Hey Ragers and Ragettes!
Well here I am sitting in my new home. It's a lovely room and I have started putting my touches on it. The bedding set is gun metal grey with sequins everywhere!!! I bought some Yankee Silver Candles and I have pretty much put away most of my things. I'm getting there. There are a few bags that I need time to actually go through properly.
Well, from my last post, I officially started my new job 2 weeks ago. On my first day, I was nervous. I felt like I was out of my depth.
As it is in the beauty industry, the bar for beauty standards is quite high. A few of the girls that work there (including the CEO) have had a load of cosmetic surgery done.
I'm not going to mess with my face (but I will be getting my boobs done, that's non-negotiable!) but seeing these glamorous women, it actually encourages me to raise the bar on my own glamorousness. So I am experimenting with my makeup, my hair, and my clothing. I am looking more polished, I am highlighting and contouring more, and I am feeling better in myself.
But on day 2 I met the warehouse manager and everything became ok. Aiden (real names are not used to protect the innocent) has proven to be a fantastic work colleague and friend. We have joked that he is my work husband. And he has a nickname for me because I drink a lot of water out of a pink sparkly cup that has a mermaid on it. So he calls me Aquamarina. (it's after a show from the 1960's) There is nothing funny going on. He has a girlfriend and 2 kids. But we do have a good laugh in the office.
There is a lot of work to be done. But it is what I need now.
Yesterday I moved into my new home. Simon helped me move. After we moved all my stuff into my new place, we were driving back to the house so I could pick my car up, and you could taste the tension....the words unsaid that we are too frightened to say. I opened my mouth several times to say something but I couldn't bare to say the words. We are over and we have to move on.
When I took one last look through the house, I walked downstairs and said it's time for me to go now. I hugged him and we both sobbed. I told him to be strong but I was falling to pieces. I held him, my shoulder getting soaked with his tears and his shoulder getting soaked with mine. We held each other for about 5 minutes...sobbing uncontrollably. Letting go but still not saying what needed to be said.
I finally broke away and got into my car. I blasted my music all the way to my new place. Sobbing still.
When I got in, my new housemate greeted me. I started getting unpacked. He left me to it. I then went out and bought something to eat and a cheeky bottle of wine. When I got in I opened the bottle and we spoke. I learned more about him.
He's a Jewish gentleman and he has his own business in Manchester city centre. We have a lot in common: We both love foreign films, football, good food, history, reading and we both just want to get on with life.
I have made myself single on social media, announced that I left St Helens and people are asking me if I am ok.
Well, I'll tell you how I am. I think I am ok. Yesterday I cried loads. I held my pity party. Today? It doesn't feel real. So I am distracting myself by cleaning my room up, getting things sorted and organised, throwing out old things I don't need and making lists of things that I want in my bedroom (new curtains, a new rug, some nice decorations, more candles - I really love candles!!) but I know that there will come a point where I will crash spectacularly. I will properly lose it. And I am ok with that. I need to get this all out into the open so I can move on with my life.
I'm just taking things moment by moment and day by day. I have learned a lot from the last 3 and a half years. I know what I don't want and more importantly I know what I do want.
So I will undoubtedly be posting more in the coming days. I'm processing and trying to heal. That's all I can do.
So until next time Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher!!
Lots of love
The Fabulous Betty Rage
