On Primal Urges

Hey Ragers and Ragettes!!  Today it is a glorious day in Northwest England!

I'm here in St. Helens this weekend to get some stuff done, primarily getting my summer stuff gathered up even though, according to the weather forecast, it's going to be going back to cold and crappy with snow even forecasted!  Sigh.  So I am going to relish the gorgeous weather today.  I am going through my summer dresses trying to figure out which outfit I will be wearing today.  Decisions, decisions!!!

Well, the other day I realised that it has been over 6 months since I split up with Simon.  6 whole months!!!  And part of that was the pact that I made with myself to stay celibate and relationship free for a year.  I'm halfway in and well....I'm gagging for it.  Like really bad.

As I am saving my cash for my new home, I am cutting down on going out and such so I find myself immersing myself in the realms of world TV. 

You all know that I have a soft spot for international dramas and such.  So I have been each night, coming in from work, eating dinner, washing my dishes and then settling in and watching some international TV shows.

I think because I am saving my cash and I am foregoing any mini breaks and vacations this is a way to view the world.  I have seen shows in Santiago, Rio, Brussels, Antwerp, Ireland, Sicily, Berlin, Madrid, Munich and so on.  It's been nice.

And in all these shows?  Sex scenes.  Plenty of them.  Usually the man is super fit and well....the hormones start raging and I find myself getting my battery operated devices out to sort myself out which is difficult when you are in a shared house.  I mean the noise off my favorite vibrator (10 speeds!!) is quite loud. 

Now I have pretty much been celibate for around 18 months.  I have a high sex drive and frankly this is killing me.  I am dying here.  I have considering going on a dating site just to get laid. 

But I chose to be celibate for a year for a reason.  I wanted to focus on myself and getting myself back.

I am one of those people that when I am in a relationship or a sexual situation, I immerse every part of myself in.  I find myself giving passionately, my whole being.  It's draining.  And right now I cannot do that.  I don't have the energy. 

I don't like mediocre 2 pumps and it's done sex.  I like clothes ripping, nails down the back, kisses, slam me against the door sex.  Passionate.  Fiery. 

When Simon and I last had sex it was the same 3 positions and I frankly got really bored.  It was over in like 3 minutes.  (I know because I was watching the clock....I know that sounds bad.)  After, no cuddling, Simon got up went to the toilet and stayed in there for abut a half an hour. 

People always say to me that is normal in relationships/marriages.  Why settle for second best?  Why let that be ok?  Its not good enough!! I guess that it becomes a routine, like remembering dance moves to the Electric Slide or the Macarena.

Having this time out has helped me reevaluate a few things in my life.  I think that a lot of time we do things in our lives out of desperation and not inspiration.  I do not condone it, but I understand why people cheat.    The same boring sex once a month (if you are lucky) would drive anyone crazy. 

When the 12 months is up (October 9th, 2018) I am going to begin my search for my next relationship and I am going to not settle for second best.  I'm not looking for a 6 month thing. I want the real thing.  And I know I will find it. 

But for now, it's good food, early nights and loads of fit men from the around the world to keep me warm at night...I really need to figure out to get my vibrator to make less noise.....seriously..

Until next time Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher!

Lots of Love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxx