Hey Ragers and Ragettes! I am so sorry about the lack of post last night but my night took a turn from what I had planned. I had a post all written out but it wasn’t too good, and I want to give you all the best from me!
Yesterday was a hard day. After the amazing weekend I had with Simon and his lovely family it was a struggle to pull myself in. Plus the lovely Suzanne wasn’t in work either. Boo.
I managed to get through the day. It was difficult but I did it. As I was driving home, I was almost pulling up in front of Rage Towers, I received a text from Jan. “Miss, I need your help.” That stopped me in my tracks. I pulled up in my parking spot and texted him back. “I’ll be around in 20.”
Now as my monthly friend came around I wasn’t feeling too attractive, even though I rocked my funky geometric dress, my black patent leather peep toes and my velour blazer and the obligatory red lips. I just decided on throwing on my grey yoga pants, white vest, trainers and denim jacket. I walked to his flat in record time.
When I got to his flat, he looked tired. Really, really tired. He had dark circles under his eyes, his usually clean shaven face had at least 3 days stubble. For once around him, I didn’t feel inadequate. He wrapped his arms around me and put his head in my neck. I held him close to me breathed him in. I need help, he said.
There were piles of stuff, boxes everywhere and it was a mess. I looked around and said, right. Let’s get this sorted.
Being so far away from home, I know how it feels to have to do something like this in a strange place with no support or help. My heart went out to him and the thought of anyone being in that position, feeling the same feelings of helplessness really breaks my heart.
We decided to rent a van and get all the stuff we possibly could to his new room in the new flat. He hopped in my car and we drove to the van rental place in Manchester. On the way there, a funny noise started up in my car. I panicked a bit.
Jan got his transit van and I followed him back to his flat and the noise in my car was still going. I got back to Rage Towers and checked it. It looks like my little car has a problem with the exhaust.
I stood there and tears started to flow down my face. I couldn’t stop them. I felt so alone, so far away from my parents and my family. Another thought crossed my mind. I wanted Simon. I wanted a cuddle, to feel his arms around me. His hands running through my hair. I didn’t want it. I needed it. Before I knew it I was walking to Jan’s and dialling Simon’s number. The tears kept coming. He answered.
I just started to blubber on. I told him my exhaust went. I told him that I was scared and alone. I told him that I missed him. Missed his family. Missed his bed. Missed his dogs. I needed him. I just couldn’t stop. All these words spilled out. I was crying so hard. I felt like the biggest pussy in the world.
He calmed me down and said we are seeing each other on Friday. It will be ok Betty. Do you want me to come up to you?
No, I replied. I just wanted to hear his voice. I didn’t want him to see me like this. I pulled myself together. Wiped my tears away and assured him that I was ok.
I got to Jan’s and started to help him fill the van. When the van was filled, he held me close. It didn’t feel right.
We got into the van and drove to his new flat and started to unload.
It was a lovely building in a very trendy and up and coming part of Manchester. The sort of place that yours truly would love. His new room was very small. And he was losing his independence. I looked at Jan and my heart went out to him. He looked really down.
We got all of his stuff into the apartment. He then started to drive back to his flat. He looked at me and said, now Betty, we take your new bed to your flat. I smiled. He took my hand. I felt nothing.
We got to his flat and we took the mattress with great difficulty to the van and then started loading the rest in the van.
We finally got back to mine and unloaded the van into Rage Towers. We put all the pieces in my little flat and now Rage Towers looks like the bed fairy threw up everywhere!!
We sat down, I poured a glass of coke for him and we turned on the football and watched the last 10 minutes of the match. I sat on the settee and he laid back, put his head in between my breasts. I instinctively put my hand on his chest and he started to kiss my arm.
When the match was over, he got up and said, Miss I’m hungry. I want to get something to eat.
Now, as you are all aware it’s 3 more days until payday. And only have 50p in my purse. That’s it. 50p. Nothing else. I took care of my petrol and I have some food in the fridge and the thought of having a pizza or a takeaway appealed to me so much. I would have killed for it. And because my monthly friend was here I would have killed for it!!
He asked if I wanted to something to eat. I smiled and said no. Yes, Ragers and Ragettes, I turned down a takeaway. Why you may ask?
I was skint and I felt bad about taking things off people as Jan had paid for quite a bit for me on our last meetings. Plus I was feeling bloated and fat from my monthly visitor.
I got into my car with Jan and drove to the takeaway. He ordered a kebab (my favourite) and a serving of chips. (I could take or leave)
We got back to Rage Towers and he started to tuck in. The kebab smelled amazing. I poured a glass of wine and pretended not to care.
While he was tucking into the kebab, I took the whole situation in. There was this sexy, tall Danish man who had perfectly sculpted cheekbones, big blue eyes, long eyelashes, dark hair, a fab body, a sexy accent, a massive cock and…..I didn’t desire him. Not one bit. I sipped my wine and closed my eyes…Simon. That’s who I saw. Simon.
He ate half his kebab and I put the rest in a Tupperware tub and in my bare fridge. It was late and he stripped off and I got myself sorted and ready for bed. I laid down next to him. He put his arm around my waist and I drifted off.
I woke up this morning and Jan looked like a sleeping angel. I instinctively kissed his forehead and stroked his hair. He was so good looking but my heart….it wasn’t there. This man was sweet but I just didn’t feel it. I got up, showered and put the most unattractive knickers on (it’s that time of the month!!! Give a girl a break!!!) and slipped on my purple/grey/fuchsia wrap around dress.
He got up and wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed me. It felt forced on both sides. I think that this has naturally come to an end. I will always want to be Jan’s friend, I think but I don’t think that I can have the feelings that I have for Simon.
So I got into work, and the lovely Suzanne gave me a much needed cuddle. I emailed Simon at his work email address. I just needed him to know that I missed him. He texted me and I felt better instantly.
My heart isn’t into my work now. I have to make it through 6 more days. I think that people can see that I can’t be arsed. I am just doing the bare minimum…doing menial spreadsheet work. It’s ok, it’s keeping my head and mind off of the whole situation.
I am just playing the game. That’s all that this is. A game.
But there are a few bright spots. Suzanne, of course. My sanity. She’s my angel. She makes sure that I am ok and I look out for her. I love the bones of that woman. And when I leave, my heart will break a bit because I won’t see her beautiful smile every day or get my cuddle that means so much to me.
Then Peter….sexy, sweet, lovely Peter. He is a good man. He’s married; he has his 2 beautiful children. And he wants to watch the big match this weekend at his local pub. He gave me his number….swoon!!!!!! I know that nothing could or would ever happen between us but a girl can dream, can’t she?
But I do have some dreaming to do of my own. Simon, my darling Simon. Catch me if you can, I’m falling for you….
Until next time, Ragers and Ragettes, please stay fabulous!
Lots of Love
Betty Rage xxxxxxxxxxxx
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