Hey Ragers and Ragettes!
Well, yesterday was my first proper day at my new fabulous
job and I have to admit that I enjoyed every minute of it! I was using my brain as I should for once.
My day was brought down horribly by a call from my old
manager. I didn’t answer the phone
though. My heart dropped into my
stomach. I felt sick. I listened to the voicemail he left. He wanted some notes I had typed up. It left a bad taste in my mouth for some
reason. There have also been some
leading and catty Facebook posts from my supposed “friends” at my old job. The whole situation has made me want to run
and hide. But I know that I made this
choice. And do I regret it? I don’t.
I know that I am doing the best for me.
But I am also human. I know that
I let people down and that it probably will fuck up any chance at a good
reference. Sigh. It’s difficult sometimes.
We are always told to “do what is best for you”. When you do, you get screamed at. I really don’t understand it sometimes. It’s like do what is best for you but only
when it suits the other person...
I didn’t let it get to me too much but it niggled at the
back of my mind for a bit.
I had a lovely day at work though. I learned a lot and started answering the
phones and taking on some of the shitty admin stuff that needed to be
done. I didn’t mind taking this on as I
am learning about the business and I am actually getting praised for the work that
I am doing.
When the warehouse lads went home, Simon and
I....well......got amorous...over his desk.
Magic J
Then we went to the local pub and had a quick drink. We got home and his mum was getting flustered
and was also steaming drunk. My mum never got drunk...she’s tee total. So seeing the mother of my boyfriend (that’s still
a novelty for me to say....me, Betty Rage...having a boyfriend...crazy!!)
getting utterly shitfaced was interesting...but I didn’t think less of
her. I cuddled her and fussed over
her. I think that she needs to feel
wanted. But don’t we all? After all, we
are all human?
After dinner, Simon and I snuck upstairs and we got into
bed. A full day of working with each
other and not being able to touch each other....well let’s just say that we
both went to bed with massive smiles on our faces....
I woke up early this morning and went to my new gym that is
next to my new job. I loved it!! Honestly!
It’s a new gym but there were few people in it. In regards to the woman’s changing rooms,
they are clean, modern, have hair dryers with straightening nozzles on them
plus a place to plug your straighteners in. Result!!! It wasn’t my best workout
but at least I did something.
I bought some bits to make Simon a sandwich at work for
lunch. I want to take care of him. I think that it’s a primal need for us to
want to take care of the people that we care about. It’s those little things that I enjoy. I know that it is sexist and stereotypical
for us woman to make her man a sandwich but there is something nice about
taking care of your man. I smiled but
again my tummy lurched. I still had the
matter of calling my soon to be old manager and discussing the handover
document. I didn’t want to do this.
So when I got a missed call off him again, I knew that I had
to return the call.
A smart person once said that you need to face these
uncomfortable situations. For if you
face the lion, the lion will back down.
Sometimes when you face things they aren’t as bad as you previously
thought them to be. Most of the time, I
think, we build things up in our heads and they get blown out of proportion. Again, we are all only human.
I took a deep breath and called my manager back. The phone went to voicemail, I breathed a
sigh of relief but saw that he was trying to call me back. So I reluctantly answered the phone. The conversation was only 56 seconds. But they were the most uncomfortable 56
seconds of my entire life.
No bad or scathing remarks were said. I think it was the tone of voice. My guilt switch got put onto overload. But it was done. I don’t think that I will have to talk to him
or the others ever again.
And in regards to the whole Facebook thing? Yeah, you can say snotty ass things on a
social media page, hidden behind your screen or phone but you don’t have the
balls to say it to my face...hmmmmmmm.....yeah, asshole much? They are not real “friends” as real friends
would have asked if I was ok. Real
friends would try and understand. Yes, I
left in probably not the best way but there were reasons for that. I just wanted to move on.
The only one from my old work that gets it is Suzanne. I miss that girl so much. Next time I see her, I am going to give her
the biggest hug ever and tell her that I love her and miss our lunch
breaks. I miss how she makes me laugh,
her pearls of wisdom, and how she always makes me see the good side of life.
So after the call, I sat down and reflected. I am not going to let this bring me down I
decided. I looked at Simon as he sat at
his computer. He looked at me and said,
are you ok beautiful?
I looked at his face...his blue eyes, his cute freckles, the
little scar on his top lip....I smiled, I think I am.
He walked over to me, sat down next to me and held me. My man knew that I was human and sometimes we
just need to know that we are going to be ok.
And when he wrapped his arms around me, I felt like I was going to be
ok. He kissed my forehead and I knew
that I made the right choice.
With Simon I can be human.
I can cry, I can be upset and he will hold me and tell me that I am
going to be ok. And when he says it, I
believe it.
We had a fab day at work and I made him a sandwich and he
was so grateful for it. That made me
feel even better.
I don’t know what I am feeling and I apologise for this
getting sickly sweet again. I think I
want to give myself a man up slap.
But Rager and Ragettes.
If you can get a few things from this post, firstly always face your
fears. They are a lot of times worse in
your head than in reality. And once you
do, you will feel better.
Secondly, it’s ok to feel things, to get stupidly drunk, to
admit fear. It’s part of being human. This journey that I am on, I am learning so
much. It’s ok to feel these things.
So I hope that made sense.
You all take care of yourself.
Lots of Love
Betty Rage xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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