On Being Young(ish) Free, Single and A Stressful Weekend

Hey Ragers and Ragettes!

Well here I am sitting in my new home.  It's a lovely room and I have started putting my touches on it.  The bedding set is gun metal grey with sequins everywhere!!!  I bought some Yankee Silver Candles and I have pretty much put away most of my things.  I'm getting there.  There are a few bags that I need time to actually go through properly.

Well, from my last post, I officially started my new job 2 weeks ago.  On my first day, I was nervous.  I felt like I was out of my depth.

As it is in the beauty industry, the bar for beauty standards is quite high.  A few of the girls that work there (including the CEO) have had a load of cosmetic surgery done. 

I'm not going to mess with my face (but I will be getting my boobs done, that's non-negotiable!) but seeing these glamorous women, it actually encourages me to raise the bar on my own glamorousness.  So I am experimenting with my makeup, my hair, and my clothing.  I am looking more polished, I am highlighting and contouring more, and I am feeling better in myself.

But on day 2 I met the warehouse manager and everything became ok.  Aiden (real names are not used to protect the innocent) has proven to be a fantastic work colleague and friend.  We have joked that he is my work husband.  And he has a nickname for me because I drink a lot of water out of a pink sparkly cup that has a mermaid on it.  So he calls me Aquamarina.  (it's after a show from the 1960's)  There is nothing funny going on.  He has a girlfriend and 2 kids.  But we do have a good laugh in the office.

There is a lot of work to be done.  But it is what I need now.

Yesterday I moved into my new home.  Simon helped me move.  After we moved all my stuff into my new place, we were driving back to the house so I could pick my car up, and you could taste the tension....the words unsaid that we are too frightened to say.  I opened my mouth several times to say something but I couldn't bare to say the words.  We are over and we have to move on.

When I took one last look through the house, I walked downstairs and said it's time for me to go now.  I hugged him and we both sobbed.  I told him to be strong but I was falling to pieces.  I held him, my shoulder getting soaked with his tears and his shoulder getting soaked with mine. We held each other for about 5 minutes...sobbing uncontrollably.  Letting go but still not saying what needed to be said. 

I finally broke away and got into my car.  I blasted my music all the way to my new place.  Sobbing still.

When I got in, my new housemate greeted me.  I started getting unpacked.  He left me to it.  I then went out and bought something to eat and a cheeky bottle of wine.  When I got in I opened the bottle and we spoke.  I learned more about him.

He's a Jewish gentleman and he has his own business in Manchester city centre.  We have a lot in common:  We both love foreign films, football, good food, history, reading and we both just want to get on with life.

I have made myself single on social media, announced that I left St Helens and people are asking me if I am ok.

Well, I'll tell you how I am.  I think I am ok.  Yesterday I cried loads.  I held my pity party. Today?  It doesn't feel real.  So I am distracting myself by cleaning my room up, getting things sorted and organised, throwing out old things I don't need and making lists of things that I want in my bedroom (new curtains, a new rug, some nice decorations, more candles - I really love candles!!) but I know that there will come a point where I will crash spectacularly.  I will properly lose it.  And I am ok with that.  I need to get this all out into the open so I can move on with my life. 

I'm just taking things moment by moment and day by day.  I have learned a lot from the last 3 and a half years.  I know what I don't want and more importantly I know what I do want.

So I will undoubtedly be posting more in the coming days.  I'm processing and trying to heal.  That's all I can do.

So until next time Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher!!

Lots of love

The Fabulous Betty Rage