Hey Ragers and Ragettes!
Today is a rainy day here in the Northwest of England. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!! I took the day off as a personal day as I needed to just relax and get my head together.
I told my house mate a few weeks ago that I am moving out. She started out being ok and then turned nasty for about 3 days. It was so bad that I broke down and had a panic attack. We then had a heart to heart and we are now ok.
So I have been apartment hunting. I viewed a few and then I got the idea to go back to town where I lived when I started this blog.
I drove back there to view an apartment, looking at the familiar scenery. Memories rushed through me. It felt good but somehow not right.
The apartment I viewed...it was ok. It was nice but there was one issue. The windows were sealed shut. Yeah. Not being able to open the windows? No thank you!
As I drove back it was nice going down memory lane. Those crazy memories of those crazy times. The dates, the laughs, the sex, Jan.....
I then viewed a place closer to work. The place was nice. 2 bedrooms, 10 minutes from work. Very nice area. It's a 10 minute walk to the train station and the village which has loads of restaurants, shops and pubs. A place that I could see myself walking down in the village on a summer weekend wearing a sundress enjoying the scenery. I could see myself going into the coffee shop and reading a book. The local pub serves a decent meal and shows that football. The quirky cute boutiques and restaurants I can see myself frequenting.
So today, I went in and put the money down and secured the apartment in the cute village 10 minutes from work.
This is a momentous day.
The last 2 years, I will have moved 9 times. I haven't had a stable home for 2 years. I'm done. This is a new start. This is a 12 month contract. I am now getting what I want. Closure and now I can move on.
I am already planning it all out. The color scheme, the cutlery I am going to get, the color of the bathroom, getting shelving to put into the linen cupboard. Simon is going to give me the old TV (there is nothing wrong with it, he just a shinier new model). It's fully furnished and the bed in my room is cool and modern.
This is my chance for a clean fresh start. This is what I have wanted since that fateful day when I ended it with Simon. I am able to bring my guinea pigs, take my vanity and the rest of my shoes (a shoe rack and a suitcase full of shoes!!) and clear out of St Helens for good.
This is what I have wanted and I am 41 days from getting it. 41 days until freedom. Freedom to be who I want to be!
I can take baths on a Sunday without having to ask permission. I can walk around my apartment in my knickers. I can have a glass of wine without feeling like I am being horrible (my housemate is now 8 weeks sober) I can buy nice things without the fear of them getting used up. (seriously...nothing is sacred in this home....boundaries people!!!) Plus I will have my own parking space (parking at where I am now is a nightmare. If I don't leave work exactly at 4pm I don't get a parking space at all, night mare!!!)
So the paperwork has been filed, admin fee has been paid, credit check is done, they just need a letter from my employer to say that I am employed, confirming my salary and such and then I move in April 18th.
This seems surreal. It hasn't kicked in yet.
I have been talking to Suzanne about it and she has been supportive as always. In fact she said that she is going to do a painting for my new home that I will proudly display in my front room (Turquoise and blues in the front room!!!)
This is it, Ragers and Ragettes. This is what I have been longing for. Autonomy, a place that I can call home. A place that I will decorate and love.
Ever since I left Simon, I felt like a darkness has enveloped me. I house shared, moved, I was sexually assaulted, I lived with a lady who had dementia, I've lived with an alcoholic. I've been in fear, I have had panic attacks. I have cried myself to sleep countless times. A few times I have wanted to end my life. I even planned to off myself after Christmas. That's how low I was. I couldn't see a way out.
But I feel the tide is changing. Things are now becoming better. I am getting stronger, more wise and I am learning each day what I want and what I don't want.
I am slowly getting back to the old Betty but also evolving into a wiser, tougher (fitter and skinnier) Betty.
Mr Wonderful and I are still talking. He's Mr Right Now I think and I am cool with that. I think that this will fizzle out soon. I don't hate him and he is now keeping me sane and positive. I don't see him leaving Switzerland I don't want to move to Switzerland. After I move in, I think that I will start to sort that side of my life out.
Yes, the last few years have been ups and downs.
But it's time to look forward. It's time to be strong and face the future with positivity and joy.
So until next time Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher!
Lots of Love
The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxxx
Friday, 8 March 2019
Tuesday, 19 February 2019
Movin' On Up!
Hey Ragers and Ragettes!!
Well it's been quite an interesting few weeks for me. And the movement continues.
Today I received a call about the job interview that I had in Liverpool. I got the job. It's more money but I don't think I am going to take it.
The benefit package isn't as good as where I am now. I get more vacation days in my current job, plus we get a bonus if we hit our sales target (more often than not we do!) and I received a huge bonus at Christmas.
At the job in Liverpool I only get a standard package. No incentive bonuses.
Plus I like the area where I live. I think that I considered it because I want to so desperately move out from where I am now.
So I had a think and as both of my managers are in Austria skiing, I called up the silent partner who sits in on the weekly board meetings and told him that I was offered another job. He sounded a bit shocked and standoffish but he called my 2 managers and he called me straight back saying that they want me to stay on and on Monday when they return they want to have a meeting with me.
And I think I am going to use this opportunity to get a better wage.
I also decided to grow a set of balls and I told my housemate that I am moving out in April when there is a break in the contract.
She got upset, called me selfish and walked out and slammed the door. I didn't feel guilty like I normally would, this is how I know that this is right.
She has since texted me saying that she feels a bit sad and let down but so far she has been nice. I have 8 weeks to find a new place to live. I have 3 areas that I am looking for places in: Manchester City Center, the area around work and I found this awesome converted mill building that looks so cool!!!
I can now finally take my guinea pigs with me. I can change my address on my driving licence. I can finally move on.
I know that the first few months might be a bit of a struggle but I know it's worth it. My own space. I cannot wait!!!
So there is movement now. Positive movement. The next 8 weeks might be a bit strange with my housemate. She is 6 weeks sober almost and I am hoping that this won't tip her over the edge but I have to move on.
I am excited for the future and right now I actually feel......happy. I feel so happy!!!
So onwards and upwards indeed!!!
Until next time Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher!!
Lots of love
The Fabulous Betty Rage xxx
Well it's been quite an interesting few weeks for me. And the movement continues.
Today I received a call about the job interview that I had in Liverpool. I got the job. It's more money but I don't think I am going to take it.
The benefit package isn't as good as where I am now. I get more vacation days in my current job, plus we get a bonus if we hit our sales target (more often than not we do!) and I received a huge bonus at Christmas.
At the job in Liverpool I only get a standard package. No incentive bonuses.
Plus I like the area where I live. I think that I considered it because I want to so desperately move out from where I am now.
So I had a think and as both of my managers are in Austria skiing, I called up the silent partner who sits in on the weekly board meetings and told him that I was offered another job. He sounded a bit shocked and standoffish but he called my 2 managers and he called me straight back saying that they want me to stay on and on Monday when they return they want to have a meeting with me.
And I think I am going to use this opportunity to get a better wage.
I also decided to grow a set of balls and I told my housemate that I am moving out in April when there is a break in the contract.
She got upset, called me selfish and walked out and slammed the door. I didn't feel guilty like I normally would, this is how I know that this is right.
She has since texted me saying that she feels a bit sad and let down but so far she has been nice. I have 8 weeks to find a new place to live. I have 3 areas that I am looking for places in: Manchester City Center, the area around work and I found this awesome converted mill building that looks so cool!!!
I can now finally take my guinea pigs with me. I can change my address on my driving licence. I can finally move on.
I know that the first few months might be a bit of a struggle but I know it's worth it. My own space. I cannot wait!!!
So there is movement now. Positive movement. The next 8 weeks might be a bit strange with my housemate. She is 6 weeks sober almost and I am hoping that this won't tip her over the edge but I have to move on.
I am excited for the future and right now I actually feel......happy. I feel so happy!!!
So onwards and upwards indeed!!!
Until next time Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher!!
Lots of love
The Fabulous Betty Rage xxx
Friday, 15 February 2019
On Eating my Words and Decisions, Decisions.....
Hey Ragers and Ragettes!! Happy Friday night!!! I am spending it in my favorite velvet pink jammies watching a Danish show. My housemate and the guy she is seeing (she just needs to admit it, he is her boyfriend. They go well together and he looks at her with adoring eyes...) are away for the weekend at a spa hotel. So I have the house to myself, I've poured a glass of red wine and I have to say life is good!!
Well I had the second interview last night. It went very, very, very, very well. The guy who interviewed me would be my manager if they offered me the job. We got on like a house on fire!! We have a similar twisted sense of humor. We swore, laughed and joked with each other. At the end he said, Betty it's a yes from me. I just need to get this signed off by management.
Then I went to St Helens to my house to get my mail. When I pulled up to our house, her car was there. His van pulled up behind me. There she was. Simon distracted me as she ran inside the house and shut the door of the living room. My mail (my car insurance documents) were in the hallway. I took them and put them in my bag and went up the stairs to see my guinea pigs. Simon followed me upstairs. We chatted a bit (we are getting on very well as friends). I cuddled my piggies and I heard a child's voice, Where is the lady with the pretty lips?
I was wearing my favorite berry colored lipstick (Kat Von D, you do make a great liquid lip!!). The voice shocked me a bit.
I took a deep breath and said, I better introduce myself.
I walked downstairs, Simon following me. I opened the door and there she was. His new woman. She was short. About 5 foot 5. Petite. Horrendous teeth and even worse eyebrows. But when I entered the room, the little girl, Luna* (name changed to protect the innocent) smiled. She is about 2-3 I think? She saw me and her eyes lit up. I was wearing a black blazer, a white vest, skinny jeans and my leopard print stiletto ankle boots. Luna's eyes lit up. She smiled and ran into the kitchen. My kitchen. She started opening cupboards and showing me what was in each cupboard. The cupboard with the tupperware (yes I had a tupperware addiction and I still do.....), then she showed me the cupboard that had pots and pans.
She giggled and smiled. I've always been awkward around kids. I terminated a pregnancy and my ex boyfriend beat me so badly that I miscarried. Children have always been a sticking point for me. But here was this little ball of energy. This beautiful blonde cherub smiling and enjoying the small things. I smiled and I took the bright green colander out of the cupboard and put it on her head. She squealed with joy and ran to show her mum. Mummy look at my hat!, she squealed. I stifled a giggle and Simon grinned.
His new girlfriend and I exchanged pleasantries while little Luna was showing me everything in the house. The cat, the cat's toys, to contents of the cupboards.
She kept pointing at my lips and her lips. I guess the child has great taste in lipstick!
It was time for me to go home. I walked outside to my car and Simon's new girlfriend followed me holding Luna.
Luna said where is the lady with the pretty lips? Simon's new girlfriend put her down and little Luna ran up to me with her arms outstretched to me. I looked down at her, her blue eyes shining. Such innocence. I picked her up instinctively. She wrapped her arms around my neck and I held her close. I put my hand on the back of her head and held her like she was the most precious thing in the world. A tear slid down my cheek. I had a hard week. I just met my ex's new girlfriend. I saw all her stuff in my house. I should have been angry. I should have hated everything. But here I was holding his little girl. She hugging me as if I was an auntie or family. When I held her...I felt ok. I felt like everything was going to be ok. I pulled away and looked at her. She smiled and touched my mouth. Pretty she said, I tried not to cry. I said to her and be good. I put her down and she ran back to her mum.
I opened my car door and Simon approached me. He hugged and told me to message him when I got back.
I drove away, tears running down my face. What the fuck just happened?
I had an interview for a potential new job. A job in Liverpool. A job 10 years ago I would have taken without thinking. I met my ex's new girl and saw the life that he was building. What the actual fuck?
I got back to the house and my housemate started to question me about the job. She is concerned about me moving out as she cannot afford this house by herself.
I smiled, answered the questions and she told me she supports whatever I decide.
Today I felt strange. I put my phone on do not disturb. It's like I didn't want to take the call. It's like facing this is hard. Part of me wants this job and the other half doesn't
I love my current job. It's just the money and lack of leadership that I can't cope with.
I tried to sleep last night but I couldn't. So I started googling the job. I found that it had a poor rating on Glassdoor. (Best Website to check out ratings for prospective jobs....thank me later!) I spoke to the recruitment agent. She said that the guy that I interviewed with liked me very much.
I expressed my concerns about the rating. She tried to pacify me. I still don't know how I feel.
Simon told me that Little Luna wants purple nails. She wants the Lady with Pretty lips to paint her nails purple. I feel quite...happy about that. Little Luna and I will get along ok I think.
I went through the whole day wondering what the fuck will happen. No phone call
I left work and got home. I put my first load of laundry in. I ran back upstairs and saw I had a missed call. My heart skipped a beat. I listened to the message and I called the agent back. No news. I have to admit I felt relieved a bit. She said that the man that interviewed me really liked me. She expressed my concerns to him and he felt really bad that he didn't articulate himself to me properly. They don't want to lose me. But still no concrete offer.
Ok, my head is frazzled. I don't know what to do at all. I'm literally 50/50 about this. The adventurer in me says go for it!!! Move, it's a way out from where you are!!! You will go to Liverpool which was the dream 10 years ago.
But dreams change? Goals change? I love the product I work with. I love the fact that I work in the beauty industry. I love the people I work with....well mostly.
I have a lot to think about. All I know is that I want my freedom. My own home and a payrise. I want o move on properly and give myself to someone and love someone. I hate feeling like I'm guilty for leaving Simon. He is clearly happy. Yes, she has shit eyebrows and even worse teeth. But to be innocent and excited like little Luna...oh Little Luna...thank you for giving me the hug I needed. Thank you for your excitement and joy at wearing a colander on your head. Thank you for being cute and funny and for that hug. That hug made a lot of things better.
This weekend I have a lot of thinking to do. A lot things to consider. But I now that it will all be ok.
So until next time Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher
Lots of love
The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxxx
Well I had the second interview last night. It went very, very, very, very well. The guy who interviewed me would be my manager if they offered me the job. We got on like a house on fire!! We have a similar twisted sense of humor. We swore, laughed and joked with each other. At the end he said, Betty it's a yes from me. I just need to get this signed off by management.
Then I went to St Helens to my house to get my mail. When I pulled up to our house, her car was there. His van pulled up behind me. There she was. Simon distracted me as she ran inside the house and shut the door of the living room. My mail (my car insurance documents) were in the hallway. I took them and put them in my bag and went up the stairs to see my guinea pigs. Simon followed me upstairs. We chatted a bit (we are getting on very well as friends). I cuddled my piggies and I heard a child's voice, Where is the lady with the pretty lips?
I was wearing my favorite berry colored lipstick (Kat Von D, you do make a great liquid lip!!). The voice shocked me a bit.
I took a deep breath and said, I better introduce myself.
I walked downstairs, Simon following me. I opened the door and there she was. His new woman. She was short. About 5 foot 5. Petite. Horrendous teeth and even worse eyebrows. But when I entered the room, the little girl, Luna* (name changed to protect the innocent) smiled. She is about 2-3 I think? She saw me and her eyes lit up. I was wearing a black blazer, a white vest, skinny jeans and my leopard print stiletto ankle boots. Luna's eyes lit up. She smiled and ran into the kitchen. My kitchen. She started opening cupboards and showing me what was in each cupboard. The cupboard with the tupperware (yes I had a tupperware addiction and I still do.....), then she showed me the cupboard that had pots and pans.
She giggled and smiled. I've always been awkward around kids. I terminated a pregnancy and my ex boyfriend beat me so badly that I miscarried. Children have always been a sticking point for me. But here was this little ball of energy. This beautiful blonde cherub smiling and enjoying the small things. I smiled and I took the bright green colander out of the cupboard and put it on her head. She squealed with joy and ran to show her mum. Mummy look at my hat!, she squealed. I stifled a giggle and Simon grinned.
His new girlfriend and I exchanged pleasantries while little Luna was showing me everything in the house. The cat, the cat's toys, to contents of the cupboards.
She kept pointing at my lips and her lips. I guess the child has great taste in lipstick!
It was time for me to go home. I walked outside to my car and Simon's new girlfriend followed me holding Luna.
Luna said where is the lady with the pretty lips? Simon's new girlfriend put her down and little Luna ran up to me with her arms outstretched to me. I looked down at her, her blue eyes shining. Such innocence. I picked her up instinctively. She wrapped her arms around my neck and I held her close. I put my hand on the back of her head and held her like she was the most precious thing in the world. A tear slid down my cheek. I had a hard week. I just met my ex's new girlfriend. I saw all her stuff in my house. I should have been angry. I should have hated everything. But here I was holding his little girl. She hugging me as if I was an auntie or family. When I held her...I felt ok. I felt like everything was going to be ok. I pulled away and looked at her. She smiled and touched my mouth. Pretty she said, I tried not to cry. I said to her and be good. I put her down and she ran back to her mum.
I opened my car door and Simon approached me. He hugged and told me to message him when I got back.
I drove away, tears running down my face. What the fuck just happened?
I had an interview for a potential new job. A job in Liverpool. A job 10 years ago I would have taken without thinking. I met my ex's new girl and saw the life that he was building. What the actual fuck?
I got back to the house and my housemate started to question me about the job. She is concerned about me moving out as she cannot afford this house by herself.
I smiled, answered the questions and she told me she supports whatever I decide.
Today I felt strange. I put my phone on do not disturb. It's like I didn't want to take the call. It's like facing this is hard. Part of me wants this job and the other half doesn't
I love my current job. It's just the money and lack of leadership that I can't cope with.
I tried to sleep last night but I couldn't. So I started googling the job. I found that it had a poor rating on Glassdoor. (Best Website to check out ratings for prospective jobs....thank me later!) I spoke to the recruitment agent. She said that the guy that I interviewed with liked me very much.
I expressed my concerns about the rating. She tried to pacify me. I still don't know how I feel.
Simon told me that Little Luna wants purple nails. She wants the Lady with Pretty lips to paint her nails purple. I feel quite...happy about that. Little Luna and I will get along ok I think.
I went through the whole day wondering what the fuck will happen. No phone call
I left work and got home. I put my first load of laundry in. I ran back upstairs and saw I had a missed call. My heart skipped a beat. I listened to the message and I called the agent back. No news. I have to admit I felt relieved a bit. She said that the man that interviewed me really liked me. She expressed my concerns to him and he felt really bad that he didn't articulate himself to me properly. They don't want to lose me. But still no concrete offer.
Ok, my head is frazzled. I don't know what to do at all. I'm literally 50/50 about this. The adventurer in me says go for it!!! Move, it's a way out from where you are!!! You will go to Liverpool which was the dream 10 years ago.
But dreams change? Goals change? I love the product I work with. I love the fact that I work in the beauty industry. I love the people I work with....well mostly.
I have a lot to think about. All I know is that I want my freedom. My own home and a payrise. I want o move on properly and give myself to someone and love someone. I hate feeling like I'm guilty for leaving Simon. He is clearly happy. Yes, she has shit eyebrows and even worse teeth. But to be innocent and excited like little Luna...oh Little Luna...thank you for giving me the hug I needed. Thank you for your excitement and joy at wearing a colander on your head. Thank you for being cute and funny and for that hug. That hug made a lot of things better.
This weekend I have a lot of thinking to do. A lot things to consider. But I now that it will all be ok.
So until next time Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher
Lots of love
The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxxx
Wednesday, 13 February 2019
On Yet Another Transition Period.....
Hey Ragers and Ragettes!!
Well it certainly has been awhile since I have written, apologies. Life has been chaotic but positive.
There are good problems in life and bad problems in life. Recently my problems have been....well....good.
Mr Wonderful and I have still been seeing each other, kind of. When I landed at the airport in December after Christmas, he was there waiting for me in arrivals with open arms. He is romantic.
He bought me designer handbags, some beautiful silver earrings and a silver bangle. I bought him aftershave so I felt like a bit of a dick.
We stayed in our favorite hotel and we decided to have a romantic bath together. He bought a bottle of champagne (not the cheap stuff!!) and he poured it. I sat my glass next to the bed on the bedside cabinet. We were getting hot and heavy as the bath was filling, I went to take my jeans off, my leg shot up and knocked the champagne glass over, champagne spilled on the lamp which blew the fuse in our room!!! That was very embarrassing and very graceful indeed!!
When the clock hit midnight on New Years, we kissed passionately and deeply. I was wearing a bodycon strapless dress with a fishtail and stilettos. He kept telling me how stunning I was. He told me that I was the most beautiful woman that night.
Designer handbags, 5 star hotels, compliments and ok sex. I should be happy, shouldn't I? I don't know how I feel.
I went to visit him in Geneva in January for his birthday. He insisting on paying for everything.....even on his birthday!!! He's a total gentleman. I have never been with a man like him before. I don't know if it is the distance or the age gap or Simon...
Yes you read that right.
Before Christmas I found out that Simon has moved on. He's seeing this woman that works next door to him. She's got bad teeth and shit eyebrows. And she has a little girl.
I think the thing that bothers me is that Simon always said to me that he didn't want kids. He said how much he hated them. If there were screaming kids in restaurants or airplanes he'd always make rude comments about them. He used to joke about having sex with a woman that had a child isn't pleasurable. Now he's dating a woman....with a fucking kid??????? Seriously????? Seriously????? Now the house that we bought together is filled with baby stuff.
The thing is that he wants me and his new girlfriend to meet and be friends. No, Simon. That is not going to happen. If I meet her, I will be pleasant and polite but I will not befriend her. Am I being unreasonable?
To be honest, I just want to cut ties and leave.
This brings me to the next issue.
Luckily when we moved in, we scheduled in a break in the lease after 6 months (April) and I feel that I am now ready for my own place.
There is a slight issue. The issue is my housemate.
She has decided to clean her life up and I can proudly say that she is 32 days sober! She is seeing a counselor every Wednesday to help with her sobriety and she has started attending AA meetings. She's calmed down a lot, I mean a lot, but she has been passing comments like, I couldn't have done this without you and you are like my mum. She has clung to me. I am scared that if I say that I am leaving she will revert back to drinking and get violent. I need to tell her but there could be a get out clause.
This brings me to my next dilemma.
Work has been ok. After the issue before Christmas, I had my performance review and well, it was very, very positive. I received a slight pay increase.
I then received a call about a job in Liverpool for a very big company. The position is beneath what I am doing now but MORE money. How is that possible? Like seriously??
I had the first interview which went well. Tomorrow I have the second interview. All I have to do is impress this one person to see if I fit into the team. This position would see me travel to France monthly.
So my dilemma. Do I take the new job, use it as my get out of jail free card with my housemate and start a fresh new life in a new city? That's the easier option.
Or do I negotiate a higher wage with my current job and move out to my own place, possibly getting my housemate riled up?
This is what I know:
1. I need my own place. I cannot cope with sharing anymore
2. By getting my own place, I can move the rest of my stuff out from Simon's, take my guinea pigs and effectively get Simon out of my life for good. This way I can properly move on with my life and I feel that this fact is holding me back massively.
3. I like my current job. I like the area that my current job is in. I just think that I am being underpaid. There are aspects of my job that I don't like, but to be honest, I do enjoy my current job
4. Maybe my time in Manchester is up. When I first moved to the Northwest of England, I used to dream of moving to Liverpool and working in Liverpool. It's funny how wishes come true. Maybe I am getting what my heart desired after a long time?
5. Mr Wonderful and I...is there a future? The distance sucks. He's 15 years older than me. It's a contradiction. I like my independence. I like the fact that we are apart sometimes. But I also like the thought of being somebody's girl.
The next few weeks are going to be difficult. But there is an exciting road ahead.
This time last year, I was in a cold house with a man that molested me. I'm now in a place where I can move out and change things for my benefit. I might struggle for a month or 2 but that struggle, to be honest is going to be better than where I am now.
The key is to continue to look forward and not back. These are good problems to have. I know that I will make the right choices. I have good people around me: Suzanne and Mr Wonderful have been so supportive.
So there you have it!!
Until next time, Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher.
Lots of Love
The Fabulous Betty Rage xxx
Well it certainly has been awhile since I have written, apologies. Life has been chaotic but positive.
There are good problems in life and bad problems in life. Recently my problems have been....well....good.
Mr Wonderful and I have still been seeing each other, kind of. When I landed at the airport in December after Christmas, he was there waiting for me in arrivals with open arms. He is romantic.
He bought me designer handbags, some beautiful silver earrings and a silver bangle. I bought him aftershave so I felt like a bit of a dick.
We stayed in our favorite hotel and we decided to have a romantic bath together. He bought a bottle of champagne (not the cheap stuff!!) and he poured it. I sat my glass next to the bed on the bedside cabinet. We were getting hot and heavy as the bath was filling, I went to take my jeans off, my leg shot up and knocked the champagne glass over, champagne spilled on the lamp which blew the fuse in our room!!! That was very embarrassing and very graceful indeed!!
When the clock hit midnight on New Years, we kissed passionately and deeply. I was wearing a bodycon strapless dress with a fishtail and stilettos. He kept telling me how stunning I was. He told me that I was the most beautiful woman that night.
Designer handbags, 5 star hotels, compliments and ok sex. I should be happy, shouldn't I? I don't know how I feel.
I went to visit him in Geneva in January for his birthday. He insisting on paying for everything.....even on his birthday!!! He's a total gentleman. I have never been with a man like him before. I don't know if it is the distance or the age gap or Simon...
Yes you read that right.
Before Christmas I found out that Simon has moved on. He's seeing this woman that works next door to him. She's got bad teeth and shit eyebrows. And she has a little girl.
I think the thing that bothers me is that Simon always said to me that he didn't want kids. He said how much he hated them. If there were screaming kids in restaurants or airplanes he'd always make rude comments about them. He used to joke about having sex with a woman that had a child isn't pleasurable. Now he's dating a woman....with a fucking kid??????? Seriously????? Seriously????? Now the house that we bought together is filled with baby stuff.
The thing is that he wants me and his new girlfriend to meet and be friends. No, Simon. That is not going to happen. If I meet her, I will be pleasant and polite but I will not befriend her. Am I being unreasonable?
To be honest, I just want to cut ties and leave.
This brings me to the next issue.
Luckily when we moved in, we scheduled in a break in the lease after 6 months (April) and I feel that I am now ready for my own place.
There is a slight issue. The issue is my housemate.
She has decided to clean her life up and I can proudly say that she is 32 days sober! She is seeing a counselor every Wednesday to help with her sobriety and she has started attending AA meetings. She's calmed down a lot, I mean a lot, but she has been passing comments like, I couldn't have done this without you and you are like my mum. She has clung to me. I am scared that if I say that I am leaving she will revert back to drinking and get violent. I need to tell her but there could be a get out clause.
This brings me to my next dilemma.
Work has been ok. After the issue before Christmas, I had my performance review and well, it was very, very positive. I received a slight pay increase.
I then received a call about a job in Liverpool for a very big company. The position is beneath what I am doing now but MORE money. How is that possible? Like seriously??
I had the first interview which went well. Tomorrow I have the second interview. All I have to do is impress this one person to see if I fit into the team. This position would see me travel to France monthly.
So my dilemma. Do I take the new job, use it as my get out of jail free card with my housemate and start a fresh new life in a new city? That's the easier option.
Or do I negotiate a higher wage with my current job and move out to my own place, possibly getting my housemate riled up?
This is what I know:
1. I need my own place. I cannot cope with sharing anymore
2. By getting my own place, I can move the rest of my stuff out from Simon's, take my guinea pigs and effectively get Simon out of my life for good. This way I can properly move on with my life and I feel that this fact is holding me back massively.
3. I like my current job. I like the area that my current job is in. I just think that I am being underpaid. There are aspects of my job that I don't like, but to be honest, I do enjoy my current job
4. Maybe my time in Manchester is up. When I first moved to the Northwest of England, I used to dream of moving to Liverpool and working in Liverpool. It's funny how wishes come true. Maybe I am getting what my heart desired after a long time?
5. Mr Wonderful and I...is there a future? The distance sucks. He's 15 years older than me. It's a contradiction. I like my independence. I like the fact that we are apart sometimes. But I also like the thought of being somebody's girl.
The next few weeks are going to be difficult. But there is an exciting road ahead.
This time last year, I was in a cold house with a man that molested me. I'm now in a place where I can move out and change things for my benefit. I might struggle for a month or 2 but that struggle, to be honest is going to be better than where I am now.
The key is to continue to look forward and not back. These are good problems to have. I know that I will make the right choices. I have good people around me: Suzanne and Mr Wonderful have been so supportive.
So there you have it!!
Until next time, Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher.
Lots of Love
The Fabulous Betty Rage xxx
Thursday, 13 December 2018
On A Disappointing Day
Hey Ragers and Ragettes!!!
It's been awhile and loads has happened.
Mr Wonderful and I are still communicating. I am giving his friends a wide berth though. Just trying to keep my head down. I don't know if he is the man for me but I think he is Mr Right Now.
He surprised visited me in September and then visited me for my birthday. When he visits he stays in a hotel and it feels like a vacation.
My housemate and I moved into a new home together....big mistake. She is still a drunk and her sister has been shit stirring between us, I swear the sister is a narcissistic sociopath. Some days my housemate feels sorry for her and other days she goes on about how psycho she is. Her own grandma thinks that she is a dick!!! There have been a few times where I have feared for my life. But I keep telling myself....I can get out in April. And I will.
Work has been....trying. Things were going along well and then today I was pulled into a meeting where my performance was ripped to shreds.
You see, my main supplier is unreliable. She is so unreliable. So I have had to inflate my forecasts and my orders to compensate. We are overstocked. It is a fact. So I have had to redo all my orders and try to cancel things and to be told that it is a mess....well, I fell apart. Not in front of them but after. I sat in my car as I drove to the bank and cried my heart out.
You know since I left Simon, my job has been the only thing that has kept me sane. The only thing that has given my life purpose. And to be told that I fucked up and torn apart by all 3 directors....yeah. I'm having a crisis of confidence. Then to have the owner (who looks like a real life blow up doll and has an IQ smaller than her panty size) tell me how to do my job and to have my work signed off by 3 people....I'm starting to question myself. Am I even in the right job? Did I do the right thing leaving my safe little bubble that was Simon?
I am now sitting here flummoxed. I go back to the time in 2013 when I was dismissed from a job. I had my world shattered. That feeling of dread is now in my throat and stomach.
I am scared. Genuinely scared. Do they think I'm shit? I have my review in January and I am bricking it. I just feel so scared.
I go home for Christmas next week and I am terrified. What if something happens when I am gone? What if they decide to sack me? I have been there for over a year and I think in the UK you have to be there for over 2 years to have any rights.
I know I need to think positively and pick myself up (which I will) but today I have struggled to do this. I have been listening to positive affirmations today to try and smile and get myself back up on my feet (which I will do) but tonight I am struggling with this. I am crying here feeling exposed.
I guess that I let my job define me. I guess that I made my job my everything. But it seems that I am not even good at it. And that is a proper mind fuck.
All I can do is try and keep positive and turn this around. I did the best that I could.
I'm sorry that this isn't upbeat and typical Betty. But sometimes in life you get kicked in the balls. It's up to me to put this all straight and redeem myself. And that is what I intend on doing.
Until next time, Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head high and your heels even higher.
Lots of Love
The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxx
It's been awhile and loads has happened.
Mr Wonderful and I are still communicating. I am giving his friends a wide berth though. Just trying to keep my head down. I don't know if he is the man for me but I think he is Mr Right Now.
He surprised visited me in September and then visited me for my birthday. When he visits he stays in a hotel and it feels like a vacation.
My housemate and I moved into a new home together....big mistake. She is still a drunk and her sister has been shit stirring between us, I swear the sister is a narcissistic sociopath. Some days my housemate feels sorry for her and other days she goes on about how psycho she is. Her own grandma thinks that she is a dick!!! There have been a few times where I have feared for my life. But I keep telling myself....I can get out in April. And I will.
Work has been....trying. Things were going along well and then today I was pulled into a meeting where my performance was ripped to shreds.
You see, my main supplier is unreliable. She is so unreliable. So I have had to inflate my forecasts and my orders to compensate. We are overstocked. It is a fact. So I have had to redo all my orders and try to cancel things and to be told that it is a mess....well, I fell apart. Not in front of them but after. I sat in my car as I drove to the bank and cried my heart out.
You know since I left Simon, my job has been the only thing that has kept me sane. The only thing that has given my life purpose. And to be told that I fucked up and torn apart by all 3 directors....yeah. I'm having a crisis of confidence. Then to have the owner (who looks like a real life blow up doll and has an IQ smaller than her panty size) tell me how to do my job and to have my work signed off by 3 people....I'm starting to question myself. Am I even in the right job? Did I do the right thing leaving my safe little bubble that was Simon?
I am now sitting here flummoxed. I go back to the time in 2013 when I was dismissed from a job. I had my world shattered. That feeling of dread is now in my throat and stomach.
I am scared. Genuinely scared. Do they think I'm shit? I have my review in January and I am bricking it. I just feel so scared.
I go home for Christmas next week and I am terrified. What if something happens when I am gone? What if they decide to sack me? I have been there for over a year and I think in the UK you have to be there for over 2 years to have any rights.
I know I need to think positively and pick myself up (which I will) but today I have struggled to do this. I have been listening to positive affirmations today to try and smile and get myself back up on my feet (which I will do) but tonight I am struggling with this. I am crying here feeling exposed.
I guess that I let my job define me. I guess that I made my job my everything. But it seems that I am not even good at it. And that is a proper mind fuck.
All I can do is try and keep positive and turn this around. I did the best that I could.
I'm sorry that this isn't upbeat and typical Betty. But sometimes in life you get kicked in the balls. It's up to me to put this all straight and redeem myself. And that is what I intend on doing.
Until next time, Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head high and your heels even higher.
Lots of Love
The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxx
Sunday, 26 August 2018
On Mr Wonderful's Not So Wonderful Friends
Hey Rager's and Ragettes! It's a rainy evening here in the Northwest of England!
Well this evening has been eventful on 2 fronts. My housemate's boyfriend has come up for the weekend. This is good and bad. Good because she tends to not get too drunk when he is here and he brought his dog (who I love!) and bad, because I won't get much sleep down to the sex noises. Great. Half of me wants to give them a round of applause in the morning!
Tonight's episode went like this. I dropped her and her boyfriend off at a party at around 3:15pm. It's an engagement party for her boyfriend's friend. I got a text at 6:00pm from her asking to be picked up. She called me 3 times on the way to picking her up making sure that I was picking her up. She also asked to be dropped off at the shop so she can buy more wine at least 6-7 times. I obliged. She bought 2 bottles of wine.
Anyway, the boyfriend is walking on eggshells. He went upstairs and my housemate and I were in the kitchen. I was stroking the dog and she then started to have a go at me. Why you, may ask? How can petting a dog be so offensive???
When I moved in she had an irritating little shitty dog that wasn't house trained. I used to wake up in the morning to shit and piss everywhere. The little shit wasn't house trained. I frankly hated the dog I was always nice to the dog, I fed it, walked it, cleaned up after it. Anyway, she got rid of the dog and gave it to a family that is taking a great care of it.
What offended her was the fact that I was stroking her boyfriend's dog. And because I was stroking this dog, this means that I hated her shitty little dog. Nice. I love drunk people's wisdom!!!
Anywho, the other bit of drama is made possible by Mr Wonderful's not so Wonderful friends.
As you remember, Mr Wonderful's friends introduced us. Angela's daughter Sonia was doing my hair that fateful day and Kyle (names changed to protect the innocent) is Mr Wonderful's best friend.
Well, Sonia doesn't work at that salon anymore. The salon that she worked at was owned by my manager's sister. Sonia left under very bad terms. She tried to steer business away from the salon, brazenly in front of my manager's sister! She got a new job 2 doors down from the old salon. When she left, she just walked out, blocked everyone and didn't say goodbye to anyone. Now Daddy Rage once told me, the toes you step on today can be connected to the ass you have to kiss tomorrow. Sonia's account for her products has been frozen because of this, and I have to say, rightly so! She can't get any supplies!
She has since left that salon as they didn't give her what they promised and she is trying to go at it alone. She's not succeeding. As I work for where she gets her supplies, she tries to make me get her freebies. That makes me uncomfortable.
Angela, Sonia's Mum, is quite pushy. Like very pushy. She tried to get me to go on a cruise around the Mediterranean (that I cannot afford and don't particularly want to do!). Mr Wonderful went on this cruise and she was using that fact to emotionally blackmail me. To be honest, it caused me loads of stress to the point that I had a breakdown at work.
Sonia is on holiday now with her her husband and children. Since she has been away, my hair really needed to be done. My extensions were falling out, my roots were offending everyone and I looked a mess!! In my job, I have access to the best hairdressers in the Northwest of England. As Sonia wasn't available, I asked one of the stylists (who does a lot of high profile people's hair) to work her magic. She kindly was able to fit me in on Friday.
Anyway, Sonia messaged me today asking when she was going to do my hair. I told her that my hair was a state and that I had one of the stylists from work do it (for a hell of a lot cheaper that what she would do it for!!!) as she was on holiday.
I sometimes on a Saturday go and get my hair washed by Sonia as a treat (instead of buying crap to eat or loads of wine...It's a treat for myself to feel good and a good incentive to lose weight). But in light of my living situation, I need to get out and get out now. So those little treats will have to go on hold for the time being.
Anyway when I explained this to her, she went a bit weird.
Then the messages from Angela came in thick and fast. Emotionally blackmailing me telling me that I am horrible and that Sonia isn't doing well in her business and because of me she will struggle to make ends meet
Right, let's get something straight. You shouldn't have shat on people that were good to you. (She lost loads of clients because of what she did. My manager's sister paid for her training courses too! She didn't pay a penny for any of the training courses) And you shouldn't get your mum to fight your battles for you. You're 26, for fuckssake.
Anyway, strangely I haven't heard from Mr Wonderful since this argument. The last message from Angela is, and I quote, don't treat us like this after all I have done for you.
Ok. All she did was introduce me to a guy. Guy that I had a bit of a fling with. A guy that I don't have attachment to. A guy that yea, is lovely but lives thousands of miles away.
I have been having some doubts about Mr Wonderful. He's so far away. He's a lovely guy, don't get me wrong but I don't want to be a part time girlfriend and only see him once every 6 - 8 weeks. He's 14 years older than me. I remember saying this could very well be a summer romance.
A wise person once said that you can tell a lot about people by the company they keep. And if Mr Wonderful's friends are bullies that emotionally blackmail me for trying to take care of my needs then I don't want anything to do with that.
A true friend would understand that you're trying to take care of yourself. My priority now is getting into a better living situation than I am in now. Fuck relationships. Fuck friendships. After my crazy housemate's performance tonight, I need to get out.
So here I am barricaded in my room praying she isn't destroying my stuff. Who'd have thought that petting a dog would be so offensive indeed?
But as I said in my last post, that is price of freedom. And if the price of freedom is to dump Mr Wonderful because of his friends, then so be it.
Until next time, Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher
Lots of love,
The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxx
Well this evening has been eventful on 2 fronts. My housemate's boyfriend has come up for the weekend. This is good and bad. Good because she tends to not get too drunk when he is here and he brought his dog (who I love!) and bad, because I won't get much sleep down to the sex noises. Great. Half of me wants to give them a round of applause in the morning!
Tonight's episode went like this. I dropped her and her boyfriend off at a party at around 3:15pm. It's an engagement party for her boyfriend's friend. I got a text at 6:00pm from her asking to be picked up. She called me 3 times on the way to picking her up making sure that I was picking her up. She also asked to be dropped off at the shop so she can buy more wine at least 6-7 times. I obliged. She bought 2 bottles of wine.
Anyway, the boyfriend is walking on eggshells. He went upstairs and my housemate and I were in the kitchen. I was stroking the dog and she then started to have a go at me. Why you, may ask? How can petting a dog be so offensive???
When I moved in she had an irritating little shitty dog that wasn't house trained. I used to wake up in the morning to shit and piss everywhere. The little shit wasn't house trained. I frankly hated the dog I was always nice to the dog, I fed it, walked it, cleaned up after it. Anyway, she got rid of the dog and gave it to a family that is taking a great care of it.
What offended her was the fact that I was stroking her boyfriend's dog. And because I was stroking this dog, this means that I hated her shitty little dog. Nice. I love drunk people's wisdom!!!
Anywho, the other bit of drama is made possible by Mr Wonderful's not so Wonderful friends.
As you remember, Mr Wonderful's friends introduced us. Angela's daughter Sonia was doing my hair that fateful day and Kyle (names changed to protect the innocent) is Mr Wonderful's best friend.
Well, Sonia doesn't work at that salon anymore. The salon that she worked at was owned by my manager's sister. Sonia left under very bad terms. She tried to steer business away from the salon, brazenly in front of my manager's sister! She got a new job 2 doors down from the old salon. When she left, she just walked out, blocked everyone and didn't say goodbye to anyone. Now Daddy Rage once told me, the toes you step on today can be connected to the ass you have to kiss tomorrow. Sonia's account for her products has been frozen because of this, and I have to say, rightly so! She can't get any supplies!
She has since left that salon as they didn't give her what they promised and she is trying to go at it alone. She's not succeeding. As I work for where she gets her supplies, she tries to make me get her freebies. That makes me uncomfortable.
Angela, Sonia's Mum, is quite pushy. Like very pushy. She tried to get me to go on a cruise around the Mediterranean (that I cannot afford and don't particularly want to do!). Mr Wonderful went on this cruise and she was using that fact to emotionally blackmail me. To be honest, it caused me loads of stress to the point that I had a breakdown at work.
Sonia is on holiday now with her her husband and children. Since she has been away, my hair really needed to be done. My extensions were falling out, my roots were offending everyone and I looked a mess!! In my job, I have access to the best hairdressers in the Northwest of England. As Sonia wasn't available, I asked one of the stylists (who does a lot of high profile people's hair) to work her magic. She kindly was able to fit me in on Friday.
Anyway, Sonia messaged me today asking when she was going to do my hair. I told her that my hair was a state and that I had one of the stylists from work do it (for a hell of a lot cheaper that what she would do it for!!!) as she was on holiday.
I sometimes on a Saturday go and get my hair washed by Sonia as a treat (instead of buying crap to eat or loads of wine...It's a treat for myself to feel good and a good incentive to lose weight). But in light of my living situation, I need to get out and get out now. So those little treats will have to go on hold for the time being.
Anyway when I explained this to her, she went a bit weird.
Then the messages from Angela came in thick and fast. Emotionally blackmailing me telling me that I am horrible and that Sonia isn't doing well in her business and because of me she will struggle to make ends meet
Right, let's get something straight. You shouldn't have shat on people that were good to you. (She lost loads of clients because of what she did. My manager's sister paid for her training courses too! She didn't pay a penny for any of the training courses) And you shouldn't get your mum to fight your battles for you. You're 26, for fuckssake.
Anyway, strangely I haven't heard from Mr Wonderful since this argument. The last message from Angela is, and I quote, don't treat us like this after all I have done for you.
Ok. All she did was introduce me to a guy. Guy that I had a bit of a fling with. A guy that I don't have attachment to. A guy that yea, is lovely but lives thousands of miles away.
I have been having some doubts about Mr Wonderful. He's so far away. He's a lovely guy, don't get me wrong but I don't want to be a part time girlfriend and only see him once every 6 - 8 weeks. He's 14 years older than me. I remember saying this could very well be a summer romance.
A wise person once said that you can tell a lot about people by the company they keep. And if Mr Wonderful's friends are bullies that emotionally blackmail me for trying to take care of my needs then I don't want anything to do with that.
A true friend would understand that you're trying to take care of yourself. My priority now is getting into a better living situation than I am in now. Fuck relationships. Fuck friendships. After my crazy housemate's performance tonight, I need to get out.
So here I am barricaded in my room praying she isn't destroying my stuff. Who'd have thought that petting a dog would be so offensive indeed?
But as I said in my last post, that is price of freedom. And if the price of freedom is to dump Mr Wonderful because of his friends, then so be it.
Until next time, Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher
Lots of love,
The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxx
Thursday, 9 August 2018
On the Aftermath of Meeting Mr Wonderful and The Price of Freedom
Hey Ragers and Ragettes!!! It’s a cooler day here in the Northwest of England. I’m quite happy because I am able to sleep again. Today I am rocking my favorite white cami, a white cardigan, my favorite summer trousers (burgundy with navy blue, yellow and white print) and my black sandals with black flowers on then. My hair is up in a bun and I’m wearing my favorite burgundy lippy.
Well, following from last post, the weekend that I met Mr Wonderful set a chain reaction, and what a reaction it turned out to be!!
Every weekend since I left Simon, I would on a Friday night get into my little red car and drive down in the traffic (the M6 is a nightmare!!) to check on him, clean the guinea pigs and make sure everything was ok. This whole exercise sets me back £300 per month.
After that weekend, I was sitting in traffic in the heat and I started getting angry. As in incandescent with total and absolute rage. Why the fuck am I sitting in traffic wasting petrol and my time just to come down and clean some fucking guinea pigs because he is too fucking lazy? The only person getting anything out of this is him!!! Not me!!!
After my weekend I decided enough was enough. I asked my landlady if I could bring my guinea pigs with me. She said no. So then I decided ok, I need to leave.
Enter, Helena. Helena works in Sales with me. She is quiet, dark haired and very pretty. We clicked instantly and I was telling her on the following Friday what I had to do each week.
She then told me, I have a room. You can have it. I was shocked.
I then went to hers and saw the room. It was smaller than what I had but I could bring my guinea pigs with me and the rent was lower. So £300 savings straight away!!!
So on July 5th, I packed my little red car up and moved my stuff over the course of 3 days into my new place. I realised that I have a lot of stuff and I mean a lot of stuff!!! Like loads of stuff. I moved the pigs in and for the first week I slept on an airbed. The price of freedom, eh?
Soon as I moved in I noticed a few things about my new housemate…like her raging alcohol problem. As in she would drink 2-3 bottles of wine in one sitting 3 – 4 times a week. Not good. Or the fact that she likes to eat your food and use your expensive face creams. Now Ragers and Ragettes, I don’t have a problem with people using my stuff, but I expect it to be replaced. The best thing though was when she drank a bottle of wine that I had in the fridge, bought me a bottle of wine to replace said bottle of wine and then proceeded to drink that bottle of wine. So I don’t keep alcohol in the house at all. I haven’t had a drink for 2 weeks because I frankly don’t want to end up like that. She never has any money but has enough to buy bottles of wine.
The area the house is in isn’t the worst but it isn’t the best. I woke up a few days ago to my car door open with glove box open as if someone rifled through it. Nothing was taken but I felt violated.
There have been times that I thought that I had made a huge mistake. But this is the price of freedom.
I then went to Switzerland and had the most amazing time with Mr Wonderful. He treated me like a goddess. He respected the sex ban totally (we went to bed together and explored each other’s bodies but we didn’t have full on sex which was fine with me.) and showed me beautiful places, scenery that is to die for, great restaurants, and a way of life that I never thought I could have. I needed the break.
When I got back I was relaxed. I got in and Helena’s sister (who is an entitled brat) was there drinking wine. I opened the fridge and more of my food was gone, the Guinea pigs had no food or water (even though she claims that she wold have taken care of them) and I just sighed. The price of freedom?
Things bobbed along. Helena’s cycle goes as follows. Day 1. Get in, drink 2-3 bottles of wine, be loud, be very honest (according to her I’m not very pretty and I need to remove some of my piercings as they age me. I also need to get rid of my guinea pigs, according to drunk Helena) and try to get me to drink which I don’t. I go to bed early. I wake up to empty bottles, wines glasses and more of my food being eaten.
Day 2, Helena gets into work stinking of booze and she does her work and goes home. She will make dinner and fall asleep on the couch. The cycle then repeats.
But recently, Helena’s cycle has resulted in her pulling sickies for being too hungover to come into work. But 2 nights ago, something happened resulting in me reconsidering my position.
Helena hates work. I love my job very much but she absolutely hates it. When she gets drunk she bitches about work and her colleagues. None of the girls have a problem with her. I’m much older than the. They discuss things that I don’t understand. But I respect them. I chat to them, we have a laugh. She used to work in real estate and she ended up contacting her old boss about getting her old job back.
I do understand that if you are not happy then you need to find your happiness. I have been in jobs where I have felt unhappy but people have been happy. It’s one of those things.
On Tuesday night, I got back to the house and I was making my dinner and Helena and her entitled little brat of a sister followed. She looked at what I was cooking (I am on a healthy eating plan, I’ve lost 15 pounds thank you very much!) and she commented “That looks boring and gross”. Helena and I looked at each other. Helena said, that looks lovely Betty, you’re doing a great job. She put her shopping bag on the table and 5 bottles of red wine came out. Helena smiled and said I am celebrating. My old job is taking me back! I congratulated her but I knew that after dinner I would need to go upstairs and lock myself in my room.
I did just that. I packed my gym bag and put my clothes out for the next day. I did my nightly meditation and drifted off to sleep at about 9pm.
At midnight I woke up to Helena screaming my name. I could hear her sister screeching. I thought, oh shit, what’s happened??? I put my dressing gown on and ran downstairs into the front room. There were 2 wine glasses and all 5 wine bottles were empty.
Helena’s eyes had cuts under them and I could see bruising developing. Her nose was bleeding. There were scratches down her chest and on her arms. Her makeup was running down her face. Her sister was screeching you broke my nail you bitch (her sister has acrylic nails) and one of her nails snapped off and there was blood running down her hands. Helena then grabbed me and said Betty she punched me!!! I walked into the kitchen trying to grab some ice for Helena’s face. Helena and her sister followed screaming and I mean screaming at each other. I tried calming them both down as the house is a semi-detached house and the neighbours probably heard every word. They were hurling insults at each other. Helena’s sister lunged at Helena again and tried to scratch Helena’s eyes out. I looked in the sink in the kitchen hoping there were no knives or sharp objects. Helena’s sister had the look about her like a cornered animal. Wild, unpredictable. I was shitting myself. I didn’t know what to do. As she going to try and lunge at me. Her sister was slurring her words and shouting something about how Helena is a horrible bitch and hat she bought all the alcohol tonight and she just uses people.
Helena broke away and grabbed her phone and called her dad to get her sister. Dad’s getting you she howled at her sister. Helena tried to get her sister’s stuff and force her out, Helena’s sister attacked her again.
After what seemed years but was only 15 minutes, her father showed up and grabbed Helena’s sister and dragged her into the car. He came back looked at Helena and said, You need to stop drinking. The door shut. Helena collapsed to the floor sobbing.
Part of me was like “What the fuck just happened? What do I do?” I hugged Helena. I went into the kitchen poured her a glass of water and told her to drink it. I helped her up the stairs and wiped her face down. The bruising was coming through. She was babbling incoherently. I took her to bed and tucked her in. She was still crying. I held her for a bit until the sobs were replaced by snores.
I got up, checked the time and it was 12:45am. I didn’t sleep a wink that night.
When my alarm went off, I got up and got dressed. I skipped the gym and went straight into work. I was wondering if Helena was going to make it in. I was making my morning cup of coffee and was chatting to eh girls as I always do. I missed the 5 messages from Helena. Betty, I can’t go in. My face, Betty, my face. I can’t go in.
Now everyone in work knows that I live with Helena. At 9am, when Helena was due in, her manager come over to me and asked where Helena was.
I looked at her and said the response that I was so used to giving. I don’t know.
I denied all knowledge.
I messaged Helena begging her to call in. She ended up sending a text message.
Helena had handed her resignation in.
So the rest of the day for me was awkward. I work with a bunch of girls who act as girls do. They gossip and such. At first no one spoke to me. But then in the afternoon, one of the more gobbier girls asked what was going on. I just said, I don’t’ know. She looked at me and said I feel sorry for you Betty. You have your shit together. The rest of the girls chimed in. They were all in support of ME!
Helena messaged and asked to get some stuff from her desk, which I did.
When I got in, she was on the phone to the council about getting money as she is now unemployed. I silently made my dinner. When she finally put the phone down she walked over to me and hugged me tightly.
Thank you Betty, she said. Her bruised face smiled at me.
It turns out her sister has mental health issues and refuses to take her medication.
Helena starts her new job on the 20th.
I now don’t know what to do, Ragers and Ragettes. Do I stay or do I go? Can I live in a place like this? I have 2 viewings booked for apartments that I will be attending on Monday.
Is this the price of freedom? Is this the true price? Staying with a nice, but troubled girl? People ask if I am ok. I’m not. I am sad, hurt, and confused.
But this seems to be the price of freedom.
Until next time, Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher.
Lots of love
The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxx
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