Hey Ragers and Ragettes!!!
It's been awhile and loads has happened.
Mr Wonderful and I are still communicating. I am giving his friends a wide berth though. Just trying to keep my head down. I don't know if he is the man for me but I think he is Mr Right Now.
He surprised visited me in September and then visited me for my birthday. When he visits he stays in a hotel and it feels like a vacation.
My housemate and I moved into a new home together....big mistake. She is still a drunk and her sister has been shit stirring between us, I swear the sister is a narcissistic sociopath. Some days my housemate feels sorry for her and other days she goes on about how psycho she is. Her own grandma thinks that she is a dick!!! There have been a few times where I have feared for my life. But I keep telling myself....I can get out in April. And I will.
Work has been....trying. Things were going along well and then today I was pulled into a meeting where my performance was ripped to shreds.
You see, my main supplier is unreliable. She is so unreliable. So I have had to inflate my forecasts and my orders to compensate. We are overstocked. It is a fact. So I have had to redo all my orders and try to cancel things and to be told that it is a mess....well, I fell apart. Not in front of them but after. I sat in my car as I drove to the bank and cried my heart out.
You know since I left Simon, my job has been the only thing that has kept me sane. The only thing that has given my life purpose. And to be told that I fucked up and torn apart by all 3 directors....yeah. I'm having a crisis of confidence. Then to have the owner (who looks like a real life blow up doll and has an IQ smaller than her panty size) tell me how to do my job and to have my work signed off by 3 people....I'm starting to question myself. Am I even in the right job? Did I do the right thing leaving my safe little bubble that was Simon?
I am now sitting here flummoxed. I go back to the time in 2013 when I was dismissed from a job. I had my world shattered. That feeling of dread is now in my throat and stomach.
I am scared. Genuinely scared. Do they think I'm shit? I have my review in January and I am bricking it. I just feel so scared.
I go home for Christmas next week and I am terrified. What if something happens when I am gone? What if they decide to sack me? I have been there for over a year and I think in the UK you have to be there for over 2 years to have any rights.
I know I need to think positively and pick myself up (which I will) but today I have struggled to do this. I have been listening to positive affirmations today to try and smile and get myself back up on my feet (which I will do) but tonight I am struggling with this. I am crying here feeling exposed.
I guess that I let my job define me. I guess that I made my job my everything. But it seems that I am not even good at it. And that is a proper mind fuck.
All I can do is try and keep positive and turn this around. I did the best that I could.
I'm sorry that this isn't upbeat and typical Betty. But sometimes in life you get kicked in the balls. It's up to me to put this all straight and redeem myself. And that is what I intend on doing.
Until next time, Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head high and your heels even higher.
Lots of Love
The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxx
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