On the End of Summer

Hi Ragers and Ragettes!!  I am sorry for the delay in writing posts as I have been absolutely been mad, bonkers, shit crazy!  Each time I go to write, a phone rings, I get called over or there is a crisis.  I just want to write!!!  So come hell or high water I will finish this post!!!

It’s getting cooler so I have had to make a shift in my wardrobe.   So I am wearing a vintage purple, fuchsia, violet, grey and black wrap around dress with 3 quarter sleeves, black tights and black Mary Janes.  I need new shoes because my well loved Mary Jane’s have been loved to death and are starting to fall apart!  Oh no!!!  An excuse to buy shoes!!!  I need new boots too.

I am a bit down that summer is over.  Summer has always been a magical time.  It’s like your life takes a vacation on an idyllic destination.  For me, there has always been a haze of love, adventure and good times. 

Last summer I was working a temporary job and I first met my “comfort friend” (who I still speak to).  I was happy, unsure but I just went along with the roller coaster that he put me on.  Many nights a week I would have to drop him off at his flat in the morning before work and I didn’t mind that.  He’d always cook for me and always satisfy me after.  Those were lovely carefree days.  Last summer I enjoyed his company and him.  Even though I am with Simon, I still have a soft spot for him. 

A close male friend of mine once said to me, if you make a certain noise during sex, especially during orgasm, the guy owns you.  He’s totally right!!!  Since my comfort friend, no man has made me make that noise...you know what noise I am talking about, ladies?  When you are on the verge of climax and you are floating in that area of bliss and you feel the pressure building up.  Your stomach feels funny, your legs are tense and you know that at any point you are going to explode.  That noise. 

I think that is why I still think about him.  He is not attractive at all but he knows what he is doing.  He knew my body like the back of his hand.  I would gladly let him use me, satisfy me, then let him climax.  I would relish the after glow.  Resting my head on his chest, his fingers tickling my back laughing at his stories of debauchery and adventures of being a DJ in a big city.

Simon has made me cum but I have never made that noise with him.  I give it time.  I still have a lot to teach him...

I look back on last summer fondly.   Last summer I was taught not to give a shit.  And I have kept that with me.

This summer, what lessons have I learned? 

Firstly, I have learned that summer love is a great thing.  Simon and I are happy as a couple.  He’s not perfect, but he’s perfect for me.  I enjoy all the silly things he does.  Is our relationship perfect?  Not a chance!!  But our love is real and to me, although my comfort friend provided physical, sexual stimulation, he couldn’t provide me commitment, love, peace and stability that I craved.  But he provided laughs, sex, kisses, good movies and good food.

Secondly, I have learned that you need to be careful who you trust.  Like with Dan. 

Sigh.  In a strange sort of Stockholm Syndrome way I really miss him.  I miss watching the football with him, having a drinking session on the quays, I miss how he’d tell me stupid stories to make me laugh.  I miss his accent.  But I know that looking back at it all, it was a destructive relationship.  It was flawed.  He emotionally and verbally abused me.  Emotionally blackmailed me.  He head fucked me good and proper.  It’s scary what he did to me.  And I let him do that.  That’s what unsettles me the most.

Thirdly, I have learned that change is good.  I changed my hair colour (reminder to book in again for a top up next month) and I also last weekend got a fabulous new tattoo!!

I have wanted this tattoo for ages and I mean ages!!!  So last weekend Simon and I went to Blackpool to visit a friend of a friend of mine to get it done.  The tattoo is an elegant, watercolour poppy design on my shoulder/arm/back.  It’s lovely.  I wasn’t sure about it at first but this is stunning.  It’s healing nicely too.  It’s a big change for me because all of my tattoos (I have 15) have been discreet.  This is not discreet.  But I love it.  I want to add more to it and it is open to. 

The fourth thing I have learned is that when you have a best friend like Suzanne hold onto them.  Being away from her hurts my heart.  This morning I messaged her with a fashion question about my hair and like always she answered with the best advice.  (Ladies, when you change your hair colour drastically, you need to rethink not only your make up but your clothing.  Certain colours look off with certain hair shades.  I have to be careful with the shades of red that I am wearing.  I am going to start going for wearing lilacs, not purples, as Suzanne advised and she is totally right, turquoise and other jewel tones.  Half of me wants to start wearing a bright yellow but that terrifies me.)  Sigh.  I miss her whole heartedly.  I miss her smile, her accent, her beautiful eyes, her words of wisdom, her hugs, our jokes, our serious times...everything.  Suzanne is a massive part of my life.  And I feel like my right arm has been ripped off.  This coming weekend is a bank holiday weekend so I hope and pray to see her.  I miss her and I need to tell her that.

But, along with those lessons I have learned to not be too uptight and anal about things.  That it’s good to go forward but on certain things it is best to stick to what you know. 

My weight loss journey for example.  I am over thinking it.  I am losing weight but I don’t feel happy.  I am using an app called “My Fitness Pal” and wearing a Fit Bit band.  And you know what, Ragers and Ragettes?  It’s driving me bonkers!!!!  Last night I was reading my diary from the time I successfully lost weight 2 years ago.  I made it so simple and I mean really simple.  I just took a notebook and wrote my feelings and my food down.  So I am going back to that.  Those apps are making me paranoid and I am starting to have the compulsion to skip meals.  So I am going to be going back to what I know.  The exercises I did before and with Brad’s sessions I will be ok.  I will reach my goal.

The final lesson I learned?  I need to make time for things that I enjoy doing.  I love writing this blog about my crazy life.  I have so many ideas and things to say I need to start listing them!  I appreciate all of you for taking time out to read, laugh and learn from my stupidity and experiences.  So I have decided that in the evening, I am going to have strictly me time.  Take my hour for myself back.  Simon has his PS3 time and I want my blogging time!!!  I might not be able to write every day but I want to write at least 3 – 4 times a week so that is what I intend on doing. 

So Ragers and Ragettes!!  I am just about to go into a meeting with an international courier that needs to have its ass kicked as they are billing us wrong.  Hair?  Voluminous (thank you dry shampoo!!).  Eyes?  Mascara on and long.  Red lippy?  On.  Let’s kick some logistical ass!!!

Until next time, Ragers and Ragettes, stay fabulous!

Lots of Love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxxxxxxxxx

A New Hair Do Really Changes You and a Relaxing Weekend

Hey Ragers and Ragettes!!! It's has been a crazy, wild manic Monday! At least I looked fab today, I rocked a vintage black with white appliqué flowers shift dress but I needed the help of the gorgeous Suzanne on my footwear. I took her advice and went with the patent nude peep toed heels. Suzanne never gets it wrong!!!

I had an eventful and fabulous weekend I must say.

Well on Saturday I woke up, had a fab session with Brad and got home, washed my hair, put my favourite vintage jumpsuit on along with my fab gold vintage jewellery and got ready to get my hair done.

I had a consultation with the hair dresser the day before so we were all up to speed.

My black bob has been my signature for over 3 years. My hair colour has changed so many times but I haven't been able to afford it properly due to life in general. Now that I can I decided to take the plunge. On Saturday at 10:56am Simon dropped me off at the hair dressers. I strutted in rocking my fab outfit and killer heels. The girl behind the desk recognised me and told me to have a seat.

I was nervous, I have to admit but I knew I was in good hands. I came prepared with the daily newspaper and trashy celebrity gossip/fashion magazines (my guilty pleasure) because I knew that this was going to take awhile.

My fantastically gay Turkish crazy hairdresser entered the room looked at me and said, Betty shall we begin. I smiled and said, let's!

My fantastically gay Turkish crazy hairdresser was colour correcting my black bob with red streaks into a full head of bright red hair.

I sat down in the chair and it began. His assistants started out by putting bleach in my hair. This wasn't your normal, everyday bleach. No, this was my hairdressers special bleach that you cannot buy in Europe!!! (Gulp!!!) soon my full head was bleached and I was put under the heat lamp. So I took my trashy celebrity gossip magazines out and immersed myself in Kim Kardashian's latest drama, sympathised with Danielle O'Hara's plight (honestly, cheat on your gorgeous wife who had your 3 kids????? What a gobshite!!) and saw that Beyoncé might leave Jay Z because of cheating rumours. I enjoyed it!!!

After the bleach was done they washed, dried and applied the colour. Back to the gossip magazines. Katie Price's husband is a cheat, she had a baby (I do feel for her....no one should have to go through that, but she is a tough cookie, a fab business woman, she'll bounce back stronger), and wants to get skinny again, Kerry Katona's fiancé sectioned (being a bipolar sufferer I understand....it's hard!!) plus beauty tips for autumn and winter fashion. I was in my element!!!!

When that colour set, I was brought back to get it rinsed off. My hairdresser did this himself. He took proper care of me. He is passionate about what he does and micromanaged the process. A conditioning treatment went on, then he washed that out looked at the colour and said it wasn't good enough!!! Shit, I thought! How much is this going to cost?? He then applied another coat of colour. Back to shameless celebrity gossip!!! God, it was amazing!!!! I felt chilled. I didn't have to think. I felt like a princess.

My hairdresser came over and said time to wash the colour off. I walked to the basin and he washed the dye out. He looked at my hair and said, I will put a hair mask on. I want to protect this.

Back to the celebrity magazines. Michelle Keegan's Essex move, Cheryl Fernandez Versini is happy, blah blah blah yackity smackity bullshit. Mindless drivel but I love it!!!

Finally the hair mask came off, I walked to where my hair dresser was going to cut my hair. I noticed
it straight away....the colour was bright...vivid, sexy. I gasped. Wait until it's dried and styled, my hair
dresser said. He started to cut my bob. He cut, pushed my head around, took the clippers out, cut some more...then voila!!! He took the hair dryer out and blasted my do.

Ragers and Ragettes. My hair looked amazing. I was almost in tears. My hair had gone from black with red streaks to the brightest, most vivid shade of red I have ever seen. It was perfect, in the light you got dark reds crimson, rubies, scarlet. The cut....edgy and perfect.

My hairdresser stood back, looked and said, Betty, this is the best I have ever done. I need to photograph this for the website. I was gobsmacked. He photographed me. I must have looked simple. He took my phone and photographed every angle of my hair. He looked at me and said, Betty, there is a hair show every year in Blackpool. Would you be my hair model?

I was shocked. I don't think of myself like that. Of course, I said.

He told me, I do photography and I think you have an edgy look. Different.

I smiled, wow. Yes, I would love to be your model. He then said come back in 5 weeks to touch it up. We will continue to touch the colour up and by the time the show is on, your hair will be perfect.

I couldn't believe it! I sent a photo to Suzanne to see. I posted it on Facebook.

Ragers and Ragettes. The feedback is insane. Almost everyone likes it's colour on me.

Simon drove up to collect me, when it got in the car he gasped. Hello gorgeous, he said. I smiled.

Let's just say when we got in, he broke in the new hair colour....it was a lovely evening....

Sunday I spent doing the one thing I haven't done for awhile...wear yoga pants all day and read fashion magazines....Simon played on his PS3. I was in heaven.

Plus to make it better, I was reading about fall and winter trends. I love fall fashion! Trench coats, jeans, trousers, tights. I tend to wear something dark but have bright accessories. Like wearing a black dress but brightening it with turquoise tights. Fall and winter doesn't have to mean drab!!!

So I will go into fall with a gorgeous head of bright red hair. Things are looking up! 

So I had a fabulous weekend and next weekend will be even better....that's when I get my new tattoo!!! But more on that next time...

Until next time Ragers and Ragettes, stay fabulous!!!!

Lots of love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxx

On An Awkward and Upsetting Evening

Hey Ragers and Ragettes!!  I have that Friday feeling!!  It’s a bleak, grey day here in St Helens.  But I am not letting the weather get me down.  I am rocking a pair of skinny jeans, a floral tie strap cami and a white cardigan.  My shoes are brown wooden platform and tan leather sandals finished off with my purple and tan Fendi bag.  Fabulous!

