On Visitors from the Past

Hey Ragers and Ragettes!  It’s a cold but sunny day here in St Helens.  I am really missing summer.  I have gorgeous maxi dresses, jumpsuits and maxi skirts that need to see the light of day!!!

It’s work from home Wednesday which suits me fine.   I like having my sanity break from the hustle and bustle from work.  Plus it’s a chance to clean up and get the laundry done.

Next Thursday, two of my old childhood friends will be coming over to visit me.  They are going to Paris, Amsterdam (lucky!!) and London and they are going to come up for one night to see me and catch up.

I don’t know how I feel about this.  You see, when I left home 11 years ago I left behind a lot of people and my past to forge a new life for myself.  I needed to find who I was and find a place where I fit in.

The two friends that are coming to stay were a big part of my past.  Charity (names changed to protect the innocent) was my first proper friend.  We met in Kindergarten and instantly became friends.  This friendship lasted through elementary school, into middle school and then into high school.  We drifted apart in high school though.  Charity became quite bitter and I was just diagnosed as being bipolar.  I was pushing people away left, right and center because I knew I wanted to leave.

Charity and I had great times together.  We were close, always laughing together and making stupid jokes.  I loved her like my sister.

The other friend, Amelia (Again, names changed), I met in high school.  She came as a package in that she and her best friend Jillian (name changed) were joined at the hip.  Charity, Amelia, Jillian and I hung out in high school.  We had sleepovers, did extracurricular activities like theatre, together.  We were inseparable.

I then got diagnosed as bipolar and pushed everyone I cared about away.  I left home and I lost touch until the wonders of social media.  Charity and I made contact. 

Charity has, from what I see, a great life.  She got pregnant by a man who is in the navy.   He did the right thing and married Charity.  They now have 2 beautiful children together.  As Charity’s husband is in the navy, he makes a load of money.  Charity doesn’t have to work or want for anything so she puts everything she has into raising her children.  In a way, I’m envious. 

We met up a few years ago at our old favourite pizza place when I went home for Christmas and we had a meal and a few beers to reminisce.  Charity has grown up to be quite strong, level headed and she looks happy. 

Amelia ended up marrying my ex boyfriend from high school.  No hard feelings, he wasn’t my type and Simon is better looking and better for me.  Amelia and Charity got quite close as friends and now they are best friends.  Amelia also has a young son that she dotes on.

I don’t know how I feel about all this.  They are both coming up next week and I am scared that to them I will be a laughing stock.  There they are.  Both married, with children.  Is the conversation going to be about play groups, nappies and the hardship of raising children?

Do I have anything in common with them anymore?  I want Charity and Amelia to remain the way they were in my mind all those years ago.  I want us to be the same girls that would sneak out and have cheeky cigarettes around the bleachers.  Or when we would go shopping together. 

I just don’t know what to expect.  Letting them into my world, is our apartment good enough for them?  (Charity has a massive house)  Again, I am not married, I have no children.  Are they going to look down at me? 

This is causing me massive panic.  It’s like the past is coming to meet up with me and I don’t know if I can handle this. 

But it’s only 1 night.  That’s it.  I need to figure out what to do with them when they come over. 

Sorry if this is disjointed, Ragers and Ragettes.  All these memories and thoughts are rushing through my mind.  Good, bad and crazy.  I just hope that I can survive it and that all the worries are in my head.

So until next time, Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher.

Lots of love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxxxx