On Getting Closure

Hi Ragers and Ragettes!  The last few days have been crazy!  My parents came to visit and also now with my new job and circumstances. 

My parents met Simon and his family and my Mama wants to buy a new hat and get me married off.  Eeeekkkkkk!!!!  I told her one thing at a time.  I’m happy though that they approve.

I received a text from Jan.  It was confused sounding and as his English isn’t his first language.  What I got from it was that he just wants to be friends. 

I must say that I felt strange.  Jan.  Jan who kissed me so passionately.  Jan who left me hot and bothered throughout the night yearning for him.  Wanting him.  Needing him.  Yes, I am with Simon and I am happier than I have ever been but Jan.  Those eyes.  His beautiful chiselled looks.

I felt sick.  I wanted to throw up for some reason.  I mentally told myself to pull myself together.  I responded as maturely as I could saying that I will always be his friend. I will always be here for a chat, a beer and a laugh.  It felt forced. 

He texted back saying that he was happy that I wrote what I did.

I sat there thinking about the last time I saw him.  Laying in the new bed, both of us naked.  His head resting on my bare breasts.  Me stroking his head and him mumbling, yes Miss.  Those memories keep me warm at night and those moments make me smile when all else around me seems to turn against me. 

Is this me saying goodbye to my Dane?  I felt a sense of loss.

We hear it all the time, don’t we Ragers and Ragettes?  We’ll be friends, we’ll keep in touch.  Let’s be Facebook friends and we will schedule a night out.  It seldom happens, does it?

I think that we don’t want to hurt other people so we make these promises to stay in touch.  I think that it’s not to make the other person feel better but to make ourselves feel better.  It’s sad really.

I received another few texts from Jan.  I think that we could do the friends thing but I don’t know how I would feel about that.  I still fancy him like crazy. 

But if it isn’t right, you have to turn the page and let go.  If you waste your time on people like that, you end up staying in the past and not making any progress in our own life.

But saying that, I feel that you do need closure on certain things.  Did I have closure with Jan?  I don’t know.  If I saw him again I seriously wouldn’t know what to do or think.  Do I hug him?  Kiss him? Shake his hand?

I didn’t have closure on my old job.  I need to go and say my piece.  So Dan has offered to take me to the posh bar around the corner, order a cheese board and get slaughtered.  Go out in a fiery rage.  That does appeal to me. 

Everything has happened so fast for me Ragers and Ragettes.  It’s made my head spin!!  I have to now let go of a few things and look to the future.  I don’t feel ready to do this but I know that there is no alternative.

Today, Simon and I looked at flats together.  I don’t know how I feel about moving in with Simon.  The flat we saw together we both love.  And now we are talking about furnishing it. Eeeeeekkkk!!! That means us going to....Ikea!!!

I digress.

I guess before you jump into something make sure that you have closed all the appropriate doors to the past.  Tie up your loose ends.  Because it’s those loose ends that cause you all the problems.

So until next time Ragers and Ragettes, stay fabulous!

Lots of Love

Betty Rage xxxxxxxxxxx