Well, yesterday was an interesting day at work.  I finished and went to spinning class.  Brad was instructing the class and there were only 2 people in it.  Me and an old guy.  During the class Brad kept coming over and putting the resistance up on my bike.   So by the end my face was purple and I was seriously wheezing!!  I stumbled off the bike and made my way to the locker room and on the way out Brad said to me, great job in the class Betty!  Rest up tomorrow!  I smiled and said thanks!  I walked to my car feeling proud and drove to Simon’s parent’s as we were going to meet with them for dinner.

I bought from my favourite vintage dress seller 2 dresses, one for me and I found one that Simon’s mum would like.  I smiled as I parked my little convertible thinking that she was going to love the dress that I bought for her.  Simon’s car was in the driveway.

I got out of the car and Simon’s dad was at the door.  He gave me a big cuddle.  I smiled and kissed him on the cheek.  I walked into Simon’s parent’s beautiful house still smiling.  I walked out into the garden and Simon was playing with the dogs adn Simon’s mum was sitting at the table and drinking a glass of wine.

Beeettttttyyyyy!!  She slurred.  Simon looked at me with a look of horror, shame and embarrassment. 

She stumbled over to me and gave me a huge hug.  I put my smile back on and presented her with the dress.

Ooooooooo!!!  I looove it Beeetttyyyy, my beautiful girl!  She gave me a sloppy kiss on my cheek.  Drink, my darling?  She asked.

I looked at Simon....I have never seen him look like this before.  The look was a cross between sadness, fear and pure hate.

I looked at his mum with my same smile and said, no thank you.  Could I have some water please?

Are you sure you don’t want a drinkie? She asked.

No I am sure.  She stumbled off to the kitchen and Simon’s dad came over and sat down with us.  He had a few to drink too but he wasn’t as paralytic as Simon’s mum.  Simon and his dad started talking business.

We were discussing our French/Peruvian customer.  We discussed how we did well and that we have a customer on board in Cyprus.  His mum came back with a new glass of wine for her and a glass of sparkling water with some lime for me.  As we chatted him mum would butt in and interrupt by talking to me. 

Ohhh Betty!  I got my nails done.  I could smell the alcohol on her breath.  I wanted the same colour as you but I didn’t think that you wanted me to copy yours.  Mine is called plum sorbet. 

Lovely, mum I said.  She put her arm around me and held my hand.  You’re my gorgeous girl Betty.  I love you. 

Then the conversation started to get heated.  Simon’s dad was saying that he wanted to take the task of scanning the Royal Mail shipments off of Simon because he thinks that he can do it as he works, which made sense to me.  Simon said that it was ok he could handle it as he uses that time to think.  But his dad kept pushing.  And pushing.  His mum got up and went for yet another glass of wine.  Then the conversation went to my job and my role.  The argument went heated. 

I did the one thing that I could do to not make the awkwardness stick.  I messaged Suzanne.  “Simon and his dad having an argument his mum is pissed drunk....awkward!!!”

Suzanne messaged back instantly, “Oh wow...you don’t wanna be in the middle.  Suggest you might have left your straightener on this morning?.....”

Just as I was going to mention that, Simon’s mum stumbled, and I mean stumbled back and said,  I want to be paid.  I think that £50 a week so that your dad and I can go out for a meal and some drinks would be ok.

Simon saw red.  He had an agreement with his parents that he wouldn’t pay them for tax purposes.  He does take care of them.  He bought them a Range Rover, he pays for holidays and the dogs’ medical bills. They both agreed this.  His mum quit her job to help him and got a massive pension.  His parents are more than ok for money.  They live in a 5 bedroom detached house! 

Simon exploded and I froze.

Ragers and Ragettes.  Over 10 year ago, I was in a relationship that was not just bad, it was a nightmare.  This ex used to beat me.  He put cigarettes out on my body, he beat me with belts, his fists, he kicked me, spat on me, and humiliated me.  When he would raise his voice or his temper would flare, I would instinctively get smaller to try and shield my body from the blows.  The scars that are on my hips, legs, and back are testament to what he did to me.

So when Simon slammed his fist on the table, I gripped his mum’s hand tighter, closed my eyes and each time Simon’s hand hit the table, I could feel the blows rain down on my body from my ex.  Simon started shouting my breathing sped up.  I felt my throat closing up.  Please don’t hit me went through my head. 

Let’s get something straight, Ragers and Ragettes.  Simon would categorically never, ever lay a hand on me.  Ever.  He wouldn’t verbally abuse me or assault me in anyway.  Simon has been the perfect gentleman.  A loving, good man.

But that thought just went through my head.  Simon’s mum started to cry.  I still didn’t know what to do.  Simon’s dad and Simon kept arguing and I felt so small, so scared, so helpless.  Simon’s mum got up to check on the dinner and I messaged Suzanne in a panic telling her what I was feeling. Suzanne then got panicked too.  I just wanted to get up and leave. 

When Simon’s mum got back, the mood changed.  She had refilled her glass yet again and slurred, Betty I got my nails painted...I wanted the colour that you have on but I got this one...it’s called...erm....

Plum Sorbet, I finished for her. 

Simon’s dad served up a lovely dish of meat kebabs and rice.  Nice and healthy. 

Simon’s mum said, Betty, we know that you are trying to be healthy so we made this for you.  And some fruit.  His mum then looked at me and said, oh you are losing weight.  I can tell here....she grabbed my breasts then slid her hands down to under them.  As I was in my workout gear I was wearing a sports bra and a lycra vest top. 

I was mortified.  Simon’s eyes brimmed with tears.  We continued to eat and Simon’s dad brought out dessert, some fresh fruit and I made a fuss over it, trying to neutralise the atmosphere. 

We finished dessert and Simon got up.  Come on, Betty, we best be going he said.

We started to walk out to the car and Simon’s mum grabbed me and said oh when you lose weight we are going to go shopping and for cocktails.  I smiled and said, yes mum.  We will have a lovely time. 

We got to my car and Simon’s mum grabbed Simon and kissed his head and said, my beautiful boy!!  She then grabbed me and kissed me on the cheek and said, my beautiful girl!! 

Simon’s dad gave me a hug and we finally got away.

On the way back to our home, we were silent the whole way.  Tears started to stream down Simon’s face.  I didn’t know what to say so I said timidly, Babe, if you want to talk about it, I am here for you.

He looked at me and said, thank you, my angel.

We got into the flat and he burst into tears.  I wrapped my arms around him and held him.  I soothed him the best I could.  He just cried.  I quickly messaged Suzanne and told her that I was ok and that Simon needed me.   He calmed down and put his Playstation on.

I went and got a shower.  I wanted to wash the night off of me.  I burst into tears.  I cried for Simon.  I cried out of sheer humiliation.  I cried because I didn’t want to remember those painful times that happened 10 years ago. 

I washed my face and tried to compose myself.

I got out of the shower, got into my pajamas and sat on the settee next to Simon.  He wrapped his arms around me and I rested my head on his chest.  We watched some TV and had an early night.

I tried to instigate sex but he stopped me.  He looked at me and said, Betty, hold me.  So I did.  All night.

Ragers and Ragettes.  I don’t know what I can possibly say.  Simon is so strong.  He’s my hero.  He can fix everything.  How do I fix his situation?  What do I do?

Having been with 1 alcoholic, previously I know what can happen but this is different.  It’s Simon’s parents.  This is hell on earth.  It’s hard to stay strong when you feel so helpless and to see the man I love reduced to tears by the people that are supposed to make him feel safe and loved.

Sigh, so today I am trying to get back to normalcy.  Simon looks like his happy normal self.  This is a problem that won’t go away.  It’s going to be a case of damage limitation going forward.

So I look forward to the weekend, God it has been a long week! 

Have a safe and great weekend Ragers and Ragettes!

Lots of Love,

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

On Taking It Up a Notch, Prinnie Pampering and Business Success

Hi Ragers and Ragettes!  It’s a lovely sunny day here in St Helens!  It’s been a few days since my last post!  It’s been really, really busy in the life of Betty Rage but it’s all good.  Today I am rocking a purple, black, peach and white printed camisole with a tie at the bust, my vintage black velour jacket, skinny jeans and platform wedges.  I have done my make up with shades of violet which make my eyes look really green!!!  If you want to get the best from green eyes I find that by wearing purple or berry colours make mine look very clear.  I always line my eyes with black eye liner and I use berry coloured lip pencil (yes lip pencil) as it isn’t too obvious but it makes your eyes look alluring.  Then 2 coats of mascara and, fabulous!

