Threads that are Golden Don't Break Easily

Hey there Ragers and Ragettes!   It's a sunny Sunday here in St Helens.  And I am feeling fine!  Today I am rocking my Aztec jumpsuit (I really,really, really love this jumpsuit with all my heart...I am so tempted to write River Island and tell them the extent of my love for this jumpsuit!!!), my black platform wedges, red lippy and some fierce gold accessories and I brought out my vintage gold chunky bracelet.

Why am I so dressed up?  I am back form having lunch and a few wines with a dear friend of mine, Kelly.  (names changed, Ragers and Ragettes, to protect the innocent...or not so innocent.)

I am a big believer that we meet people in our lives for a reason.  Some because we are meant to be friends, some to give us good lovin' for a night and leave like some fucked up dream, and some to teach us lessons to not trust and to remind us that even though we believe that most people are good there are actually some major assholes.  Those people are the ones that leave the indelible mark on us.  Those are the ones that make us question our values, the way we look, our beliefs.....

I digress....

I met up with Kelly today for some lunch and drinks.

Kelly is a special person to me.  When I moved to the Northwest of England, I got a job in a place that wasn't very good at all.  Bullying was the culture.  If you had an idea, don't mention it.  You'd be publicly shot down then the idea would be taken by the management and made into the best thing ever. (that happened to me more times than I care to admit. That's why I love working for Simon.  My ideas are heard and listened to...he doesn't pass some of them but at least they are heard and discussed)

The bullying for me was so bad that it effected my health.  I started to starve myself.  Yes, I lost weight but not in the way that one should and it had consequences.  My already fine hair started to fall out in chunks.  I started growing a fine layer of body hair on my shoulders and the sides of my face.  My teeth started to hurt. Yes I looked hot in body con dressed but behind that pain was a body that was in was totally not worth it.  Plus no matter how my YSL touche eclat you put on, some under eye bags will not go!!!

Kelly helped me through this time.  She worked in the same building.  The same asshole who I worked for owned 3 businesses.  Kelly worked upstairs.  We became good friends and we went out for lunch together, cigarettes breaks and everything.  She was the one person that I could trust in that time.  With everything I was going through at home with Dan she made everything right.

We used to go to the pub for lunch.  We'd have a cheeky pint, smoke a lot and then chew a lot of gum and go back to the hell hole called work giggling.

Then came the day.  Kelly got a new job.  Instantly my heart broke.  I felt angry at her.  She got my dream job in Liverpool city center for a great company.  My blood boiled but I was happy for her.  She got her ticket to freedom.  I was left behind.  Her last day I spent crying so hard and throwing up in the bathroom.  How the fuck was I going to survive this shit without her?  So I did something that I now regret fully.  I got home and I took a razor to my legs.  That didn't dull the pain at all.  I felt like I had lost a limb. (Similar how I feel now without Suzanne)  Dan didn't give a shit how I felt.  And he made me sell my guitar earlier.  I had no escape at all.  No more cheeky beers at lunch.  Making fun of the managers. No smoking buddy.  No one I could trust.  My heart literally broke.

We kept in touch though.  We texted and that got me through some pain.  I even got an interview at her place of work.  I fell at the final hurdle.  I felt sick.

But time went on.  Life went on.  I got my confidence back and I got out.  

Chatting with her today I realised that if I had got that job, I would have been miserable.  It was corporate like the old job I had.  Suits, no tattoos, hair slicked back, no red lippy.  Company protocol and all that bullshit.

Kelly has left that job.  Right now she lives 5 miles from me, I didn't realise.  Her boyfriend found a job an hour and 15 minutes away.  She has found a job up that way too.  She is trying to sell her house so that she can move up.  Part of me doesn't want this.  How fucked up and selfish is that?  First her than living far from Suzanne. It hurts every day.

Friends are family that you choose.  I don't have a lot of friends as such.  On Facebook have have over 200 but most of them wouldn't piss on me if I was on fire.  I know who my true friends are and I am so happy with that.  I know who I can trust and who I care about and to me that is the most important thing.

So Ragers and Ragettes, remember as my song writing and singing hero Tori Amos said, Threads that are golden don't break easily.

Kelly and Suzanne, you are platinum friends.  The best friends that a girl could have and for that I love you and I thank you always

Lots of love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxxxxxxxxxx