Finding Your Self Worth, Changing your Life and the Nicest Dominatrix

After a good, well needed night’s sleep, I felt refreshed. It’s Friday, after all!! It was dress down day so I decided to rock my trusty bootcut jeans, a black vest with a grey skull print vest over the top and my black cardigan and finished off with my trusty cowboy boots and red lippy. I felt in good form because I knew in 3 weeks’ time exactly it would be my last day at work. I don’t know how that made me feel.

I got into work and set myself up. I checked my new work email address (for Simon’s* company) and I had a message from the client I was dealing with yesterday. This client was in Lima, Peru. I speak Spanish and so I have been conversing with him on email. He sent me an email asking me to call him tonight to discuss the account in further details. My heart leapt into my throat. This was becoming real!!! I texted Simon and let him know what was going on. He told me, Betty “I trust you with this.” So tonight I will be speaking to a big company in Spanish!!

I started chatting with the beautiful Suzanne about this on our company’s instant messenger system. She came back saying, “You are a powerhouse!!!”

I was taken aback. I responded, I don’t see myself as that. I see myself as a hard worker, I have suffered and I have had little. It’s about time that I reaped the rewards of my hard work.

Suzanne, then once again, spoke the absolute truth.

The Difference is…a hard worker works hard and gets what they can done. A powerhouse works hard and gets more done than what was expected…above and beyond.

 I never thought of myself as a “Powerhouse” just a worker ant slaving away. For the last 5 and a half years, at my own fault, I have struggled making ends meet. (it’s 2 weeks until payday and I am skint. Absolutely skint!) I have put a lot of hours in, made myself sick over it. I have been bullied, had things thrown at me at work, been verbally abused on the phone and have been severely underpaid all in the name of making a living. I haven’t been able to afford a haircut….hell I haven’t had a proper holiday since 2007!!!

 And yet, taking on the role at Simon’s company where I will be paid a fair and very good wage, I felt a bit guilty. Do I really deserve this? It’s been a long and very hard 5 and a half years flitting from one job to the next trying to get the big salary, the fabulous city centre apartment, the perfectly manicured nails, the body that has been honed and toned by the personal trainer, the walk in wardrobe full of Armani and Louboutin’s. Why should I feel guilty about that?

I feel guilty because after being beaten down every day for 5 and a half years, my confidence and sense of self-worth is gone. I have settled for less, undercut myself (and thinking about it, I have undercut my worth with Simon’s company but it’s still a massive improvement and I will be able to afford to get my nails manicured and a haircut!) because I have felt like a phoney. It was drummed into me by my past work experiences and an ex-boyfriend. And this has affected me in a big way. So I have dealt with it by over eating, blowing my disposable income on outfits (usually too small that I keep telling myself I will get into them) and other shit I don’t need, meeting up with guys and fucking them just to feel needed an desired. It’s a cycle of depression and a cycle of self-loathing that has gone on for a very, very, very long time.

Only recently (thanks to Suzanne) have I been able to open my eyes and realise that this is a cycle of destruction. This isn’t normal, healthy behaviour. I need to do something about this and I need to do it soon!!

 So I am going to embrace the new opportunity that has been given to me. And I have booked myself
in with a financial advisor to get my financial situation sorted. I am going to go back to eating
properly and get back to the gym. (Simon said that he wants to join the gym that is next to his warehouse so we will go together.) I feel like God is giving me a second chance to improve my life. So I am going to go along with it, take and not squander it. (but I will purchase a new pair of Louboutin’s….because I CAN!!!)

No doubt I will fuck up on the way. I will fall several times (especially if I have had a few too many and I am wearing my skyscraper heels negotiating the cobbled streets of Manchester!!!) but I feel for the first time in a long time I am on the right path.

But saying all that there are some things that need to be dealt with. Like the man situation.

Tonight, I am in the company of Jan*…..at his beautiful penthouse apartment….and he wants his Miss to punish him because he’s a naughty little boy…..Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkk!!! I have never been a dominatrix before. I get upset when I have to tell someone off!!! And the thought of hitting someone…..grrrrrrrrrr…I don’t know what to do!!! It’s like 50 Shades of Grey in reverse!!! I have been researching online on the best way to do this. I look at the words that I should be saying and I feel totally silly. I can’t see myself standing over this hot, sexy, Danish man who has a very, very, very, very, big dick saying “You’ve been a bad, naughty boy”. What’s a girl to do? How does one tap into their inner Dominatrix? I don’t own any leather (I would love a pair of leather skinny jeans to pair with my studded stilettos though…..hmmmmmm) or a riding crop or nipple clamps. Yes, Betty is truly out of her comfort zone on this!!!

 So I spoke to the one person who probably has dealt with this situation....Suzanne.

 I asked her if she ever did this before. And when I told her that I don’t own any leather she said, “Damn!!! I can’t be friends with you!!” Suzanne has beautiful leather trousers that makes her bum look hot!! And I mean HOT!!!! She wears it with confidence.

She turned to me and said, “Girl, I can see you in a red leather dress with a keyhole neck line and
about knee length.” We had a giggle. She then said when she did the dominatrix thing she dressed the part, leather bustier, leather suspenders….leather boots and a cat o’nine tails.

 So she helped me decide on a black bram panty and suspender set with fish net stockings and my black and silver platform strappy stilettos….and a feather duster. It’s not Suzanne’s get up and she said that I would be the nicest dominatrix ever. I am a submissive I have to admit!

But whatever happens I think that this will be quite an experience. But deep down inside I have a
feeling that this will be the last time I see Jan…so I might as well go out with a bang.

Until next time, Ragers and Ragettes. Stay fabulous!

Lots of Love

Betty Rage xxxxxxxxxxxxx