Well, last Saturday, I decided to treat myself to a prinnie pamper session to celebrate my weight loss success!!  So I got a Shellac Manicure (I used to be a total acrilyc junkie but shellacs have made such a difference!  For those of you that don’t know, it’s a strong, Teflon sort of nail polish that lasts for 2-3 weeks!  And they protect your nails from breaking so my nails are a good length and strong!), a pedicure, a much needed eyebrow wax, and a very much needed bikini wax.  (Simon enjoyed that part the most.....tee hee!!!)  The gorgeously fabulous Suzanne got me onto this idea.  She calls it a non food treat.  And that works for me.  I like the thought of after a hard week of working out, eating healthily, and drinking plenty of water, treating yourself to a prinnie pamper session is the best treat ever instead of gorging on a burger.  I mean, you get 15 minutes of satisfaction but with my beauty treatments, I am getting a lot longer satisfaction!!  It totally makes sense.  Thanks, Suzanne!!!

Well, Brad the instructor said he’s happy with my progress and he wants me to now step it up.  He told me that I should try some of the classes, especially the spinning classes as it burns a lot of calories and it will improve my stamina.  So I tried one.  God it was hard!  I sweated so much but you know what?  I enjoyed it!  The instructor was a lovely woman with the most amazing tattoo on her right arm.  She pulled me after the class and chatted to me and said that she will help me and get me into shape!  But the next day my arse hurt so much!  I don’t know if it was from the class or if it was because the seat was so fucking uncomfortable!!!!  Ouch!!  A muff cushion is definitely needed.  I am going to try and grab a few classes after work a week.  I am going tonight.

Brad also told me that I need to eat more.  Yes you heard that correctly.  I need to eat more of the good things.  He said I should have 3-4 snacks a day.   And I need to eat a good healthy breakfast.  Here has been a typical daily diet:

Breakfast:  Oat So Simple Porridge pouch with almond milk

Mid Morning snack:  rice cake with a teaspoon of crunchy peanut butter (peanut butter is one of my most favourite things on this planet!)

Lunch:  Chicken salad with olives and feta cheese

Mid Afternoon Snack:  Rice Cake with low fat cottage cheese

Evening Meal:  Chicken stirfry or meatballs and salad.

I have basically been making 2 evening meals each night.  A regular meal for Simon and a healthy meal for me.  It’s been interesting.  I have been logging all my food and it makes you think about what you eat each day.  I can actually see how people become obsessed with it and make unhealthy choices.  As you know, my Mama suffers with this problem and I don’t want to go down that road.  I want to be healthy. 

Plus I have this gorgeous vintage red winter coat that I must get back into!!  It’s beautiful!  8 buttons on the front, soft and a classic cut.  It flares out slightly at the bottom which is very flattering style for us women.  I am determined to be in it by my birthday in October.

Work has been going from strength to strength.  We are going to be moving shortly into a new warehouse that is bigger and more modern looking.  We also had a very special client to visit us yesterday.

We entertained, yesterday, a funny little Frenchman who lives in Peru.  He saw our products online and came over to look at them.  He wants to buy a lot of them for us.  Crazy?  Yes.  Stereotypically French?  Oui!  Looked like a serial killer?  Definitely.  But he is buying our product by the pallet load!!  So Simon and I are very pleased!

We also have a client in Cyprus who has put his first order in for a palletload of our product.  So things are definitely looking up!!! 

Things are ticking over nicely in there world of Betty Rage....it kind of scares me.  But with everything that has happened since March I am slowly settling into a new way of life.  It’s difficult at times.  I am not used to stability, to be loved for who I am, to have no drama.  I need to find my way in this place and make this my home.  That that’s the part that terrifies me the most.  But with Simon’s love, Suzanne’s support, Elena’s blog (the Words of a Goddess) I will get there.

So until next time, Ragers and Ragettes, take care of yourselves, get some non food treats and embrace each day with happiness!!!  If not, just get a large glass of red wine!

Lots of love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx