Another Date and A Life Changing Decision

Morning Ragers and Ragettes!!!!

Well yesterday I smiled through work remembering my date with Jan*. He's captivated me and he made me feel all warm inside. I couldn't stop thinking about him. His intense eyes, his smile, the way he said my name with that adorable accent.

I remembered that I had another date! So when I got home, I got myself changed and opted for a mono chrome body con dress, my black patent peep toes and I rocked some fierce make up. I had it going on! So I strutted (in some ballet pumps) to a pub along the canal. The canal was paved with cobbles....not a stiletto wearers friend!!!! I got there 10 minutes early. I was texting Jan* and Simon* the whole time. My date finally arrived.

Jason* is 6 foot tall and has the biggest, lushest lips I have ever seen! It was like sitting with Mick Jagger. The conversation felt forced and I really wanted to bale. But I couldn't because he dropped an emotional blackmail bomb on me....his mum died a month ago. I couldn't leave a guy on a date who just lost his mum!!! All the while, Jan kept texting. At about 8pm he said I'm drifting asleep. I wanted to make my excuses go to his flat and surprise him. I wanted to kiss him again. Feel his hands all over my body. But that would have been like kicking a puppy. So I stayed.

I got a bit more merry (I failed to eat dinner) and I made a huge mistake......I sent Jan a very drunken text. I didn't say anything too stupid just that I wanted him and wanted to kiss him, hold him.

The date came to a natural end. Jason kissed me and said I was a stunner. I told him I'd call him (big lie!!) and I put my ballet pumps on and stumbled up the canal path.

My heart was pounding all I could think of was Jan. I started to tell my mind to back off. To stop thinking these thoughts. By the time I got to my front door I was a flustered, hot mess. I washed my face and got into bed and started to cry. Hard. I cried myself to sleep feeling like a fool.

I woke up my head in a mess and to a text from Jan. Thank heavens he was ok. He said he wanted to kiss and cuddle me and hold me tightly. My heart soared!

But today, Simon is coming over. I'm not writing Simon off yet. There is definitely a connection between us. He is so sweet. (And with Jan being incredibly good looking, he will probably find someone skinnier, prettier and cuter.) We are going to spend the weekend together but....ermmmm....there is an ulterior motive.

I have been truly considering his offer of employment, work has been shocking. I haven't been doing what I am supposed to be doing because of all the stupid admin shit behind it. It's frustrating. And for the meagre amount of money I am being paid, it's disgusting. I am being underpaid by at least £6- £8 grand a year. So he's coming over to talk through the contract which I have drawn up. It's all above board. I have protected myself (just in case it doesn't work out between us we are both protected) and I have protected his business and him. So we are going to talk business but there will be moments of pleasure too, I'm certain. He certainly knows how to do that.

So today should be a lovely day with a great guy who respects me, treats me like a princess and makes me feel so special. I am going to enjoy this.

So my laundry is finishing and off for a shower to wash off last nights fears, nightmares, feelings of inadequacy, and all yucky sabotaging thoughts. I am going to embrace the future with positivity!!! And why shouldn't I be positive? I have potentially a fab new job, I am seeing an amazing man today who's cute, sexy, passionate....everything I have ever wanted.

My luck is turning indeed!!!!

Lots of love

Betty Rage xxxx