Hey Ragers and Ragettes!
Here it is a cold and rainy June day in the Northwest of England. To me June should always be hot but that's ok. I do love rain. Something so cleansing and calming about it
Well, I've had a busy few weeks. I went to China for work for a week which was good. I went with *Anna (Name changed to protect the innocent) who deals with Quality Control for work. It's always an eye opening experience going to China. This trip was different.
Anna got food poisoning (room service eggs....not a good idea!) and she was in her room sick for 2 days. I took the opportunity to sort my head out.
I realized a lot about the last few months of my life. I realized firstly how lucky I am. I have a great job, I have my own place and now I have the opportunity to get the life I have always dreamed of. I realized that I have been reliving the pain again, and again from the last 19 months. Anna says I worry too much and I think that she is absolutely right.
Work has been a bit difficult. Back in December I wrote about the management picking me apart and I thought that I was going to get fired? Well, in January I had some of my "powers" taken away from me. They wanted someone to check my work, which isn't an insult. The insult was the person that they wanted to check my work...enter Nina* (name changed to protect the innocent). Nina was hired in July last year. She was brought in (on a hell of a lot more money than I am on) to be the office manager. I honestly cannot tell you what she does for a living. All I see is that she talks to people and smokes. And causes a lot of girls issues. One of the girls used to get proper anxiety because of how she just throws work at her.
Well, ever since she has been checking my work, she decided to change how I do my job which has put me and the business in a bad situation. Each week at the weekly management meeting, I have been torn apart, picked at and usually after each meeting I am in the bathroom trying to save my eye make up (Urban Decay Setting Spray, the best product ever!) from crying
Recently I thought fuck it. I'm leaving. I'm moving to Geneva with Mr Wonderful and everyone can just fuck off.
I was thinking about all this when I was sitting on the beach behind my hotel (who knew China had such beautiful beaches????) and I realized quite a few things.
Since I left Simon, I have been using my work to bury my life and my feelings. Work has been the one thing in my life that has stopped me from going insane.
At work, I get very involved. In fact too involved. I am the woman that everyone goes to when they have extraneous questions. I started taking a lot of crap on my shoulders that I shouldn't. I sat on the beach and thought, is this it?
It's not good enough.
When I got back into work last Thursday, we had our weekly management meeting. We all have an unwritten rule to not stir shit about each other in the management meeting as all us managers tend to get along. Well, Nina decided to raise it that my figures are not good. My jaw dropped because she's the one who is telling me what to do and signing my work off. My managers said, schedule a meeting for next Tuesday (today) we're going through this.
I walked out of the meeting in tears again.
I sat at my desk shaking with absolute anger. Like proper rage. I put my head down, listened to my music and got on with it.
I then felt a tap on my shoulder. I looked up at Nate* (names changed to protect the innocent) the accounts manager sat down next to me.
Nate and I have butted heads a few time. He's ok. He's older than me (about 10 years) and he talks to my chest and not my face.
He pulled a chair up next to me and sat down.
Betty, he said, I am concerned. You're taking on too much. You are great at your job. But you are not having a chance to do it. I just spoke to the directors and told them this.
I burst into tears again. He put his hand on my back. I thanked him.
He said, it will get sorted. Keep working hard and trust me, it will be sorted.
I never would have expected that from Nate. Never.
I had last Friday off because I went to see Noel Gallagher on Friday night (amazing!!!!!!!! What a great concert that was!!!) and I tried to not think about work at all.
Fast Forward to today. Today was the meeting about stock. Nina called in sick.
I started talking to my work husband about the meeting I was going to have an he told me that Nina is in deep shit with the management. I had no idea. She always seemed like one of these people that shit gold.
Apparently her performance was absolutely shocking. I don't sit in the same office as her so I don't see a lot. I have heard grumblings about this but I didn't know that management were looking into it.
Anyway, I decided to tell my managers the truth. That I was unhappy with her and the figures are the way they are because she's changed everything.
Well, I did just that. I told them everything. They looked at me and said, she isn't checking your work anymore, Betty. Send it directly to me instead
Relief!!! I don't mind sending my work to the owner. We work so well together.
So I feel better about my work. Will Nina get the boot? I don't know and I don't care. At all.
All I know is that I now for the first time in a long time feel calm and stable. I feel like I am finally moving forward with my life. I feel like I am winning again.
I feel like slowly I am getting my Bettiness back. It's taken time but I am getting there.
I know that everything is going to be ok. And Mr Wonderful and I? What will be will be. I'm not stressing about it.
So there you go Ragers and Ragettes. If something isn't right, go with your instinct and fight your corner. You've got this!!!!
Until next time Ragers and Ragettes, keep your chin and standards high and your heels even higher
Lots of love
The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxxx
