On Christmas Tree Decorating

Hey Ragers and Ragettes!!

Today is a cool day here in south Manchester.  Today I decided to go and see Suzanne to help her put her Christmas tree up.

My new dress was delivered yesterday so I wore that (a cream colored Bardot style sweater dress)n teamed with my knee high tan block heeled boots, gold hoops and gold rings.  I think I looked ok!

I got to Suzanne's and her house looked like Christmas came early!!  Festive wreaths, ribbons, glitter, it was magical!!  Suzanne loves Christmas.  When I took her to the Christmas market last week, her eyes lit up like a child's.  Her smile (which lights a room up anyway) was the biggest I ever saw!!  She looked so happy!!!!

I sat down and we talked.  She showed me all her decorations for the tree.  As we were chatting a huge wave of sadness washed over me.  The tears started to flow.

I spilled everything and I mean everything out to Suzanne.  The feelings of guilt, sadness and fear.  My tears flowed, my words just came tumbling out.  Suzanne listened.  She let me spill all my fears, feelings and all the pent up emotions.  It was cathartic.

After I spilled my feelings out, she calmly said, it's going to get better, Betty.  She took my hand and said it's going to get better.  It's ok to feel how you feel. 

She soothed my mind and I felt so much better.  She held me and gave me the hug I have needed for the last 2 months. 

Everything has been getting to me.  Recently it has been Simon.  You see, I keep saying it, but Simon's business is on borrowed time.  Next year, he is going to most likely lose it all.  And I feel guilty.  I don't want him to fail or his business to fail.  I'd never wish failure on anyone.

I feel helpless as I wish that there was a way I could help him out.  Suzanne said, I had bailed him out so many times while he put his head in the ground.  She's right.  I don't know what else I can do but pray.

I am struggling with everything right now.  Plus my pervy housemate keeps trying to hug me.  So I am even more determined to get out of this house.  I'm saving every penny I can!!

I know that things now are not the best and as I said to Suzanne, I know that this time next year things will be 100% better.  I will be in a new house.  My career will be going from strength to strength and I will be stronger mentally.  It's just getting to that point.

Suzanne has been the only person who has actually listened to me.  Who hasn't bullied me, brow beaten me, or made me feel inadequate.  She hasn't spat out platitudes.  She's been sincere and what I need now.

After I stopped crying we started to decorate the tree.  Christmas music playing in the background, laughing and joking with Suzanne, it was like the last 2 months hadn't happened. 

We put the lights up first (4 sets!  2 colored, 2 white and one of each were blinking lights) and then we put a beautiful green and red ribbon around the tree.  I had never used a ribbon as a garland before!!  Then we started decorating the tree.  Colorful baubles, icicle shaped ornaments, candy canes, the tree started looking colorful and cheery!!

Then Suzanne put the last 3 ornaments which were so special and precious to her.  She stepped back and turned the lights in the room off.  The tree shone proudly.  Suzanne got teary and so did I!!  For a few minutes there was magic in my life again.  I hugged Suzanne and told her how much I love her and that I am so grateful for her.  I didn't want that moment to end...ever.

So here I am in my room.  My candles on, music playing.  Smiling as I think back to this day. 

It has truly been a bright spot in a time of darkness for me.  I will get through this.

I will come out stronger.  This is a blip and it won't last forever.  I know it won't.  So I'll treasure perfect days like today.   Because in this cold world, there is always Suzanne.

Until next time, Ragers and Ragettes, keep your heads and standards high and your heels even higher

Lots of love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxx