pink jammies watching a Danish show. My housemate and the guy she is seeing (she just needs to admit it, he is her boyfriend. They go well together and he looks at her with adoring eyes...) are away for the weekend at a spa hotel. So I have the house to myself, I've poured a glass of red wine and I have to say life is good!!
Well I had the second interview last night. It went very, very, very, very well. The guy who interviewed me would be my manager if they offered me the job. We got on like a house on fire!! We have a similar twisted sense of humor. We swore, laughed and joked with each other. At the end he said, Betty it's a yes from me. I just need to get this signed off by management.
Then I went to St Helens to my house to get my mail. When I pulled up to our house, her car was there. His van pulled up behind me. There she was. Simon distracted me as she ran inside the house and shut the door of the living room. My mail (my car insurance documents) were in the hallway. I took them and put them in my bag and went up the stairs to see my guinea pigs. Simon followed me upstairs. We chatted a bit (we are getting on very well as friends). I cuddled my piggies and I heard a child's voice, Where is the lady with the pretty lips?
I was wearing my favorite berry colored lipstick (Kat Von D, you do make a great liquid lip!!). The voice shocked me a bit.
I took a deep breath and said, I better introduce myself.
I walked downstairs, Simon following me. I opened the door and there she was. His new woman. She was short. About 5 foot 5. Petite. Horrendous teeth and even worse eyebrows. But when I entered the room, the little girl, Luna* (name changed to protect the innocent) smiled. She is about 2-3 I think? She saw me and her eyes lit up. I was wearing a black blazer, a white vest, skinny jeans and my leopard print stiletto ankle boots. Luna's eyes lit up. She smiled and ran into the kitchen. My kitchen. She started opening cupboards and showing me what was in each cupboard. The cupboard with the tupperware (yes I had a tupperware addiction and I still do.....), then she showed me the cupboard that had pots and pans.
She giggled and smiled. I've always been awkward around kids. I terminated a pregnancy and my ex boyfriend beat me so badly that I miscarried. Children have always been a sticking point for me. But here was this little ball of energy. This beautiful blonde cherub smiling and enjoying the small things. I smiled and I took the bright green colander out of the cupboard and put it on her head. She squealed with joy and ran to show her mum. Mummy look at my hat!, she squealed. I stifled a giggle and Simon grinned.
His new girlfriend and I exchanged pleasantries while little Luna was showing me everything in the house. The cat, the cat's toys, to contents of the cupboards.
She kept pointing at my lips and her lips. I guess the child has great taste in lipstick!
It was time for me to go home. I walked outside to my car and Simon's new girlfriend followed me holding Luna.
Luna said where is the lady with the pretty lips? Simon's new girlfriend put her down and little Luna ran up to me with her arms outstretched to me. I looked down at her, her blue eyes shining. Such innocence. I picked her up instinctively. She wrapped her arms around my neck and I held her close. I put my hand on the back of her head and held her like she was the most precious thing in the world. A tear slid down my cheek. I had a hard week. I just met my ex's new girlfriend. I saw all her stuff in my house. I should have been angry. I should have hated everything. But here I was holding his little girl. She hugging me as if I was an auntie or family. When I held her...I felt ok. I felt like everything was going to be ok. I pulled away and looked at her. She smiled and touched my mouth. Pretty she said, I tried not to cry. I said to her and be good. I put her down and she ran back to her mum.
I opened my car door and Simon approached me. He hugged and told me to message him when I got back.
I drove away, tears running down my face. What the fuck just happened?
I had an interview for a potential new job. A job in Liverpool. A job 10 years ago I would have taken without thinking. I met my ex's new girl and saw the life that he was building. What the actual fuck?
I got back to the house and my housemate started to question me about the job. She is concerned about me moving out as she cannot afford this house by herself.
I smiled, answered the questions and she told me she supports whatever I decide.
Today I felt strange. I put my phone on do not disturb. It's like I didn't want to take the call. It's like facing this is hard. Part of me wants this job and the other half doesn't
I love my current job. It's just the money and lack of leadership that I can't cope with.
I tried to sleep last night but I couldn't. So I started googling the job. I found that it had a poor rating on Glassdoor. (Best Website to check out ratings for prospective jobs....thank me later!) I spoke to the recruitment agent. She said that the guy that I interviewed with liked me very much.
I expressed my concerns about the rating. She tried to pacify me. I still don't know how I feel.
Simon told me that Little Luna wants purple nails. She wants the Lady with Pretty lips to paint her nails purple. I feel quite...happy about that. Little Luna and I will get along ok I think.
I went through the whole day wondering what the fuck will happen. No phone call
I left work and got home. I put my first load of laundry in. I ran back upstairs and saw I had a missed call. My heart skipped a beat. I listened to the message and I called the agent back. No news. I have to admit I felt relieved a bit. She said that the man that interviewed me really liked me. She expressed my concerns to him and he felt really bad that he didn't articulate himself to me properly. They don't want to lose me. But still no concrete offer.
Ok, my head is frazzled. I don't know what to do at all. I'm literally 50/50 about this. The adventurer in me says go for it!!! Move, it's a way out from where you are!!! You will go to Liverpool which was the dream 10 years ago.
But dreams change? Goals change? I love the product I work with. I love the fact that I work in the beauty industry. I love the people I work with....well mostly.
I have a lot to think about. All I know is that I want my freedom. My own home and a payrise. I want o move on properly and give myself to someone and love someone. I hate feeling like I'm guilty for leaving Simon. He is clearly happy. Yes, she has shit eyebrows and even worse teeth. But to be innocent and excited like little Luna...oh Little Luna...thank you for giving me the hug I needed. Thank you for your excitement and joy at wearing a colander on your head. Thank you for being cute and funny and for that hug. That hug made a lot of things better.
This weekend I have a lot of thinking to do. A lot things to consider. But I now that it will all be ok.
So until next time Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher
Lots of love
The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxxx
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