On Body Issues

Hey Ragers and Ragettes!!!   It’s Monday, yes, the most suck hard day of the week.  I hate Mondays.  I really can’t stand them.  I try to get through them as best as I can usually by writing this or listening to music.

But I have to say, Ragers and Ragettes, I am in full bitch mode today so I apologise for the negative tone and bitchiness of this post.

As I haven’t been well, my body has been very tired and worn down.  And my body has decided to give me a period this month.  I don’t usually get them because of my contraception but Mother Nature every once and awhile likes to throw one in there.  Just because she can.

So most of the weekend I felt all emotions from full out rage to wanting to weep and eat cake.  Yesterday it all came to a head.

I woke up and felt bloated and fat.  I have gained some weight from the antibiotics plus from my monthly friend.  So I am already feeling not the best.  Then Simon decided that he was going to spend all day playing on his Playstation while I rush around, prepare dinner, do other bits of cooking, cleaning and finishing the laundry.  Plus my friend Rita was going to come over for a wine and a moan. 

I had my Personal Training session which I usually enjoy.   But I didn’t enjoy it.  The whole time when I was doing my weight lifting, this skinny blonde MILF like woman with fake boobs and a forehead that didn’t move was working out next to us.  She was complaining to my trainer that she hadn’t eaten bread for 3 days.

Then the words left my lips....Well my thighs touch, lady.  I said as I did a perfect rep of clean and press.  She looked at me shocked (I think she was shocked...I mean...her forehead didn’t move as I said and it could be shock??) and she nervously giggled.  My trainer gave me a look and when I finished my set she said, ok Betty over here now.  She pulled me away from the silicon Barbie like being. 

I then had to do my bench press.  I did my bench press and Barbie came over to the Squat Rack.  She had long fake talons and was struggling to get the clips off to put the weights on.  This guy who was lifting came over and said, looks like you’re struggling, let me help.  She giggled coquettishly and said something along the lines of oh thank you!  I would have never done that myself. 

How many times have I struggled in the gym?  And how many times has anyone offered to help me??????  Honestly!!  Us larger ladies get such fuck all for it!!! 

Let’s just say my sets of lifting were amazing.  I used the rage and beasted my workout.

I got in and found that Simon actually did help out.  He vacuumed the carpet and the kitchen.  I was very pleased.  I kissed his forehead and started cooking and preparing dinner.  I made a batch of spaghetti sauce, plus my lunch for today and a little post work out treat of olives, avocado and eggs.  I read the paper and then started getting ready to see Rita. 

She text me and said that she was going to be 10 minutes as her long suffering boyfriend was driving us to the pub because it was raining.  I wasn’t finished putting my make up on.

With Rita, I always feel like I have to be perfect.  She is 5 foot 8, has long brown/auburn hair, beautiful big brown eyes and a figure that most woman would die for.  She is skinny with big, massive fake tits.  And I mean very skinny.  She has a majorly big thigh gap.  But she smokes like a train, eats crap like McDonalds and other fast foods and drinks beer like a man.  And she loses weight!!!!!!!!  The bitch!!! 

Rita is going down a path that isn’t wise.  She has a boyfriend and a 3 year old son.  She is fucking around on her boyfriend with a friend of mine....I have outlined this situation before. 

Anywho, she is all wrapped up with this situation and she has developed major feelings for the other guy.  Like proper major feelings.  It’s basically a massive mess.

Rita went with me to Amsterdam and met the lads from work.  She has become very good friends with them and has been chatting with them.

I thought that we were just going to my local pub for a quiet drink.  But Rita had other ideas.  After bombarding me with her issues, she then decided to contact Keith from work.  Keith responded saying that he was at another pub in town with his mates. 

Rita’s eyes lit up like she won the lottery.  Before I knew it, we were in a cab on the way to the pub to meet Keith and his mates. 

Firstly, I had fuck all money.  Secondly, I just wanted a quiet drink, not a session.  But Rita was rambling on.  We pulled in and she gave the cabdriver a shit load of change and we entered the pub.

Sure enough, Keith was there with his friends.  His young twenty-something male friends.  Rita slinked in and found Keith.  Keith showed us his table and his friends.

Rita was in her element.  She was flirting, giggling, tossing her gorgeous mane of hair sweetly as she laughed at their jokes.  She took her coat off and to reveal a skimpy vest, her massive fake tits on display.

They asked her to play pool, she giggled and played.  I sat there drinking my wine feeling....ugly.  I mean really ugly.  I sat there talking football with one of his friends.  I tried to not feel so out of place, but I was. 

I then realised what was going on.  Rita was on the prowl for cock and I was the fat friend to distract the others while she stalks one and then attacks her prey.  When the realisation hit I held back the tears.  I went on auto pilot.  I smiled politely, made polite chit chat as Rita giggled and leaned over to take her shots at pool while her admirers gathered round and gawped at her perfect size 0 figure.

I then had enough.  I wanted to go home and sit with Simon in my pajamas and be hugged.  That’s all I wanted.   So I texted Simon (who wasn’t in a good mood) and told him that I was going to walk home.  He said that he would pick me up.

I went to leave and Rita said, Betty where are you going?  I made an excuse that I had an early start and that I needed to get home.  She said are you sure that it isn’t because of me? 

I then told a lie.  No darling, of course not.  You’re having a great time.  I just have a lot to do.

She hugged me and I left looking for Simon’s car.

I didn’t know where I was and no one was around so I burst into tears.  I have never felt so ugly, so fat, so useless.  I just wanted to go home and sit with Simon, eat the pasta I made and have a nice night in.

I found Simon (who wasn’t signing his texts off with kisses like he usually did) and I got into his car a weeping mess.  He looked at me and said what’s up.

I don’t remember what I said as it came out in an unintelligible mess.  It ended with I just want you.  I just want a cuddle.

Simon took my hand and squeezed it.

When we got in, he gave me a cuddle and said, you’re not fat or ugly.  I love you the way you are, Betty. 

I then went to the kitchen to prepare dinner.  Betty, Simon said, I’m not hungry.  No need to prepare dinner.

The Bitch Switch got flipped.  I specially prepared sauce for dinner and he doesn’t want it now?????  Oh Betty started to Rage and I mean Rage. 

I sucked it down and poured a large glass of red wine and settled down with Simon.  We snuggled and the rage dissipated.  I felt ok.

I went to bed and had a restless night.  I didn’t sleep at all and I am tired.  Very tired. 

I now sit here still feeling ugly, fat and just plain inadequate. 

Someone once said loving your body will get your further than hating it.  It is a very true statement but some days I struggle with this.  Especially since I had a major setback with Bronchitis.  It knocked me worse than I thought and add the PMS and you have a recipe for disaster. 

Today I am fuming at Rita and that skinny bitch Barbie at the gym.  I am fuming that life isn’t fair.  That pizza has millions of calories.  I am sitting here trying not to cry as I push my uneven dreadful haircut out of my face and eat a bland spinach salad.  Today I hate the Ritas of this world.  The ones that are skinny and don’t have to work at it. 

But my personal trainer yesterday said by doing what I am doing I am building my character.  When I get to my ideal weight I’ll appreciate it even more.  I’ll take care of my new body better.  And as I sit here I know that she is right.  I know that when I put on my size 10 bralet and pencil skirt set and look in the mirror, I will think, damn, I worked for this smoking hot body.  I will treat my body better by eating the right foods and eating enough of them.

So today I am going to continue working hard.  I have packed my gym clothes so I will go and try the treadmill workout that my Personal Trainer gave me.  I will attempt to enjoy my healthy chicken and spinach salad...it’s really hard....but I am trying!

Because unlike Rita, my body is a temple that I will treat with love and respect but also I will treat my emotional health with love and respect to by being uncomplicated and fabulous.

So until next time, Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher!

Lots of love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxxxx