Settling In into A New Home and Life

Morning Ragers and Ragettes!

It's been awhile I know.  Life has been very hectic and busy recently. 

I moved out of the pervert's house and into the bed sit.  The apartment isn't ready yet as the tenant seems to be a bit of a nightmare.  I have met her and to be perfectly honest she seems like a stuck up bitch.  When I meet her she looked me up and down and rolled her eyes.  Nice.  Apparently her mum pays her rent for her and she is a bit of a dick.  She wouldn't show up to work on time and would call off sick.  She is a nightmare and not a lot of people have good things to say about her. 

So a few days before I moved out the pervert asked me why I looked so sad and why I was being "cold" towards him.  He told me that what I needed was his dick in me.  Classy.  I am so grateful to be out of there.

My new place is ok.  The house belongs to a lady that is in her late 60's.  She is very posh.  It's like living with your eccentric, crazy auntie.  She has some very specific rules, like no shoes are to be worn in the house.  No bare feet or socks either.  You must wear slippers.  No I am not making that up!  No wet towels in the bedroom.  You're only allowed wet towels in the laundry room or the bathroom (which is carpeted....God help me).  I don't shower at the house.  I go to the gym in the morning so I shower and get ready there before work.

She doesn't bother me, she leaves me to it which is the best thing.  We chat.  I make her laugh.  She is a nice lady, just a bit batty.  I tell myself that I am safe, I am warm, I'm not going to get sexually molested or raped.  I can park my car on a driveway, instead of fighting for a parking space on a busy road.  I don't get asked how much my shopping costs (the pervert loved to ask this question. He is Jewish and I used to tell him when he asks these questions he is reinforcing a negative stereotype about Jewish people and plus that is the height of rudeness).  I don't have inappropriate comments made at me.  (my landlady does tell me that I look lovely which is nice compared to comments that the pervert used to say like:  you look hot. You're sexy. You look fuckable.)  The situation isn't perfect but I know in my heart that it is temporary. 

So the next few months I am saving my cash so I can move out and get my own place.  I am debating.  I love the area that I am in (it is close to work) but I miss the days of living in my little apartment in Manchester city center.  Manchester city center is 11 miles away from work.  I started looking at places around where I used to live and they are cheaper than if I were to live in the same sort of apartment in the area that I am living now!  I have 4-6 months to make my mind up.

Work has been going from strength to strength.  The job is busy, challenging but I love it.  Being in the beauty industry is awesome.  I sourced a cute product as an accessory (off my own back) to put in a gift set.  The Managing Director showed this product to a celebrity that endorses our product and she loved it!!!  That gives me a boost!!!  That's why I love my job. 

I got sent out to China for a week for work and that was an eye opener.  China isn't what you think it would be.  The people are humble and hospitable.  They want to do everything for you.  The food?  What you get as Chinese food here in the west is not Chinese food.  The food out there is hit or miss.  I spent the whole week eating with chopsticks.  If you are a vegetarian or a vegan, you wouldn't last an hour out there.  Everything is meat based.  Some of it made me feel sick. I meanhow can you eat something if it is looking at you or it can taste you.  (I got offered ducks tongue....yes, someone thought it was a good idea to cut the tongue off a fucking duck and cook it!!!) It was the best diet I have ever been on:  the I cannot eat that because it's looking at me diet.  I lost 5 pounds!

Right now I am in a state of limbo.  I am going back and forth to St Helens on the weekend to see Simon because I have to take care of my pet Guinea Pigs.  If I didn't come back, the guinea pigs wouldn't be cleaned or taken care of.  One of them died and I think it is because Simon didn't take care of him properly.  I can't move them into my current place (the crazy landlady won't allow it and that is ok.  It's her house) and I chose my current place because I had to get out of the situation of being potentially sexually assaulted.  As soon as I move into my new place the pigs are coming with me.  Plus my post is being delivered here.  I want to swap everything over once I get into a more permanent situation and I hope in 4-6 months that will happen.

I also check on Simon to make sure he is ok.  I know that I should not give a shit and let him get on with it.  But as someone who suffers from mental illness and I have felt suicidal in the past, I just want to make sure he is ok. 

The house is often trashed.  The only part that isn't dirty is the room I stay in and the guest bathroom (which I use).  Simon still spends his day on the couch watching movies and sleeping.  He seems to be ok but I feel that there are a lot of unsaid things between us.

When Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin divorced they went through a process of "conscious uncoupling" and I think that is what is happening now.  Simon and I get along great.  When I first left, Simon would text often, sometimes 20 times a day.  Nothing crazy mostly jokes back and forth.  Now he'll text once a day.  I'm too busy to even think about it.  All I know is that in 4-6 months time when I move to my new place, some serious stuff will be happening.  I'll be getting my name off the house and he will be buying me out.  It will be a final, definitive break to our love story.  I don't know how I feel about it. 

Part of me is happy because the last year I have been in limbo.  No proper home, floating in this state of flux.  Now that I have one certain thing in my life (my job) I feel ready to look to get my own place and put down some roots.  I will have the stability that I crave.  I am on the up I feel career wise.  Plus driving down the M6 during rush hour seriously sucks balls.

The other half of me feels sad.  Simon and I had our issues but it wasn't all bad all the time.  He still makes me laugh.  We still act silly together.  I just don't love him or see him in a sexual way any more. There have been times where I have wondered if I had done the right thing.  But I look at this trashed house, I look at the sleeping man on the couch with he round angelic face, I sit here on a weekend think about the fact that I used to go out and explore and go out and get into mischief and how in the last 4 years I have turned into an absolute bore.  I know that I made the right choice.  I just need to start rebuilding my life, my confidence.  I need to get me back.  I need to get my inner Betty back.

So that is what I am aiming for, to be me again.  Maybe I will get a cheeky little apartment in the city center.  Maybe I will get into mischief again.  Have funny encounters with men, misbehave and make more memories.  All I know is that I am taking each day as it comes and slowly I am getting back to the Betty that I was before.

Until next time Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher.

Lots of love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxx