Hey Ragers and Ragettes! It’s a grey day here in Manchester. It’s humid and yucky. Blow drying my hair is taking longer than normal and that pisses me off.
Today I am wearing my grey bodycon with the black side panels, my black stilettos, red lippy with my hair super sleek.
Well, from last time I was feeling a bit sorry for myself. I reached out to The Belgian. And he responded.
He has broken up with his girlfriend of 6 years. She was in love with another man the whole relationship while with the Belgian. This man has divorced and she wants to be with him. The Belgian moved out and is trying to pick up the pieces. But drama struck yesterday. Major drama. His ex is now pregnant. She says that it is the Belgian’s. The Belgian thinks it’s his but my female intuition says get a DNA test.
We have been chatting. And I will admit, the feelings rushed back. I keep thinking back to that day in Dublin city center. His sparkling blue eyes. Those lips….God, I have fantasised about where those lips would go on my body.
But he’s just broken up with his girlfriend. She’s now knocked up. And he is horny as hell. He started demanding nudes so I sent him a photo of my nude lippies. (yes, I do have nude lippies!! Do NOT ever send naked pictures. It will bite you in the ass!) He keeps talking about how he wants me to fly over and have a dirty weekend.
Firstly, I am still with Simon. Yes, the relationship will probably end in the next 2 months. But out of respect for him, and respect for myself cheating is not on the menu….ever.
Secondly, although the sex would be mind blowing, probably the best I have ever had he’s just broken up with his girlfriend. And post breakup sex is rarely good. And I don’t want to be the “in-between girl”. It’s very one sided. He wants sex, I want love.
In between the horniness there have been dark messages. He’s destroyed. And when he started picking up the pieces, she dropped the pregnancy bombshell on him. So he is a mess. My heart does go out to him. He doesn’t want to go back to her for the sake of the baby. He feels trapped. And I get that.
But actions have consequences. He stuck his dick in her and that’s what happens when you don’t use protection. Simple as.
So I have operating on friend mode. I’ve been checking on him to make sure he’s ok and that he doesn’t do anything stupid. I have had feelings for him for 10 years. And to see him distraught it’s painful for me. I wish that I could reach through the phone and hold him and wipe his tears away. I wish that I could hug him so tightly that the broken pieces stick back together. But I cannot.
I have a few crosses to bare of my own. As I stated earlier I am going to end the relationship with Simon. It has run its course. I’m not happy. I haven’t been for a while.
And I am not happy in my current situation either. My job is ok. It’s not a job for life. It’s a temporary contract anyway so I will need to leave at some point. My apartment is small, in the middle of nowhere and still reeks of curry. (The person who lived there before me cooked curries constantly and the stench hasn’t left.) The apartment has been good for what I needed it for, though. A place for me to get my head sorted and start figuring it all out. It’s quiet and in the middle of nowhere
But when my lease is up in October, I will be leaving. And hopefully leaving the area of Manchester that I live. There is nothing for me here.
The ball is rolling and I feel that a change of job will happen soon. I have a phone interview today after work for a company that I temped for when I lost my job. They are based in Liverpool City Center and they have a branch in Manchester City Center. This appeals to me so much. Plus I have an interview tomorrow for an exciting role the next town over and after that I have a meeting with a recruitment agency that have a position for a job that I am very interested in. The money is more than what I am on. I’m getting calls and emails for jobs and I feel quite pleased about that. I feel like I am gaining momentum.
If the phone interview goes well today, I will get an interview on Friday with the Finance director so the next few days, hopefully, I will box something off and leave this part of my life behind me forever.
Before I break up with Simon, I have to suss out the house situation. So I need to get time with a solicitor to discuss my mortgage and contract for the house. We bought this house and my name is on the mortgage and the house deed. Either Simon will have to buy me out or we will have to put the house up for sale. I would rather have Simon buy me out. I didn’t contribute a penny to the house and to be honest I don’t want a penny back. I just want my freedom. I don’t feel hatred towards him. He’s just not right for me. I have changed a lot these last few months and he’s stood still. My priorities have changed and his priority is still his business and I don’t begrudge him that. The business is his baby. I want more than just being a part time girlfriend.
When I leave Simon, I want to be by myself and focus on me. I want to continue with my good work at the gym, continue eating right. I want to be the best that I can be. And if Mr Right comes along that is fine too.
So, I do understand how the Belgian feels trapped. I too feel trapped. But freedom comes when you learn to let go. And I have a lot to let go of. The next few months will be a challenge. So it’s time to get up, put my red lippy on, adjust my crown and get on with it!
Until next time, Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher
Lots of Love
The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxx