Hey Ragers and Ragettes!!
I hope that everyone is doing well. The world is strange and frankly I am getting upset and angry and so I have been watching a lot of cute animal videos to keep me sane.
In these strange times, as you know, I have been doing the online dating thing.
I had 2 "Dates". One was a phone date with the man I called "The Gentleman". He was lovely and we had a great chat. We haven't really spoken since. That is ok with me. I knew some of these connections would fall away.
I had a walk with the "Joker". We have kept in touch and seen each other a few times. I am kind of not feeling it. He seems to have a lot of baggage and a lot of resentment. I don't know if I want to continue to go down that path
The Mystery Man and I haven't spoken for a bit. My gut feeling is that he will resurface at some point and that I haven't heard the last from him.
But the biggest surprise was when I went on the site and I saw a face that I recognized.
Steven (Name changed to protect the innocent) and I dated briefly 7 years ago. We never went out for dinner or a drink.
Our story started on a rainy December day 7 years ago. I was sick and I was doing the online dating thing. Steven's profile jumped out because it was funny and very honest. We were chatting for about a week and he asked to meet up.
I was feeling sick. He offered to come over to my little flat and bring chicken soup and watch Netflix.
I remember he came over and we laid on the couch, my head on his chest his arms protectively holding me. We watched comedies and laughed as he stroked my head. He was respectful. He put me to bed and kissed my forehead gently.
The next time I saw him was a few days later. I was feeling better. He came back to mine and we sat on the couch and watched Netflix and talked and laughed.
We kissed and took it to the bedroom. Let's just say that when he went down on me....yeah....it was amazing. Out of this world. He held me after and everything was great.
I went home for Christmas and I think the momentum just....well....stopped. I hadn't heard from him since
When his smiling face popped up on my phone, I smiled. I didn't know what to do. I thought, fuck it. I am going to message him and see if he remembers me.
I sent the message. 5 minutes later he messaged back.
He remembered me!! We started chatting again. We soon swapped numbers and the conversation was light and funny, just as I remembered.
We then decided to meet up at a park and see what would happen
We were supposed to meet on Sunday and by Friday, I was nervous and feeling a bit scared.
Then on Saturday, I received a message from him. He had plans that night but they had been cancelled. He asked if I was free to meet him that evening. I replied, yes I am.
I got ready, washed and straightened my hair. Put my make up on. I put a lovely outfit on. I sprayed my favorite perfume.
As I arrived at the car park of the park that were were going to walk and he was standing there.
I parked and walked over to him and he wrapped his arms around me and held me close. My head on his chest.
We started walking and he took my hand. We walked around the beautiful park. The day was gorgeous. The sun was shining. Families were out walking, biking and enjoying the day.
We found a bench and sat down and talked. The conversation flowed naturally. We laughed a lot and we inched a bit closer ever so often.
He filled me in on what he had been up to. He is still a media studies teacher. He got into a relationship and he had a little girl who is 2 that he absolutely adores
He showed me photos of her. His face beamed as he spoke about her.
We continued to chat and soon before you know it, his arm was around me and rubbing my side. There was this moment, he leaned in and his lips touched mine. The kiss was soft and gentle and sweet. His fingers went through my hair. For that moment....everything was perfect. I mean absolutely perfect. Nothing mattered in that moment.
When the kiss ended, he looked at me and said, Betty you're so beautiful. I giggled like a teenager and he kissed me again.
We chatted and kissed some more.
He checked his watch and we had been speaking for 3 hours!!!
We walked to our cars. Every fiber in my body wanted to ask him back to mine but I didn't. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed me again.
I got in my car and he went to his car. I dropped the top on my car and drove home with the biggest grin on my face.
The next day I saw Suzanne for a walk and I told her all about Steven and me. She looked at me and said, Betty, I think it was a case of the right person at the wrong time.
And I think that she is right. I am not picking china patterns out or anything but all I know is that I feel happy when my phone goes and it is a text from him.
Today he sent me a photo of his little girl and him out the sun. My heart melted. Tomorrow they are baking cookies together. A man that is so devoted to his daughter is a lovely quality.
We are meeting again for a walk on Friday after work. I can't wait to see him.
Have I found my prince? It's too early to tell. All I know that I am not going to put pressure on myself. If we end up together, I would be very happy with that. If we don't then that's ok too.
I am just going to enjoy the time we have together and see if Suzanne is right (she usually is right). all I know is that I am looking forward to those kisses again.
Until next time, Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher
Lots of Love
The Fabulous Betty Rage xxx
Tuesday 2 June 2020
Friday 15 May 2020
Pandemic Dating
Hey Ragers and Ragettes!
Happy Friday….or is it Tuesday? Could be Wednesday? Why am I not wearing pants? Yes, life in lockdown!!!
Lockdown has been quite an experience. I have been passing the time by exercising
and working and as per my last post, I joined the online dating scene
Now, Dating in 2020 during a pandemic is a little different
then when I was dating when I started this blog.
I tried a site that was recommended to me by the girls at
work. It was…….ok. I didn’t have a lot of
luck on it.
Then I tried another popular site and then I started meeting
some great guys. I swapped numbers with
a few and then I was recommended another site
On this site I started meeting more great guys.
I look back to when I was dating in 2014 and I was meeting
some really weird guys. I meet Simon and
he was the best of a bad bunch!
This time it is very different. I’m meeting men that have a lot to
offer. They have good jobs, they are
good looking and I am just shocked. You
do get the odd weirdo that likes sending dick pics or demands nudes or even get
stroppy with you when you don’t give them your number or goes psycho when you
don’t response to his message in exactly 6 seconds after reading it. Then there are the ones that send you videos of them jacking off in the shower (For some reasons those guys are always the ones that have a photo of them and their kids in their profile picture....men are weird!)
I have enjoyed talking to new people. There are some really lovely guys out
there.
Anyway, I have spoken to a lot of great guys. And I have narrowed it down the 3 that I think will make the cut:
The Mystery Man:
Enter Mike (Name has been changed). He’s a handsome 46 year old. (looks younger
than his age). He stands 5 foot 8. Runs his own business and has a 10 year old
son. We facetimed and it was a lovely
conversation. He
facetimed late so I was without makeup and my hair was pulled back in a
braid. After the conversation he said
that I looked like an “angel”. He lives in
the next village over from me. He has
the most intense brown eyes I have ever seen. The type that if I was acting up,
he’d give me a look and I would probably need to go to the bathroom and sort
myself out, if you know what I mean…. Keeps
his cards close to his chest and there is something about him…..something that
I want to get to know….
Verdict: Definitely
want to meet him. He is handsome, sweet,
funny, those eyes make my panties a bit damp to be honest
The Gentleman:
Enter Kevin (Name has been changed). 6 foot 5 and 43 years old. (Looks very good for his age) Works in the oil industry and lives 30
minutes away.
Spoke on the phone and was a total gent. He comes from a good family and is Welsh which
means he has a very sexy accent. He has
a boat in Wales and goes here for weekends to take it out when the weather is nice. A
good cook, seems romantic and looks amazing in a suit. Respectful but you know he has a naughty side
and that is hot. He is ambitious in his
career and I like that. Very well-traveled
and is ex-military (I have a thing about men in uniform…). Classy, sweet and we share the same morals,
which is a big plus in my book.
Tonight after work, we are going to Facetime so I need to look my best. I have a classy, lovely top that I haven't worn yet and I think that it needs to make an entrance. Teamed with a red lip, I think the look could work!
Verdict: High marks
for the sexy accent and looking good in a suit.
Marked down on location. A 30
minute drive is a bit of a pain…..
The Wild Card:
Enter Sam (Name changed to protect the innocent) Aged 41, 5 foot 7. Lives about 15 minutes from
me.
A wild card because he just cracks me up!!!! I’ve never met a man that made me laugh so
much!! Looks wise, not my cup of tea (has
the nerd thing going for him) but Jesus, I laugh so much when we chat. We chatted for
almost 2 hours on the phone one night and we have chatted a few more times. He seems to be a really lovely and highly
intelligent guy. He’s a scientist! For me intelligence is a huge thing. We also have the same belief systems and
morals. He has 3 kids and is divorced.
On Sunday afternoon he wants to go for a socially distanced walk
with me. I think I might take him up on that….
Verdict: I love a man
who is intelligent with a great sense of humor and this guy is another
level. The just right amount of being
twisted and dark but also funny. Has
potential, definitely
So those are the guys that I have been speaking to. They are all different and I like that. Do I have a favorite? I don’t know.
I like all of them in different ways.
There have been talks of this easing up in July and when it
does, I will definitely be going out with them and seeing how we get on. And if I don’t like any of them, there are
plenty more out there.
Suzanne said it best.
Don’t take it too seriously. Have
fun. If they like you great. If they don’t that is ok too.
I'm just looking forward to getting out and enjoying myself and taking my mind of the monotony of the situation and glamming up and actually wearing a bra and pants again!!!
Until next time Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head and stands high and your heels even higher
Lots of Love
The Fabulous Betty Rage xxx
Sunday 19 April 2020
On Dating in Lockdown
Hey Ragers and Ragettes!! Happy Sunday!
Today has been a glorious day here in the northwest of England. We are still in lockdown and will be for the next 3 weeks at least.
So for the next 3 weeks we carry on
I have been doing what I can to stay sane.
I'm not reading the news. All I am reading is the official government website to know what the rules are. I'm not reading conspiracy theories, people complaining and other crap like that. I want to focus on keeping positive.
I've let my routine slip a bit so I am fixing that tomorrow. I'm going back to my normal routine of getting up, working out (YouTube has some great workouts!), showering, working and such. I might even wear make up at work. I think I'll start experimenting with some different looks and some techniques that I have been afraid to try. Why not?
Also, I decided on Friday night to venture into the world of online dating
I started this blog when I was doing the online dating thing. I had a load of crazy adventures. So when I was sitting on the couch on Friday night I thought fuck it. What do I have to lose?
So the conversations are about how our first dates would be: walks followed by a dinner in a country pub, out to a nice restaurant for dinner, out for some cheese and wine, to the movies....
From this experience, I have classified the men that I have been chatting to into 3 different categories:
1. Nice Guys
2. Assholes
3. I'm likely to end up buried under their floorboards
The funny thing is that there are a lot of guys who are under 25 that are matching with me as they want a "Cougar". Yes, a fucking cougar. Surely I am not that old??????
There have been some genuinely nice guys. There is one that I have been talking to and we will most likely meet up. He's 5 years older than me, has a good job and lives just down the road.
Then there are ones that demand your phone number and when you don't give them your phone number they get arsey with you. (File them under assholes) Or you get the ones that if you don't message back straight away they get really needy and clingy. That is really unattractive.
You get ones that look really good, they tick all the boxes but the conversation doesn't flow. And that is ok too.
Doing this, I have learned so much about what I want from a man: I want a man's man. A man that will act like a traditional man. I want a man that isn't too much older than me. The age range that I put into the app is 38 - 45. (I'm 38)
He must be in a job. I don't mind if he is a mechanic or a builder or a CEO. I want him working and independent.
Must have his own place. I figure by the time you get to my age you need to not be living with your parents. I know that the last few years I've been doing the house share thing and it was painful. I love my independence. I love not having to tip toe around people. I want to be able to go to his home without freaking out because we might wake up his housemate or mother.
Must share hobbies. I like going for nature walks so I want him to like that also. I love the football, working out, going out to dinner and things like that.
Looks.....Looks aren't important but he can't look like a hobo....or a hipster...in fact there is little difference between those 2....Facial hair doesn't bother me. He must be clean and take care of himself. I'm not talking about following a 90 step Korean face care routine (those things are crazy!!!!!) but someone that get his hair cut, showers, doesn't mind scrubbing up and looking nice when going out. Does that make sense?
Must love pets...preferable if he has a dog. I love dogs. I'd love to get a house and have a dog one day. Plus he must like my piggies.
Drugs are a deal breaker.
I have found loads of guys that fulfill those must haves.
I've been on this app for 2 days and I have spoken to a load of guys. It's a bit of fun.
According to the Government bars and restaurant might open in May/June. So there is no harm in chatting and meeting people and scheduling a post lockdown date, is there?
So, I'm going to enjoy for the next 6-8 weeks chatting and getting to know a bunch of new people. And you never know, I just might meet my future husband. Stranger things have happened!
Until next time Ragers and Ragettes, keep your heads and standards high and your heels even higher.
Lots of love
The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxx
Today has been a glorious day here in the northwest of England. We are still in lockdown and will be for the next 3 weeks at least.
So for the next 3 weeks we carry on
I have been doing what I can to stay sane.
I'm not reading the news. All I am reading is the official government website to know what the rules are. I'm not reading conspiracy theories, people complaining and other crap like that. I want to focus on keeping positive.
I've let my routine slip a bit so I am fixing that tomorrow. I'm going back to my normal routine of getting up, working out (YouTube has some great workouts!), showering, working and such. I might even wear make up at work. I think I'll start experimenting with some different looks and some techniques that I have been afraid to try. Why not?
Also, I decided on Friday night to venture into the world of online dating
I started this blog when I was doing the online dating thing. I had a load of crazy adventures. So when I was sitting on the couch on Friday night I thought fuck it. What do I have to lose?
So the conversations are about how our first dates would be: walks followed by a dinner in a country pub, out to a nice restaurant for dinner, out for some cheese and wine, to the movies....
From this experience, I have classified the men that I have been chatting to into 3 different categories:
1. Nice Guys
2. Assholes
3. I'm likely to end up buried under their floorboards
The funny thing is that there are a lot of guys who are under 25 that are matching with me as they want a "Cougar". Yes, a fucking cougar. Surely I am not that old??????
There have been some genuinely nice guys. There is one that I have been talking to and we will most likely meet up. He's 5 years older than me, has a good job and lives just down the road.
Then there are ones that demand your phone number and when you don't give them your phone number they get arsey with you. (File them under assholes) Or you get the ones that if you don't message back straight away they get really needy and clingy. That is really unattractive.
You get ones that look really good, they tick all the boxes but the conversation doesn't flow. And that is ok too.
Doing this, I have learned so much about what I want from a man: I want a man's man. A man that will act like a traditional man. I want a man that isn't too much older than me. The age range that I put into the app is 38 - 45. (I'm 38)
He must be in a job. I don't mind if he is a mechanic or a builder or a CEO. I want him working and independent.
Must have his own place. I figure by the time you get to my age you need to not be living with your parents. I know that the last few years I've been doing the house share thing and it was painful. I love my independence. I love not having to tip toe around people. I want to be able to go to his home without freaking out because we might wake up his housemate or mother.
Must share hobbies. I like going for nature walks so I want him to like that also. I love the football, working out, going out to dinner and things like that.
Looks.....Looks aren't important but he can't look like a hobo....or a hipster...in fact there is little difference between those 2....Facial hair doesn't bother me. He must be clean and take care of himself. I'm not talking about following a 90 step Korean face care routine (those things are crazy!!!!!) but someone that get his hair cut, showers, doesn't mind scrubbing up and looking nice when going out. Does that make sense?
Must love pets...preferable if he has a dog. I love dogs. I'd love to get a house and have a dog one day. Plus he must like my piggies.
Drugs are a deal breaker.
I have found loads of guys that fulfill those must haves.
I've been on this app for 2 days and I have spoken to a load of guys. It's a bit of fun.
According to the Government bars and restaurant might open in May/June. So there is no harm in chatting and meeting people and scheduling a post lockdown date, is there?
So, I'm going to enjoy for the next 6-8 weeks chatting and getting to know a bunch of new people. And you never know, I just might meet my future husband. Stranger things have happened!
Until next time Ragers and Ragettes, keep your heads and standards high and your heels even higher.
Lots of love
The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxx
Saturday 11 April 2020
On the Big Move and General Strangeness
Hey Ragers and Ragettes!!
What a very weird Saturday! Here in Greater Manchester, it is a beautiful day. Normally the village I now live in would be bustling with activity but it is dead. So weird. Strange times indeed.
Well the move happened. And it happened so smoothly. I rented the van and because of this situation, the roads were empty. I was able to confidently drive it, no scuff marks or dents with relative confidence. I'm telling you, I have so much respect for van drivers now!
Because my apartment's front door is on the ground floor and accessible, I was able to drive to the front door, throw everything in and get settled rather quickly.
I love my little home. I love it so much that I can't stop buying things for it! I have been able to decorate and furnish it with the help of Argos (the Argo's are open in Sainsbury's), Sainsbury's and good old Tesco (and there are some cute sundresses in Tesco now!!!!). I'm about 80% of the way there now. Once all this craziness is done, I am going to buy the rest. I want to get some decorations for the walls, a rug for the living room and I cannot think of what color I want in my bedroom! I had my heart set on Orange but I can't find anything I like. I learned my lesson to not buy things just because. It needs to sit right with me.
Work has been insanely busy. Our sales are up 25% and considering we are in a pandemic I think that is pretty good! Because my job is classed as business critical, I have been working pretty much 6 - 7 days a week but with my company they reward hard work. And our new American owners like me and compliment me in front of my managers so I think all will be ok.
But the one thing that changed everything happened on Thursday April 9th.
My little guinea piggie who I had for 5 and a half years passed away. I found him on Thursday morning and my heart broke.
I have been through breakups, job losses, and some crazy ass shit but I have to say, this KO'd me. It was almost on par with when I had a miscarriage. That little guy and I had been through so much. He helped me cope with bad days, panic attacks, anxiety, and a lot of crazy stuff for the last 5 and a half years.
On that Thursday I had to go through 2 conference calls. The first one was with his little body wrapped up in a towel and in a box next to me. I had to keep muting myself to stop the sobs. After that conference call was over, I took his little body to the vets to cremate him. You can buy some jewellery made from the ashes of your dead pets or loved ones. I want to get a ring or a pendant so I can hold him and keep him close to my heart always.
When I told Simon of his passing he broke down into tears. I've only seen Simon cry a handful of times. Unlike me, who is emotionally incontinent, he can hold it together.
We decided (as we are on good terms still and that is ok with me.) that after all this madness is done, I am going to bring the ashes and I'll give him some to do with what he needs to and we are going to bury him with his brother who passed 2 years ago.
The shittiest part of this situation is that on Thursday I wanted to get into my car and drive straight to Suzanne and get a hug but I dare not do that. Suzanne is at risk as she has heart issues (I think it is because her heart is so big and so full of love her body can't take it.) and breathing issues. I couldn't get a hug from my mother but a hug from Suzanne would pull me through. When I told her, she was upset as she knew what he meant to me.
I sat back on Thursday and yesterday and asked why God would do something so cruel and mean and nasty. Why? To take away something that was more precious than gold, diamonds or anything. Why would he cruelly do this to me?
Then it hit me. I understood fully.
This little piggie was the second to last thing that I had that bound me to Simon. (The last is the house we own together.)
He died so I could live. So I could move on and start forging the future I have always wanted. This was one of the final parts that needed to leave.
Knowing this helped ease the pain a bit. If I take this for what I feel it is, and I use the pain to better myself and to move on, his death won't be in vain. This is God saying, hey, sort yourself out!!!! It's your time to shine.
And you know? I think it is.
Since I have moved in, I haven't binged on junk food. I haven't eaten until I felt sick. I haven't drunk 2 bottles of wine in a sitting and do stupid shit. I haven't gained weight. I'm sleeping better. I am feeling a lot better about life.
I know that things are working out and the path that was obscure for so long is starting to reveal itself.
So as I sit here and I write this I smile. All of the craziness, weirdness that the universe has thrown at me, and I have ended up in this beautiful apartment on a sunny day in Manchester living next to a good looking guy named Alfonso (name changed to protect the innocent) who likes to workout outside in front of my apartment without his shirt on...I think that this summer is going to be pretty fucking sweet!!
Until next time Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher
Lots of love
The Fabulous Betty Rage xxx
What a very weird Saturday! Here in Greater Manchester, it is a beautiful day. Normally the village I now live in would be bustling with activity but it is dead. So weird. Strange times indeed.
Well the move happened. And it happened so smoothly. I rented the van and because of this situation, the roads were empty. I was able to confidently drive it, no scuff marks or dents with relative confidence. I'm telling you, I have so much respect for van drivers now!
Because my apartment's front door is on the ground floor and accessible, I was able to drive to the front door, throw everything in and get settled rather quickly.
I love my little home. I love it so much that I can't stop buying things for it! I have been able to decorate and furnish it with the help of Argos (the Argo's are open in Sainsbury's), Sainsbury's and good old Tesco (and there are some cute sundresses in Tesco now!!!!). I'm about 80% of the way there now. Once all this craziness is done, I am going to buy the rest. I want to get some decorations for the walls, a rug for the living room and I cannot think of what color I want in my bedroom! I had my heart set on Orange but I can't find anything I like. I learned my lesson to not buy things just because. It needs to sit right with me.
Work has been insanely busy. Our sales are up 25% and considering we are in a pandemic I think that is pretty good! Because my job is classed as business critical, I have been working pretty much 6 - 7 days a week but with my company they reward hard work. And our new American owners like me and compliment me in front of my managers so I think all will be ok.
But the one thing that changed everything happened on Thursday April 9th.
My little guinea piggie who I had for 5 and a half years passed away. I found him on Thursday morning and my heart broke.
I have been through breakups, job losses, and some crazy ass shit but I have to say, this KO'd me. It was almost on par with when I had a miscarriage. That little guy and I had been through so much. He helped me cope with bad days, panic attacks, anxiety, and a lot of crazy stuff for the last 5 and a half years.
On that Thursday I had to go through 2 conference calls. The first one was with his little body wrapped up in a towel and in a box next to me. I had to keep muting myself to stop the sobs. After that conference call was over, I took his little body to the vets to cremate him. You can buy some jewellery made from the ashes of your dead pets or loved ones. I want to get a ring or a pendant so I can hold him and keep him close to my heart always.
When I told Simon of his passing he broke down into tears. I've only seen Simon cry a handful of times. Unlike me, who is emotionally incontinent, he can hold it together.
We decided (as we are on good terms still and that is ok with me.) that after all this madness is done, I am going to bring the ashes and I'll give him some to do with what he needs to and we are going to bury him with his brother who passed 2 years ago.
The shittiest part of this situation is that on Thursday I wanted to get into my car and drive straight to Suzanne and get a hug but I dare not do that. Suzanne is at risk as she has heart issues (I think it is because her heart is so big and so full of love her body can't take it.) and breathing issues. I couldn't get a hug from my mother but a hug from Suzanne would pull me through. When I told her, she was upset as she knew what he meant to me.
I sat back on Thursday and yesterday and asked why God would do something so cruel and mean and nasty. Why? To take away something that was more precious than gold, diamonds or anything. Why would he cruelly do this to me?
Then it hit me. I understood fully.
This little piggie was the second to last thing that I had that bound me to Simon. (The last is the house we own together.)
He died so I could live. So I could move on and start forging the future I have always wanted. This was one of the final parts that needed to leave.
Knowing this helped ease the pain a bit. If I take this for what I feel it is, and I use the pain to better myself and to move on, his death won't be in vain. This is God saying, hey, sort yourself out!!!! It's your time to shine.
And you know? I think it is.
Since I have moved in, I haven't binged on junk food. I haven't eaten until I felt sick. I haven't drunk 2 bottles of wine in a sitting and do stupid shit. I haven't gained weight. I'm sleeping better. I am feeling a lot better about life.
I know that things are working out and the path that was obscure for so long is starting to reveal itself.
So as I sit here and I write this I smile. All of the craziness, weirdness that the universe has thrown at me, and I have ended up in this beautiful apartment on a sunny day in Manchester living next to a good looking guy named Alfonso (name changed to protect the innocent) who likes to workout outside in front of my apartment without his shirt on...I think that this summer is going to be pretty fucking sweet!!
Until next time Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher
Lots of love
The Fabulous Betty Rage xxx
Monday 30 March 2020
The Last Night in My Flat
Hey Ragers and Ragettes!!
I hope that everyone is well and that you are all keeping safe out there. It's kind of scary and I have never been in this sort of situation before
I am now working from home, which is kind of cool but I have become lazy and complacent with my eating and workouts which sucks
As you know I am set to move tomorrow, I thought that it was going to be called off but because the flat has been vacant for over 4 weeks I am still allowed to complete my move. The agency is getting it cleaned from top to bottom. And tomorrow I will be driving a transit van for the first time ever and I have to admit that is the part I am the most nervous about.
Susanne was supposed to help but she is in a category of being most at risk of catching the Coronavirus so I understand but I admit I will be missing her laugh, smile and us having an adventure. I miss Susanne so much
I am sitting here with a glass of bubbly trying to figure out how I am feeling though.
To be honest? I don't know. My belongings are bagged and ready to go in the spare room. It just doesn't feel real.
I had a lot of mixed feelings about this but this past weekend after a nightmare about my old alcoholic roommate, I decided to let go. So I got up, packed and threw away so many things. There was a bag of toiletries that Mr Wonderful left, I put them in the bin. He left behind some designer shoes, I'm going to sell them on eBay (In fairness I messaged him about me sending them back, but he never responded.) I went through my social media and got rid of a load of people. And then I started to go online and I bought a load of new items for my new place. Stuff for the kitchen, the front room, my en suite...Just the essentials until I figure it out.
In my current place, I never really decorated. This place, I am. I have nice sleek kitchen accessories, mustard yellow for the front room, and I am figuring out what I want in my bedroom. I have time to sit back and think about what I want in the spare room and the other bathroom. I know shelves will have to be put up in the laundry room but that's ok and I am looking forward to doing that myself! I want to buy pictures and mirrors and make my place a nice, chilled place.
Right now I just want to leave. I am ready to go and start my new life. By leaving this area, I am leaving behind the things that have happened in the last 2 years and 5 months.
I have felt like I have been in limbo for that long. Even when I moved into where I am now, I knew it was temporary and that I would be leaving in a year. Then I saw my old housemate's fuck buddy in my local and it sealed it. I needed to get away from the area.
So as I sit here and sip my bubbly, I am thinking.....
I leave this flat free. I am totally 100% free. I'm single. Toxic people? Gone. I am moving out a wiser, stronger, more successful Betty than I was when I started this blog.
I go back to being in a cute, trendy place. I will have a nicer apartment. I'm moving to an area where there is more to do.
It's bittersweet because sometimes we get comfortable in the pain. We wear our guilt, shame, sadness as a cloak sometimes because wallowing in the pain feels better than facing it. Some people use the pain as a badge of honor. If you keep picking a scab, how the fuck is the wound going to heal?????
The last 2 years and 5 months, I went through stages of picking the scab. There were some distractions along the way, some I made myself (hello prosecco!) and others outside myself (Mr Wonderful) They all served a purpose. To stop feeling. To stop the pain. To distract with new pain instead of facing the problems and rationalizing and admitting that I fucked up a fair few times. It's easier to blame others than to take responsibility for our actions. To admit that we do stupid shit. And I admit.....I've done a lot of stupid shit over the last 2 years and 5 months
But I like to think that tonight, as I sit here looking out my window, I am covering up the scab so I can't pick at it anymore. I want to stop the self-flagellation and and sadness. I've come to terms that I messed up a lot. And I am ok with that. Dissecting it, crying about it, going over it isn't going to solve the problem!!! Face it, acknowledge it and move on!!!
I want this summer to be a summer of joy, love and happiness. Yes, we are locked down but this lock down won't last forever. I am hoping that this will be lifted in 2 weeks and I can go back to the gym. And then in the summer, I think I will sign up for a dating website and have fun. Like I used to when I started this blog.
This summer, I want it to be the best summer of my life. I want laughter, joy, and fun.
And that is what I intend on having.
So Ragers and Ragettes, I raise my glass. To the last 2 years and 5 months of being in the wilderness. I have found my way out onto a new path. These past 2 years and 5 months shall never be discussed again. I only look to the future with joy and happiness and hope in my heart. Face the pain in your life. Admit your mistakes, forgive yourself and move on and be happy!!!
So tomorrow, this volume ends. Tomorrow I start writing a new volume to my life. A volume filled with joy, laughter, health, success, love and loads of adventures.
I love you all and I thank you for being with me so far on my journey. Tomorrow, the Betty Version 2.0 starts. And what an awesome rest of the year it will be!
Until next time, Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher
Lots of Love
The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxx
I hope that everyone is well and that you are all keeping safe out there. It's kind of scary and I have never been in this sort of situation before
I am now working from home, which is kind of cool but I have become lazy and complacent with my eating and workouts which sucks
As you know I am set to move tomorrow, I thought that it was going to be called off but because the flat has been vacant for over 4 weeks I am still allowed to complete my move. The agency is getting it cleaned from top to bottom. And tomorrow I will be driving a transit van for the first time ever and I have to admit that is the part I am the most nervous about.
Susanne was supposed to help but she is in a category of being most at risk of catching the Coronavirus so I understand but I admit I will be missing her laugh, smile and us having an adventure. I miss Susanne so much
I am sitting here with a glass of bubbly trying to figure out how I am feeling though.
To be honest? I don't know. My belongings are bagged and ready to go in the spare room. It just doesn't feel real.
I had a lot of mixed feelings about this but this past weekend after a nightmare about my old alcoholic roommate, I decided to let go. So I got up, packed and threw away so many things. There was a bag of toiletries that Mr Wonderful left, I put them in the bin. He left behind some designer shoes, I'm going to sell them on eBay (In fairness I messaged him about me sending them back, but he never responded.) I went through my social media and got rid of a load of people. And then I started to go online and I bought a load of new items for my new place. Stuff for the kitchen, the front room, my en suite...Just the essentials until I figure it out.
In my current place, I never really decorated. This place, I am. I have nice sleek kitchen accessories, mustard yellow for the front room, and I am figuring out what I want in my bedroom. I have time to sit back and think about what I want in the spare room and the other bathroom. I know shelves will have to be put up in the laundry room but that's ok and I am looking forward to doing that myself! I want to buy pictures and mirrors and make my place a nice, chilled place.
Right now I just want to leave. I am ready to go and start my new life. By leaving this area, I am leaving behind the things that have happened in the last 2 years and 5 months.
I have felt like I have been in limbo for that long. Even when I moved into where I am now, I knew it was temporary and that I would be leaving in a year. Then I saw my old housemate's fuck buddy in my local and it sealed it. I needed to get away from the area.
So as I sit here and sip my bubbly, I am thinking.....
I leave this flat free. I am totally 100% free. I'm single. Toxic people? Gone. I am moving out a wiser, stronger, more successful Betty than I was when I started this blog.
I go back to being in a cute, trendy place. I will have a nicer apartment. I'm moving to an area where there is more to do.
It's bittersweet because sometimes we get comfortable in the pain. We wear our guilt, shame, sadness as a cloak sometimes because wallowing in the pain feels better than facing it. Some people use the pain as a badge of honor. If you keep picking a scab, how the fuck is the wound going to heal?????
The last 2 years and 5 months, I went through stages of picking the scab. There were some distractions along the way, some I made myself (hello prosecco!) and others outside myself (Mr Wonderful) They all served a purpose. To stop feeling. To stop the pain. To distract with new pain instead of facing the problems and rationalizing and admitting that I fucked up a fair few times. It's easier to blame others than to take responsibility for our actions. To admit that we do stupid shit. And I admit.....I've done a lot of stupid shit over the last 2 years and 5 months
But I like to think that tonight, as I sit here looking out my window, I am covering up the scab so I can't pick at it anymore. I want to stop the self-flagellation and and sadness. I've come to terms that I messed up a lot. And I am ok with that. Dissecting it, crying about it, going over it isn't going to solve the problem!!! Face it, acknowledge it and move on!!!
I want this summer to be a summer of joy, love and happiness. Yes, we are locked down but this lock down won't last forever. I am hoping that this will be lifted in 2 weeks and I can go back to the gym. And then in the summer, I think I will sign up for a dating website and have fun. Like I used to when I started this blog.
This summer, I want it to be the best summer of my life. I want laughter, joy, and fun.
And that is what I intend on having.
So Ragers and Ragettes, I raise my glass. To the last 2 years and 5 months of being in the wilderness. I have found my way out onto a new path. These past 2 years and 5 months shall never be discussed again. I only look to the future with joy and happiness and hope in my heart. Face the pain in your life. Admit your mistakes, forgive yourself and move on and be happy!!!
So tomorrow, this volume ends. Tomorrow I start writing a new volume to my life. A volume filled with joy, laughter, health, success, love and loads of adventures.
I love you all and I thank you for being with me so far on my journey. Tomorrow, the Betty Version 2.0 starts. And what an awesome rest of the year it will be!
Until next time, Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher
Lots of Love
The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxxx
Sunday 15 March 2020
On Going on a Date....I think?
Hey Ragers and Ragettes!
It's Sunday evening and I am feeling ok. I have a glass of prosecco here, I'm in my jammies watching a good Scandinavian program. Each day I get back to being more Betty like. Recovery takes time. Each day I get stronger and each day Scandinavian men turn me on even more!!!
Well, from the title you can see that I went on my first date in almost 2 years. How did this occur?
On Saturday Morning I woke up to a text from a guy that I dated 8 years ago.
8 years ago, when I first moved to Manchester, I decided to try the online dating scene.
I met a few guys and this guy, Sean (names changed to protect the innocent) contacted me. He is my age. He worked at the same company as his father. He lived with his parents.
When we met up we had the best date ever. And I mean the best date EVER! We met at a bar on Deansgate. We drank pints of beer, laughed. Told each other our embarrassing moments, our worst dates, things that you would blush at . I insisted that I never slept with a man on the first date. We left the pub on Deansgate. He took my hand and said, ok, we left this place, and we are going to a new bar so it must be our second date. Well, I melted, took him home and I didn't get any sleep that night.
We had sex like giddy teenagers. He knew where to kiss, touch and I was very satisfied.
I remember one time I did one of the most daring things that I ever did with a man. I drove to his house in Northern Manchester just wearing a slutty lingerie set, stocking, suspenders, 6 inch stilettos and my leopard print trench coat. I pulled up to his house and messaged him that I was there. When he got into my car and saw what I was wearing...I think that I broke every speed limit to get back to my flat. Lets just say that the trench coat, bra and underwear didn't last long, but the stockings, and stilettos did....
Now, you may ask. Why did you not stay with him, get married and have 2.4 children and a dog?
Ahhh. Sean had some.....issues.
We'd go out and have a great time. He'd then get scared, say he couldn't handle it and disappear for a month. Then he'd come back, apologize and the cycle would repeat. I was younger then. I kind of liked him. I saw all the good in him. I remembered the night that we sat in my bed naked and went through our music on our playlists. Describing the songs that we loved. Listening to them, kissing and then having the most amazing sex ever.
But time and tine again. I'd get close and he'd run. It was a predictable cycle
So when I woke up on Saturday to see a text from him asking to meet up at the pub we first met at noon, I was a bit torn. Part of me didn't want to know but the other part was intrigued and thought fuck it. It's a day out, a laugh, the football was cancelled because of this coronavirus bullshit (don't get me started.....yo're being played by the government!!!) and why not get myself out there. Practice for when I actually want to start dating.
I got into town early. I opted for a red low cut red blouse, skinny jeans and my trusty leopard print converse and my red Gucci handbag.
My hair and make up were perfect.
I went to a coffee shop to wait for him.
I received a text at about 11:45 saying he was at the pub. I took a deep breath, went to the toilet of the coffee shop to fluff my hair up, look at my makeup and make sure that I looked ok.
I walked into the pub. It had been about 8 years since I last entered that pub. Nothing had changed.
I stood at the bar and ordered a beer. I felt a hand on my back. I turned around and there was Sean
He looked the same as he did 8 years ago. A few more lines on his face. But his blue eyes were still as magical as they were 8 years ago
He hugged me and said, wow Betty. You look amazing
We sat down and started chatting immediately. We were laughing and smiling. It felt like I was transported back in time 8 years ago
He kept complimenting me. Telling me how beautiful I was. How he wanted to get a hotel for the night and make love
I kept my guard up. We ordered lunch and sat and laughed and ate. It was like we had never been apart
He was still working at the same company as his dad. He was still living with his parents (at the age of 38........) still spent his money stupidly.
He kept saying how he wanted to go home with me. And he kept saying how beautiful I was
I felt a bit uncomfortable. I messaged Suzanne and told her that I didn't want to go home with him (girls it is so important to have a friend you can message when you are out just in case shit happens. Suzanne is my angel. When I am out, I can text her, she knows where, when and who I am with so if something were to happen, I know she has my back. And I would do the same for her a million time over...I know this is a shout out to Suzanne my bestie but we all need a Suzanne in our lives!)
I remembered the pain he put me through. All the times he got my hopes up to smash them down.
After we finished lunch we went to another bar that I knew. It was a nice trip down memory lane.
He kept trying to get me to take him home. I just didn't feel comfortable
Yes I could have had sex last night. I could have had great sex last night. Mind blowing sex. I would have orgasmed more than I have in the past 3 years! But....
It wasn't right. I didn't feel comfortable
So I told him. He said the right thing...you have the power. It's up to you....I still want to be with you...blah blah blah.
Then he leaned over the table and kissed me. Oh, those kisses. Sweeter than chocolate. So deep, so amazing. I forgot what a great kisser he was. That kiss knocked me on my ass.
But I looked at him. 38 years old. Still lives with his parents. Still in the same job that he was in 8 years ago.
8 years ago I was in a shit job earning a shit wage. Now I am in a good job earning the most I have ever earned and I am ambitious wanting more. I love my work and I know that I will climb higher. Here was someone happy with the status quo
I took a deep breath and told him that I was going to go home by myself. I didn't want sex (even though I could have used a good rattling) I just needed to sort my head out.
He seemed ok about it. We finished our drinks and I went outside to catch a cab. Before I got into my cab, he pulled me close and gave me a kiss that took my breath away. Literally. My body tingled. I forgot how that felt. That sensation of when there is electricity. Mr Wonderful and I didn't have that sort of spark.
When I got in the cab I waved goodbye kind of knowing that it was going to be the last time I saw him.
I messaged him to tell him that I got home ok. I watched a bit of TV and I decided to take a shower.
When I got out of the shower I had 3 missed calls and 4 text messages from him. That totally put me off and I remember that he was a bit clingy
He talked about wanting to meet up again
I went to bed and when I woke up this morning he pulled the same shit that he did 8 years ago. I don't know if I can do this. I need some time....blah blah blah blah bullshit.
Am I upset this time? No. I knew what was coming.
I could have had him last night but I looked at him and thought for the first time in a long time....I can do better. I don't want a man who hasn't strived or pushed themselves for 8 years. Someone who runs from emotions and fucks with your head. NO!!! I want a real man.
A man that is ambitious. A man that fights the good fight. A man that gets dirt under his nails. A man that has his independence and his own mind. A man that knows what he wants
I don't need a man to be happy. A man would enhance my happiness.
Yes, I miss good sex but my body isn't for sale for a few beers and a few laughs. I'd rather keep Duracell going with the amount of batteries I'm going through with my favorite vibrator than be with a fuck boy.
He'll try and contact me in a few weeks. But I will say, too little too late.
Just because it's served on a plate doesn't mean that you have to eat it.
So here I sit happy that I went out. Happy to know that I have matured so much. Happy to know that I have a higher opinion of myself.
You are worth more than a few drinks and a few laughs. Never forget it. Look at the bigger picture
Until next time, Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher
Lots of love
The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxx
It's Sunday evening and I am feeling ok. I have a glass of prosecco here, I'm in my jammies watching a good Scandinavian program. Each day I get back to being more Betty like. Recovery takes time. Each day I get stronger and each day Scandinavian men turn me on even more!!!
Well, from the title you can see that I went on my first date in almost 2 years. How did this occur?
On Saturday Morning I woke up to a text from a guy that I dated 8 years ago.
8 years ago, when I first moved to Manchester, I decided to try the online dating scene.
I met a few guys and this guy, Sean (names changed to protect the innocent) contacted me. He is my age. He worked at the same company as his father. He lived with his parents.
When we met up we had the best date ever. And I mean the best date EVER! We met at a bar on Deansgate. We drank pints of beer, laughed. Told each other our embarrassing moments, our worst dates, things that you would blush at . I insisted that I never slept with a man on the first date. We left the pub on Deansgate. He took my hand and said, ok, we left this place, and we are going to a new bar so it must be our second date. Well, I melted, took him home and I didn't get any sleep that night.
We had sex like giddy teenagers. He knew where to kiss, touch and I was very satisfied.
I remember one time I did one of the most daring things that I ever did with a man. I drove to his house in Northern Manchester just wearing a slutty lingerie set, stocking, suspenders, 6 inch stilettos and my leopard print trench coat. I pulled up to his house and messaged him that I was there. When he got into my car and saw what I was wearing...I think that I broke every speed limit to get back to my flat. Lets just say that the trench coat, bra and underwear didn't last long, but the stockings, and stilettos did....
Now, you may ask. Why did you not stay with him, get married and have 2.4 children and a dog?
Ahhh. Sean had some.....issues.
We'd go out and have a great time. He'd then get scared, say he couldn't handle it and disappear for a month. Then he'd come back, apologize and the cycle would repeat. I was younger then. I kind of liked him. I saw all the good in him. I remembered the night that we sat in my bed naked and went through our music on our playlists. Describing the songs that we loved. Listening to them, kissing and then having the most amazing sex ever.
But time and tine again. I'd get close and he'd run. It was a predictable cycle
So when I woke up on Saturday to see a text from him asking to meet up at the pub we first met at noon, I was a bit torn. Part of me didn't want to know but the other part was intrigued and thought fuck it. It's a day out, a laugh, the football was cancelled because of this coronavirus bullshit (don't get me started.....yo're being played by the government!!!) and why not get myself out there. Practice for when I actually want to start dating.
I got into town early. I opted for a red low cut red blouse, skinny jeans and my trusty leopard print converse and my red Gucci handbag.
My hair and make up were perfect.
I went to a coffee shop to wait for him.
I received a text at about 11:45 saying he was at the pub. I took a deep breath, went to the toilet of the coffee shop to fluff my hair up, look at my makeup and make sure that I looked ok.
I walked into the pub. It had been about 8 years since I last entered that pub. Nothing had changed.
I stood at the bar and ordered a beer. I felt a hand on my back. I turned around and there was Sean
He looked the same as he did 8 years ago. A few more lines on his face. But his blue eyes were still as magical as they were 8 years ago
He hugged me and said, wow Betty. You look amazing
We sat down and started chatting immediately. We were laughing and smiling. It felt like I was transported back in time 8 years ago
He kept complimenting me. Telling me how beautiful I was. How he wanted to get a hotel for the night and make love
I kept my guard up. We ordered lunch and sat and laughed and ate. It was like we had never been apart
He was still working at the same company as his dad. He was still living with his parents (at the age of 38........) still spent his money stupidly.
He kept saying how he wanted to go home with me. And he kept saying how beautiful I was
I felt a bit uncomfortable. I messaged Suzanne and told her that I didn't want to go home with him (girls it is so important to have a friend you can message when you are out just in case shit happens. Suzanne is my angel. When I am out, I can text her, she knows where, when and who I am with so if something were to happen, I know she has my back. And I would do the same for her a million time over...I know this is a shout out to Suzanne my bestie but we all need a Suzanne in our lives!)
I remembered the pain he put me through. All the times he got my hopes up to smash them down.
After we finished lunch we went to another bar that I knew. It was a nice trip down memory lane.
He kept trying to get me to take him home. I just didn't feel comfortable
Yes I could have had sex last night. I could have had great sex last night. Mind blowing sex. I would have orgasmed more than I have in the past 3 years! But....
It wasn't right. I didn't feel comfortable
So I told him. He said the right thing...you have the power. It's up to you....I still want to be with you...blah blah blah.
Then he leaned over the table and kissed me. Oh, those kisses. Sweeter than chocolate. So deep, so amazing. I forgot what a great kisser he was. That kiss knocked me on my ass.
But I looked at him. 38 years old. Still lives with his parents. Still in the same job that he was in 8 years ago.
8 years ago I was in a shit job earning a shit wage. Now I am in a good job earning the most I have ever earned and I am ambitious wanting more. I love my work and I know that I will climb higher. Here was someone happy with the status quo
I took a deep breath and told him that I was going to go home by myself. I didn't want sex (even though I could have used a good rattling) I just needed to sort my head out.
He seemed ok about it. We finished our drinks and I went outside to catch a cab. Before I got into my cab, he pulled me close and gave me a kiss that took my breath away. Literally. My body tingled. I forgot how that felt. That sensation of when there is electricity. Mr Wonderful and I didn't have that sort of spark.
When I got in the cab I waved goodbye kind of knowing that it was going to be the last time I saw him.
I messaged him to tell him that I got home ok. I watched a bit of TV and I decided to take a shower.
When I got out of the shower I had 3 missed calls and 4 text messages from him. That totally put me off and I remember that he was a bit clingy
He talked about wanting to meet up again
I went to bed and when I woke up this morning he pulled the same shit that he did 8 years ago. I don't know if I can do this. I need some time....blah blah blah blah bullshit.
Am I upset this time? No. I knew what was coming.
I could have had him last night but I looked at him and thought for the first time in a long time....I can do better. I don't want a man who hasn't strived or pushed themselves for 8 years. Someone who runs from emotions and fucks with your head. NO!!! I want a real man.
A man that is ambitious. A man that fights the good fight. A man that gets dirt under his nails. A man that has his independence and his own mind. A man that knows what he wants
I don't need a man to be happy. A man would enhance my happiness.
Yes, I miss good sex but my body isn't for sale for a few beers and a few laughs. I'd rather keep Duracell going with the amount of batteries I'm going through with my favorite vibrator than be with a fuck boy.
He'll try and contact me in a few weeks. But I will say, too little too late.
Just because it's served on a plate doesn't mean that you have to eat it.
So here I sit happy that I went out. Happy to know that I have matured so much. Happy to know that I have a higher opinion of myself.
You are worth more than a few drinks and a few laughs. Never forget it. Look at the bigger picture
Until next time, Ragers and Ragettes, keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher
Lots of love
The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxx
Sunday 1 March 2020
On Being a Caterpillar
Hey Ragers and Ragettes!
It's a strange Sunday. Strange as in it's sunny outside. This past week there have been storms, heavy rain, hailstones, and very heavy winds. Now today is sunny and calm.
This past week was the start of Lent. I always remember being in Catholc school and my teacher in first grade sitting with her guitar while we sat in a circle while she explained to us about Lent.
Lent, she said is like when a caterpillar goes into its cocoon. In that cocoon, many changes happen. The caterpillar stays in that cocoon and then one day the cocoon breaks open and out comes a beautiful, colorful butterfly
That image has always stuck with me. Not just regarding Lent but how we change ourselves.
The last 3 years I have been going through some changes and big changes are coming again to me. Another move
When I moved into this apartment, it was a move made out of desperation, fear, sadness and some happiness. It was a move to get me out of a horrid situation.
When I moved, I didn't know what would happen next.
I was still dating Mr Wonderful. I felt trapped in that relationship a bit. I was still close to my old housemate. I felt like I was under scrutiny a bit. Part of me thought that I would revert back to the carefree Betty that I was in 2014 when I started this blog.
That didn't happen. I've spent my days curled up inside trying to understand everything. Scrutinize every pat of the last 3 years. Go over and over and over it again until I drive myself insane.
I've worked my ass off at my job. To the point that I am staying up answering emails, messages and being everything to everyone.
As I sit here on this weird Sunday in my flat, I am watching the Football, my lunch is cooking in the slow cooker and I have realized that the past year has zipped by so quickly.
When I move in 30 days to my new home, I want a different experience. I want to be out and about. I want to make new memories, new friends and it's my intention to have a summer of love
I want to change myself.
I have already started. I've cut my alcohol consumption down a lot. And I mean a lot. I would normally go through 2-3 bottles of wine in a weekend. I can proudly say that for the last few weeks that hasn't been the case.
Yes, I went out for drinks with friends last weekend. But I haven't gone to the shop and purchased a bottle of wine in ages Even on my weekly food shop I haven't purchased wine or any alcohol.
I have gone to the local pub after work once a week and bought a glass of wine. Then after that glass I go home
The only thing I have been drinking is water and coffee.
The results are good.
I'm sleeping better. I'm eating better. My skin looks loads better. And I'm actually losing weight. Plus with the money I am saving I will be able to make my new home a home!
I also realised that the village I am in now is not the sort of village for me. This is the sort of village that you would go to after the kids have gone to college and you wanted a quieter life.
I keep forgetting I'm young. Even when I was with Mr Wonderful, I felt so old. I don't want that anymore. I want to feel my age.
So I have made a vow to myself.
1. When I move into my new place, I am going to make it home. I am going to decorate and make this place my place.
2. I am going to continue limiting my alcohol consumption. This is a good thing. I am feeling better in myself. Will I never have a drink ever again? Of course not. I'm just going to have it in a moderate amount
3. I am going to go out and meet people and make friends. There is a yoga studio within a 5 minute walk from my new home. I am going to use it. I am going to meet people and make friends.
4. And after awhile....I am going to attempt the dating scene again. I want this summer to be a summer of love and happiness. I want to go out and let a man buy me dinner. I want to have a laugh and meet loads of new people.
5. I'm not going to look back anymore. My dad always says, if you keep looking back, that is the direction you go. He's so right. I realise that I keep whining about the past. Yes, I was hurt, I was mistreated, abused, terrorized and it was wrong. I made choices and those choices had consequences. I have to accept, learn and move on.
So in 30 days, my life will change again. So I take this moment to start prepping, to start getting excited (Suzanne and I are going to see my new home on Saturday to get ideas and then I am treating her to her first Tapas), to be appreciative and to be positive. So many wonderful things are coming my way and I cannot wait to experience them all. Plus on Friday I am getting my hair done so I am very excited about that!!!
So until next time Ragers ad Ragettes, keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher
Lots of Love
The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxx
It's a strange Sunday. Strange as in it's sunny outside. This past week there have been storms, heavy rain, hailstones, and very heavy winds. Now today is sunny and calm.
This past week was the start of Lent. I always remember being in Catholc school and my teacher in first grade sitting with her guitar while we sat in a circle while she explained to us about Lent.
Lent, she said is like when a caterpillar goes into its cocoon. In that cocoon, many changes happen. The caterpillar stays in that cocoon and then one day the cocoon breaks open and out comes a beautiful, colorful butterfly
That image has always stuck with me. Not just regarding Lent but how we change ourselves.
The last 3 years I have been going through some changes and big changes are coming again to me. Another move
When I moved into this apartment, it was a move made out of desperation, fear, sadness and some happiness. It was a move to get me out of a horrid situation.
When I moved, I didn't know what would happen next.
I was still dating Mr Wonderful. I felt trapped in that relationship a bit. I was still close to my old housemate. I felt like I was under scrutiny a bit. Part of me thought that I would revert back to the carefree Betty that I was in 2014 when I started this blog.
That didn't happen. I've spent my days curled up inside trying to understand everything. Scrutinize every pat of the last 3 years. Go over and over and over it again until I drive myself insane.
I've worked my ass off at my job. To the point that I am staying up answering emails, messages and being everything to everyone.
As I sit here on this weird Sunday in my flat, I am watching the Football, my lunch is cooking in the slow cooker and I have realized that the past year has zipped by so quickly.
When I move in 30 days to my new home, I want a different experience. I want to be out and about. I want to make new memories, new friends and it's my intention to have a summer of love
I want to change myself.
I have already started. I've cut my alcohol consumption down a lot. And I mean a lot. I would normally go through 2-3 bottles of wine in a weekend. I can proudly say that for the last few weeks that hasn't been the case.
Yes, I went out for drinks with friends last weekend. But I haven't gone to the shop and purchased a bottle of wine in ages Even on my weekly food shop I haven't purchased wine or any alcohol.
I have gone to the local pub after work once a week and bought a glass of wine. Then after that glass I go home
The only thing I have been drinking is water and coffee.
The results are good.
I'm sleeping better. I'm eating better. My skin looks loads better. And I'm actually losing weight. Plus with the money I am saving I will be able to make my new home a home!
I also realised that the village I am in now is not the sort of village for me. This is the sort of village that you would go to after the kids have gone to college and you wanted a quieter life.
I keep forgetting I'm young. Even when I was with Mr Wonderful, I felt so old. I don't want that anymore. I want to feel my age.
So I have made a vow to myself.
1. When I move into my new place, I am going to make it home. I am going to decorate and make this place my place.
2. I am going to continue limiting my alcohol consumption. This is a good thing. I am feeling better in myself. Will I never have a drink ever again? Of course not. I'm just going to have it in a moderate amount
3. I am going to go out and meet people and make friends. There is a yoga studio within a 5 minute walk from my new home. I am going to use it. I am going to meet people and make friends.
4. And after awhile....I am going to attempt the dating scene again. I want this summer to be a summer of love and happiness. I want to go out and let a man buy me dinner. I want to have a laugh and meet loads of new people.
5. I'm not going to look back anymore. My dad always says, if you keep looking back, that is the direction you go. He's so right. I realise that I keep whining about the past. Yes, I was hurt, I was mistreated, abused, terrorized and it was wrong. I made choices and those choices had consequences. I have to accept, learn and move on.
So in 30 days, my life will change again. So I take this moment to start prepping, to start getting excited (Suzanne and I are going to see my new home on Saturday to get ideas and then I am treating her to her first Tapas), to be appreciative and to be positive. So many wonderful things are coming my way and I cannot wait to experience them all. Plus on Friday I am getting my hair done so I am very excited about that!!!
So until next time Ragers ad Ragettes, keep your head and standards high and your heels even higher
Lots of Love
The Fabulous Betty Rage xxxx
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