Well, Ragers and Ragettes....today was D-Day. I didn't sleep well last night and I had a lump in my throat. I felt queasy and terrified. Because today, after signing my contract with Simon's* company I put my resignation in.
I started the day feeling groggy. After broken sleep and eating a bad dinner (I have a thing for doner kebabs) I woke up feeling bloated, tired and irritated. I just felt horrible. (And looked twice as bad) So today I rocked my geometric print dress, my velour blazer, tights and the old reliable Mary Janes. I pinned my hair back out of my face and I didn't put my make up on. I felt so sick. I got my stuff together, took my copy of the contract and got into work very early.
I said hi to Joe* and fired up my laptop. I usually get my breakfast before I get my laptop out. I sat down shaking and made the alterations to my contract the Simon and I discussed. I printed it, signed it and scanned it. I then sent it to the email address that Simon provided me. I wrote my resignation and put it into an envelope. And I waited. I sent him a text to tell him that I signed. I waited for him to respond. For as soon as he signed the contract I was going to put my resignation in.
I received an email from him. He stated, in a professional way, basically I didn't fill in the address of the warehouse. Well fuck-a-doodle-do!!! I hurriedly emailed back saying please just sign the damn thing!!! He said he'd sign it with in a half an hour. My manager came in...my heart was racing. I had to remove my suit jacket...I clicked refresh over and over.
The team I worked in came in one by one. I tried to be normal. Then I refreshed my emails again. He signed it!!!!
I took the envelope out of my desk and a notebook and pen. I walked to my manager and asked if I can have a word. She followed me with a notebook and we sat down at a table that was in a secluded part of the office. I took a deep breath and said I'm handing my resignation in. She looked at me and said I don't blame you. I explained that I had a better offer and my reasons. She understood my reasons and hugged me. She told me how happy she was for me. I felt so much better. I walked back to my seat feeling better.
As the morning went on, I saw my manager take her manager (who I get along with so well. He's a class guy and I have a lot of time for him) into an office. My mouth went dry. I put my head down and continued with work. 45 minutes later, my manager walked out,winked at me and her manager called me into the office. I felt lightheaded and the knot on my tummy tightened. I took a deep breath and strutted in. I sat down and he looked at me, pulled my resignation out and said I see that you have resigned. Can I ask why?
I explained that I got a better job and a better opportunity. It sounded and felt forced. He sensed that. He kept probing and I ended up blowing up. All the things I hated about my job came tumbling out. I kept saying how much I liked working for him (that was the truth) but I hated how I had more work piled on me. I was told one thing but another actually happened. I told him how the wage I was being paid was piss poor and how I struggle from month to month. He took notes and said, Betty, I can't disagree with a word you said. I looked at him, really? He said I totally see why you're doing this. What can we do to make you stay? That then opened a Pandora's box of more feelings. He wrote them all down. We were in there for an hour. He said I need to call his manager. He thanked me for my honesty and he understood my feelings. I think he's escalated my resignation to the board of directors.
At lunch time i saw Suzanne....Suzanne....the one person that I will miss the most. She brought me homemade lasagna for lunch. I had to hold back tears. I hugged her and tried my best not to cry. We whispered about my resignation at lunch. She supports me. I could see the sadness in her stunning blue eyes. That lump worked it's way up into my throat.
You see, Suzanne is my best friend. Plain and simple. When we met at work 7 months ago, we instantly clicked. She got me and I got her. We have had similar experiences in our past. She's very pretty, she's hilarious and she always puts me in my place when my mind starts running away. She is so, so special to me. I can't imagine life without her. I hug her everyday because I need her to know how much I love her and care for her. She's my sister. And now I was facing a reality where I won't be getting my daily hug and daily advice. I won't hear her laugh and we won't perv over sexy Peter* together anymore. Yes I was gaining a better job but I felt like I was abandoning my sister.
She sensed that I was feeling a bit off. She told me that there is a difference between a job and a position. A job is when you go into work, 9-5, take the bullshit and the boredom. A position on the other hand is a challenge. You're in charge, you love what you do, you get paid well. She, like always, was right. I still felt sick. How was I going to face life without the one person who kept me sane? Who would get me in my car when I needed to cry and just cuddle and listen to me? And who'd appreciate the sexiness that was Peter?
Sigh. These thoughts went through my head but I put a brave face on. I tried not to cry and I tried to be positive. Oh Suzanne...what if I fail? What if it all falls apart?
I can hear her in my mind telling me to shut my face and go for it. Embrace the opportunity and make something of myself. And when I do, my dear Suzanne, I'm taking you out in Manchester for shopping, dinner and drinks. We'll have a proper girlie day out and it's on me. It's the least I can do for my fabulous Suzanne.
Lots of love
Betty Rage xxxxxx
*Names changed to protect the innocent.....or in most cases the not so innocent.....
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