A Disjointed Post

Hey Ragers and Ragettes!!  What a craptacular day today!!  It's rainy and gross and awful!!!  Where did summer go?  Honestly.

Well last night we didn't end up going out.  We opted for a quiet night in which suited me fine.  Keith cancelled on us for our night out.  And Errol is very quiet, we need Keith there to make Errol talk.  So we are going to reschedule.  It's all good.

It's so funny, Ragers and Ragettes, the whole social media thing.  10-15 years ago we didn't have it.  We were ok.  We went out, talked to each other, had normal lives.  Now, it seems that the likes of Facebook and Twitter and such is taking over our lives and we get affected by it.

After going to the gym and going food shopping, Simon and I came back, had a coffee and I was reading the paper and Simon started playing on his Play Station.  I looked through my news feed when I saw a status from one of my old "friends" at my old job.  My old manager (the one who looked like a kicked puppy) was having her leaving party and he was name dropping and tagging a few of the old people that I worked with.  Since I left my old place,  I have only kept in touch with a few people.  The company mouth dropped me because I skipped out on my last week of work and has no doubt been trash talking me.

The thing is I kind of care.  I have this take no bullshit attitude but it's an ingrained thing in me to not hurt or upset people.  If I ever hurt anyone or upset anyone, it's done completely by accident.  I would never go out of my way to be malicious or hurt someone's feelings.  I don't know why my stomach dropped when I read that status.  Maybe it's because people are moving on?

Sometimes I think that when we do move on, we expect other people to stand still and keep going on with their lives.  We feel that our one-upmanship dictates that we are the lucky and special ones to leave and move on.  But guess what.  Life does go on.

Like last night when I was watching a film with Simon, my phone beeped.  I checked the message and it was from a number that I didn't recognise.  The text asked if I was going to meet this person for a walk because it's raining.  I texted back saying that I think that this person got the wrong number and asked who this was.

I went to bed and didn't think anything of it.  I couldn't sleep last night so I went to get a drink of water.  I walked near my phone and I saw a message.  "Is this Betty?  I am sorry my contacts got jumbled.  This is Tim.  How are you babe?  What are you up to?".  Holy shit, Tim!!!

Last year when I was dating, I met Tim.  Tim and I had 2 dates that were fab.  He was a great kisser and he was the first man to ever kiss me in the rain during a downpour.  He was tall and goofy looking, smart, had a silly laugh but was charming.  In fact, I had a breakdown at my old job and cried in Suzanne's arms over him saying that I couldn't believe that he liked me.

After those 2 dates, he just stopped talking to me.  I mean, dropped me like a hot potato.  I took Miranda from Sex in the City's advice...he's just not into me.  I always wondered why he dropped me.  Was I too needy?  Too clingy?  Why?

When I saw his text, I felt a bit of rage.  Firstly, how dare he drop me like a hot potato and have the audacity to call me babe?  How dare he text me when I have moved on with Simon?  How dare he make me feel those stupid things that made me break down in Suzanne's arms that cold December day.  How the fuck dare he????

Had he moved on?  I didn't know how to play this.  So I answered back.  "I'm good thanks.  Just chilling how are you?"  I haven't heard back.

I am happy that I haven't but half of me wants to flip the bitch switch and go off on him.  But, when I got back to the bedroom, Simon's arm was over the place where my body was.  I instantly remembered why I had the upper hand.

You see, I moved on.  I am fighting those demons.

But saying that, I am finding though that I am looking back in the rear view mirror at times and I know (as what my dad told me) you can't do that.  If you look back in the rear view mirror, you will go that direction.  Back.  I need to do some more letting go.  That's why I am failing with my weightloss effort.

So, I will be going through my phone and Facebook and get rid of the people that don't matter to me.  The ones that are creating mental blocks and holding me back.  I know who my true friends are and I know who I can trust.  

Ragers and Ragettes, I know that this is a bit disjointed but I will try to bring this together.  This life is yours. Don't buy that YOLO shit.  You live every day, you only die once!! You want your life to go forward as much as it can.  You want success, happiness and joy.  You will only get those things if you let go.  Let go of those who hurt you.  Forgive, forget and move on.  Let go of the situations that upset you.  As I said before, no one can make you feel inferior unless you let them.

So, when I finish this I will get into the shower, wash off the worry, upset and hurt and put my fab belted turquoise jumpsuit on, put my black patent peep toed sandals, my black and gold envelop clutch, my black and gold accessories, put some major volume in my hair strut my stuff.  Why?  Because as Suzanne said to me, these people and situations?  Just a gnats ass.  They mean nothing.  The only thing that matters?  That I look fabulous in said outfit and that I am there for my man today.

So Ragers and Ragettes, stay strong, stay true to yourselves.  Don't let the bastards grind you down.

Lots of Love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxxxxxxxx