On Dressing nicely....For Other Women

Hi Ragers and Ragettes!!!  It's a rainy, grey and bleak Saturday.  Boo. So here I am typing this from my vanity table, which I cleaned while I am waiting for the laundry to finish it's spin cycle.   But that hasn't stopped me from wearing my favourite vintage dress (blue, turquoise, lime green flowers), my favourite tan sandals, my red lippy and the necklace that Suzanne gave me.

Why am I all dressed up you may ask?  Well, after my Personal Training session with Brad today (I am losing weight!  6 pounds down and I am noticing a difference as I am getting my waist and my curves are started to get more defined....Body Con dresses here I come! Plus Suzanne says that my cheekbones are starting to come through....result!) I got home and showered.  I put my favourite dress on because I went to get my nails done.  

Now getting your nails done or going to a beauty salon has an unwritten understanding about fashion here in Merseyside. You go to the salon to be seen.  As St Helens is a relatively small town everyone seems to know everyone's business.  The girl who does my nails for example lives a 5 minute walk to the St Helens Rage Towers, plus Simon's mum goes to this same salon.  So when I sat down to get my nails done, Cindy (names changed to protect the innocent...or not so innocent) the nail technician and all around nice girl and beauty therapist she started discussing my life from the perspective of Simon's mum.  Wow.  That's strange....and uncomfortable.  Cindy immediately complimented my outfit and look today.  Around me women were wearing maxi dresses, sandals, capri pants, cute tops.  

You see, when us women get dressed up, we are not dressing up for men, we are dressing up for us women.  Especially in Merseyside, fashion is taken very seriously.  The look here is what I call The Orange Barbie.  Most women in Merseyside are bleach blonde, tanned to the point of looking like they have been gang raped by a bag of doritos.  The clothing?  In summer you will get the following looks:  maxi dress with seriously high platforms, jean shorts with tights under (yes, I don't get it either), playsuits with flat sandals.  The hair is either long curled extensions or pulled up on the top of the head in a huge bun.  

Now as I said before, fashion is a personal thing and I would never, ever criticise anyone for their fashion choices but people here look like carbon copies.  So when I was sitting there getting my Shellac nails (nail polish that stays on for 2 - 3 weeks) the amount of looks I got.  Some gave me nods of appreciation, some just stared at me like I was a curiosity in a freak show.  Either way, I provoked a response, which is what us women want.

Fashion is like art.  It's a statement.  I knew a girl in university who used to have a mess of curly hair.  I mean this was a big blonde afro!!  She used to come into school every day wearing a long skirt, long t-shirt and her hair....well, she would put branches, leaves and all sorts in it!!!  I remember she came in with fake birds in!!  Wow!!  She did it, though, to provoke a response and that is what us women do when we go out dressed to the nines.

In Trieste, Italy,  where Mama Rage is from, there is a high percentage of people who are elderly and the women, every day, when they go to the shops you don't see them wearing jeans, t-shirts, and trainers.  No, they put on their dresses and skirts, their nice sandals, do their hair and make up, take their best hand bag and go out to be seen getting pastries, cheese and such.  It's something that has always stayed with me.  That's why when I go back to Trieste, I don't pack sloppy clothes.  I pack my best dresses, make up and I make sure I bring my straighteners, curling iron and hair powder.  When in Rome, after all...

So after I had a gorgeous scarlet colour called Decadence put on my nails, I got up strutted my stuff in front of the room, I could feel the other women's stares on my outfit and pale skin and ruby red lips, I strutted to the reception area to pay for my treatment.  I booked in for another session in 2 weeks time and I even booked in for a pedicure.  (My feet are a state!!  I mean really!  It's so bad that I can exfoliate my legs with the bottom of one foot!!!  It's not very good at all!!) I left a generous tip, put my large sunglasses on (even though it was raining) and strutted out the shop feeling like I won the fashion parade today.  

Simon pulled up in his Range Rover and I got in.  I felt smug, like a million dollars for the first time in a long time.  And why shouldn't I?  I have an amazing boyfriend, a great job, good friends and I am getting my body and my power and confidence back.  

So Ragers and Ragettes, when I woman is dressing to the nines, she isn't having an affair.  She is trying to win the fucked fashion parade that us women do every day.  My catwalk is the pavement.  And I own that shit!

Have a great Saturday, Ragers and Ragettes and remember, if you are feeling sad, put your best outfit on, even if you are going for a pint of milk or to get more bread at the shop.  It keeps people guessing and there is nothing more delicious than people wondering what you are up to....being a woman of mystery is a very sexy thing!  I am going to run a bath now, pour a glass of wine and see if I can pull Simon away from his playstation for a half an hour or so...I mean, who else is going to help me scrub my hard to reach bits?  A couple that bathes together stays together!!!!

Lots of Love

The Fabulous Betty Rage

On the Power of Red Lipstick

Hey Ragers and Ragettes!  It’s another fabulous day here in St Helens.  The sun is shining and there are a few clouds in the sky.  But I am not going to let it upset me.  Today I am rocking my shift dress with black pencil skirt and fuchsia, orange, black and white stripes and my black patent peep toed shoes.  Obviously I have my red lippy on....

A lot of people ask me why I wear red lippy.  It’s very simple.  I wear it because it is my signature  In a culture of lip glosses and sticky lips, I pull away from the pack and use my beloved long stay, kiss proof lippy every day.  It has a gorgeous hue, it lasts ages and I feel like I am dressed and ready to go in it!!!

But more importantly, it is my armour.  My protection from the outside world and from all the nasty bad people and things.  To me, when I open the twist top tube of my red lippy, and I open my compact to put slick it on, that moment in life is perfect.  I don’t want or need anything.  The way that it feels on my lips...I put my lips together to rub it in.  I take my pinky and correct the overspill on my cupid’s bow and then slick another coat on.  At that moment, I am my most powerful.  When my lips have their signature red hue on, I am safe, untouchable and I can take on anyone or anything with ease.  It’s like Samson’s head of hair.  My without my lippy = a vulnerable mess.  I do feel weak without it.

It’s so funny how an item of clothing, or our hair, or a pair of shoes can make a major difference in how we perceive life and different situations.  But it’s a nice thing as well.

We have basically replaced our comfort blankets from when we were children with something more adult but the concept is very much the same. 

So why did I choose red lipstick?  Well, to be fair and to be honest, when I changed my hair colour to black for the first time, I wanted to look striking to attract a certain guy.  It didn’t work but I ended up with a fabulous new look.  So for 10 years I have been using my red armour pretty much most days. 

One of my old work colleagues used to refer to it as me going into battle when I would slick my lippy on.  And they were right.  With it, I am the strongest warrior.  The toughest, most resilient woman on the planet. And in a day in age of orange tans, blonde hair extensions, and over glossed lips,  I like to think that I am leading the fight for us pale skinned, dark haired beauties.

So Ragers and Ragettes, to your adult comfort blankets, wear them with pride!  They are there for a reason so go with it! 

Just always be true to yourself and always be fabulous!

Lots of Love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxxxxxxxx

On Finding the Chink in Simon’s Armour and a Very Busy and Painful Weekend

Morning Ragers and Ragettes!  It’s a cloudy morning threatening to rain.  So today I am rocking my Aztec print jumpsuit (which is feeling roomier and baggier which is a good thing!), black platform wedges, black and gold earrings, cocktail ring and bracelet and my red lippy of course!

Well, this past weekend was all work!  Simon’s business is booming as you know and I am enjoying the success of our labour!  It was time now for me to start stepping up and doing the job that I am paid to do.  I decided that it was time to clean the warehouse and front office.  I mean it is an abslute mess!  It’s to the point that when people come in, I am so embarrassed because it doesn’t look professional!

So on Saturday I had my PT session with Brad.  Bad idea!!!!  Brad put me through my paces.  He worked my legs and my bum so much that now it still hurts to sit down and go to the toilet.  So after a hard session on Saturday morning, I got home, took a shower, put my jeans and white cami, scraped my hair back and put my red lippy on.

I hired a skip the day before and when we got to the warehouse we saw that it had been delivered.    Simon’s parents rocked up a few minutes later.  We then started to clean the warehouse.  We pulled all the pallets of stock out and started to attack the one area that irritated me the most....the pile of old stock that was returned as faulty.  Right, I said, let’s pull the spare parts that we can salvage and scrap the rest! 

Simon said, Betty can I look at them first?  I turned and said, erm, they are scrap Simon, they need to go, like we discussed?  Simon started looking nervous.  Then it hit me.  My baby does have a flaw....Simon is a hoarder!!!

It explained a lot.  I took a step back and pulled him and his parents aside and said new plan.  Simon, we will hand you each item, you look at it, pull the parts off that you want and if you want to keep it let me know.  His dad and Simon worked together and in fairness they started to throw a lot of the scrap into the skip.  Simon then got up and trusted his dad to pull the spare parts off and he started to destroy the only chainsaws, I mean whack them hard with a fierce looking tool.  He looked like he was full of angst.  I started to clean up and tidy the dispatch area and also keeping a close eye on Simon.

We made it through the day but I could tell that he wasn’t feeling calm.  Plus once I stopped moving my arse and thighs were on fire!!!!  My muscles were so sore I was not walking, I was waddling!!!  We finished up, and sat down and lit a cigarette.  He looked so tense and I felt helpless.  I put my arm around him and he rested his head on my shoulder. 

We then headed home to get some dinner and relax.  We went to the pub and started to write down some more tasks to be completed.  Simon started to chain smoke.  It was literally one straight after the other. 

Then the worst possible thing happened...his parents came over.  When Simon is on edge the last thing that he needs is his parents to rock up...with bottle of wine in hand.....oh God.  I felt on edge for him.

Luckily there were no massive rows.  Just some heated talking.  We made it home.  Simon then relaxed on the settee and put his video game on.  I put a load of washing on.  I didn’t want to talk about what happened so I played it cute and sweet with him.  WE had an early night.

The next morning, I woke up and looked at him sleeping so sweetly.  I decided to channel my inner sex goddess (Elena, you’d approve!!) and I slipped under the covers and woke him up, if you get my drift.....

After we were both satisfied, we got up and headed back to work.  This time, I could tell, was going to be harder for Simon.  We were going to clean his desk. I waddled in as I was feeling even more pain than last time!!!! 

Simon’s desk is an absolute state, Ragers and Ragettes!  There was trash, old papers, empty coke cans and everything else you could think of.  I had my work cut out for me.  So I went in and took charge.  We sat down together and made a plan on how to clean his desk.  I told him that if he felt scared, anxious or totally upset that he needs to talk to me.  He nodded.  So I waddled in agony to my desk and started to clean up. (Brad is seriously sadistic!!!!  I am still in pain now!!)

Betty, he said sheepishly, I have this old e-cigarette and it’s quite big.  I don’t know if I should keep it.

I looked up and said, Simon, put it down and come back to it in 10 minutes if that feels better.  He looked like he was going to cry so to disperse the situation, I pulled him outside and gave him a cigarette.  Tears rolled down his freckled cheeks.  God, this was so hard for him.  Again I felt so helpless.   So I held him.  I held him close and tight and told him that I love him and that I am here for him.  I told him that if he wanted to stop he could.  But he bravely soldiered on.

We managed to clean the office with little disruption.  We sat down and went through our messages on our computers.  I looked over at him. 

My darling Simon looked tired.  He looked so tired and I am sure that he aged a bit.  Sigh.

So today, Ragers and Ragettes, I feel tired.  I feel so tired that I want to just drop.  I am knackered.  I just want to go home with my beautifu fallen angel, snuggle up and hold him and let him know that it is ok to be afraid, to have flaws.  I still love him.....he just better not hoard my beautiful apartment out.  We all have our flaws.  I love him so much so I will stick with him.  Help him through this and love him always.

Until next time Ragers and Ragettes, take care of yourselves and get plenty of rest!

Lots of Love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

On What to Do If Your Man is Down

Hey Ragers and Ragettes!  It’s a lovely summer’s day!  The sky is blue, the sun is shining and I am rocking a turquoise strapless maxi dress with white cardi, gold sandals, and turquoise accessories.  I also found out the hard way that I ran out of Betty Rage number 2 must have(After my red lippy, of course!!)....dry shampoo.

Dry shampoo is an item that every girl should own.  It’s amazing!  It saves so much time in the morning.  All you do is on dry unwashed hair get the dry shampoo, flip your hair upside down and spray it on the roots under your hair.  You massage it in and it soaks up the grease from your roots.  I then back comb under my hair at the crown and ta-da!  Volume!  Fabulous!!

So my trademark Betty Rage bob is looking limp and lifeless and being held in place by an Alice band.  Nice.

The good news is that since I have started working out with my trainer, I am down 5 pounds!!  Get in!  I am eating better and feeling better.  My skin is looking healthier.  I am very tired though.  That is the toxins and crap removing itself from my body.  I will be ok in a few days.   I am going to keep with it and keep going.  I have another session tomorrow with Brad so we will see how it goes.

Today has been a bit trying.  As you all know that I work for Simon.   Simon’s business is a good business.  He built it himself and he is doing very well.  We were at his parents’ house last night and his father told me how much money was in the business account.  I almost choked on my chicken wrapped in parma ham!!  Let’s just say that he is doing so well. 

Because it’s Simon’s business, he takes everything to heart.  And I mean everything.  Today, I don’t know what is going on, but he is on edge and in a horrible mood.

For example, when I got in this morning he was checking the new phone system and I was checking the emails.  He said, shit!  really loudly. I looked up and said, what’s up darling?  He then said, I think that the phone system isn’t working.

I was concentrating on an email and I said oh no.  He then said, Betty, can you act more concerned? 

I looked up and said, I beg your pardon?  I am trying to answer these emails for you.

He then said, well you should have been more concerned.  It’s the phone system, Betty.  It’s important. 

I just gave him a look and he continued working on the phone system.  A few minutes later he fixed it.  I looked at him and said, that’s why I wasn’t concerned.  I knew you’d fix it.  Do you want me to flap around and scream “we’re all doomed” in future?

He laughed and said yes, jokingly.

Sigh.  You don’t realise how much your partner’s attitude and mood rubs off on you.  All today Simon has been snippy and moody.  And because of this, I am on edge too.  I am finding myself over compensating and being extra nice to Keith and Errol.  In a way, I feel like I have to shelter them and keep them safe.  They do work hard and they are good lads.  SO I bought them ice cream when the ice cream van came (I didn’t purchase a nice big ice cream cone because I am lactose intolerant, Goddamnit!!!)

So I have come to the conclusion that men get periods also. Men, I think, are just oversized children that when they are on their man period just want a mother not a woman.  I love my Simon so much but when he is on his “period” he is like a cranky toddler and let’s get one thing straight.  Betty Rage is no one’s Mama!!

So how will I go about playing this?  Tough love Ragers and Ragettes!  I have stood my ground today and in fairness, he has backed down a bit. 

And in true time of the month style, broke down and said that he couldn’t cope.   I didn’t know what to say or do so I hugged him and said there is a tub of Haagen Daas in the freezer for you and we can watch any movie that you want....even the Arnold Schwarzenegger ones....I would prefer the Jason Statham ones because that gives me an excuse to perv over the beautifully honed torso of Jason Statham......yummy!!!  

He cuddled me and said thank you.....lordy....am I this bad when my monthly friend (or Auntie Flo as Suzanne calls it.....Suzanne I need you....I need a cuddle!) comes? 

So what have I learned today, Ragers and Ragettes?  Men get the monthly blues too.  They act like big adult sized babies and right now my big, cute, freckled is singing out loud “Baby Come Back” to me.  I’m so lucky, aren’t I?  God I need a glass of wine!!

So until next time Ragers and Ragettes, have a great evening and if you can’t be good be good at it.

Lots of Love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxxxxxxxxx

On Personal Training Sessions and Motivation

Hey Ragers and Ragettes!!  Long time no speak!  I bought 2 fabulous vintage dresses from my favourite vintage seller and they arrived yesterday so today I am rocking one.  It’s a two toned pencil dress.  The top is horizontal striped with black, white, fuchsia and orange.  Of course I am rocking my red lippy!!  And I have my patent black peeptoes (that are in a desperate need to be reheeled!!!) on today.  When Simon saw me, he said that I looked stunning.  Sigh.  He’s brilliant!

I have been busy indeed!!  Simon, me and the lads went out for a beer on Friday night, Saturday Simon, me and lads went in and did a massive stock count.

Saturday was a good day though because Suzanne and her fabulous hubby Rick came up to help photograph the items that weren’t listed.  I got to give her a big cuddle and see her again.  It was brilliant!  It wasn’t long enough.  Being this far away from my bezzie hurts.  It physically hurts.  I miss her every day.  She snapped a picture for the project that she is doing on me.  We need to make proper arrangements so that we can do this better.  I don’t want to harm her project!!

Well today was my second session with my personal trainer, Brad.  Brad is a bit of a funny creature.  He is quite good looking.  He has a lisp and I think tourettes.   I really get from him that he lacks confidence, as I said before.  So I am going to try and boost his confidence by working hard and getting my body into shape so he can feel pride for helping! 

The first session that we had was relatively easy.  He gave me a fitness and nutrition plan.   I pretty much have to eat clean and drink lots of water.  So no more cheese pizzas with extra cheese and cheese in the crust for awhile!!  But I know that it will be worth it. 

Today I got to the gym on time and Brad put me on the rowing machine for 5 minutes to warm up.  We then started straight into the hard stuff.

I used to kick box and so I am used to working out with heavy weights, especially on the legs.  We started out with weighted squats.  I started with a 20 kilo bar across my back.  That wasn’t bad and I cranked out 15 reps easily.  He then told me to do the plank position for 30 seconds.  That was easy too.  When I got up, he added weight to the bar.  20 kilos either side.  60 kilos on my back.  It was more difficult but I did it.  30 seconds plank position again.  When I got up, he added yet more weight.  I put that back on my back....Fuck!   That was hard!!!  I managed to get 15 squats out....just.  30 seconds plank. 

The next few bits are a blur because I am in a lot of pain!!!!!!!!!!!!  My biceps and shoulders are screaming.  Near to the end of the session, I was in agony and I could barely keep going.  But I kept thinking about Simon.  I kept thinking about the pair of jeans I used to wear when I was 18, the cute dresses that I have that I can’t fit into, the maxi skirt that I absolutely adore that I can’t put on.  The fact that I have to wear sucking in knickers with all my outfits.  Suzanne.  I knew that I had to somehow power through this workout.

Brad was supportive.  He kept being positive saying, come on, give me good reps.   I worked even harder and pushed through the pain barrier.  I felt amazing!!!  I went through the rest of the workout feeling a major sense of accomplishment.  And I didn’t even make an ass of myself!!  (with my track record at the gym?  That’s a massive accomplishment!)

When the workout finished we booked my next session for Saturday morning at 8am. 

He’s also monitoring my food in that he is logging into a system called myfitnesspal.  It’s similar to my Fitbit but without the funky bracelet.  He logs into my food diary and sees what I am eating and what exercises I am doing.  So if I am not sticking to my diet and putting foods on that I am lying about and the weight isn’t shifting he can pull me up on it.  It’s great in that I feel that I need to do this. 

I got back to the flat and stripped off and saw Simon laying in bed looking so sweet and peaceful (he’s so cute when he sleeps!!  He looks so different with his glasses off.  I love it when he doesn’t wear glasses....) I popped into bed and snuggled into him.  He woke up, turned over and kissed me.  Sigh.  I love that guy.

I have my motivation for my weight loss.  I have all the tools and support in front of me to do this.  The only one who can fuck this up is myself.  So I will be a long journey.  There will be ups and downs, no doubt.  But I think with you Ragers and Ragettes, the beautiful Suzanne, my Simon and my jeans that’s the best motivation ever.

So until next time, Ragers and Ragettes, stay healthy and stay fabulous!

Lots of love

The Fabulous (not Flabulous) Betty Rage xxxxxxxxxxxxx

On Work

Hey Ragers and Ragettes!!  Phew!  What a gross day!!  It’s rainy and cloudy and awful out so to brighten my day I am wearing my new Aztec print jumpsuit with black wedges, gold accessories, a black rose in my hair and of course, my red lippy!!  I am accompanying this ensemble with a vintage olive green and tan Kelly bag.  Fabulous!!

The last few days have been a bit manic and exciting!!!  I got my hair done, I am now rocking some fierce red streaks and my bob is intact!!!  It was a great experience and I have booked in again for 6 weeks time.

I had my first personal training session, which I am totally in pain, which left me feeling positive and optimistic.  The trainer is a lovely guy named Brad.  He looks like your stereo typical trainer but he sports stylish stubble/beard, has the obligatory tattoos on his arms and a lovely smile.  He also has a lisp and I think that he suffers from Tourettes.  I sense confidence issues but he is a nice guy.   He sent me through some workouts and a diet plan.  Looks like clean good eating for Betty Rage!  But it’s worth it.

Work has been busy.  Working for Simon is interesting.  Looking at it now, I have been working for him since the end of April, 9 weeks now!!!  

My job title is grandiose and big but I do a bit of everything which makes it satisfying.  I answer the phone, pick and pack boxes, liaise with suppliers, do the commercial contracts (which is my background), take orders from customers, make Simon’s sandwiches, keep Simon stress free, coordinate meetings and such.  I really, really enjoy it!

Yes there are bad days.  In most jobs ,there are bad days.  Compared to my last job?  This is brilliant!  I get to dress how I want to.  I can talk how I want to, I can act how I want to.  I don’t have to be a toned down version of myself.  I can display my tattoos, I can wear a strapless jumpsuit to work, I can wear a low cut dress.  I don’t feel self conscious at all.

Simon is supportive.  And so are the 2 lads actually.  We are kind of like the gang from Seinfeld or my favourite show It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.  We support each other, have a laugh and talk about crazy schemes.  Keith and Errol are actually like the brothers I have never had.

The problem though is that we are going to have to hire someone soon and I am so scared.  We have a great vibe going and if we hire the wrong person, it’s going to destroy this vibe.  But we do need to hire about 2 more people.

We all go out for drinks once a month and have a laugh.  We are going out tomorrow night and I need to figure out what I am going to be wearing....decisions, decisions!!!

Work does have its challenging moments.  Take yesterday.  The phone was ringing off the hook.  Each time I answered, resolved the issue and hung up, the phone would go again!!!  Irritating!!  I couldn’t get anything done.  Simon swore each time the phone rang and tried to focus and not let me get brought down.

Then one customer called up.  We deal with chainsaws and gardening equipment and I took the call.  It was from a man and I was trying to suss out what was wrong with the item he bought.  He rubbished my help saying that the questions that I was asking were not relevant.  (Uh, yes they were!!!!)  He also said that I had no idea what I was talking about and demanded to speak to “the man”. 

The inner feminist in me got in such a rage.  And I mean a proper rage.  How dare this pig talk to me like that?  I mean, what a sexist pig!!!!  Just because I am a woman and I am talking about engines and machines and I am answering the phone doesn’t mean that I am stupid.  That really winds me up.  The worst bit is that Simon asked him the same questions and the guy answered them.  I was fuming and I mean fuming!!!!!

Simon hung up and muttered “prick”.  I looked at him and said “what a sexist pig”.  Simon got up, hugged me and said, he was an arse but please don’t get upset, Betty.

I hugged him back.  I took his scent in and let his fingers run through my hair.  Simon made it better.  He kissed the top of my head.  In a way I was angry.  I was upset that Simon didn’t defend me to the customer.  I kept my mouth shut.  But it’s something that I need to speak to him about.

The lads overheard what I had said.  And soon before I knew it, “It’s a Man’s World” was blaring from the warehouse.  Keith came in and said, hug?  I laughed and hugged him and messed his dark hair up. 

They are like my brothers and I will protect them from any harm.  They are good lads.

So as the day comes to a close, I smile and I say goodbye to my surrogate brothers, laugh and joke with them about having a great time tomorrow night and smiling because, yes you will have good days and bad days at work no matter what.  But with this job, I have a family, a purpose and I feel like I make a difference.

And nothing is more rewarding than standing side by side with your man, overlooking his empire and knowing that you are contributing towards it.  I am proud of my man.  He built this up himself and he trusts me with my input.  No words I could ever use could describe how that makes me feel.  Sigh.

So Ragers and Ragettes, doing something you enjoy in life is so much more important than monetary reward.  Yes the money makes it sweet but when you are in a good environment with a good vibe, nothing beats that!

Until next time Ragers and Ragettes, please relax, enjoy yourself and always be happy

Lots of Love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

On a Fab Weekend and Trying New Things

Hey Ragers and Ragettes!  Its Monday again!  How the hell did that happen? 

Well I had an eventful weekend.  After my last post about feeling disjointed, I started getting ready to go out for Simon’s Dad’s birthday so I started off by rocking some sexy, classy turquoise make up with muted pink lips.  My hair was sleek and shiney.  I looked at the time and, eeeekkkk!!!  I was running late!!!  I put my bra and sucking in knickers on and put my jumpsuit on.  The zipper stuck right in the middle of my back so I needed Simon’s assistance.  He came in, zipped me up and kissed the nape of my neck.

I turned around and the first thing he said was, whoa boobs!!!  I looked in the mirror...I had no clue that it was that lowcut!!  But my mammories looked massive!! I mean huge!!!  I couldn’t believe it!!!  I mean, I was showing an inappropriate amount of boob for a family dinner!  Simon was enjoying it though!!!

So I put my roll up pumps on, held my patent, peep toe stilettos and black and gold envelope clutch and walked to where we were going to meet his parents.

We met, had dinner and actually had a nice time.  We walked back to the flat and I changed my shoes to my gladiators and we walked to our local pub.

As I was walking in, I got a lot of looks.  And I mean a lot.  I didn’t know how I felt, so I snuggled into Simon more.  We sat and chatted and had a generally lovely evening.

I woke up the next day feeling a bit tired.  Simon was excited like a kid on Christmas.  We were going to go into his Land Rover and do some off roading.

Let’s make something very clear.  Betty Rage is a girlie girl.  I don’t do camping or outdoorsy things.  I went camping once and absolutely hated it!!  No place to plug my straighteners or my hair dryer in!!!  I am more of a glamping sort of girl.  Nice, clean, luxurious hotel with a mini bar, hot shower, big bath, room service and TV is more my cup of tea.

But when you love someone, it’s nice to go into their world.  So I prepared.  I put on my skinny jeans, black vest, and pink wellies.  I slicked on my red lippy, put my aviator sunglasses on and we were ready to roll!!!

We drove to the site and Simon entered with an evil grin on his face.  Oh dear, what have I let myself in for, I thought.

We got onto the trail and Simon let it rip!  He put his foot down hard and we were bouncing and sliding everywhere!!!  He giggled like a naughty boy and started driving extra crazy.  I was holding on for dear life.  He opened his window and splashed through a big puddle.  Luckily I didn’t get dirty but Simon’s arm was very dirty.  We drove to a clearing and there were a few others who, like Simon, enjoy going off roading.  They chatted, we lit up a cigarette and planned or next move. 

One of the guys pointed to a trail in the distance.  We finished our cigarette, I took a swig from my can of diet coke and we got back into Simon’s Land Rover.  I sat in and was going to text Suzanne letting her know what was going on.  She said if it was proper off roading my lippy would be rubbed off.  I told her that it’s the thought that counts.  Me?  Leave without my red lippy?  I don’t think so!!!  And Simon startled me by going over this massive bump at full revs causing me to jump out of my seat and slam back down on my back....ouch!!!! 

Then we got stuck in a puddle.  A huge puddle of mud.  Nice!!!  So Simon got out and tried to winch himself onto a tree.  That didn’t work.  Simon then stepped into a puddle and sunk all the way down to his knee.  His other foot got dragged in too!!  I tried to stop giggling. I got out and I started sinking in the mud too!!  Luckily my wellies kept me dry and clean. 

Simon noticed how clean I was and decided to wipe mud on my chest and arms.  He had mud all over his face, shirt, trousers and his boots were just caked.  But the funny thing was, I wanted him.  He looked so sexy, so fine I had to pull every bit of restraint that I have into not jumping on him.  I looked at him and giggled a very filthy giggle.  He looked at me and kissed me on the nose. 

We managed to free the Land Rover and drove back to the clearing at this point I was bursting to go to the bathroom.  I mean, I really needed a toilet!!  I told Simon this, he smiled and pointed over towards a big mound of grass and mud. Me?  Betty Rage pee in the bushes?  Erm, no!!!  But I had no choice.  My back teeth were floating!!!!

So I grabbed my face wipes from my hand bag strutted in my pink wellies to a secluded grassy place and well..peed in the bushes!!!  I was terrified I was going to pee on myself but luckily I didn’t!  I cleaned myself off with my wipes and strutted back to Simon.  God I hope no one saw me!!!

We then left and when we go into the car park of the flat, I looked at Simon and said, how are we going to get in?  Simon looked at me and said, I am going to have to strip down here.

I giggled as he pulled his boots off and then his trousers followed.  There he was standing in his underpants and shirt.  I grabbed his jacket and wrapped it around him to preserve his modesty.  I followed him up the stairs and into the flat.  We showered and, well, I pounced on him. 

Yes, Ragers and Ragettes, we had a great weekend.  I really enjoyed myself.  It’s great sometimes going out of our comfort zone.  I had my reservations about this but I didn’t get too muddy, Simon had a blast and we had great sex afterwards and my red lippy didn't budge at all....plus Simon promised me a new pair of shoes for going out with him on his off roading day so it was a major win for me!!

So until next time, Ragers and Ragettes, try something new.  Go out of your comfort zone and have fun! You don’t know who you might meet, what you might experience and you might get a new pair of shoes out of it.

Lots of Love

The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxxxxxxxxxxx