Being a Hot Mess and Saying Goodbye

Well, last night I spent with Jan. I had a plan in my head how it would go....it didn't even get close to how I thought it would pan out.... I got myself ready and opted for a black vest, my maxi skirt, with my sexy lingerie set that Suzanne had suggested. I put my jacket on and took a deep breath thinking that tonight will be a farewell fuck and I will be doing the walk of shame in the morning with my head held high. We agreed to meet at the Green Bridge where we always meet. I tried to get myself in the mood by listening to Nouvelle Vague's song "Master and Servant" (it's a song about being submissive and being dominant)and as I approached the bridge, there he was waiting for me wearing a blue checked shirt and jeans. The blue in his shirt brought out the blue in his eyes. He leaned down and kissed me. I breathed him in. Delightful. We held hands and walked to his block of flats. He let me into his building and we walked to his front door. He opened the door and I gasped. This flat was Betty Rage all over!!!! It was 2 floors, modern, floor to ceiling glass. Amazing. I just looked around and said, wow....He smiled at me and said, you like? I smiled back, yes I like. I wrapped his arms around his neck and pulled him close. We kissed gently. He opened a bottle of Persecco and poured me a glass. We toasted to the night and we chatted as he started preparing dinner. We started talking and I mean talking. Proper, deep, intense, conversation. I was lost in his eyes. I was lost in him. He turned me into jelly. The bottle of persecco was drained quickly. He opened a bottle of red wine. The conversation flowed and we were discussing his job situation. He wants to go for a promotion and he had a lot of work to do. I offered to help him and he was very grateful. The bottle of red wine soon emptied very quickly. The dinner still wasn't ready but the conversation was intense and I didn't care. I was getting tipsy and these feelings started to bubble up. I started to feel overwhelmed. There was this feeling in the pit of my stomach was gnawing at me. I just couldn't shake him. Something about him that was getting under my skin. I couldn't shake this feeling at all. We finally started to eat dinner, it was delicious. We chatted over dinner and another bottle of red was opened. We finished dinner and I was feeling so overwhelmed. As I helped him clear the table I started to shake. He looked at me and asked if I was ok. Then the words came out... What have you done to me? You've gotten under my skin and I don't know what to do. Then, the embarrassment...the tears started to flow. Yes, I broke down in front of him. I thought that he would freak out so I turned to get my things and leave. He grabbed my arm and spun me around and wrapped him arms around me. He pushed my head onto his strong chest and I cried. Hard. I sobbed. He leaned down and tilted my head up. He wiped my tears away and kissed me gently. He soothed me. "It's ok, Betty. It's ok. Let it out." I wimpered like a child. Feeling so foolish. This was supposed to be a straight forward fuck and run job. And here I am falling to pieces spouting my feelings. He looked down at me and said, shall we go to bed. I nodded. He grabbed the bottle and 2 glasses. I followed him up the stairs to his room. We got undressed and under the covers. We kissed, cuddled and he wrapped his arm around me and put my head on his chest. I felt so safe. And we ended up falling asleep in each other's arms. I woke up feeling warm. I swung my legs out of the bed and Jan woke up too. "Are you ok Betty?" he asked. I looked at him said yes. I could see the beginning of the sunrise. Jan sat up and patted his side of the bed and sat next to him. He wrapped the duvet over our shoulders and we watched the sunrise from his bed. We kissed. My heart started to race. He laid me down on the bed and pleasured me. My climax was powerful and strong. He laid his head on my breast after and I pulled him close to me. We fell asleep again. I woke up again and Jan looked over at me. Shall I serve you breakfast in bed, Miss? Jan asked. I smiled and said I will help my boy with the breakfast. We walked downstairs completely naked but not caring. He made me coffee and breakfast. He then started talking about the job that he was going for. He brought his laptop down so that we could look at it together. As he started putting ideas out there, I decided to open a Word document and I started recording them. Soon we had put together a covering letter for his application. We finished the letter and he looked at me and said, shall we go back to bed, Miss? I followed him up the stairs. We got into his bed and kissed some more. I gave Jan a nice long back massage. Then we decided to take a bath together. We went to the bathroom and he drew a hot bubble bath. He got in first and I laid back on his chest. It felt so lovely to relax. I felt happiness. Utter happiness. I sat up and he started to massage my back. It felt so good. His hands were strong. I enjoyed feeling his hands on my back and on my body. I started to massage his legs and feet. All of a sudden a tidal wave of emotion came over me. I felt sick. I got up and turned around and I kissed Jan. Jan asked if I was ok.... The floodgates opened. I started to cry again. I turned over and got on my knees. I rested my head on his chest. The tears flowed fast. My face felt hot. He wrapped his arms around me again. I just sobbed. I don't know why. It was him. These strange feelings. I have only known Jan for 2 weeks and I shouldn't have been feeling these stupid fucked up things. I needed Suzanne's advice. Jan continued to soothe me. I pulled my head up and I wiped my tears away. I got up out of the tub and Jan followed. He got a towel and dried my body. I felt so vulnerable. So scared. Wasn't Jan supposed to be the submissive one? I was supposed to be the dominant one. And here I was crumbling. I got dressed and he held me. He kissed me. I didn't want to leave him. But I had things to do. He said that he would come over to mine and bring lunch tomorrow to watch the big match. I kissed him goodbye and walked out of his flat. Ragers and Ragettes....He hasn't texted me since. So here I am, a hot mess. Crying and feeling sorry for myself. Jan. My dear sweet Jan. I think that this is goodbye. If I died tomorrow, I think I would die happy. Because for 2 weeks I spent time with a good looking, intelligent, sexy, stunning man. And in those 2 weeks, he made me feel like a goddess. You made me feel desired, beautiful, sexy, strong, wanted and amazing. Those memories I will cherish for the rest of my life. Until next time, Ragers and Ragettes, please stay fabulous. This hot mess needs to get her head around this latest mind fuck Lots of love Betty Rage xxxxxxxxx