Hey Ragers and Ragettes!
It’s been awhile, I know. It’s
been busy but that is ok with me. Autumn
has made an appearance finally so today I am wearing my favourite turquoise jumper,
my bootcut jeans, and my cowboy boots.
Under the said cowboy boots? The woolliest
socks that I can find.
Well, one of my biggest fears has presented itself to
me. Mama and Papa Rage….are coming to
visit!!!
Yes, there is nothing that strikes fear into my heart more
than the impending visit from my parents.
Why, you may ask?
Well, it’s like this.
My parents are coming over to visit me and also they want to visit my
Nana who lives in Ireland. My Nana is
turning 100 on the 3rd of November and my father (my Nana is my
father’s mother) obviously wants to wish the old dear a happy birthday.
That is all fine and dandy but there are a few issues. Namely the attitude of my family towards me.
I am regarded, because of my past issues with my mental
health, to be the black sheep of the family.
So my dad’s side of the family scrutinize, criticize and basically laugh
at me. My cousin came over a few weeks
ago and stated that my padrano (that’s Godfather to you…the Godfather in my
family is a very important person. The Godfather is someone to look up to and
they in turn care for you if anything were to happen to my parents) thinks I’m “scary”
because of my hair, piercings and tattoos.
All righty then!
It doesn’t stop there.
My uncle (who used to be my favourite uncle) likes to pick on me and my
lifestyle. He used to be cool but then
he got married and now has become a bitter dickhead. He picks on my lifestyle, my weight, my colourful
past. The thing that hurts is that him
and I used to be tight. I remember when
I was younger visiting him when he lived in Aldershot. We would go on the roof of his apartment through
the sky light and drink vodka discussing our hopes and fears. He confided in me and listened to me. I did the same for him. I wiped his tears away when his engagement
got broken off to ex-fiance. When he moved to Ireland
to take care of my grandparents, I came down to take him out for a beer to
cheer him up. Then he got married. And he changed. The laughing smiling uncle I had before
turned into a sad, depressed, bitter man.
It broke my heart.
So I will have to be in a different country where I know
that I will get picked on relentlessly.
Oh, and then there are my parents. My Mama does the same, picks on me, but she
does it in a passive aggressive way. Whenever
I go home for Chrstmas to see my family, it’s always the same: You’ve gained weight, you’ve dyed your hair,
I hate it, stop piercing your body, you have too many tattoos, when are you
going to get married, you’ve been engaged twice but you haven’t married is
there a problem with you and the list goes on.
So for 8 wonderful days I am going to get picked on. Yippee.
I kept thinking about it, I teared up and then…..I snapped.
Here is the exact email that I sent to my Mama:
“Right, in regards to your
visit. I have some concerns. I find,
especially
when we go to Ireland, that I am going to get picked on. Iknow that
it is Nana's birthday but if I am going to be subjected toabuse,
being picked at, questioned or harassed by anyone, it will NOTbe
tolerated. Yes, I have many tattoos. Yes, I am overweight.
Yes,I didn't
go to College. Yes, I am living in sin with my boyfriend.Yes, I am
mentally ill. Yes, I have funny hair. But you know what?I have travelled.
I speak languages (I am actually negotiating a withnew
supplier in Italy). I am helping run a business. I amnegotiating
a £2 million business deal. I am now negotiating theterms of
a new warehouse. I have been told that I am a great manager.
I care for my staff. So ifbeing an
overweight tattooed mentally ill woman that is living in sinwith her
boyfriend and that managing a successful, growing businessthat
cares for her staff that doesn't do drugs that doesn't sell herbody is
something to be made fun of and picked on then, well frankly,screw
you. I am not taking it from anyone anymore. I know this seemsa bit of
a strange email but the anxiety and fear that I have had toshoulder
in regards to "family" functions. The questions, theobnoxious
passive aggressive comments that have been made (actuallyAuntie, I
do like shopping at charity shops because you can finddesigner
labels and I love the vintage look. It's called having asense of
style and at least I am an individual and not a lemming), theway that
I have been made to feel....I have hated and dreaded going tofamily
functions for ages. So again, this is a one time warning., Ifthere is
any obnoxious or passive aggressive comments, clothingadjusting,lifestyle
questioning or anything like that. I WILL walk out and IWILL
leave. And if any of these comments occur in the sanctity of MYhome, then
the offending people will be asked to leave. Simple. Rantover.”
Now that may not seem like a lot to you, but that is the
first time that I have taken my Mama on.
I have always been subservient when it comes to my family (in the Italian
culture la famiglia is everything. You respect
your elders) and when I hit send, I regretted it.
I didn’t get a response for a few days. Then Mama responded.
“Well, your email took me
by surprise. Anyway, please don't stress over this visit. My advice
would be to not give them any fuel to start a confrontation. You are a
successful business woman who has taken care of yourself, speaks different
languages and has travelled. If you feel uncomfortable where a
conversation is going just say "that was then and this is now." End
of story!”
We Facetimed and she then picked on me about my newly dyed
black hair. I took a deep breath and
told her to cut the crap. She looked
shocked. I felt sick. But I had to do it.
I have let her rule me and guilt me for 33 years (it will be
34 years tomorrow….yes it is my birthday!!) and to be honest, I need to proudly
show my tattoos and proudly be me. I can’t let her old fashioned views and her
words hurt me anymore. I need to free
myself of this.
So please think of me on the 12th of
November. The Royal Visit will
commence. But this is a time for me to be
strong and man up and face this head on!!!
So until next time Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head and
your standards high and your heels even higher!
Lots of Love
The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxxxxxxx
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