On Feeling Restless

Well that's Tuesday come and gone. What a busy day!

Last night I went to sleep and slept until about 2:30am then I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep. I felt so restless.

When I finally got out out of bed I picked a dress that matched my mood, lavender, grey, black wrap around dress with black tights, my velour and patent Mary Jane shoes. I funked up my eye make up for added effect. Even though I looked pretty fierce, I just didn't feel right in myself.

It's probably something to so with the fact that it's that time of the month so I want to cry, scream, shout and eat my body weight in cake.

The other problem this brings is my sex drive has increased so much. God, Peter* stood over my desk discussing the football with me and I had to do everything I could to prevent myself from jumping up and pouncing on him and unzipping his pants and blowing him away. Christ...I have some will power!!!! I'm totally and utterly horny that it's irritating. I can't so anything about it!!!!! (Unless I go in the shower....)

To make matters worse, the big boss brought his son in on work experience, so I had to watch my language and make sure I didn't drop the f bomb. At lunch I ran into the break room to Suzanne, looked around and effed and Jeffed through the whole lunch break. I told Suzanne about my plight and she said that you should never beg for it and that it should always be on your terms....God, how does she keep her cool? She teaches me so much every day....I could never see her ever being or feeling the same I am now...

Nick (formally Mr. Hump n Dump) was even winding me up today. Sigh, yesterday he went back to being lovely and kind and today distant and cold. He is trashing my head horribly. I don't know if I fancy him because he's blowing hot and cold worse than a $2 whore on a bottle of Creme de Menthe. Is it because he's being a total douche to me? I don't get him. Half of me wants to grab him kiss him and forget everything and the other half wants to kick, scream and ask what the fuck are you doing to me??? The funny thing is that before it became physical w had a friendship that was amazing. He'd make me laugh. Now it's just.....weird.  I wan things to be back to the way they were.

So I'm sitting here in my jammies watching the big match feeling.....deflated. I'm off the booze, caffeine and dairy so I am feeling good body wise but mentally something just isn't sitting right with me. Hopefully a good night's sleep will make things better. And hopefully I can go back to feeling back in control again. I keep telling myself "none of this moves me"  and I need to believe it. Come on, Betty. Pull yourself together!!!!

Love

Betty Rage xxxx